My Mind Is Racing

So much is going on and there is not nearly enough time to sit and think about it. Not nearly enough time to try and absorb it all and make sense of it and that frustrates me.

I am fast on my feet, nimble and agile enough to deal with whatever comes my way but I don't want to have to deal with this. I am tired, mentally, physically and emotionally so given my druthers I would have a few minutes to decompress and think about it all.

Or maybe the better way of saying it is that I don't want to think. I just want to be, to have a few moments to soak it all in and absorb it.

A chance to close my eyes and look up at the sun and feel its warmth upon my back. For that would be truly wonderful now.

Living In Squalor

Living in squalor was an exaggeration of their actual living conditions but it was an accurate depiction of how he felt about them.

They were cramped, uncomfortable and awkward.

He couldn't understand why the owners failed to understand that it wasn't their wish or desire to live this way and that it was embarrassing.

The whole situation made him feel ashamed, angry and upset which is why you didn't hear him talk about it often because words didn't help.

All they did was tear the scab off of a wound that had never healed.

The pain might not be what what it once was but it wasn't gone either.

And when it was exposed it always felt as raw and awful as it did the day it happened.

The Giant Rock

Ask me to describe my life I will tell you that right now it is a cross between fireman and rock climber.

Feels a bit like I spend my days running around with my hair on fire while I try to extinguish the larger fires that threaten to explode and burn out of control.

It is much better than it was a while back but we haven't yet reached the place when I can truly relax which is why I think of myself as a rock climber.

I keep doing all that can to climb up the mountain side except there is no safety harness and I am carrying a bunch of dead weight.

Eventually I'll get to the top, turn around and yell because I'll be relieved but in the interim I spend my time with hands and jaw clenched fighting to climb over and around the obstacles that are in my way and believe me there are many.

Need more reading material? Well try some of these:

Sleep Is Avoiding Me

Insomnia and I are not good friends. We don't have much of a relationship at all and I am grateful for that.

Most nights I am snoring before my head ever hits the pillow but there is the odd exception and today is one of those times.

I lay down, closed my eyes and prepared to enjoy some amazing dreams but shut eye refused to come so I decided not to fight it. Didn't want to count sheep when I could come put down a few words and update a blog or two.

I figured that if sleep wasn't forthcoming it had to be tied into the thoughts that are rattling around inside the giant cavern between my ears. Figured that it might help to put these thoughts down and see if that didn't take some of the edge off of it all.

And so I am here thinking hard about what I am doing, where I am living and asking myself if I made the right decision to come back. Wondering how things got to be as they are and asking myself if I ever expected any of this to happen.

The answer is I never did and yet here I am.

So I sit here and wonder what that means and how will things unfold. It is kind of strange but very exciting.

Pallywood Posts

 I think a bunch of the posts about Pallywood that have been written and or linked here have to be updated. Probably a bunch of bad links, k...