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Showing posts from March, 2008

Thoughts on Blogging

Someone emailed a bunch of questions about blogging. Forgive me for being lazy, but I am going to submit a bunch of old posts. I'll try and address it again later on. How Long Will You Keep On Blogging? Building The Blog Blog Questions We Ask Ourselves Blogging for Ego, For Experience, For What How Many Blogs Do You Read? How Do You Not Run Out Of Material Commenting on Comments I really should read these again and see if I still agree with what I said.

Proof Of Love

Coming home to discover that the queen of destruction has managed to paint walls and floors of our house with black splotches. I'd like to say that at 3.5 she was trying hard to emulate Jackson Pollock., but.... Credit given to her for the effort to hide her handiwork. She waited until her mother went to the bathroom and then went to work. Had she been able to decorate without covering herself in black she might have avoided the consequences until the next day, probably not, but you never know. Believe me when I tell you that I haven't shared all of the chaos caused by her antics. All I know is that she is going to be a teenage terror.

What Would Treppenwitz Do?

What Would Treppenwitz Do? This not the name of my new blog, although I did mull it over. It is kind of catchy, maybe not as fun as the Na Nachman crew, but then again maybe it is. I suppose that it would make more sense to phrase this as What SHOULD Treppenwitz Do ? Maybe I'll ask Shola Rhodes for his input, but then again, maybe I won't. I am torn about his question. Since when did I become so cynical and mistrusting of people.

Top 10 April Fools' work pranks

I found this list to be disappointing . Just not that creative. I much preferred the list here . Here are a few examples: #6: Nixon for President In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little. #7: Alabama Changes the Value of Pi The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the math

A Hypothetical Fight

A good friend of mine just received his P.H.D. in Literature. So in honor of his new title we engaged in highbrow humor, or attempted it, sort of. The question was this: Who would win in a fight between Edgar Allen Poe, Mark Twain and Charles Dickens? Would a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court call it the best of times, or the worst of times. Would his tell-tale heart be strong enough to defeat Injun Joe. In the end we couldn't come to a consensus upon the winner, so we decided to wait for our friend Godot. And would you believe that we are still waiting.

Rooms To Avoid- It Stinks

March 2008- Keywords You Used to Get Here

Yes ladies and gentlemen it is another post containing the keywords you used to find your way here. It never fails to amuse me. Apparently I must write about sex fairly often. lyrics breathless at dawn again i could feel myself growing older i could feel myself the heart wants what the heart wants Stacey Will You Mary by sarah mclachlan meaning Me and my shadow do you stand 'in line' or 'on line' average per day lovemaking in marriage questions to ask about the meaning of life what do you call giving oral sex in a car while driving being sex incompatible how to live in the back of your truck the love you take is equal to the love you make meaning do men have emotions valentines day should be banned or not daughter who has seen my erection pros of polygamy have a hammer in the morning meaning what is the meaning of in my bag mean what do people do when they have sex heroes are born not made heroes are made - not born pc or apple computer jews sex wi

The Phone Rang Far Too Early

Here is a simple observation about telephone calls that come late at night or early in the morning. They make me nervous. They almost always seem to be about someone dying or being on the verge of death. It never used to be that way. They used to fit into one of three areas. 1) The buddy who called to ask me to join him at a club or bar. 2) The friend who called because their girlfriend/boyfriend had broken up with them and they needed to talk. 3) The friend who called because they needed me to come serve as in-house counsel. I didn't mind those calls at that much. People used to laugh about how it seemed like I never slept. You could call at 3 am and find me wide awake. Those days are gone now. There is still an open phone policy. If you really need me you can call at any time, but make sure that it is serious. Lately the policy has been abused and I am starting to become quite cranky. The worst offenders are my parents. Smart people who don't wear watches and ignore th

Disappointed and Angry

Disappointed and Angry is the name of the chapter I am working on for Fragments of Fiction. This chapter has been rewritten a number of times as I just don't like the way it reads. It is about the feelings you have when someone you love gives up on you and the impact of that moment. What I find most challenging is that I think my best writing comes from when I really feel things. So to write this section I have been trying to put myself in that place. It is quite unpleasant and I find myself falling into a foul mood, but I do want to get it done. As in all things music helps set the tone. "What have I become My sweetest friend Everyone I know goes away In the end" Hurt- Nine Inch Nails Here are some sections that I am trying to weave together: How I Deal With Pain The Movies It Made Me Spit Blood The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants Welcome To The Insomniac's Theater Letting Love Go The Day After The Day Joy Left My Life Married To the Wrong Woman Ji

