My Mind Is Racing

So much is going on and there is not nearly enough time to sit and think about it. Not nearly enough time to try and absorb it all and make sense of it and that frustrates me.

I am fast on my feet, nimble and agile enough to deal with whatever comes my way but I don't want to have to deal with this. I am tired, mentally, physically and emotionally so given my druthers I would have a few minutes to decompress and think about it all.

Or maybe the better way of saying it is that I don't want to think. I just want to be, to have a few moments to soak it all in and absorb it.

A chance to close my eyes and look up at the sun and feel its warmth upon my back. For that would be truly wonderful now.

Living In Squalor

Living in squalor was an exaggeration of their actual living conditions but it was an accurate depiction of how he felt about them.

They were cramped, uncomfortable and awkward.

He couldn't understand why the owners failed to understand that it wasn't their wish or desire to live this way and that it was embarrassing.

The whole situation made him feel ashamed, angry and upset which is why you didn't hear him talk about it often because words didn't help.

All they did was tear the scab off of a wound that had never healed.

The pain might not be what what it once was but it wasn't gone either.

And when it was exposed it always felt as raw and awful as it did the day it happened.

The Giant Rock

Ask me to describe my life I will tell you that right now it is a cross between fireman and rock climber.

Feels a bit like I spend my days running around with my hair on fire while I try to extinguish the larger fires that threaten to explode and burn out of control.

It is much better than it was a while back but we haven't yet reached the place when I can truly relax which is why I think of myself as a rock climber.

I keep doing all that can to climb up the mountain side except there is no safety harness and I am carrying a bunch of dead weight.

Eventually I'll get to the top, turn around and yell because I'll be relieved but in the interim I spend my time with hands and jaw clenched fighting to climb over and around the obstacles that are in my way and believe me there are many.

Need more reading material? Well try some of these:

Sleep Is Avoiding Me

Insomnia and I are not good friends. We don't have much of a relationship at all and I am grateful for that.

Most nights I am snoring before my head ever hits the pillow but there is the odd exception and today is one of those times.

I lay down, closed my eyes and prepared to enjoy some amazing dreams but shut eye refused to come so I decided not to fight it. Didn't want to count sheep when I could come put down a few words and update a blog or two.

I figured that if sleep wasn't forthcoming it had to be tied into the thoughts that are rattling around inside the giant cavern between my ears. Figured that it might help to put these thoughts down and see if that didn't take some of the edge off of it all.

And so I am here thinking hard about what I am doing, where I am living and asking myself if I made the right decision to come back. Wondering how things got to be as they are and asking myself if I ever expected any of this to happen.

The answer is I never did and yet here I am.

So I sit here and wonder what that means and how will things unfold. It is kind of strange but very exciting.

Reflections

This is one of those posts that might be better suited for TheJackB but I am placing it here because I feel like this one is being neglected a bit.

Here is where it all started and sometimes you have to spend a bit of time showing some respect for your elders.

Been an interesting few weeks and I find myself in an odd position where it seems like all I do is argue and or disagree with virtually everyone around me,

I am not shy or afraid to express my feelings nor do I have any problem standing alone. I am comfortable being the man who swims against the stream yet I have learned to stop what I am doing and consider if my actions are helping or hurting me.

Because if it is you against the world you need to figure out if you are arguing that the earth is round while the others say flat. If that is the case than you can keep doing what you are doing, keep going on and feel confident that your position is the right one to have.

But if you find that things are reversed you need to take a hard look and ask if your position is principled and or for lack of a better term, noble.

Because if you are the one who claims the earth is flat than maybe you are also the ass and what is the upside in insisting on fighting with everyone when you are defending idiocy.

More reading:

The Changes Come Fast and Furious

I stumbled onto a post called The Wiggles Don't Play Here Anymore and thought about all of the changes of the past few years. Will probably write a post about it in more detail at TheJackB.

It was a bittersweet read and if I had more free time I would write about it all now but alas I don't so all you get is a 3 minute shot of free thinking Jack.

Been writing like a fiend lately and all it has done is reminded me of how much time I really want and my dream of being able to do nothing but work on my writing. It makes me smile to think about that day and how I'll focus on storytelling.

