Random Thoughts- Do They Have Meaning?

When you ask me why I have a second blog it is because of days like this. When you ask me why I have a second blog it is because sometimes I need to go back to where it all started and let out the sort of barbaric yawp that makes the dog hide, children cry and adults cringe. It is one of those moments where I look towards the heavens and scream because there is no point, no purpose and no benefit to having to deal with enormous load of bullshit that was unloaded upon me. Don't tell me that it is ok because god never gives us more than we can handle. Don't tell me that it is karma, destiny, kismet or anything other than just shit house luck. I won't listen to any other explanation because there isn't any. This is just a massive load of crap and I am lucky enough to be fucked without lubricant, let alone the decency of a kiss. So this is just me unloading. This is just me venting. This is just me taking a breath and promising that I am going to make this day and

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Early morning just past sunrise and I am alone with the dogs, computer and music. Neil Young is singing Imagine now and I remember. That is because it is part of the 911 tribute and the words/music take me back for a moment to a time that was and a place that doesn't stand any longer. Neil finishes singing and the shuffle sends me The Fool On The Hill and the words speak to me. They float through the air around my head, caress my face and send my heart soaring to look for that thing that I know is out there. It is not as goofy or silly as it sounds and if I am to take the message from the song I shouldn't care what people think anyway. That works for me because I don't. My concern isn't with others but with the feeling that I have now that is pushing me to take certain steps that provide a greater degree of risk than normal. It is awkward trying to determine if I have enough faith in myself to accept that I if I fall I will learn how to fly or alternat

A sad but necessary message. Stay safe.

I am going to miss that hour of sleep tomorrow.

Dear June, Someone once told me that a woman never wants a weak man and that the last thing I should do is tell you that it hurts not to have you around. They said I should pretend like you didn't exist and ignore you. They said that if I ignored you it would lead to the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. They said that you would come looking for me and that I should be mean to you because women like men who are mean. Well, I am a mean man and I mean that in more than one way. I am not always the nice guy. I am a jerk who has been his own biggest enemy. Don't have to look any farther than the closest mirror to see the truth of that. But that doesn't mean that I am only a jerk or that I haven't got any good qualities because I have plenty. It is not egotistical for me to say that I know I touched you on a deeper level than any other man has. That is simple truth. And the same goes in reverse. You found the real me and you saw what I never let anyo