From The Great State of Ohio- No Fornicating with Furniture

And people ask why I make fun of cleveland. A couple of questions for you. If you noticed your neighbor was fornicating with the furniture would you: A) Watch and keep an eye out to see if it happened again. B) Film the incident and burn it onto a DVD. C) Have the balls to submit the footage to the police. What about choosing all three. Now I don't know about you, but if I was the tipster I might be a little nervous about my neighbor. You don't know what he might do in a fit of rage. Imagine your poor rocking chair. Consider the feelings of your own wicker furniture. Think about the impact this might have on your ottoman. "BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table. The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck. The incidents occurred between January and March 2008. Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his b

When Darth Vader Attacks I'll Be Prepared

This sort of stuff happens to me all the time, except I know how to use the force. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh about a guy getting his butt whipped by Darth Vader, but it just cracks me up. A Star Wars fan got closer to his idols than he would perhaps have liked when he was attacked in his garden by Darth Vader. Jedi Master Jonba Hehol - known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead - was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader's trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence. Wielding a metal crutch - his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs - the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself. After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser. Master Hehol, a hairdresser, who founded the

A Life Without Regrets

Music that accompanies this post includes: My Way - Frank Sinatra Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley Hurt - Johnny Cash Cover version Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley & Allison Krauss (Live version here ) You're Gonna Miss This - Trace Adkins Believe it or not my children and I talk about a lot of things besides body parts and funny noises. Lately my son and I have spent quite a bit of time talking about what happens when you grow up. He wants to know if you have to get married and how you decide what kind of job you are going to have. I really enjoy these discussions. He is still so very innocent and open to so many different ideas and possibilities. A blank tablet. I often wonder what he is going to draw there. What kind of man is he going to grow up to be. I do my best to try and give him some guidance, teach him what to look out for, who to avoid and how to get all that he wants. The bottom line is that I want my children to live a life without regret. One day, a tho

70s Music Madness

A friend sent a request for some cheesy 70s love songs. So per his request I have decided to provide a list of tunes from our childhood. Some of these are going to make him scream. Hee hee. It's too late - CaroleKing Annie´s Song - John Denver If - Bread You'll never find another Love Like Mine - Lou Rawls (Confession- I sang this at a karaoke bar..once.) Where Is The Love - Donny Hathaway and Roberta Flack (Old man, how does that elevator feel.) Southern Nights - Glen Campbell I'd Love You To Want Me - Lobo Without You (Harry Nilsson) The Hustle -Van McCoy (and here are your favorite dancing inmates.) Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

How To Create an Audio Post

Several people have recently contacted me to inquire about how I create these audio posts. Some of the relevant information is contained below. Content is just as important in the audio posts as it is in the written. If you are not coming up with compelling content than you are not going to be able to retain your readers/listeners. The other thing I suggest you do is listen to your post to determine if the sound quality is good. Sometimes I stutter, stammer or slur some words. If it fits the post, then I leave it as is. But if I feel it detracts from it I will go ahead and redo it. What do you think about all this?

Welcome Crooks and Liars Readers

A special thanks to Mike at Crooks and Liars for including us in his blog roundup this morning. For those of you who are new to the blog what you will find here is a collection of posts about all sorts of topics, some happy, some sad, some funny and some that are just kind of out there. There are about 5,500 posts here. To give you an inkling of what you might find here is a snapshot of some posts that are worth a read. The Many Layers of Hell The GermoPhobe Jack's Experience In the Ladies Room What The Hell Happened to Courtesy Inside the Blogger's Studio- A Dream, Er Nightmare The tears that do not fall She Needs To Know About Boys Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow Letting Love Go The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants Alone In The Dark He Put a Gun To My Head Stumbling Through Life Me & The UItimate Fighter- Road Rage The Bearer of Bad Tidings- One Less Set of Footsteps Anyway, I appreciate your time and hope that you'll come back to visit agai

