The Road Warrior Returns

I hate flying. Ok, hate is a strong word but I really dislike it. And since writing is one of the best tools I have for venting and blowing off steam this blog sort of resembles a chocolate chip cookie in which the blog is the cookie and the posts about flying represent the chips. If the Shmata Queen wasn't on hiatus I'd write about how I am a better baker than she is but what's the point- she knows that anyway. Got a ketchup sandwich for you dear.

This most recent trip was a turnaround and I am feeling a little beat. Left LAX at 10:30 on Monday night and arrived in Dulles yesterday morning at 6:30. Hopped a shuttle to the hotel and then made like Clark Kent changing into Superman in the bathroom. Moments later I did my share to keep Starbucks in business and I was ready to roll.

By 8:30 I was sitting in the conference room bright eyed and bushy tailed for a 9 A.M. meeting. Ok, that is not entirely true- I was there but I felt like hell. Felt like hell because the travel gods punished me by providing me with the gift of sniffles and a snore throat. It started the night before and progressively got worse.

I rarely get sick and was none too happy to realize three hours before my flight that the body was fighting some bug. This meeting was too important to cancel so I got some OTC cold drugs, Vitamin C, Zinc and a healthy dose of meditation to get me through.

You won't be surprised to learn that on the flight out there I was thrilled to have an entire row to myself. I turned on the iPod, closed my eyes and did my best to sleep.

Home-Michael Bublé
Gentle Annie- Tommy Makem & Liam Clancy
Honor (Main Title Theme from "The Pacific")- Hans Zimmer
Always On My Mind-Johnny Cash & Willie Nelson
Calling You- Blue October
America-Simon & Garfunkel
A Pirate Looks At Forty-Jimmy Buffett
Praan-Garry Schyman
Superman- R.E.M.
I Was Wrong- Social Distortion
99 To Life- Social Distortion

Can't tell you how long I slept for only that I did and that it was a good thing that I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror as my hair was pretty funky. I remember brushing my hair and thinking about how in some way my professional life has been far more similar to both of my grandfathers than my own father. But, they traveled by car and not by plane. Not sure if they could have ever imagined flying across the country for a meeting.

Granted, it is not that unusual. I have many friends who have done this but still if you go to the trouble of flying three thousand miles it makes more sense to stay for a few days and build several meetings around your trip. My children certainly don't appreciate how amazing it is to do the things that we do. They have had video chats with relatives around the world and thought nothing of it.

My friends and I used to wish that we had our own 'Q' to supply us with the amazing toys that James Bond got to play with never dreaming that one day we would have them for ourselves.

Truth is that even though I have flown a million times I am still sort of amazed by all this and that makes me happy. Makes me happy because it reminds me that the little boy that I once was still lives inside me and that sometimes he gets to come out and play.

And I would be remiss not to mention how much fun it is to see the unadulterated excitement in the eyes of the children when they saw I was home. That sort of welcome never grows old.

Other Posts about Flying

I don't Like Flying Anymore
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines 
What If The Plane Crashes
Traveling Jack's Plane Made It
I Hate Flying
The Traveling Jack Show- I Hate Flying
Flying The Unfriendly Skies- What Type of Explosive Device & Why
Flying The Friendlier Skies

I Hate Flying

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." Mark Twain

The last flight I took was the worst of my life. It was the first time that I ever truly felt fear for my safety and well being. The first time that I closed my eyes and told my children that I would always love them and promised to try to develop wings or discover superpowers.

It doesn't take any effort to hear that tin can the captain used to tell us to stay seated with our seat belts on or to remember that sick feeling I had of not being in control. Images of the captain fighting to keep the plane from hurtling out of control ran through my mind accompanied by the worried looks of the passengers around me.

But I did what I always do- I closed my eyes and went to that place inside my mind where I am that guy. That man who is calm, cool and collected. I closed my eyes and told myself that it was hero time and was surprised to find that the guy didn't answer the bell. Made a point to knock on his door and wondered why there was no answer.

Think about how many times you have heard someone use the expression "suck it up," or alternatively use something along the lines of "man up." Aren't they talking about that hero that is supposed to be hiding inside us. Maybe it is just me. Call it ego or an overactive imagination but I feel that hero lurking there in the dark. He is not omnipotent, omniscient or infallible.

The dude has plenty of flaws and sometimes he stumbles but he always answers the bell. Send up the Bat Signal and he shows up. He doesn't worry about whether the Joker is going to get away because in his mind he will always find a way.

