A Story About My New Business

A thousand years or so ago The Shmata Queen looked at me and asked if I ever hold still. She had happened upon me while I was fully engrossed in a telephone call and was pacing around the room. One hand clutched the phone to my ear while the other one flew back and forth in a series of unseen hand gestures.

Her question made me laugh. I have three speeds- sleeping, overdrive and hyperdrive.  Ask my mother to tell you what I was like as a small child and she'll tell you that I used to wear her and everyone else out.I was busy. A little man in motion.

Now I am a much bigger man, but still in motion. My mind is constantly working on thoughts and ideas about a million different things. I suppose that is part of why you find so many different posts here about so many different topics. I find life to be exceptionally interesting.

Take a walk with me and I'll tell you some more.

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May you live in interesting times is supposed to be the translation of an ancient Chinese curse. Personally I prefer the ancient Yiddish curse which reads something like this: "May all your teeth fall out except one, so that you can have a toothache."


The boys and I have been commiserating about our various challenges and how none of us expected to be facing some of the conundrums that life has slapped us with. It is easy to grow frustrated and angry. Much of it is unfair and not of our doing.

So what. Life doesn't care. It just keeps moving. A long time ago I decided that I didn't want to place my destiny in the hands of others and set about taking steps to rectify that. It is a process but things are moving forward with it.

This past Saturday night I came up with another piece of the puzzle. I have an idea for a business that really excites me. It is something that has incredible potential. I like it because it is a simple concept. It doesn't require a degree in engineering to understand and it is scalable.

Oh the scalability has me downright giddy. This can be very small or quite large. But I don't want to put the cart before the horse. We start with baby steps.

So I am in the process of constructing an outline for it. We're building a little road map that we hope will lead to success. This might not lead anywhere. This might be nothing more than a dream. But my fragile male ego says that the difference between me and the other guy is that I try to live my dreams.

That busy little boy still lives inside. He still thinks that he can fly. So my job now is to help him find his wings.

The Greatest Blog Post Never Written

This could be the greatest blog post that was never written. It could be magical, amazing and enlightening. This could very well be the one that launches my career as a writer. Well, I should qualify that.I have worked and am working as a writer. This is a different sort of thing that I am referring to.

A post that leads to an opportunity to write a book and to become a published author. I keep dreaming about it. I keep writing about it and wondering how to make it into reality. Do I want to write the great American novel and if so, what do I want to write about.

I can be funny. I could tell a million stories that you make you laugh. Or I can go a different direction and write about the great love that got away. I can make you remember that man or woman you still carry a torch for. I can tap into those feelings and make you ask yourself the uncomfortable question of, "what if."

But then again maybe it is better to write a book under my role as a father. It could be called "The Dude they Called Dad" and feature me with a very serious and solemn look on my face. Or it could go the silly route, that fits me.

The other day I realized that I have an idea for a line of clothing. If you are one of the three people that know me you recognize how goofy that is. Me, the clothing designer. Ok, it is not really meant to be a designer like you'd see at some fashion show. It is different, but I have a pretty clear idea.

It is an idea that I am going to give life to. I am going to turn take it from something that I play around with in my mind into something that is real, tangible. Damn it, I am going to make it happen for no other reason than I can.

This thing is going to be proof that sheer desire and force of will can make amazing things happen. I am really fired up right now. We're almost one month into the year of Jack and things are happening, albeit slowly, but they are happening.

It reminds me a bit of moving a heavy object. I have started to rock it back and forth. Slowly the momentum is building and its own weight is beginning to make it move. I just need to generate a little bit more movement and then that sucker will start traveling.

The hard part is not getting started but making sure that I don't smack into any icebergs.

Well have to see what happens. For now all I can say is that this could have been the greatest blog post that was never written.

What I Dream About

My mother tells me that my preschool teachers used to tell her that they were certain that I would grow up to be a writer. They said that I had a very active imagination. They were right, I did and still do have a very active imagination.