Hungry Heart- And a Few Others

Here is a snapshot of some of what I have been listening to today. Springsteen: Hungry Heart - When I was younger I used to just get in the car and drive, destination unknown. Every now and then that wanderlust hits me again. Sometimes the road not taken is the one that I miss the most. Tougher Than The Rest - So many memories tied up in this one. Tunnel Of Love - Can it really be 20 years. This song always makes me wonder. Better Days - In my mind he is a master poet. Leap Of Faith - Not his greatest song, but I like the idea behind it. And I enjoy the opening monologue. No Surrender - This was high school for me, or should I say that it came out when I was in high school. Dead Man Walkin' - I suppose that you could say that I like songs with stories behind them, don't have to be real. Waitin' On A Sunny Day - Hope springs eternal. Mick Jagger Visions of Paradise - Another story that might have been, could still be or never was. Love this stuff. Gimme Shelter -

Second Annual Link To Jack Day

Yes, you read the title of this post correctly. I am asking everyone who comes by the blog to join me in celebrating The Second Annual Link To Jack Day . As part of the festivities I am asking that you leave a comment letting me know the URL of your link. I'll return the favor in a different post. For those who are curious why this year's date is different from last year here is a simple explanation. The Waffle King spilled a ton of syrup on my calendar and I inadvertently missed the date. If you don't buy that I can always argue that we operate off of a hybrid lunar/solar calendar that has two leap months. Either way, it doesn't matter. March 26 is The Second Annual Link To Jack Day . Join in, provide a link. Leave a comment and let me know what your favorite post is. If you can't come up with a favorite post feel free to let me know what your favorite category is. Last but not least, I am taking requests. And now have at it, let the linking begin with rec

Dancing WIth My Daughter

Last November I blogged about dancing with the children . For my daughter and I it has become a nightly ritual. Most evenings you'll see us spin around the room a time or two. I am not sure that I could say it any better than I did here: More often than not she grabs my hand so that I can pick her up. I look down and see these twinkly eyes and a mop of curly hair and I melt. Click here . If you close your eyes you can see my princess and I waltzing around the room. Just hearing the music makes me smile. I can hear her giggle as we spin. I can hear her shriek with laughter. And sometimes, just sometimes you might even catch me with a little tear in my eye. But she has added to her repertoire. Now she likes to hold onto my hand and spin in little circles. Apparently she has been paying a lot of attention to Dancing With The Stars. Not just that, but she has grabbed onto some more tunes for us to dance to. Martina McBride has become one of her favorites. She absolutely loves This O

Mobile Blogging-BlackBerry Edition

The new phone and I are still getting acquainted with each other.Overall it has been a mixed bag. The honeymoon isn't quite over yet, but the lack of makeup sex isn't going to help. The truth is that I haven't been good about reading the manual. Instead I have been doing the old touch and feel. That works well for reading in Braille and ok for people. You know that if you put your band in the wrong place they'll let you know. The phone is less forgiving. Piss it off and it gives you the finger. But I am optimistic about this relationship. Overall things look good. Maybe its that silver man that keeps smiling at me, or maybe it is the Uncle Noah The Monkey doll that came with it. Whatever it is, I am ok with it.

Disappointed Gourmand

Disappointed Gourmand. It sounds like a name that I should have included in this post . But the point of this post is not to come up with a better name for this blog. Rather it is my chance to share my disappointment in a couple of meals. Yesterday afternoon I headed off to enjoy a meal at what appeared to be a cool restaurant in Koreatown. My lunch partners and I were the only three white guys in there. The rest of the customers were all of various Asian nationalities, yes Jimmy, there is a difference. Anyway, whenever I go out for some sort of ethnic meal I pay attention to the clientèle. I consider it to be a good sign when it is populated by members of the tribe of whatever sort of cuisine I am eating. In this particular situation my metric failed to protect me from a thoroughly unsatisfying meal. The menu was really very limited, especially for me. You see it was written in Korean and as of yesterday I still hadn't learned how to read or speak it very well. Fortunately ther

A Look Back At Some Old Posts

Some people from the law firm of Teepesh, Kof and Hamor have been digging through the archives. I am not quite sure what they are looking for, but they did spend more time on these posts: Oingo Boingo- Danny Elfman My Third Blogiversary- Not Quite a Farewell The Evolution of Math- A Joke Songs That You Have To Sing Along With It is Better Than Toilet Paper