But for that one moment, he didn't answer. Couldn't tell whether it was because he felt the shimmy and the shake and figured it was time to cover his own ass. All I knew is that for a moment I felt this pang of serious angst and wondered if maybe the dude had gone looking for greener pastures. I couldn't blame him now could I. I am not always full of sunshine and rainbows.

And then in a show of curmudgeonly love and support that grouchy dude with the cape and bad attitude appeared. Dude grabbed me by the shoulders slapped me across the face and then groaned when I kneed him in the family jewels.

Really, my response shouldn't have come as any sort of surprise. I am not someone you can slap, smack, kick, bite, grab or push without expecting a response. Not because I am some sort of tough guy but because I just won't have it. It is not in my DNA to sit back and take it.

Back in the land of reality I opened my eyes and looked around again. The damn plane was packed full of people and it really was bouncing around like some toddler swinging a Yo-Yo. And I really was concerned but thanks to the moment I took to close my eyes it was tolerable. Can't tell you if I had the headlights shut for seconds or minutes but it was tense.

In less than 24 hours I'll be back on another plane and I'd be lying if I said that I was looking forward to it. My distaste for flying started long before the episode I described above. Read through the blog and you'll find links to posts that share my thoughts on being stuffed inside a flying tin can. I am of average height but relatively broad. That shouldn't be a bad combination but it is. My knees rub against the seat in front of me and my shoulders exceed the generous allotment of space in those enormous chairs.

My funky digestive system makes me cranky with concern that I might have an issue on the plane. Flown thousands of times and never had it happen, but I still get concerned about it. Do my best to keep a positive attitude, but  still I have my moments.

And when you add in all of the hassles that come from the security procedures you find that old Jack can sometimes be an angry/frustrated man. But the good news is that I really don't worry about terrorism. Can't do much about that other than say that shoe/underwear bombers really don't want to be on my flight because no one will convict me of tearing off your right arm and beating you to death with it.

None of that is very likely- statistics and common sense say that the flying bus will likely not encounter any crazy or sane terrorists. Instead weather, birds and human error are what we have to worry about it. Oy, I really should just relax but my mind is running with all sorts of silly thoughts and ideas.

Suppose that it is time for this old man to get some shut eye because should I need to call on that superhero it would be wise to make sure that he is well rested for the coming flight.

The Traveling Jack Show- I Hate Flying

Flying reminds me a bit of hanging out with an old girlfriend. There are moments where I stare at you and wonder why we ever broke up. You're beautiful. You're sexy and you're a lot of fun. We start to talk and the conversation just flows.

For a while I start to wonder why we broke up. Maybe it wasn't you, maybe it was me. But gradually I find evidence of the things that I didn't like and the shine starts to fade a bit. When you laugh you snort. When we were going out I thought that it was cute, but at the end it made me crazy.

I notice a few other details that irritate me and slowly I remember why it is that we don't see each other anymore.

That sort of describes my feelings about flying. There was a time when I loved it. It used to be special and exciting. It was an experience that I look forward to, but not anymore. Now it is a task.

Next month Traveling Jack hits the road again. Got places to go and people to see. And it means that I am stuck flying again, an experience that I just don't like anymore. It is really too bad, because I used to really enjoy it. There was something magical about it. I stepped onto the plane in one city and a short time later I'd find myself walking in some exotic city with different sights, sounds and smells than I was used to.

I loved that. Loved going somewhere new and experiencing new things. I suppose that hasn't really changed, it is just the process of getting there and it is a process. Cramped seats, fees for luggage, food and strict rules about carry-on luggage are all part of it.

That doesn't take into account the long lines at security and the prep work that is required to go through it. At the airport I empty my pockets into ziplock bags that I stuff into my backpack. I try to wear shoes that are easy to take on and off. My laptop is carefully pulled out of its case and gently placed into a bin so that the TSA can verify that it is an ordinary computer.

Sometimes the line doesn't move quickly and I find that upon clearing it I have to make a mad dash for the gate. It doesn't matter that I got the airport two hours before my flight was supposed to take off. I am late and that damn plane isn't going to wait.

So I make like OJ in one of those old Hertz commercials and I fly down the terminal and race onto the plane. Fight my way down the aisle to my seat and discover that all of the overhead bins are filled. A flight attendant takes my bag and stows it. I sit down, secure my seat belt and remember that I have to use the bathroom...desperately.