I dream in bright colors and crystal clear images. I see movies play in my mind and wonder why I can't turn them into reality. I am not Walter Mitty, although I suppose that we share some traits. I am a dreamer but I am not someone who intentionally misleads other into believing that I am someone other than who I am.

I dream about writing books and becoming a published author. I dream about becoming a columnist and writing screenplays. I dream about becoming a doctor, a scientist and a teacher. I dream about playing left field for the Dodgers and power forward for the Lakers.

I dream about building a castle and manning the walls. I dream about traveling around the world and quiet moments at home. I dream about places and things that make me smile. I dream about MLBF and having a home library. A place with built in shelves and big overstuffed chairs.

I dream about owning a private jet and island getaways. I dream about living out the stories and promises and whispers of the night. I dream about that kiss and the moments in time. I dream about walking those roads in Jerusalem again.

I dream about doing the Ironman and the incredible amount of work it will take to get there. I dream about carving and reshaping my body so that it once again looks as I remember it.

I dream about many years from now when my children are grown and wonder if the visions I see will resemble reality. I dream of long walks on the beach and quiet drives up the coast.

I dream about writing songs and playing music. And sometimes I dream about being granted the talent and ability to perform them.

I have many dreams, far more than I have shared here. There are endless details that I could list but haven't. Some of these dreams will become reality and others will remain unfilled. The ultimate goal is to see that I don't look back in regret. I don't want to have a life that ends in I could have but didn't.

I want a life that is more than that. It is not to much too ask for. I may dream big, but I am willing to do things to make them into something more.

What Do Fathers Dream About

The dark haired beauty looks up at me, a mass of long dark curls cascading down the side of her head and orders me to pick her up. "Abba, I am 5.5 now and I want a phone and pierced ears."

As she says this she hugs me, caresses my face and kisses my cheek. This girl of mine has been studying me for her entire life. She thinks that she has me wrapped around her finger. A hug, kiss and a coy look are all tools that she uses to try and disarm me. This little girl has discovered that feminine wiles can be used to try and get her way.

I squeeze her back, kiss her forehead and ask her if she wants to know a secret. She smiles and leans in so that I can whisper in her ear. "I love you! And that is why you aren't getting a phone." She snaps her head back and gives me a quizzical look.

I laugh and remind her that I grew up with 1,298,098 sisters. I know all of the tricks and none of them work on me. And then I explain to her that because I love her I set boundaries. She tries one more tactic, tells me that she dreamt that I gave her a phone. I smile again and tell her that dreams are good and that mine are different.

In response she asks, "What do daddies dream about? It is an excellent question. And I swear that for a moment the little girl is gone and a woman is standing in front of me. I suppose that it catches my attention because I think of dreams often. It is a regular topic between the boys and I, dreams that is.

We talk about about them, the boys and I. All of us are in some kind of transitional place in our lives. Some are getting divorced, some are dealing with unemployment/career issues and all are trying to figure out what it means to see our thirties in the rear view mirror.

I take the dark haired beauty by her hand and lead her to the couch. We sit down and she curls up against me. I close my eyes for a moment and savor the moment. She is growing quickly and I see the time when she won't make this sort of time for me.

I tell her that daddies dream about taking care of their families. I tell her that daddies look at their children and dream about helping them to become good people who have character and are happy. I tell her that it is my job to help her avoid making some of the mistakes that I have made. She scrunches up her face and says that is impossible, I am a boy.

I roll my eyes at her and watch her giggle. She is at that age where it is fun to say that "boys are stinky." I say that we aren't stinky and she tells me that she told everyone in school that I can't drink milk anymore. I smile at her and tell her that she should tell them I am "lactose intolerant." That should make for fine conversation.

Just when I think that I have redirected the topic she tells me that she doesn't want to go in the bathroom when I come out of it. Damn if this kid isn't trying to get the last word on me. I smile at her and tell her that it is time to get ready for bed. She tells me that she isn't ready.

I nod my head and tell her that I have a solution for that. She asks me what it is and tell her to follow me into the kitchen. I open up the fridge and take out the milk. As I get a cup I tell her that if she doesn't want to go to bed she can hang out and see what happens if I drink milk.

