Healthcare, Funerals, Costco,Coke and Libel

Nothing like more sturm und drang  in my life to make things interesting. I asked people to answer why they blog and received some interesting answers. Not unlike many of you I am here because it provides both an outlet and a chronicle of my life.

Posts like this one will be something that my children and grandchildren can read so that they understand that my life is like theirs. It is filled with moments of routine punctuated with bouts of craziness. That goes well with the wacky man they call dad now and may call grandpa in the future. Don't call me grandpa today because I am not old and I will kick your ass, male, female, feline or otherwise.

I received a letter today informing me that my healthcare costs are going to more than double in 2010. Since I am independently wealthy and without a care in the world I wasn't fazed at all by this.In fact I felt so bad about not being able to empathize with people I tasered my own scrotum.

There, that should make for the kind of search term I don't want associated with the blog. But at the moment I am too frustrated to care.

Stevie Ray Vaughn's The House Is Rockin'  just came on iTunes. If my life were a movie it would be an appropriate song to play now. It'd be one of those time line bits where you'd see me running frantically to try and overcome a challenge. By the time it ended I'd be out of breath but a huge smile would grace my lips and the screen would fade to black.

Except my life isn't a movie, or a sitcom or a play. The crap that was flung on me isn't a prop, it is real and it stinks. Blast.

Found out last night that my fraternity brother's wife died. I don't know all of the details other than she was 40, it wasn't suicide or car accident. It was some sort of health issue that snuck up on them, or so it was described to me.

She is the third contemporary of mine to die since May. Two mothers and a man, all aged 40. All died because of some sort of health issue.

Queen, I am Going Slightly Mad  is now playing. Again, an appropriate song. I am going mad. It finally happened, I took that last step, you know the one that Bugs Bunny refers to as a "Lulu." Damn, life might be easier if this was a Looney Tunes cartoon.

The funeral starts in about ten minutes. I was very seriously thinking about going, but chose not to. Haven't seen the husband in several years and have exchanged just an email or two during that time. I was torn about the decision not to go, but I have a ton of stuff to handle. He won't miss me, I'll send a card.

Don't mean to sound callous, but we all have to take care of our stuff. Right now I am doing the best that I can to take care of mine. Of course being told that the privilege of seeing the doctor and providing for my family's well being is going to become more difficult has influenced this.

Damn, damn and damn again. On to a different topic.

******

I just read that Costco and Coke are having a disagreement. I bet Costco wins this fight.

ATLANTA - Costco customers may have to look elsewhere for Coca-Cola products now that the retailer has stopped carrying them because the pair are fighting over prices.

The public squabble between one of the nation's largest wholesale club operators and the world's largest soft drink maker is likely to fizzle quickly. But it reveals real tensions as retailers and product makers square off on prices.

As shoppers continue to grapple with the recession, retailers want to win their favor by giving them low prices. But that has been creating tension between product makers like Coca-Cola Co., who are working hard to maintain profit margins while meeting retailer demands.

In other news there is a new report about the influence Twitter has on the world. Courtney Love is being sued for libel for something she tweeted. But it is not limited to celebrities, this issue that is.

Consider the case of Amanda Bonnen and her former landlord. Bonnen, an Illinois resident, is accused of using Twitter to tell another user: "Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon Realty thinks it's okay."

Horizon Group Management LLC, the company that owned the apartment in question, sued Bonnen for libel over the alleged tweet. Horizon is seeking $50,000 in damages.

Legal experts say such Internet-related cases are being watched closely because they confront new and unaddressed areas of American law.

For example, how should a libel case be handled when it comes to social media? How can society balance accountability with free speech? And if information -- from private thoughts to public data -- is so readily available, how do we define what constitutes privacy?

There are other examples of ordinary citizens who are in legal trouble in the article. It is a reminder that there are risks in using social media. Twitter, blogs, Facebook and the like can all have an impact upon your life in ways that we might not immediately foresee.

These are more than cautionary tales. They are real life examples of things that need to consider when you are playing online. It is not completely clear where the lines will be drawn, but eventually the courts will come up with something. In the interim remember that the boundaries are fluid.

Ain't life grand.