A Pregnant Man

Here is something you don't see every day : To our neighbors, my wife, Nancy, and I don’t appear in the least unusual. To those in the quiet Oregon community where we live, we are viewed just as we are -- a happy couple deeply in love. Our desire to work hard, buy our first home, and start a family was nothing out of the ordinary. That is, until we decided that I would carry our child. I am transgender, legally male, and legally married to Nancy. Unlike those in same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships, or civil unions, Nancy and I are afforded the more than 1,100 federal rights of marriage. Sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights. Wanting to hav

The Value of a Post-It Note

More Questions about Body Parts

One of the reasons that I began this blog was to serve as a sort of a diary of my life and my family. I thought that it would be kind of neat in the years to come to revisit things that had happened, especially those involving my children. (Links to some of the older posts will be provided below.) What I didn't realize was just how much blog fodder there would be. These children provide an enormous amount, far too much to ever record. So I try to hit the more interesting parts. It'd be nice to hit it all, but there is only so much time in the day. As a point of reference I asked my parents if I was as inquisitive as my children are. They laughed and said yes. My mother made a point of telling me that my pre-school teachers said that I had one of the most active imaginations of any child they had ever met. It appears that I passed both of these attributes down, which is why you get to read another story about body parts and creative names for them. If you are a long time read

Haveil Havalim- Purim Is Over Edition

Updated to include a few new posts including those with Jameel The Waffle King. Welcome to the Purim is over edition of Haveil Havalim. I noticed today that someone spent a lot of time reading my old post You Just Aren't that Funny . They probably are wondering why it is not called "You swear Like a Sailor." See, the computer is giving me grief, but I am not here to kvetch...much. Ok on to the carnival. There are some outstanding posts this week. Read carefully. As a warmup you can begin with my post Death Comes For Us All- When Do you Start Saying Goodbye . Politics Bookworm Room shared Obama’s speech . Here are more comments from Jewish Atheist , JoshuaPundit , Seraphic Secret , Althouse and Andrew Sullivan . Fiery Spirited Zionist has a post that says Obama's Church Supports Hamas . Bizzy Blog asks similar questions and so does Yid With Lid . CK at Jewlicious had this to say about Obama: From Unimpressive to… . Jewschool provided this about Obama . Ku

Too Many Magazines To Read

It was dark when I woke up. I didn't have to look at the clock to know that nature was telling Mr. Sluggo to get up five minutes prior to the alarm. Some days it is kind of nice to be up before sunrise. I am not a farmer or a broker. Work doesn't mandate that I shave hours of sleep off of my schedule. It is my own choice, sort of. I just have too much to do. There is work to be done to ensure that I have enough money to pay bills. There is housework to be done. A leaky sink, light bulbs to be changed, sprinklers to be fixed, a fuse in the car to replace, trash to be taken out, smoke detector to be installed and a host of other things here. This doesn't include family time. There is homework to help with, stories to read, discussions about school and more questions about anatomy. In fact, I just may post about the string and mom. That is quite a tale. I may even share the real name of the mother who explained to her son what a tampon does and where it goes. Because he to

Purim 2008

It is Purim 2008 and we just returned from shul. My head is pounding. It was loud. It was raucous. It was fun...until the kids melted down. We're talking nuclear meltdown. Unusually loud and exceptionally long. Ok, it really wasn't that long, but when you are tired time has a way of dragging its lazy butt around. Purim is an exceptional holiday. It is one of my favorites which is why I always write something about it: Purim The "Purim Code" Triage For a Goldfish- Resuscitating The Fish Purim is one of My Favorite Holidays The Boy Pummeled Me As I look back at these posts I cannot be help but be struck by how many changes have taken place in my life. In a short period of time the world I knew changed...dramatically. I can't really say that I am surprised by any of it. Life doesn't stop moving. You can't stop time. You can't go back. All you can do is move forward. But there is something very exciting about that. It is the tingle I get when I re

Naming The Blog- I Should Start Over

Way back in the Jurassic era of my blogging career I spent about 1.2 seconds devising a clever name for this blog. It was so clever that just short of four years later people still can't the name straight. If you search through the blogrolls you'll find me listed as Random Thoughts, Random Thoughts- Do they Have Meaning? and Jack's Shack. For a while someone had me listed as The Fabulous Jack and his Magical Shack. Unfortunately she has since hung up her shingle and moved on. The worst part is that she deleted her blog. Had I spent more time thinking about it I would have taken a screen shot of it. I suppose that I could go off on a marketing rant about branding and how I should have spent time to think of a clever title for this little corner of cyberspace. If you have any interest in becoming a successful blogger a good title is a key component. I wouldn't say that it is the keystone in the arch, because outstanding content is critical. I'd like to say that it i