She scrunches up her nose and screams "no way." I smile and chuckle. I have to call my sisters and let them know that I have found a new victim for old tricks.

A short time later that little girl is tucked inside her bed. She has just finished reading a story to me. As she drifts off to sleep I smile and think about writing a post about my dreams. Maybe I have grown a bit too accustomed to blogging about life. ;)

If I Was a Professional Blogger

When I said that 2010 is going to be the Year of Jack it was because 2009 was in many ways the worst year of my life. It felt a bit like I was slowly being suffocated. I am not afraid of dying, but I prefer something quick and painless, don't we all.

But as my kids say I am 40.5 and part of a family with incredible genes so life is really just beginning for me. That is how I view 2010, the new beginning. Part of that new beginning involved heavy thought about what I want to do on a professional level.  What career path do I want to follow.

In a perfect world I'd play left field for the Dodgers and power forward for the Lakers. In the land of reality I have to adjust those goals somewhat. Walk with me for another moment and I'll tell you some more. I have a BA in Journalism. I was the Editor-in-Chief of my high school and college newspapers. For a while I thought that I was going to be a sports reporter.

It didn't happen. Looking back from my freshman year of college until today I see an interesting path of things that I have done. Here is an incomplete list:

• Teacher/Youth Director/Youth Advisor/life guard
• Salesman- sold advertising, copiers, sun glasses, tools for cutting for concrete
• Dir. of Marketing
• Writer
• Construction jobs- Primarily as a project manager but it includes a few other items as well.
• Information Broker/Business Development/Meshugehneh

I intentionally left off the obvious husband/father type stuff. Looking back it reminds me a bit of a real life version of Chutes and Ladders, but far more complicated. Maybe a spider web version of Chutes and Ladders makes more sense, I don't know.

If I was a professional blogger I'd take all those experiences and tell stories about my life. I'd connect with my readers and do my best to build a community. A community of people who love to come here not because they like reading my tales, but because they like each other. It would be a combination of bar/diner/home and backyard.

You hang out at Jack's because everyone knows your name. You hang out at Jacks' because his story is your story and your story is their story. You hang out at Jack's because you can't believe that idiot still comes by. You know, the one that drives you crazy for whatever reason. Jack's place is real. It is authentic. You don't like everyone, but those people are the exception. The good far outweighs the bad and that makes Jack's place a precious commodity, a refuge you can't do without.

That is the rough draft, just a few sketches I made on a cyber napkin while sitting on my cyber bar stool, or maybe it is a booth, or a hammock. Doesn't really matter.

If was a professional blogger that is sort of how I hope it would be.

I am starting out the year in one place, don't know where I'll be living or what I'll be doing- but it will all be part of the story. If you like adventure stick around and join me, let's see what happens.

2010 is the Year of Jack.

A True Test of Character

Boys of Summer Don Henley
The Way It Is- Bruce Hornsby
Right Now- Van Halen

Sometimes music sets the tone for these posts. It drives me, pushes me to stretch a bit further than I might otherwise go. The rules of the blog are simple, brutal and unrelenting honesty. Not for you, but for me. These introspective posts bore the hell out of many.Too long and too much for some.

I don't care.I write them for me. An exercise in narcissism that yields immediate benefits. The words are both a release and an escape. The vent that I use to see that I don't explode in pain, anger and frustration.

2010 is still the year of Jack, but it is slow in coming.I am not shocked or surprised that the demons of the past continue to haunt me. The exorcism doesn't mean that the echoes of days gone by don't still come to visit.

Life is a series of events that you deal with. It is a funny thing, that expression, "deal with it." It sounds harsh and unforgiving, but that isn't always the case. You deal with normal things on a regular basis, eating, drinking, bathing etc.  If you are lucky these are always things that are easy to deal with.

This week I have spent more time staring in the mirror. It is not a real mirror, but the one I see in my mind's eye. The reflection isn't as awful as it could be, but it is not pretty. I am a photogenic guy, but I have grown to dislike virtually every picture of myself. I have been quite successful, but have come to have exceptional doubt in my abilities.