Walmart- The Empire Strikes Back

Well it appears that the rebel's attack on the empire did not succeed and now they are striking back.

Time reports that Walmart has unveiled its very own Deathstar, called Project Impact.

"One goal of Project Impact is cleaner, less cluttered stores that will improve the shopping experience. Another is friendlier customer service. A third: home in on categories where the competition can be killed. "They've got Kmart ready to take a standing eight-count next year," says retail consultant Burt Flickinger III, managing director for Strategic Resources Group and a veteran Walmart watcher. "Same with Rite Aid. They've knocked out four of the top five toy retailers, and are now going after the last one standing, Toys "R" Us. Project Impact will be the catalyst to wipe out a second round of national and regional retailers."

So what does one of these stores look like? Let's save the goofy photos for a moment and return to the article:

"One recent weekday afternoon I toured a brand new, 210,000-sq.-ft. Walmart in West Deptford, N.J., with Lance De La Rosa, the company's Northeast general manager. "We've listened to our customers, and they want an easier shopping experience," says De La Rosa. "We've brightened up the stores and opened things up to make it more navigable." One of the most noticeable changes is that Project Impact stores reshape Action Alley, the aisles where promotional items were pulled off the shelves and prominently displayed for shoppers. Those stacks both crowded the aisles and cut off sight lines. Now, the aisles are all clear, and you can see most sections of the store from any vantage point. For example, standing on the corner intersection of the auto-care and crafts areas, you can look straight ahead and see where shoes, pet care, groceries, the pharmacy and other areas are located. And the discount price tags are still at eye level, so the value message doesn't get lost.

"They are like roads," De La Rosa says proudly. "And look around, the customers are using them. We've already gotten feedback about the wider, more breathable aisles. Our shoppers love them."

The layout is also smarter. "You can kind of guess where everything is going to be," says Sharon Tilotta, 73, a shopper in the West Deptford store. The pharmacy, pet foods, cosmetics and health and beauty sections are now adjacent to the groceries. In the past, groceries and these other sections were often at opposite ends of the store, which made it more difficult for someone looking to pick up some quick consumables to get in and out of Walmart. "Under Project Impact, Walmart is providing more of a full supermarket experience within its walls," says Feldman."

I am not so sure that I like what I am reading. Competition is healthy. Sounds like they are going to force the smaller guys to work really hard on finding ways to maintain marketshare.

Vendor Client Relationships

Hah, this made me laugh.

The Business Letter/Email Signatures With Bonus Audio

(playing in the background Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald)

For those of you who want an abbreviated version of this you can click on the link above. Otherwise here is essentially what I said.

During a recent conversation with a co-worker I realized that fewer and fewer of us remember a workplace in which computers were not included. Truth is that my own experience is limited in that respect, it has been 14 years or so since I worked in an office that didn't provide computers for virtually all of its employees.

Back in those days I used a big yellow notepad to hand write business letters. I then passed those along to my secretary who would type them up and ready them for mailing. Those days are long gone, in large part to the prevalence of email. Since almost everything I send out is via email it is far easier for me to simply type the letters myself.

It is funny to think about how many changes have taken place in such a short time. I remember being taught in school how to write a business letter. I can still hear my teacher explaining the layout and format, how each piece had a specific location. If I close my eyes I can almost see her point to the salutation, the body and the signature.

Assuming that time hasn't totally clouded my memory we were taught to use a few basic signatures. They included:

Yours Truly,
Kind Regards,
Sincerely,

As well as numerous variations of all three. But I don't remember being taught that we had another option, "Best."

When I become king of the world I am going to ban use of that as a signature. Best is the most superficial, fake and pretentious signature I have seen. I hate it, just hate it. Don't know exactly why, but it just sets me off.

To be clear, I don't think that the people who use it intend for it to come off as poorly as it does with me. But it doesn't matter, I interpret it as being no different than being asked "how are you doing" by someone who doesn't care how I am doing.

It just chaps my hide. I'd write more but I have to send out the kind of emails that pay the bills.

A Great Cover Letter

Here is another example of an effective cover letter.

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Many years ago in a galaxy far, far away there was simple farmer named Luke. I am not talking about the Luke Duke who drove the General Lee, but the man who blew up the Death Star and defeated the emperor.

