Guess I Am The Boss

Realized the other day that I can say guess I am the boss and act on it or just be silent because she and I both know I am the boss in certain areas.

It works for us and she appreciates knowing I am going to wrap my hands in her hair and kiss her hard on the mouth.

It is not a question of if, but when because some things aren't stopped, they are just placed on hold and I am tired of the elevator music. ;)

We're Getting Naked

Told the Shmata Queen that we're getting naked again a long while back and then repeated it a few times cuz I like sound of it.

Said "hey Queen, I'd like to feed you again among other things."

She didn't say yes and she didn't say no which some interpret as a definitive no and some as a maybe.

If they asked me what I really think I'd say you have to measure actions and talk about the complete lack of physical affection she has displayed towards me in public.

It could be that she doesn't want anyone to think anything, but that anyone could be me too. She might not want me to think anything is possible.


Except I don't believe that, not really. Because every time I figured all was done and nothing could ever be something happened.

So I figure I can't predict what will or want happen with complete accuracy, but if you said I'd see her on her back looking up at me or that both of my hands would be wrapped in her hair I'd nod my head.

It is not a guarantee but it is and that is because some connections don't sever or break, they are just muted.

So fuck if I know what to make or do with it. I have my thoughts and ideas but I am sharing all of them here.

Might share them in person, might not, My queen could decide to extend her hand and I might wait.

It is a game-time decision.

All I know is the woman is still damn sexy, but it is the mental/emotional side that really drives it all for me.

Different story that may or may not be elaborated upon, but probably not here.

I Could Push Harder

My 3rd favorite broad The Shmata Queen got to see me at a special event on a recent Sunday evening.

In the days in which she loved hearing me call her my girl she would have run up and hugged me, but these days she can't decide if she should or shouldn't.

Or maybe she knows, who am I to try and figure out women because we know they are nuts...right. :)

Maybe she bent over in front of me intentionally or maybe it didn't occur to her that I was standing there. Hell, maybe it was none of those, I don't care, I enjoyed the view.

Gave me a few ideas too that we may discuss at length or ignore.

I always miss having her close, but sometimes I miss her being close more than others. Maybe she feels the same or maybe she doesn't.

Who is to say.

Life can be so simple and so complicated all at the same time huh.

Affection

A guy I know told me about how he told someone no one hugs him anymore.

He was reluctant to admit it and then he got a little aggressive/defensive afterward, but I understood that because he showed his vulnerable side.

It is hard to let that part out because you fear it can be used against you.

So I smiled and said I understood, because I do. I have moved to new cities and lived far from home and been through it.

Have eaten all of my meals alone, spent hours by myself.

You have to work on building new community and even if you are good about it there may be a time when you have no one but yourself.

Doesn't mean it will be that way forever, but it can feel that way. Don't know if that is better or worse than living with people who make you feel alone.

About That Kiss

There was a time not so long ago when that Shmata Queen told me she really liked kissing and being kissed by me.

A time where she said all sorts of things and though it is always true that some things change, some things don't.

Which is to say I don't think she ever stopped like kissing or being kissed by me. It was only circumstances that impacted it or so I believe.

As to whether any of that is meaningful, significant or useful wiser men than I can argue. I am not that smart or that clever.

But I am that stubborn, tenacious and determined. I call bullshit on lots of things.

Been right and been wrong which is exactly why this feels applicable.

So about that kiss, well the damn woman would be lucky to have her lips on mine one more time and maybe I would be lucky too.

Or maybe I would just say no. :)

A Kiss Isn't Always Just A Kiss

Told that SQ that a kiss in the name of science is important because you have to know if the electricity lasts forever and a lifetime or just a short while and fizzes out.

Said I would gladly feed her and mentioned such feeding has only been done a handful of times during 20 some years--there is an ache.

Such thing happened quite often 25 years before, but in the 25 years it has faded into almost nothing and one would change it if one could.

So many thoughts. So many questions. So many ideas.

Stories And More

Oh, if only I didn't have a 9 AM meeting the stories I would write at length in one of these joints.

But I can't allow myself to get into tales of legs, dark eyes, souls and connections---at least not tonight.

Maybe tomorrow or the next day, the magic will flow freely somewhere.

Shmata Queen Musings

Been drinking Scotch for long enough to feel the effects and am tempted to tell the Shmata Queen what I really think but probably won't unless it is face to face.

Got lots to say if I choose to speak but again some things have to be done in person just because.