This week I wrote about the battle regarding private school and the pain that it is causing me. But I haven't shared all that hurts.I haven't spoken about some things because there are some things that are still too private and perhaps too painful to lay out for display.

Behind Blue Eyes- The Who
The Hungry Wolf- X
Join Together- The Who
Hard To Handle- Otis Redding
The Gambler- Kenny Rogers

"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run"

Oh yes, I just quoted Kenny Rogers. Call it cliche, call it hokey, I don't care. These words make sense to me and sometimes that is all you need. Sometimes when life has been challenging all it takes is that one line, song or whatever for you to hang your hat on.

Not wearing a ten gallon or a sombrero, just a baseball cap. It is almost always backwards upon my head. Periodically people tell me that I am too old to wear it that way, but I don't care. I didn't ask them for their opinion, they just gave it.

Sometimes people are more fun than a barrel full of monkeys. Speaking of people the hardest part of all of this is trying to figure out what is best for the children. That is where I spend most of my time, wondering about what is best for them.

It is part of the deal that comes with being a parent, you put them first. That is not to say that there aren't times when you scratch your head and try to figure out how to balance it all. There are limits and it is important to try to determine where those lines are. At what point do you shift to your interests.

Side note: If you notice the change in tone and tenor you can blame it upon several interruptions. Life intrudes and until I become ridiculously wealthy or am paid to blog I must serve more than one master. Second side note, one of the many projects I am working on served as one interruption.

End result is that good things are coming from that. The problems and challenges are not solved, but they are a bit better than before. 2010-The Year of Jack.

Notes From The Year of Jack- Day 5

60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s and now the 10s- If the dark hair beauty were sitting here with me I'd have her count the decades I listed there. If you are wondering old Jack has been around for part or all of every singles one of those decades.

Does it make me sound more worldly or wise to say that I am entering into my sixth decade. I'll have to make a note to ask that crazy woman, the one with the math fetish what she thinks. Assuming I choose to speak with you, 'cuz you irked me. If you are wondering who that refers to, then it is probably not you.

I am fired up. It is day five of the year of Jack and I am impatient. I am not making progress as quickly as I would like. I have a mental list of things that I want to change or accomplish this year. Some of that is going to set the table for future accomplishments.

The day after NYE I mentioned to some friends that I want to compete in the Ironman when I am 50. It was met with some raised eyebrows and dare I say a look of incredulity. That was disappointing. You managed to confirm that I look like a fat bastard now. That is ok, I have seen my reflection and I agree with it.

But my friends you have forgotten how poorly I deal with being told that I can't do something. Most of the time when I set my mind to doing something it happens. I have failed upon occasion, but I'd rather fail in the pursuit of the goal than fail to pursue it.

So their looks were a good kick in the ass and I have taken action. For future reference, I took action because I am unhappy not because people said anything. I settled in certain areas. Settled and accepted situations that I shouldn't have.

But the beauty of life is that if you live in the moment and maintain awareness you can make changes. I can't fix everything that I want to. I can't turn the clock back. Sometimes that makes me angry because there are things that I would do differently.

Wouldn't we all. I haven't got time to live with regret. It sucks the life out of me and I won't accept that. Then again the beauty of life experience is that there are things that I have learned about myself that I couldn't possibly have known at 25.

I am keenly aware of what I want. I know what makes me happy and fulfilled. And I haven't any problem saying that I am working on obtaining every single thing. That doesn't mean that I won't need to compromise on some of those or make changes. That isn't a bad thing. The trick is understanding what you cannot compromise about.

I am a restless spirit who at times has felt like a tortured soul. But overall those have been rare moments that didn't last.

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The dark haired beauty is having nightmares. She can't tell me exactly what they are about. They don't happen every night, so I chalk it up to childhood. But sometimes I wake up because I feel a small body climb into my arms and I know that if I bend my head I'll have a mouthful of hair. That girl has got a ton of it. Beautiful, dark curls.