Those are pretty big accomplishments for a simple farmer. I can be that guy for you. All you have to do is hire me and I can be your Luke. That is a pretty good deal for you because that would make you Obi Wan-Kenobi. Of course I can't promise you that I'll save you from Darth Vader or anyone going postal in the office.

In fact if someone freaks out I just might hide in a cubicle. But the good news is that I am a pretty good shot with rubber bands and paper clips. So if you keep me supplied I might be able to shoot someone in the eye. So in reality that is of benefit to you.

Let's take a moment to review some of the other reasons why it would be stupid not to hire me.

The class of 1986 voted me Most Likely to Drive an Ice Cream Truck. That is the kind of honor that not everyone receives. It is proof that they believed that I would be great at running my own franchise and that I am conscientious worker. Not everyone can keep the ice cream from melting or do simple math. Give me a $1.50 for a Bomb Pop and I'll give you proper change, unless of course you charge $1.65 in which case I'll ask you for more money.

As a boy scout I always won the campfire contest. That is the one where you are tested to see who can start a fire the fastest. Not every carries a Bic Lighter and some hair spray around, but I do because you never know when you might need a fire.

I am really good at microwaving popcorn. Not everyone knows how to do it, but I do. I won't make the office stink. Unless you take me out for Mexican food or feed me dairy. But heck, lactose intolerance is a certifiable medical condition. And since you are a professional you must know that we all deal with occasional bouts of flatulence. That is why I like to play the radio at my desk, so that no one has to listen to uncomfortable noises.

Unlike other employees I won't lie about why I am missing work. Sometimes I just don't feel like coming in, we all need personal time. I am sure that you agree that this is the sort of honesty your company needs.

Which I suppose is why you really don't need to interview anyone else for the job. Really, you should just call me and tell me when I can come in to sign papers. Probably better to do it sooner so that my medical benefits kick in. That way I can be sure to bring you a real doctor's note when I am out sick.

Do you see how I just proved my honesty again. I won't fake a doctor's note, I'll get you a real one that you can show everyone so that when I am out on disability no one feels badly. Anyway, it sounds like we have worked most of this out. Call me and I'll tell you what bank I use so that we can set up a direct deposit account.

Thank you for being so cool. I look forward to coming in. May the Force be with you.

Sincerely,

Jack, the guy who can't wait to be your Luke.

My Cover Letter

(This is a copy of the cover letter I send out when I am looking for work)

Dear Hiring Manager,

If you are need in of adding to the mediocrity of your department and want someone who can fill a cubicle than I might be the right person for the job.

Most days I’ll come in somewhere close to our agreed upon starting time. I’ll slowly make my way to my desk and then collapse in my seat where I’ll spend precious moments building a paper clip necklace or staring aimlessly at the calendar.

While I wait for my computer to boot up I’ll head over to the kitchen because you can’t really expect me to start working without a cup of coffee. With any luck Jim or Sue will have had the good sense to bring in some donuts because a day at the office without a donut just isn’t the same.

Eventually I’ll make my way back to my desk to begin my day. But before I get started I’ll have to check my Facebook account and see if any of my friends have put up any funny jokes that I can steal and claim for my own.

Besides I learned in business school that happy employees are far more productive than unhappy ones. Or maybe I read that on one of those Facebook quizzes. You know I took one that told me that told me that this position is the perfect job for me which is another reason why you should hire me.

Anyway, I hope that your company offers a lot of breaks. I read online that some countries in Europe have a mandate that every employee be given at least two hours of nap time. Some of them even require that companies allow them to bring their pets to work or pay extra for doggie daycare.

When you call me for my interview please make sure that it is not before ten am or you’ll wake me up. Oh, and don’t call after five because that is when I like to go to the gym. Can’t wait to hear from you and tell you why I am going to be your next employee.

Sincerely,

Jack B

A Telephone Bill Scam- Cramming

Until recently cramming was a term that I associated with my time in school. Mention the word and memories of studying all night long for various tests come to mind. Actually there are some pretty good memories tied into cramming, at least there was until today.

That changed because today I found out that I was an unwilling participant in crammingas it relates to your telephone bill.