Light Up Her Lips

Told that Shmata Queen that if she is lucky I am going to light up her lips again. She can't decide if she can handle it cuz it was that powerful before but she isn't willing to just walk away either.

The things I can do to her... ;)

Wrapped Around Me

Wrote a girl a letter and suggest she ought to wrap herself around and me and let me wrap my arms around her.

Felt her go through a bunch of thoughts and feelings about doing so and told her sooner or later it was going to happen cuz we're meant to use the scientific method to determine the future.

Can't do it unless we conduct a true experiment now can we.

Longer Legs and Full Lips

Longer legs and full lips call out and I offer to answer. Wonder what shall cum of it.

My Shmata Queen

Some ask me to tell them about my Shmata Queen and I consider what sort of answers I wish to give about the dear woman.

There are lots stories and lots of potential answers, oh yes there are.

If you saw how she behaves with me when we are alone and she is relaxed you would be certain that there is something special there, oh yes you would.

Perhaps I'll share a tale or two, perhaps not.

One day I am certain I'll write the full story, but not today.

The Shmata Queen Asks

The Shmata Queen has unofficially asked me to remove her shmata.

I am debating whether I ought to let her ask me twice or if I should just do it and give the dear woman a reminder of what electricity feels like.

Inquiring minds want to know, but good bloggers hold back.

She'll Come

Man asks if I think she'll come and I say I am certain of it.

He asks how I can be so certain and I say I know how to touch her, always have and always will. It is chemical.

"That is great, but you have to get her to see you before she'll sleep with you."

"Oh, you thought I meant 'cum' and I meant come. Well I'll say yes to both anyway."

Man asks how I know and what if she doesn't love me anymore.

"How do you know anyone loves you. How do you know anything? You don't. She can choose to run away and keep her distance. It has happened before but she likes having me close the same way I like having her close.

That is the issue."

"I don't understand."

"And you might not ever and that is ok. There are only two people who need to understand and you're not one of them."

Still Running Down A Dream

Some would say he was running down a dream and others a fantasy.

Not him, he was certain about what was real and what wasn't which is why he dared her to kiss him and let the electricity flow without interruption.

What Do You Do?

Told the Shmata Queen the bells have been going off in my head and even during the loudest or quietest moments I hear a call.

So I turn and look.

Magic

He told SQ he felt the magic and listened for a response. Didn't get a verbal or written, but still swore he got something.

Put out his hand, pulled her in close and was surprised when she kissed him first...again.

Haven't Kissed The Girl...Yet

Famous writers and commenters have asked about kissing the girl and the answer is yes I have and no I haven't.

Have in the past, haven't in the present.

They have inquired as to what the plans and SQ says I am not supposed to say get naked, freaky or naked and freaky.

"That is our private business."

She is right, it is our private business and I am not supposed to tell you I can make her knees go weak, that she hasn't read everything or that I noticed a hole in her pants.

Funny how some of this works or doesn't.

But I did tell her that I am going to give her one hell of a hug and I don't care who knows. I am crazy like that. ;)

Got 27 other places to update...sooner or later.

Kiss A Girl Part 8311968

He stared at the girl, exchanged looks with her and wondered if she could see what lay behind his eyes.

Wondered if she would kiss him back or start talking and then kiss him.

What The Magic 8 Ball Said

The Magic 8 Ball confirmed the girl remembered what it felt like and said she was afraid to admit it.

So the man admitted he was afraid to admit it and afraid to ignore it and then he rode off into the sunset squinting because he forgot his sunglasses in her car.

Oops.

A Shmata In His Arms

A man looked up at the stars and thought about whether a girl remembered his scent and being in his arms.

There was no doubt she remembered, but the questions was did she remember and was it one of those memories that made you smile and still took your breath away or something else.

Kiss A Girl

The twenty-something at the gym tells me wonders if I know what it is like to really kiss a woman.

I smile and ask how old this woman is.

"She is 23."

I smile back and say I know what it is like to kiss a woman and I know what it is like to kiss a girl.

We're interrupted by one of his friends and she tells me she wants to know something.

"At your age you really should be kissing a woman and referring to her as such. But that smile you just gave makes me wonder who you are thinking about."

I smile back and say that is my business.

"I almost want to ask you to tell me your story."

"I almost want to tell you, but I won't. It is not mine alone to tell. There is a woman involved and sometimes she would melt into me when I referred to her as my girl."

"You are really good at not giving answers but making people want to know more. Are you doing that intentionally?"