Tuesday Night Tunes- Wooing Women Edition

A few moments of music and lyrics and my confession. If I could write and sing like this I might have been single forever. R each Out I'll Be There - Four Tops Now if you feel that you can't go on Because all of your hope is gone And your life is filled with much confusion Until happiness is just an illusion And your world around is tumblin' down Darling, reach out Reach out, for me. I'll be there with a love that will shelter you I'll be there with a love that will see you through Now when you're lost and about to give up 'cause your best just ain't good enough and you feel the world has grown cold and you're driftin' out all on your own And you need a hand to hold darling, reach out reach out, for me. I'll be there to love and comfort you And I'll be there, to cherish and care for you I'll be there to always see you through I'll be there to to love and comfort you Sugar Pie Honey Bunch - Four Tops Sugarpie

Death Comes For Us All- When Do you Start Saying Goodbye

Last night we had the pleasure of celebrating my grandfather's 94th birthday, but if you ask him how old he is he'll tell you that he is actually in his 95th year. In a couple of weeks my grandmother will join him in beginning her 95th year. Come this June they'll celebrate their 74th wedding anniversary. Oh, did I mention that they have been friends since they were eleven years old. As we sang happy birthday I watched the glint in his eye grow brighter. A gaggle of great-grandchildren were there to help him blow out the candles. They see an old man who doesn't walk real well. They see a crankier man than the grandfather I knew. They don't see the man who would sing and dance to Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen . They haven't the heard the stories of his time playing Lazar Wolf or other tales of the Yiddish theater. That grandfather is still there but, he is clearly begun to slow down. In some ways the changes are so dramatic that you can't help but not

Suicide 'factory' reopens - next to a brothel

Now here is something you don't see every day. Karl Rütsche, a spokesman for Schwerzenbach council, said it was not happy when it heard Dignitas had settled in its community but was powerless to act. 'Of course, as a council we tried to stop them moving here and we fought the Dignitas decision tooth and nail. We didn't want the country's biggest sex club and largest death factory side-by-side on our doorstep.' He added: 'Having lost the battle to keep them away at least we can say that - on a positive note - everyone now knows where Schwerzenbach is. And as far as I know there have never been any complaints from any of the people living here, never mind a petition or protest action. Now they have settled in, I have to admit Dignitas seems to be a very professional company. 'As a resident, you don't really notice what is happening. We estimate about 200 people a year will kill themselves there, but we won't notice anything if we don't have to reg

Monday Night Music Madness

It is another Monday night at The Shack. Time to share what I have been listening to. I recently purchased Kashmir: The Symphonic Led Zeppelin. I love this album . YouTube has a couple of cuts off of the album, including a beautiful version of Stairway to Heaven . So my friends here is a list of some of the music of my evening: Johann Pachelbel - Canon in D Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings, op.11 (I find this to be particularly moving.) Aaron Copland - Rodeo: Hoedown Gene Krupa- Sing, Sing, Sing Metallica S&M live- The Ecstasy of Gold (This always makes me miss riding my horse.) Metallica - Nothing Else Matters (S&M) Metallica- No Leaf Clover (San Francisco Symphony) Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman - Time To Say Goodbye

A Special Message To Hamas & Co.

Haveil Havalim- The Almost Purim Edition

( Special Thanks to Not quite perfect for the Graphic .) Welcome to the Almost Purim edition of Haveil Havalim. Forgive me, but I couldn't help but produce another audio introduction. If you want more insight as to the source of my pending madness you need merely read a conversation with my son called For A Good Time Call... That one was right up there alongside Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow . And people ask why I am losing my hair. Let's take a look back at last year's Purim mishigoss the JBlogosphere's Muqata Purim Podcast . Now that you are warmed up dive on in to the meat of our carnival. (P.S. For those who are curious I'll include links to the various songs I listened to while putting this together.) (P.P.S. Don't forget to check on this throughout the day as it will be updated. Judaism ( London Symphony Orchestra - Stairway to Heaven ) Batya presents Adar, When Everything's Upside Down . Mother in I