The FCC offers the following definition:

"Cramming" is the practice of placing unauthorized, misleading, or deceptive charges on your telephone bill. Crammers rely on confusing telephone bills in an attempt to trick consumers into paying for services they did not authorize or receive, or that cost more than the consumer was led to believe."

This morning I noticed a charge of $16.30 on my telephone bill for Enhanced Voicemail Services. It sounded relatively innocuous and I almost paid it, but something about it seemed strange. So I took a moment to review the last three months of telephone bills and discovered that until today it didn't exist.

So I called up Ma Bell and asked her to give me an explanation for why it had suddenly showed up and was told that it wasn't a service provided through them. I had been crammed by a company called Enhanced Services Billing Inc.

Ma Bell explained to me that even though the charge was processed via their bill they could not remove it and that due to some sort of legal chicanery Enhanced Services Billing Inc. was entitled to try and bill me for services I didn't need.

I immediately contacted Enhanced Services Billing Inc. so that I could have the charges removed and spent a solid 35 minutes on hold. Add that stellar customer service to their unauthorized charge and I was entertaining thoughts of waterboarding their entire staff, or at least giving them a good piece of my mind.

The rep who spoke with me must take hundreds of calls like my own. I'll give her credit for doing a good job of calming me down by apologizing while simultaneously taking care of removing the charge. At least, she seemed to be doing that.

I'll still follow up and confirm that the charge was removed and you can be sure that I'll continue to pay attention to all of the line items on future bills. I suggest that you do the same.

Dr. Seuss on Uncertain Times and Economic Unrest

Not unlike many other people I have spent copious amounts of time reading news stories about the economy and what is going on within the U.S. and around the world. If you take the stories at face value then you wind up with a very negative impression of the general state of affairs.

It is not unreasonable to say that these stories are not just sad but depressing. Doom and gloom are what we are being fed.

So I do what I normally do and I cruise through the blogosphere to see what other parties have to say about this. What do bloggers of all political bents think about the reports that are coming from the MSM and what do they think about things in general.

As I tooled on through I remembered a post I had done about Dr. Seuss and his positions on war and politics. And so I decided to go take a look again at the online catalog of his political cartoons.

So many of them are still applicable today. Here are some that caught my eye.

If you have never seen his work I urge you to spend some time sifting through it.

Crossposted on Yourish.

Credit Card Problems- The System is Broken

In the years since I graduated from college I have grown to be quite wary of late night and early morning telephone calls because invariably they only come when there is a problem. The sole exception that comes to mind are the early morning telephone calls that I received about the birth of nieces and nephews, those were pretty cool and worth losing sleep over.

But aside from those moments the primary association I have with the odd hour telephone call is not positive. They have been notices of death or illness, not good news. So when the phone rang at a little past ten I was instantly on guard. The caller ID was restricted so for a moment I was hesitant to answer it, but then concern got the best of me so I picked it up.

It turned out that a dear friend was on the line and in need of a friendly ear. He made some small talk and then launched into a story about bad his finances are and how he can't pay his bills. I felt for him. He has a good work ethic and has always worked hard, but during the past few years he has been laid off a few times.

Each time it happened he picked himself up and did his best to go and find a new job. In between he did what he could to support his family. What little savings he had was quickly eaten up and he found himself using the credit cards to try and get by. They didn't go for fancy meals, vacations or luxury cars.

They were used to purchase groceries, pay tuition for his children, buy clothing for them and other things of this nature. In short, they helped to cover necessities. Gradually he developed balances on them and though he did his best to try to pay them off the odd jobs he worked didn't pay enough to prevent them from becoming maxed out.

When he called me he was in a panic. He didn't have enough money to pay all of his bills. He was a week late in paying one of the cards and had received two calls from them asking when they could expect payment.

During the second call he explained his situation to the bank and asked if they could work with him. They gave him two options in which his account would be frozen and he'd be asked to pay a set amount each month to pay off the bill.

He told them he couldn't afford the amount he was quoted and asked if they could extend the term so that he could pay a lesser amount. The representative told him no and that because he was late in paying his interest rate had been raised to more than 28%.

He reiterated that he wanted to pay them, that he wasn't trying to shirk his responsibility. He said that if it was a $100 less a month he could afford to make the payments. They turned him down and he asked what he should do.