And it makes me smile to think about how there have been moments where I had more time yet just couldn't spend it all at the computer.

Life is nothing but interesting, especially when you think about how sometimes it takes losing what you had to understand just why you miss it so much.

And now for those of you who want more reading material:

Five Minutes

Got about five minutes to clear my head and catch my breath. Five minutes to try to figure out why I can't make the square piece fit inside the circle. Blame it on the four state traveling circus I just completed.

Old man is foggy headed and feeling a bit slower than normal, but I'll power through it because that is just how it has to be. Crazy to think that a couple days ago I was living in a very different world than I am now.

But I figure this is just one of those transitional moments people go through.

And now onto the blogs that pay me for writing.

Is It Time To Declare War on Finland?

The headline above is tied into the quote below from Animal House and the picture that follows:

Bluto: What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: [stands up] Yeah, I agree. Let's go get 'em.
Boon: Let's do it.
Bluto: [shouting] "Let's do it"!
[all of the Deltas stand up and run out with Bluto]


Yeah, the scraper is back and going through some of my oldest posts, many of which really aren't all that good. It is 2004 material and I was just finding my online voice.

Hell, this blog you are reading now still lives for primarily sentimental reasons. My best stuff is usually found elsewhere, unless it happens to be older in which case it might be here and there.

So today I'm going to link the the About page from the other blog and share a bunch of links over there and think about how I intend to respond to the Finnish fishing expedition.

A Father Describes Parenting
A Father’s Burden
How Sister’s Helped to Train A Father of “Daddy’s Girl”
Inside the Blogger’s Studio- A Dream, Er Nightmare
The GermoPhobe
What I Dream About
I am In Love
Becoming a Dad
Dad’s Most Important Job
A Decade of Dad
Grandpa
Donuts
Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog
A Letter To My Children- Things That Matter
A Letter To My Children-2011
Dad Balances Fear Versus Reality
Q&A With Daddy Blogger JackB
Save The Last Dance For Me- 75 Years of Marriage
An Uncertain Certainty
Four Generations & A Wedding
The Best Thing My Father Ever Said To Me
1 Foolproof Way To Become a Better Writer
The Story Of A House- The Final Days
He Died A Hero
Twenty-Five Links That Will Make You A Better Writer/Blogger
Of Dads and Daughters

No One Listens Anymore

Sometimes it feels very much like no one is listening online because they are too busy promoting their posts, tweets, pins and FB status updates.

Maybe am guilty of this too. Maybe I am another person who is too busy talking about my life to listen or talk about yours,

But I am not the first person to notice there are fewer conversations going on around here and who knows what the real reason is or if it matters.

Did I tell you about my latest posts:

You Are Banned From The Blog

During the past 1,093 years of my blogging career I have encountered all sorts of people. Most have been great and have added to the experience.

However it hasn't always worked that way. People are people and you aren't going to get along with everyone. Some of the folks that have hung out got nasty and I told them in no uncertain terms to get lost.

The blog is my cyberhome and if you behave in a fashion that I don't like I will throw your ass out. So there have been people I asked to leave, people who for one reason or another had to go. Most of the time the parting of ways was simple and uncomplicated.

Sometimes it required more and I banned their IP. Most of the time that ended things but every now and then I would see something that made me wonder if they were stalking the blog using another IP address.

Always made me wonder what they were hoping to do, what they wanted to accomplish. Did they want attention? Were they asking for me to acknowledge them and did they understand that if I did it would be hostile?

And I couldn't help but wonder why would they try to spend time in a place where they weren't welcome or wanted.

Sometimes I think about closing up shop or turning this joint into a password protected venue. Of course it is possible that it is just a bot scraping the pages, but I wonder...

Things That Make Me Scratch My Head



I noticed that this blog has gotten to be quite popular in Finland but the manner in which the browsing is taking place makes me curious.

It is possible this is one person and they really love my writing and that is why they are reading post after post after post.

But experience has taught me to take a second look at the rapid fire click from post to post so I am putting it out there that this feels odd to me.

If  you are a real person and are just cruising through I would love for you to leave a comment on this post so that I know this is legit.