I would have used it before I stepped on board but security tripped me up. Now I am on board and I have to be careful. Thanks to past events and current security standards I can't race down the aisle to the bathroom or I risk creating a problem. It is too close to take off and I don't want to argue with the flight attendant because it doesn't take much for them to flag me as being problematic. That kind of scarlet letter leads to all sorts of time spent talking with people I don't really want to see.

It is not because I have anything to hide, I don't. But it is just a major hassle and who knows, there could be some sort of fine involved. Flying is expensive, no need to add more costs to it.

So I'll sit in my seat and squirm. I'll sit and hope that the plane isn't delayed and that I won't be prevented from hitting the head by beverage service. Good old beverage service one of the few things that they don't charge for, but they will. Because it is just a matter of time before they tell us that it costs an additional $25 bucks to breathe the recycled air we all share.

And while I squirm in my seat and hope that my dysfunctional digestive system cooperates I'll hope that I am not placed next to screaming children, men who are 6'5 or larger and the lady who can't stop talking about things that I don't care about.

It makes me grouchy all this worrying. So I try to get it out of my system by writing about it, sharing my weakness with you. I'll admit that I make a point of checking out the other passengers because though I really don't worry about terrorism I won't sit idly by. I can assure you that if I encounter someone hinky I am not afraid to do something about it. Or maybe it is because I am afraid that I am willing to.

What does it say about me that I have decided that I won't think twice about pummeling someone who jeopardizes the safety and well being of those on the flight. Blame some of it on an overactive imagination. Some of the anger can be attributed to airlines who let their planes be used as missiles, received billions of dollars from the taxpayers and still charge us more while providing less.

All I want to do is sit down, take out my laptop or iPod and zone out. If there is WiFi I'll surf the net and try to regale you with tales of the trip from 30,000 feet above. Or I'll listen to my music and ask Ray Charles and company to help me relax.

And let's not forget that I am not on the same flight as the kids and their mother. Memories of a different flight stick with me. A flight that made an emergency landing because of engine trouble. A flight that  wasn't on, but my ten month old son was.

It all worked out, the ten month old boy is almost ten years old now, but the experience stuck with me. Primarily because my family was at risk and I couldn't do anything about it. As a man that is galling in ways that I can't explain other than to say that it is sort of a primal thing. Part of my job is to protect my family and I wasn't there.

But though I remember that day I don't really think of it often. It all worked out and I really am good about not focusing on things that I can't control. I know, the blog makes it appear otherwise, but...

Really, the biggest issue for me is anticipation. I feeling like I have the sword of Damocles over my head. I hate waiting. I am much better at dealing with things head on.

Anyhoo, I am excited about the other pieces of the trip. Looking forward to spending time with family. Got a niece and nephews to play with and more. And if things work out the way I hope, a post about my time at Cooperstown. Yes, I am going to try and hit the Baseball Hall of Fame.

And now if you'll excuse me I need to pack for something else.

Other Posts about Flying

I don't Like Flying Anymore
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines 
What If The Plane Crashes
Traveling Jack's Plane Made It 

Flying The Unfriendly Skies- What Type of Explosive Device & Why

I have flown a lot since 9/11 and I can't remember a flight where I didn't periodically look around at the other passengers and wonder. Very curious to find out what this was about. Could be someone who acting on their own, could be part of a group. Could be a joke, politically motivated or something done by someone who was mentally ill.

"(CNN) -- A passenger ignited a small explosive device on a Northwest flight Friday from Amsterdam, Netherlands, to Detroit, Michigan, according to a federal government bulletin.

The passenger was immediately subdued, according to Susan Elliott, spokeswoman for Delta, Northwest's parent company, Elliott said earlier that the suspect had ignited several small firecrackers. The incident resulted in some minor injuries, she said.

A passenger -- identified in the bulletin as a Nigerian national -- was later placed in custody, the Transportation Security Administration said in a statement.

He is being treated for burns he suffered in the explosion, said the bulletin, obtained by CNN from a source familiar with the investigation."

Flying The Friendlier Skies

I am happy to read that Boeing  is making an effort to make their planes more comfortable for passengers. Read the whole article and you'll see that they are increasing the size of overhead baggage compartments, working on noise reduction and more.