In turn he was told that if he continued to withold payment the card would go into default and he'd probably gain more options. He told them that he didn't want that to happen, that he was willing to pay and couldn't they work with him. And again they apologized, but said that policy was policy.

I could hear the anger and the frustration in his voice. When he told me that they system was broken I had to agree.

When the banks got into trouble they went to the government to receive aid. When he went to the bank asking for them to grant him some assistance he got a poke in the eye and a kick in the pants.

Even better, his tax dollars are part of what is helping to fund the banks bailout.

I have heard and read a lot of comments about how people need to be responsible and that we should let the chips fall where they may. It may sound like a good idea to let things lie, but sometimes you need to be there to give people a hand up.

There are more and more stories about middle class families like my friend who are in serious financial distress. I don't have the answer, but I think that if we don't find ways to help we are all going to end up paying the price.

Recommendations on LinkedIn

At some point I must have written about being overwhelmed by the hordes of social media applications that I am tied into. I have several blogs, a Facebook account, Twitter account, Plaxo and one on LinkedIn.

I rarely do anything with Plaxo and have been relatively uninvolved with LinkedIn, although I think that it is time that I begin to pay more attention to it. If you are not familiar with LinkedIn here is a simple explanation about it:

LinkedIn is an interconnected network of experienced professionals from around the world, representing 170 industries and 200 countries. You can find, be introduced to, and collaborate with qualified professionals that you need to work with to accomplish your goals.

When you join, you create a profile that summarizes your professional expertise and accomplishments. You can then form enduring connections by inviting trusted contacts to join LinkedIn and connect to you. Your network consists of your connections, your connections’ connections, and the people they know, linking you to a vast number of qualified professionals and experts.

I should send them a bill for the free publicity.

Anyway, LinkedIn is really a business application and that is how I use it. I don't play games, no smart remarks, I just put up a profile and let it be. That profile is very important and I am not pleased with how mine appears right now so revising and revamping it is on a long list of things to do.

One of the things that LinkedIn provides is a place in which you can receive or write recommendations. It is a smart idea and many people have taken advantage of this. However, I take some of those recommendations with a grain of salt and here is why.

Some of them are written by friends of the person about whom it is being written. Now this doesn't mean that they are factually incorrect or that there is anything wrong with them, but it does raise a number of questions.

Lately it has been of particular interest to me because I have received requests for a recommendation from people I have never worked with. I have to question why they would want me to write one for them. What advantage is there, unless they try to dress it up and pretend that we did work together. Or alternatively there is the old trick of writing about some past project in which the two of worked together in some of client/vendor relationship.

Thus far I have declined to write a recommendation for anyone that I haven't worked for, but I am tempted to make an exception for the next person who asks in which case I am going to have some fun preparing a very interesting recommendation for them.

Pieces of a Larger Puzzle

One of the joys of parenting is the challenges presented in trying to answer the 1,872,986 questions they kids ask. What happened on August 31, 1968? Why is this street called Hampshire and not Burninglog? Was there really a burning log there? Who was Jack The Ripper and why wasn't he called Jason?

You get the point, there are just a ton of questions that come at you from every which angle. At times it is a real challenge to try and keep up with them. It is not just because sometimes you are tired and your brain hurts from being used far too much, but that many of these questions aren't the kind that have simple answers. And even if they do have simple answers, sometimes those don't suffice.

Since I am a boy trapped in a man's body I haven't completely lost the question bug. I very much enjoy learning about lots of different things and trying to figure out how pieces fit into a larger puzzle. That curiosity has served me well, but at times it has been the source of trouble as I have taken more than a couple of things apart to see how they work.

That leads into a conversation I had a number of years ago with some people about what things should really cost. It was one of those moments in which a group of people started ranting about how such and such cost far too much. Since I enjoy these discussions and am sometimes guilty of pushing the envelope I started to debate with them about pricing.

As I recall we began to talk about the cost of office chairs. One of the others said that they thought that the margins must be really big because a chair was nothing more than a frame, some fabric and wheels. I disagreed with them and asked if they had really thought about it.