And since we are here allow me to make my normal push to promote these other posts:

A Father Describes Parenting
A Father’s Burden
How Sister’s Helped to Train A Father of “Daddy’s Girl”
Inside the Blogger’s Studio- A Dream, Er Nightmare
The GermoPhobe
What I Dream About
I am In Love
Becoming a Dad
Dad’s Most Important Job
A Decade of Dad
Grandpa
Donuts
Why Your Post Sucks and Everyone Hates Your Blog
A Letter To My Children- Things That Matter
A Letter To My Children-2011
Dad Balances Fear Versus Reality
Q&A With Daddy Blogger JackB
Save The Last Dance For Me- 75 Years of Marriage
An Uncertain Certainty
Four Generations & A Wedding
The Best Thing My Father Ever Said To Me
1 Foolproof Way To Become a Better Writer
The Story Of A House- The Final Days
He Died A Hero
Twenty-Five Links That Will Make You A Better Writer/Blogger

We Don't Care About Your Plan

Today hasn't gone anything like I expected it to go but that is ok because the last 44 years haven't gone according to plan either.

That is not a complaint. It is an observation and so is saying the changes, twists and turns have been filled with both good and bad things.

At this moment, I am talking about right now in the Lone Star State I am safely ensconced in my apartment taking 5 minutes to catch my breath, adapt, adjust and return to doing what I expected to do...at least for today.

Later on I'll take more time to share my thoughts about it all and to create something so profound, so insightful and so entertaining you can't put it down.

On The Verge Of The New Year

We're hours away from Rosh Hashanah and as usual my head is racing in multiple directions. Trying to filter, sort and process all that has happened because the year has been filled with change and excitement, chock full of lots of good and some very bad.

The good outweighs the bad but a few of these things just kill me. Some of them just have me asking questions that have no answers.

I know in advance even if I were to be given an answer I wouldn't like it because it wouldn't make sense to me and that is not always a reason for disliking something.

So here I sit sharing a few words with you and just...thinking.

Timing & Time Management
An Easy Fast Doesn’t Provide Atonement
Words That Are Never Read

Eye Of The Tiger- It Still Works

Haven't slept as well as I normally do because there are just too many things going on now. Too many big things that will have a significant impact on my life and that is making me edgier than normal.

Standing out on the balcony I stare at the mix of stars, city lights and dark buildings wondering where this road will lead me too. Wondering because I find myself again in a situation in which it is hard to predict how things will shake out.

The ache in my stomach tells me that even when I am not consciously thinking about all of this it is still playing out inside my head.

So I do what I have always done and try to visualize this as leading up to something big, something meaningful and magical. I can get it done. I can do it and not just because I write it here but because I have done it before.

Still there are times when a man doesn't quite feel as he thinks he should and that is where I am at. Doing my best not let the stress get to me, working hard to ignore what others are throwing my way because at this moment I don't have anything extra to give.

Turned on iTunes and put on Eye of The Tiger because kid who loved watching Rocky overcome everything lives inside still and believes he can do it too. That kid never worried about life because he didn't see how he could ever fail.

And that is the energy source I am drawing upon because today is for me. Today I do this because I need to adjust my ledger so that there is more black than red.

Movies may be fictional accounts of life but those fictional accounts have some relevance and importance because they are the foundation for reality.

Addendum: If you need more reading material check these out:

Google Plus Swallows The Blog


I am not really sure why I chose to share this tweet again other than it made me chuckle and one can never laugh too hard or for too long.

Those of you who still haunt this blog know that it is not what it once was and chances are it probably never will be again.

My focus is upon the self hosted blogs because those provide the biggest return on my investment. I suppose if I put the same attention here as I once did the ROI would return but I don't see a reason to do it. Blogger offers much more than it used to but not as much as my wordpress so this place takes on a secondary role.

But since I have been making a big push to do more with Google Plus it made sense to make use of as many tools/resources as I could to keep building my presence there and that is why/how G+ swallowed this blog.

Well, it didn't really swallow it but it made sense to use this joint to help grow the G+ gig for the same reasons I use it to encourage people to read the other blog.