"Boeing wastes no time giving passengers a new experience. As soon as you board the Dreamliner, you're greeted by an open area just inside the door. The ceiling resembles a skylight, complete with blue LED lighting that mimics the sky.

"They've designed this kind of lounge area instead of coming in next to a galley," Hamilton says. "It really gives you a welcoming area instead of entering into somebody's kitchen."

Of course, it's up to the airlines buying the planes to decide what you see, and some of them way well modify the boarding area and other features of the plane. But even if they muck it up completely, there's still a lot of "wow" in the 787 cabin.

The onboard lighting is one of the coolest features.

Anyone who has flown across more than a couple of time zones knows how difficult it is to sleep, and to be awakened with the flick of a switch that floods the cabin in fluorescent white light. Boeing's LEDs allow the crew to adjust the lighting to match different phases of the flight.

The light is fairly standard during boarding and while cruising. During meals it is adjusted to warmer tones. Once you're done eating and want to tilt the seat back and relax, the cabin can be bathed in a relaxing lavender hue. When it's time to sleep, the lights are turned way down.

But it's how the crew wakes you that's the best part of the Dreamliner's lighting.

Instead of flicking the lights on and flooding the cabin in light, the cabin will brighten slowly, with the light transitioning from the purples and oranges of a sunrise to yellows, and eventually white against a blue sky. Boeing's thought is mimicking the light schedule of your destination, some of the dreaded jet lag can be alleviated."

It all sounds good to me, but I have to admit to retaining some serious doubt and skepticism about whether the peons in coach will benefit. We shall see.

I don't Like Flying Anymore

Flying reminds me a bit of hanging out with an old girlfriend. There are moments where I stare at you and wonder why we ever broke up. You're beautiful. You're sexy and you're a lot of fun. We start to talk and the conversation just flows.

For a while I start to wonder why we broke up. Maybe it wasn't you, maybe it was me. But gradually I find evidence of the things that I didn't like and the shine starts to fade a bit. When you laugh you snort. When we were going out I thought that it was cute, but at the end it made me crazy.

I notice a few other details that irritate me and slowly I remember why it is that we don't see each other anymore.

That sort of describes my feelings about flying. There was a time when I loved it. It used to be special and exciting. It was an experience that I look forward to, but not anymore. Now it is a task.

And so it begins with a search for a ride to the airport. More often than not the trips are midweek so the family isn't available to take me. Cabs and vans are expensive. Frankly I hate sharing them. I dislike having to make other stops to pick other travelers up. And even if I didn't the fare with tip is almost always $50 bucks.

I can take the bus. A for a couple of bucks a day I can park the car and ride along with 50 others to go catch a ride on a flying tin can. I suppose that it is not such a bad thing. But it stresses me out.

And let's not forget the whole security process. I am quite appreciative of the efforts that are being taken to protect us, but it is a grind. Having to take off my shoes, empty my pockets, dump the laptop and get checked out is a pain. I prefer to have it than not, but still...

Eventually you find yourself in the terminal where you get to just sit and wait.

Maybe it comes down to a lack of control. Maybe it is nothing more than frustration with having to give up the control of my time and ability to do what I want. If I am going somewhere I tend to prefer to be the one driving. I just feel more comfortable.

None of this covers the other details. My shoulders are two big for the seat and my knees often brush against the seat in front of me.

Confession time: I tend to do very little talking on flights. I prefer to sleep or watch a movie. But if I end up sitting next to someone talkative I often make up stories about my life. Sometimes I tell them that I played college football or soccer. Sometimes I tell them that I work in a Biotech lab and I am not allowed to discuss my job.

It all depends. I never really know what I am going to tell them in advance. I like to just let it unfold. I suppose I should run for a bit. I need to go pack.

Other Posts about Flying
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines 
What If The Plane Crashes
Traveling Jack's Plane Made It 

Do you Take a Sleeping Pill When You Fly?

A number of my friends have jobs that make them into road warriors. It is not uncommon for them to fly several times a week.

During a recent conversation one of them told me that when he flies he often takes a sleeping pill just before take off. I must have made a face because he told me that it is quite common for people to do this.

So I am curious to get your feedback. Is this accurate, do many people take a sleeping pill when they fly? Are you among them? Do you like it? Do you do it to prevent boredom or stress?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Airplane Tickets- $9 Seats

I think that we have seen this story before. Here is a brief excerpt for your review.