She has learned how to torment her brother. I shouldn't write it like that because she has no bigger hero than him. I take second place in her eyes and I am ok with that. If life goes as it should they'll be here long after I am gone. So though they have a love/hate relationship now I am confident that it will materialize into a friendship.

Her brother hasn't figured out yet that girls use little tricks to overcome the size/strength difference. Occasionally she'll try to wrestle with him, but she can't win. So she has other ways of poking him. I have been working with him, teaching him to ignore that.

Got in trouble for telling him that ignoring girls/women is one of the most powerful tools men have. Hee hee, it still makes me laugh. But he knows that he must keep his hands off of her. The hard part is that when she is upset she will continue to ride him until she gets a reaction.

So the big guy sometimes comes to me, exasperated and desperate for fatherly advice on how to deal with it. The answer is to use his words first, then parents. I have told her many times that if she pushes him too far she won't like what happens. But, she is like me and will ride that razors edge until there is nothing left to ride.

Sigh, they could pick better traits to emulate. Oh well.

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He got Stratego and Legos for his birthday. We have spent a lot of time playing with them. We build and we play games. He hasn't beaten me yet and is a bit miffed by it. I told him that at 9 he is too old for me to just let him win. I think that he is smarter than I and expect that it won't be long before he does beat me. I don't go all out, but I don't just roll over.

The big guy weighs about 70 pounds now. We wrestle, especially before bed time. It is a time honored tradition. He is big enough now that I can envision a time where I won't be so dominant. It is a long way down the road, but the time is coming. Maybe that is part of why I want to do the Ironman.

My family has been blessed with good genes. One of my favorite cousins passed away this morning, she was 89. My grandparents are on their way to 96. I figure that middle age doesn't hit until I am at least half their age. They'll celebrate their birthdays in March and April. I'll be 41 in May. By my way of reckoning I can't be middle aged until I am least 48, so it really does make sense to do the Ironman at 50.

I am dying for a cup of coffee, jonesing for it in a bad way. Kind of hungry too, if you excuse me I am off to do some push ups. It is part of the new routine.

It is 2010- The Year of Jack.

P.S. The theme to Last of The Mohicans just came on. Every time I hear it, I think of this:

Hawkeye: No, you submit, do you hear? You be strong, you survive... You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.

Jack & The Karate Kid- Sweep The Leg Baby

Dear World,

It is your old friend Jack. I declared 2009 to be the worst year of my life and I still hold to it. The reasons why don't matter, it is 2010 now and we are doing our best to look forward. You may remember that I declared 2010- The Year of Jack. I said it, I meant it and I will enforce it.

Unfortunately the message must have gotten garbled because little remnants of 2009 seem to be hanging around. They say don't sweat the small stuff, but you a collection of little things can be a major pain-in-the-ass. You know, the whole death by a thousand paper cuts.

But 2010 is the year of Jack, so I know that the sun is going to shine again. Yesterday morning I replied to a tweet by Ralph Macchio, you know, the original Karate Kid.  It is hard not like the movie. We always like to see the underdog win, even when they face an adversary who is willing to do anything to win.

2010 is the year I figure out how to exceed my limitations and push through the crap that has been holding me back. If we use "Karate Kid" rules it may not be "cool" to sweep the leg but there is nothing wrong with kicking someone in the mouth.

I wear a size 12 boot. Unless you like the taste of leather get out of the way. 2010 is the year of Jack.

A New Beginning

A new year has arrived and with it a new beginning. Such are the words of poets and minstrels, preachers, lay people and those who wish their words to sound lofty and sophisticated. Me, I just want to vent.

2010 is the year of Jack. I declared it to be such because 2009 was the worst year of my life. It was a time of great uncertainty, pain, aggravation and frustration. I won't waste more words than that upon it because it is gone. Now, we have the new beginning.

The new beginning is important to me. I have composed a mental checklist of things that I am unhappy with and wish to change. A laundry list of labels and limitations that I want to set aside because

Those three paragraphs are now locked inside the blogger's prison. I didn't sentence them to death by deletion, but I was tempted to. I don't like them. I don't like the tone or the structure. I don't like them because they don't work for me.

