Notes For June- Fragments of FictionIt had been clear for a long time that Johnny and June had stumbled onto something special. They had the sort of relationship that they had always wished for, more or less. It wasn't flawless. They had their ups and downs and moments of doubt. There were times when they would shake their heads and wonder why they had ever gotten involved with each other.
More about Johnny
Johnny and June- A Rough Draft
Some Notes for Fragments of Fiction May 2008
But those moments always passed. Just when they thought that they couldn't be more upset they'd find that the anger had passed and was quickly replaced by a longing for the other. Because in spite of the hard times they knew that when things were right with each other there was nothing better.
There was an intensity and depth to the love they shared that just wouldn't die. At times the flames would seem to fizzle and the shine would wear off of the diamond, but that too didn't last.
Sometimes those moments created more doubt. The intensity and depth was a tricky thing to deal with. June was far more tactile than Johnny. Any time it wavered she began to wonder if maybe she had fooled herself. She'd list all the things that she didn't like about him, but the truth was that it was a relatively short list.
That was a bit frightening for her. It made her wonder if the problem wasn't really him, but her. She'd get lost in thoughts of whether she just couldn't carry a relationship beyond a certain length of time.
Sometimes during these moments she'd find herself doing things to push her Johnny away. It wasn't conscious and if you asked her she'd swear that she wasn't doing it, but Johnny felt differently. He was positive that these moments were an intentional act on her part.
It wasn't always easy to easygoing about it. He had his share of moments when he wanted to pick a fight and let her have it. The thing was that Johnny had long since learned that the worst thing he could do was allow himself to just react and that was what the anger was, a reaction.
So he'd take a deep breath and consider whether it merited a response. More often than not it didn't. Not only that, but he enjoyed disarming her by telling her that he loved her far too much to fight. She'd do something and he'd tell her that if she wanted to end things he wasn't going to make it easy.
And so the moments would pass and they'd go about their business.
At times it seemed a bit screwy, but every love story has its quirks and theirs was no different.
Over time Johnny learned that when things were rough with June the best way to make things better was to arrange some quiet time for the two of them. It didn't have to be a romantic getaway or a weekend away. All they needed were a few hours of quiet time together.
They'd head out to somewhere private and spend a few hours just enjoying each other's company. It never ceased to amaze the two of them how these moments were never awkward. They were comfortable together. They didn't have to talk or be physical to make it work.
It was all a big contradiction. For a person like June who loved order the contradictions were tough. It made it that much harder to be decisive. Johnny was far more used to living on the edge than she was. He had spent years just going off his gut, so in some ways he found the ups and downs to be easier.
But it'd be a lie to say that life on a merry-go-round was easy for him. He had more than his share of moments of doubt. Sometimes he found himself questioning whether he was being selfish by sticking around and that maybe the best thing he could do is just walk away.
Part of him believed that he wasn't entitled to happiness, at least not the sort of happiness that June represented. So he'd try and convince himself that it was almost noble to give her a sign of his love by letting her go. And then he'd laugh and call himself a fool and an idiot because who would really let that sort of love go.
He was determined to see it through to the end. It wasn't always going to be easy. There were many reasons why things be tough, but he believed that if they were steadfast and held onto each other they could weather the storm. That was the goal, weathering the storm.
It wasn't whether the storm would be too hard to deal with, just how to best sail through it. So when times were tough he'd remind himself that it wasn't a question of if they'd survive or how, they just would.
One day the clouds would pass and they'd find themselves richly rewarded for their devotion or something along those lines.