And with that being said I encourage you to circle me on G+ and to read these posts:

There Once Was A Man From Nantucket

Sometimes when you are rambling and ambling down the highways and byways of life you reach a point at which you have to make some choices about where you focus your time.

Those of you who have been walking with me for a while know I have been thinking about shutting this place down and that I haven't quite done it.

Well, I am still thinking about it and still not willing to do so because I still like it here and because it still serves as a good way to send traffic to my primary blog.

So expect to see me poke my head in here from time to time and keep you updated as to what is happening elsewhere and maybe from time to time you'll get a new post too.

Back Into The Breach We Go

I know that you don't see me around here as often as you once did and that it might feel a bit like I have abandoned the ship, well that is not entirely true.

I don't take this old lug out on the river as much as I once did but I still make a point to get her out every so often, probably more than you know.

She is pretty reliable and has some guts to go with the experience that the newer ones might not have and that is worth something. You can't replace experience with anything other than experience.

A Path Only I Can See

There are days when I know I am traveling along a path only I can see. Don't care if it looks strange to others or if they wonder why I am zigging while they zag.\

I am not one of the sheeple who does as others because I fear looking foolish.Hell I have looked like a fool and even acted the part more than once.

It happens.

It is ok because I can only dance to the beat of the drums I hear. At night when the lights go out I have to be able to go to sleep knowing what I did and how I did it.

And I have to be able to feel good about that.

Most of the time I do. Most of the time I shut my eyes knowing that I did my best and even if I fell short I am good with it. Every now and then there are moments where I wonder if I could done things differently.

I don't particularly like those but they are a part of life and I defy people to say it never happens to them.

And now links to posts I wrote once upon a time. Some of these keep showing up in my stats so I wonder if they are linked somewhere and I just haven't found them.

Might revisit and review them at some point or not.


Different Purposes

Just finished listening to A Day In The Life and have been thinking again about the blogs and what roles they play.

There is an argument to be made for not splitting my focus but there is also one to be said for continuing because they serve different purposes and there is value in being able to write as I want to.

So until I reach a point where I feel they take more than they give I'll show up when the mood is right and say what needs to be said wherever it is I may be.

Alcohol and Blogging

This might be a night for talking about whether one should blog while drinking and then again it may be the time to put down the pen and the computer.

Good times.

Maybe I'll Give Up

Maybe it is time let go and give up. Maybe that is all there is and all there will be. Thinking time.


How To Catch A Monkey

Stay tuned for the lesson about how to catch a monkey. It is quite the tale, but well worth it.

Pretend This Is Filled With Four Letter Words

I am frustrated and I feel a bit like the dude in the painting. Some people don't understand the distinction between editing for grammar and style.

If you can't explain why you are making changes other than you just think it needs to happen than maybe you shouldn't make them because you don't know what you are doing.

So I am taking a deep breath and not thinking about this. Not thinking about the people who say one thing and do another.

I am focusing on the silly like Fresh Balls. Actually, that stuff works but you probably don't want to know about that.

Don't mind working. Don't mind putting time and effort in. I do mind people getting in the way because they are too T%$@^$ETT$ to understand the problems they are causing.

Ok, I am better now.


Music Sets The Mood

Spent 45 minutes on the treadmill and another 30 slinging weights around. Got my earphones on and the soundtrack to The Dark Knight Returns and Rises playing on a loop.

Add a sneer to my face and a sour expression because I don't see my body instantly transforming in front of me and you have an inkling of an idea about how it went.

But truth be told I was enjoying it and not just because I like being the grumpy old man.

The surge that runs through me when that sweat breaks and I feel my heart beating is invigorating. It gets things going and I feel like I have found a way to turn the clock back just a bit.

It is sort of like Tantalus pushing that rock up the hill, except I haven't quite got that sucker moving the way I want to. So I am rocking it back and forth and thinking that if I fix my diet all will be well.

Fix my diet so that I don't eat as much crap and good things will come. The pants fit a little bit differently already and the shirts do too.

But damn I am so impatient, why can't it happen faster.

The time on the treadmill bores me, but I push through it and come up with ideas to distract me. I think about the serious and the silly.