"NEWARK, N.J. (AP) -- A new low-cost airline will begin serving mid-sized U.S. cities that it thinks larger carriers have left behind.

Clearwater, Fla.-based JetAmerica said 34 nonstop passenger flights a week will start July 13 at Toledo, Ohio; South Bend, Ind.; Melbourne, Fla.; Newark, N.J.; Minneapolis and Lansing, Mich. Twenty-eight flights start or end at Newark Liberty International Airport. The carrier will add six more flights -- from Toledo to Minneapolis -- starting Aug. 14.

JetAmerica is targeting small and midsize cities like Lansing, which has seen the number of daily flights at its Capital Region International Airport fall from 35 to 12 the past five years. The decline is part of a national trend that has seen airfares increase at those airports as daily flights have decreased.

Robert Selig, head of the Capital Region Airport Authority, said JetAmerica will give Lansing business travelers direct access to New York City and carry leisure travelers to central Florida.

"We don't have access to either one right now," Selig said. "So, this is going to fill a major void in our schedule."

Filling that void won't be cheap.

The Lansing, South Bend, Melbourne and Toledo airports are subsidizing JetAmerica with $1.4 million in grants in its first year, along with about $867,000 in waived airport fees and $1.1 million in marketing and advertising assistance.

South Bend, Toledo and Melbourne received their grants from the U.S. Department of Transportation's Small Community Air Service Development Program, which has awarded $104 million to 223 recipients since 2002 in an effort to restore lost service and bring air fares down.

Newark and Minneapolis, each of which serve more than 20 million passengers a year, are not offering assistance to JetAmerica.

John Weikle, chief executive of JetAmerica, said the subsidies will help insulate the new carrier from spikes in jet fuel prices. Higher fuel prices have contributed to the failures of at least four major airlines since 9/11. Smaller carriers have also been hurt.

Surging fuel prices helped bankrupt ultra-discounter Skybus Inc. last year. Weikle founded that Columbus, Ohio-based airline known for its $10 fares. The bankruptcy cost 450 employees their jobs. "

Try, try and try again. Sounds like the CEO did ok, wonder how if his former employees at Skybus fared as well.

Flying the Friendly Skies

Once upon a time it really was a case of flying the friendly skies.

(CNN) -- There was a time when airline travel was a special treat, the kind of occasion that inspired passengers to dress up.

Now, the awe people once felt about flying through the clouds is tempered by additional fees, cramped seats and horrifying tales of fellow travelers.

Take, for instance, "Mr. Poopy Pants" -- a grown man who allegedly soiled himself 10 minutes into a flight from Florida to Minnesota. And then he just sat there.

"We've all had our flying hell experiences," said Gregg Rottler, creator of FlightsFromHell.com.

The site provides a venue for people to share their tales of woe, said Rottler. "It's therapeutic ... so it benefits them and provides entertainment value for others."

Rottler, a 54-year-old environmental health supervisor in Tampa, Florida, launched the site more than two years ago. Since then, FlightsFromHell.com has attracted submissions from passengers and flight attendants that have run the gamut, touching on categories that include "odors," "attendant issues," "weird people," and "luggage and delays."

Among the story headlines: "Titanic toddler creates tumult," "Wifey punched by elderly 'sleepwalker,' " and "Lip-locked tousle-haired 20-somethings."

"There's something about being scrunched up with strangers ... The seats aren't that big, and once someone starts going wacko, it just creates an extremely stressful environment that was already stressful enough," Rottler said.

The Growing Hazard of Bird Strike

I don't know about you but flying is stressful enough without having to worry about the growing hazard of Bird Strike. I already worry about dealing with all of the normal crap associated with flying like crowded planes and interminably long security lines.

On really bad days I wonder if the man with the crazy eyes plans on trying to hijack my plane. And let me tell you Mr. Crazy Eyes, not only am I watching you, but I have a plane to take you down hard and fast.

And it is not the sort of hard and fast that makes your wife hate that little blue pill either. No, it is swift and severe, prompt and persuasive. You won't like it all, Mr. Crazy Eyes. But I digress.

Now, I have to worry that a flock of birds might disable my plane and cause to hurtle through the sky wing over wing into a river or some farmers' field. And I have to worry about this without the reassurance of the crocodile hunter or Marlin Perkins.

But because I like to share the good and the bad allow me to provide you with more insight as to what I am talking about.