Here is the deal, 2009 was bad. I said it and I meant it. It is done. The horse is out of the barn and what's done is done. Now I want to focus upon making changes. So I sat down and created a list of all of the things in my life that I want to fix, improve or eliminate.

And then I went back through it and identified the things that are within my control and those that are not.

The list is much larger than I would like it to be. Collectively those items are a bit overwhelming. It is easy to look at all of it and feel like the world is coming down around me. That is why I divided it up into the two categories. It makes it easier to develop a realistic plan to make the adjustments that I want to make.

I am stubborn, relentless and determined. On the whole those traits have served me well, but in some areas they haven't done much but exacerbate my frustration. You can compare it to trying to tear down a brick wall with nothing more than your hands. It is not impossible to do, but it is far harder than using a proper tool.

So it is time to stop bloodying my knuckles and bruising my shoulders. There is a time for brute strength and a time for using your head. Apparently when I turned 40 they removed my brain and replaced it with a melon. It is time to kick that rotten piece of fruit out so that I be smarter about how I do things.

I tell the kids all the time that there is a reason your head isn't completely hollow and as much as I kid around about it, mine isn't either. If I am going to own 2010 I am going to have to take a different approach to it all. The old way of doing things isn't working, so I am going to adjust.

That is a promise that I have made to myself. I owe it to me to take the initiative and do what needs to be done. I deserve more than I am getting and I can make that happen.

Time will tell if this is a lot of hot air or something more.

Mistakes & Opportunities

On the eve of a new year it is time to engage in some sharing of Jack's wisdom. It is a practical tool kit of tips and advice garnered over a lifetime of learning. How is that for a boatload of Bullshit. I kind of like it, but why shouldn't I.

Bear with me for a moment and I'll tell you what I mean by mistakes and opportunities.

Golden Slumbers- The Beatles

"Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"

It has been a brutal year from start to finish. A time of learning and change. A time in which mistakes of the past haunted me. It was a grind and there were more than a few moments in which I found myself looking for Satan because I was certain I was in hell.

Those moments lasted a lifetime and though I knew I would survive it was painful. I never expected that my life would feel like the script for bad reality television or a failed sitcom.

But here we are at the verge of the new year. Almost standing on the precipice there is no doubt the 2010 will be the Year of Jack because I will accept nothing less.

2009 has been awful because it marks the culmination of a series of mistakes. I take responsibility for quite a few. I won't list them here but trust me I own them. I have punished myself for some of them and been punished for others.

It reminds me of my high school math teacher who would work out math problems and then finish with an exclamation, "so what!" It was his way of trying to prompt a discussion. A chance to ask what the significance of it all was.

This is my "So what." Shit happened. I accept responsibility for that which I did and I am pissed for that which I didn't do. But it doesn't fix the challenges I face. "So what" is the call to action. It is the time to remind myself that mistakes are opportunities.

I tell that to the kids all the time. Mistakes are opportunities. Step back, take a deep breath and figure out what you can do with it.

That is what I am trying to do. I am surveying the scene and trying to see what I can make of it. No one is going to save me. There is no cavalry coming to my rescue. It is my job, my obligation. Not because of anything other than I owe it to myself.

I worked too damn hard to let some of these things slip away.

Mistakes are opportunities. It is a conversation that occurs over Legos. Little Jack loves them, plays with them. Loves doing Sudoku and math. Finds all of that stimulating. I like playing with Legos, the others not so much.

But I love the opportunity to sit with him. I love working with my hands and helping him learn how to do it too. I love seeing him gain an appreciation and understanding of what it means to do this. My kids know what it means to get their hands dirty. I won't tolerate them thinking that they need servants.

Mistakes are opportunities. That Lego spaceship isn't working because we made a mistake. It is an opportunity to learn how to avoid making that mistake and a chance to see if we can figure out an alternative way to build it.

Turn the problem upside down, take it outside, find a new perspective. It is an opportunity.

Now if I can remember to heed my own advice....

2010- The Year of Jack