If I could be a superhero I might choose Batman but I would prefer to be Wolverine. He is more my style.

The sweat is dripping into my eyes and the burning sensation is just about to force me to wipe my brow. But I am not ready because my vision is slightly blurry now and it is giving me ideas for another story. Giving me a new perspective, writing must happen sooner than later.

This Post Is About Sex Between Bloggers

It includes graphic images. All I can say is, damn they are really flexible. An extended move like that might require a visit to a chiropractor, but then again it might be worth it.

Figure 1


Figure 2



Figure 3

If you drink enough Manischewitz Concord Grape you might even be able to imagine the good old days of college.

P.S. If you can't see the pictures hit refresh twice and hop one foot once, but be careful not to upset Spanky Redcheeks and her big black purse.

Confession, there aren't any pictures. Sorry, this is a family blog, sort of.

Second confession, this is linkbait, wanted to see how many visitors I would pull in. But you really ought to visit one of my other blogs.

Sometimes life is far too serious.

When Things Happen

When things happen you can choose to lie down and cry, stand up and walk forward or turn in circles.

Whatever choice you make is one you have to be comfortable living with.

As for me, well I am doing my best to reach out to those I care about to remind them they are important to me and that even though we may not be in contact I hope it doesn't stay that way for long.

Not Yet Dead

I know I keep talking about shutting this joint down so that I can focus my efforts in other areas but this place has some sentimental value to me so I just haven't done it.

Truth is I am not sure this is taking away from anything else so it is more of a question of whether it is hurting anything to keep it open.

There is no rush to to come to a decision so I am not particularly worried or concerned which I suppose is code for I am going to do things in my time. Those who know me would laugh at that because that is usually what I do anyway.

Besides it still seems to bring a steady stream of traffic in to various posts and serves as a useful way to promote the other blog.

The most "popular" post by far is The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants. That receives more traffic than anything else I have written here.


The second most popular post this month is Vocabulary Words #10- Obscure but Interesting.

Kind of interesting to see how very different they are.

And on the other blog the current line up is as follows:



 

You Can Pick Your Friends But You Can't Pick Your Family

Five minutes is all I am giving to this post and this topic because it is all the time I am willing to give right now. Got all sorts of good stuff, really good stuff going on and I am really excited because I have worked hard for it.

But at the same time I have a few people who are wreaking havoc because it is what they do and I am debating whether to kick their asses verbally because physically is difficult from three states away.

I might ask them to Skype with me just so they can see the look in my eyes and can answer my question to my face.

Or I might ignore them and focus solely upon what I have here because I don't feel like dealing with idiots who aren't related by blood and who aren't smart enough to recognize that dropping hand grenades every where they go creates messes for everyone.

And by god if you are going to suck me into your vortex of crazy I am going to give you reason to shape up or walk around wondering if you will ever not taste shoe leather again.

Reminds me of an old boss of mine who once told me that his secret to success was to get a massage and a blow job at least twice a week.

He is dead now, or so I heard. If he isn't he is about 95 or so which makes me want to call and ask him how that formula is working out for him.

Better yet I'll ask him why limit it to twice a week because if you are going to reach for the moon you might as well grab some stars as you go along.

It is time for me to roll now. Got an appointment at the gym and I want to visit the local Movie Tavern later.

Angry Isn't The Word

Disappointed is. We'll see if we get beyond that. Call it one more reason in a long list.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Life is nothing if not interesting. Been going through a few things, making changes and overall I like what I see.

There are moments where it is challenging because I feel like I am taking two steps forward and one step back.

I am pushing hard, as hard as I ever have and the results are starting to manifest but sometimes I question things.

Can't help that, it is who I am and what I do. I suppose that is why I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

The only check that I provide with that is the one that tells me whether I am living in the past or the present. The present and the future are all we have and that is why my focus is there.

Yet sometimes we have to look back so that we can see how far we have come and to make sure we aren't repeating the mistakes we once made before.

In Other News


Words On A Page

 Added a few words on a page, some well written, some less so but all with purpose in mind. Can't win the Pulitzer every time, for certa...