But among the surprises was the fact that the incident appeared to be caused not by terror attack or mechanical failure, but by a wayward flock of geese. (See pictures of the plane crash in the Hudson River.)

While the National Transportation Board has yet to conduct a full investigation, authorities believe the geese were sucked into the plane's two jet engines, causing immediate engine failure, shortly after takeoff from New York's LaGuardia airport. The aircraft, an Airbus A320, has engines designed to sustain damage from a bird weighting up to a four pounds, according to Todd Curtis, founder of Airsafe.com and an aviation safety expert. Canadian geese — the suspected culprits — weigh an average of 10 pounds. More than 219 people have been killed worldwide as a result of wildlife strikes since 1988, according to the volunteer organization Bird Strike Committee USA.

Still Flying The Unfriendly Skies

Here at the glorious chateau that we call The Shack we continue to bring you news, feature stories and our opinion about the good old airline industry.

CNN has the news about the findings of a federal task force whose job was to develop a plan for assisting passengers. Specifically those passengers who are trapped inside planes that are stuck on the tarmac.

Let me sum things up for you. It was a Federal task force so our tax dollars were spent to fund it. After almost a year of meeting they failed to come up with any requirements for the airlines and airports, just a few recommendations.

"The tarmac task force, as it is informally known, is expected to vote Wednesday on guidelines for airlines and airports on how to craft their own contingency plans for dealing with lengthy tarmac delays.

Among the problems: The task force was unable to agree on whether "lengthy" is one hour, two hours or 10 hours.

Kate Hanni, a task force member and passenger rights advocate, said Tuesday there is nothing in the draft document that requires airlines or airports to provide additional services for passengers stranded aboard airplanes going nowhere.

The report "is a set of best practices, but there's nothing enforceable where a passenger can say, 'I won't be held up for more than three hours or five hours or eight hours, or without a glass of water or a sandwich,"' said Hanni, founder of the Coalition for an Airline Passengers' Bill of Rights.

"We were hoping at a bare minimum to come out of this task force with a definition of what is an extensive on-ground delay," Hanni said, but that didn't happened because the airline industry "doesn't want anything that is remotely enforceable."

The 36-member task force was created last December by Transportation Secretary Mary Peters to develop model plans for airlines and airports after several incidents in which passengers were stuck for hours before their flight took off or they were allowed to get off the plane.

Task force members said it quickly became apparent that the group -- dominated by airline industry and airport representatives -- would be unable to come up with a model plan acceptable to a majority of members."

If you read through the story you'll see that among the recommendations are that the airlines try to keep the bathrooms usable, provide refreshments and keep the passengers notified about what is going on.

Hmm...they used to call those things customer service. This is all part of why I have grown to dislike flying. It used to be fun and now it has become a task that has to be endured.

Other Posts about Flying
Cruising At 34,000 Feet
Deciphering Frequent Flier Programs
All My Bags Are Packed
Airplane Trouble? Kill a Goat
Flying The Unfriendly Skies
Crying Child Forces Family From Plane
The Land of Lost Luggage
Airlines Continue To Rob The Public
The Joys of Flying Commercial Airlines

Strange Side Effects

Several people have recommended that the best way to pass the time on a long flight is to sleep your way through it. Now I have to admit that there is a certain attraction to this.

I remember one flight to Israel in which I got to watch Forest Gump about 1,293,098 times. It was just great. Nice plane, with the personal movie screen on the seatback in front of me. It was kind of cool to have my own personal screen, until I heard "Run Forest Run!" so many times that my legs began to twitch.

So I spent a few minutes considering the advantages of taking an Ambien. As I mulled it over I wondered if there was a way to try and program my brain to dream about a particular topic or two. If I was going to sleep for that long it might be kind of nice to really enjoy my dreams.

Now mind you, I am renowned for snoring. There are even a few rumors that the primary reason why a relationship or two ended was because of my ability to imitate a chainsaw.

Anyhoo, I decided to do a little research on the drug and came across this:

17.2 Sleep-driving and other complex behaviorsThere have been reports
of people getting out of bed after taking a sedative-hypnotic and driving their
cars while not fully awake, often with no memory of the event. If a patient
experiences such an episode, it should be reported to his or her doctor
immediately, since "sleep-driving" can be dangerous.This behavior is more likely
to occur when Ambien is taken with alcohol or other central nervous system
depressants [see Warnings and Precautions (5.3)] Other complex behaviors (e.g.,
preparing and eating food, making phone calls or having sex) have been reported
in patients who are not fully awake after taking a sedative-hypnotic. As with
"sleep-driving" patients usually do not remember these events.