If you start to break it down you find that the chair is more complex. Someone had to find the metal for the chair. They had to find a way to manufacture the frame. It could involve a mold and machining of parts. They had to find someone to supply the wheels. Sometimes the wheels were made of several parts. Someone had to find the materials for those parts. There could be a mold and machining for those parts. Someone had to find the material for the chair, be it fabric, leather or fake leather.

And of course there is packaging, shipping, storage and a number of other items that are most likely involved here as well. Not to mention the question of how these chairs were being sold. What sort of distribution chain was involved.

I find a lot of that kind of stuff to be interesting. How many different people and places are involved in the manufacturing process. In theory the computer I am using right now could be a global computer with pieces from every corner of the planet.

On a side note if you want to get into trouble tell your high school English teacher that the planet is a sphere and cannot really have four corners. They'll love you for it.

Ok, me and the U.N. 'puter are going to move on to the next post.

Crossposted here.

Where's The Beef- At Arbys

There was an English teacher at my high school who looked an awful lot like the Where's The Beef woman in this commercial. Alas, it appears that Wendy's is going the way of the dinosaurs.

(AP) After two past rejections, the owner of Arby's shaved roast beef sandwich restaurants is buying Wendy's, the fast-food chain famous for its made-to-order square hamburgers and chocolate Frosty dessert, for around $2 billion.

Triarc Companies Inc., which is owned by billionaire investor Nelson Peltz, said Thursday it will pay about $2.34 billion in an all-stock deal for the nation's third-largest hamburger chain started in 1969 by Dave Thomas. Wendy's had rejected at least two buyout offers from Triarc.

Airlines Continue To Rob The Public

This morning I was more than a little disturbed to read the following headline in The Los Angeles Times:

Airlines squeeze fliers as profit soars

Having just returned from my most recent business trip in which I and several hundred others were stuffed inside a plane and asked to pay for stale food I was less than pleased to read the following:

The nation's airlines were late more often this summer, lost more baggage and bumped more passengers off flights than in any summer this decade. They also made more money.

Despite the worst summer ever for air travelers, major airlines posted huge profits as they packed more passengers into fewer and smaller planes.

We pay more and receive less. There is something wrong, very, very wrong with this picture.

The Errand Boy

This is a fictional account of a person called The Errand Boy. He was a poorly educated but somewhat street savvy Joe with a chip on his shoulder and a carton a day smoking habit. The Errand Boy knew a million stories and they were always better than whatever it was you told.

If you talked about a favorite childhood memory you could be sure that The Errand Boy had a better story than yours. If you talked about places you had seen you could be sure that he would add his own two cents. He hadn't traveled all that much or lived in all that many places, but that didn't stop The Errand Boy from telling you about how much better his experience was.

And heaven forbid the conversation turned to women. The Errand Boy knew more and had had more women than Hugh Hefner, Casanova or any Don Juan. In his mind he was truly legendary. He didn't dream about dating Playboy Bunnies because he had done that. He didn't wonder what it was like to date strippers because he had done that. Orgies, twins, best friends, mother/daughter, whatever...It just didn't matter because The Errand Boy had a better story than you did. All you had to do was ask him.

The Errand Boy was good in a bar. Give him a smoke and a beer and he was much happier because that really was his speed. He loved to tell jokes and believe me, no one laughs harder at their own jokes than The Errand Boy.

There are many tales that could be told about The Errand Boy but few would give you as much insight into his character as this one.

One day The Errand Boy went to a small cafe and ordered a couple of slices of pizza. The Errand Boy sat outside and enjoyed a very plesant meal at a small table. As he finished eating he took a napkin and wiped a small patch of grease off of his chin and then stood up. He took a moment to primp himself and then turned around to march off.

As he turned he made a point of avoiding the trashcan that had been conveniently placed nearby so that the diners could dispose of their trash. Some people would think that this would have reminded him to pick up his own trash, but not The Errand Boy. Oh no, that is not his style.

Instead he stepped around the trash can and began to walk away. As he did an employee of the cafe ran outside and yelled out "what about my tip" but what he was really saying was "why can't you clean up after yourself."

The Errand Boy had a smart response to his plaintive cry and said "here is your tip, don't buy Enron."

And now you know a little bit more than you probably care to know about The Errand Boy.