That's quite a mouthful. Sleep driving and other complex behaviors, such as preparing food and or having sex. If I take one of these things do I risk finding out later on that I engaged in a little sleep flying, had a quickie with a flight attendant and then capped it all off by cooking a little meal in the galley.

Aside from the general creepy factor, what would this do to my fragile ego if I found out that I was more fun while not fully awake. It might be more than a bit upsetting.

OTOH, maybe I could get a do-over on some things. "Sorry about that, I was taking a sedative-hypnotic and just wasn't myself. But, it really was the greatest five minutes of your life, was it not."

I suppose that I'll leave this ridiculous scenario where it belongs, in some crazy screenplay. I think that I'll take a pass on the good old sedative-hypnotic and travel the old fashioned way. I'll do my best to get a little shut eye and hope not to wake up in an embarrassing pile of drool.

Isn't airplane travel just the best.

Emailing Your Way Through The Friendly Skies

I have been eagerly waiting for the day when we are able to use the Internet while enjoying a plane ride. Just in case any airline execs happen to read this let me be clear that my comment about enjoying air travel is intended to be sarcastic.

Air travel has quickly deteriorated into something that used to be quite fun into a major pain in the ass. We pay more and receive less for the privilege of being locked inside a flying tin can. Since this post is not designed to be a rant about flying I'll wrap up this section.

But before I do let me express a few more thoughts. It is more than a little irritating to see the numerous ways you ding us for a few bucks more, especially the latest trend of charging for luggage. I'd rather you raise your fares so that you can resume offering food and other services as part of the flight.

Even though I know that I am still being charged $5 bucks for a stale bagel I'll feel better not having to shell it out on board. Anyway, enough on this and now on to the story.

"DALLAS, Texas (AP) -- American Airlines says customers will be able to test in-flight Internet access on two flights beginning Wednesday, with broader service expected to begin in the following couple of weeks.

Facing record high fuel prices, airlines are looking at entertainment and information services as ways to make a few more bucks per passenger.

American plans to charge $9.95 to $12.95 for Internet service, depending on flight length.

The test with technology partner Aircell LLC will begin on one flight from New York's Kennedy Airport to Los Angeles and one return flight, said Doug Backelin, American's manager of in-flight technology. The test service will be free, he said.

The airline would not say on which flights it would conduct the test.

American is among several companies preparing to offer in-air Internet service.

Aircell is also working with Virgin America, and JetBlue Airways Corp. started testing free e-mail, instant-messaging and some Amazon.com services aboard one of its planes in December.

The airline will begin charging for Internet service soon on its Boeing 767-200 jets that fly from New York to Los Angeles, San Francisco and Miami.

Passengers will be able to use e-mail and instant messaging and to download video and connect to secure networks on notebook computers or other wireless devices such as smart phones through three wireless access points on the plane, said Dave Bijur, an Aircell executive."

One more thing. I'd prefer not to allow cellphone use during the flight as I shudder to think of being forced to listen to that sort of noise for six hours.

Ohio Based Airline Bankrupt

I'll try not to make a crack about broken things from Ohio, but this story is begging for it. I wrote about Skybus and their $10 airplane ticket over here. At the time I remember thinking that if they could survive for a couple of years they just might make it.

Apparently they did not. You can see the full announcement here or just read the following:

"Skybus struggled to overcome the combination of rising jet fuel costs and a slowing economic environment. These two issues proved to be insurmountable for a new carrier.

We deeply regret the impact this decision will have on our employees and their families, customers, vendors, suppliers, airport officials and others in the cities in which we have operated. Our financial condition is such that our Board of Directors felt it had no choice but to cease operations."

Airlines Continue To Rob The Public

This morning I was more than a little disturbed to read the following headline in The Los Angeles Times:

Airlines squeeze fliers as profit soars

Having just returned from my most recent business trip in which I and several hundred others were stuffed inside a plane and asked to pay for stale food I was less than pleased to read the following:

The nation's airlines were late more often this summer, lost more baggage and bumped more passengers off flights than in any summer this decade. They also made more money.

Despite the worst summer ever for air travelers, major airlines posted huge profits as they packed more passengers into fewer and smaller planes.

We pay more and receive less. There is something wrong, very, very wrong with this picture.