"No."

"Will you tell me if you are currently with her?"

"No, she isn't here with me."

"I don't mean here, are you presently with her?"

I smile and say the Shmata Queen is a part of past, around in the present and probably will be in the future.

"That still doesn't tell me anything other than you call her a queen, I don't know that other word. But I know every woman likes to be referred to as queen."

"That is the rumor."

"It is not a rumor. I want my guy to call me a queen. Are you going to answer the question?"

"Have I kissed her? Oh yeah, I have...more than once. I think she might have even liked it"

'I thought you said you aren't going to give me details.'

"I am not, but saying I kissed this girl isn't going to cause issues. It is not the story and therefore I don't worry about having to ask if I can share our story."

"Will you ever tell it?"

"Maybe I'll write a book or maybe not."

"She must really love you to put up with your refusing to share details."

"Maybe."

"Damn, you still didn't give me anything to work with."

I just smile, pull a dumbbell off the rack and resume lifting.

The twenty-something tells me he is impressed by how I handled her and I say I didn't handle her.

"I didn't handle her. I just abided by an unspoken agreement not to kiss and tell. That is all."

Twenty-Five Thousand

Got too many eyes in too many places and haven't decided if the new blog should be shared with anyone so I am here slinging words upon a page.

Took a hard look at finances and wanted to scream because I had made huge progress but last year threw all cards into the air.

Given the same situation I would do it again because you only get one father so if you have to spend money on plane tickets and necessities you do it, but damn it fucked me up.

In large part because the job isn't paying off the same way as last year. It couldn't have been predicted or seen because the nutjob in the white house hadn't insisted on tariffs.

That fucker can talk about a booming economy all he wants and I won't buy all of his bullshit because I have taken it in the pants.

People aren't buying like they were and some of it has to do with his stupidity.

So I figure that my best bet is to try and secure something that guarantees another $25k as that would solve this headache.

More would be better and that is what I am shooting for, but $25k would be enough to make it work.

I am managing it now, but I don't like being in a position in which I say managing. It cuts down on putting more money aside for vacation and retirement.

Hopefully the stress won't make me drop dead as that would be a real pisser.

Clicks and Ads

Mixed things up slightly here just to see if I could make a few bucks off of the ads.

Don't know if it will work but figured it was worth a try for no reason other than just because...

If it doesn't work there is nothing lost and if it does well that is pretty damn cool...I think.

Might make enough to take the Shmata Queen out to dinner for her birthday. Hell, I'll do it regardless, but why not try,

Scary Times

Put out some heartfelt stuff for a woman and got no response. Some would say silence is a big no, some would say it is neither a yes or a no and others will say something different.

As for me, well I am not going to analyze it because I have seen it be a no, seen it be a yes and seen it be something in between because it is easier not to commit to one or the other when you don't know what to say.

I get it.

Hard to ask someone to take a chance when it is so complicated and it feels easier to stick with what you know.

Hard not to take a chance when you don't think what you have is good and you are convinced you can do better.

Of course timing is everything and this timing is killing me because work is ridiculous now. It is kicking my ass but not because I am bad at what I do but because the tools and resources are lacking.

And the numbers that are tied into said tools and resources aren't really appropriate for me but I am not sure how to make that clear in a way that doesn't make me sound like I am whining.

Thing is there is only one other person in the company that does what I do. He moved from a competitor where he had 8 years of experience.

I moved states and started from scratch. No experience, no accounts and virtually no support.

Thing is I have made things happen and had a decent amount of success in spite of it all. So it frustrates me to be told I am failing when I am most certainly not.

But fuck, that seems to be life sometimes. I move heaven and earth and battle demons--but it is still short of where it needs to be.

Bleah.

The Big Ask

Looked up at a full moon not long ago and whispered the Shmata Queen's name and said I know it is a big ask and it might not be granted, answered or accepted.

Closed my eyes and went looking for her, found her staring back at me.

She smiled but I knew not whether it was an echo of the girl who used to hold my hand. Told her I might see her in the echoes of the future or maybe not.

Walked away, turned around and saw her still smiling.

Whose Hand Will You Hold?

Thinking about writing a story called whose hand will you hold?

Got a bunch of ideas about who, what and where it would be focused upon. We'll see if I do more than think about it and put it down.

Door Number One

Someone asked me to explain why some men play video games and I thought about showing them this video but it occurred to me they might not get it.

Maybe if I told them about the storytelling aspect of it and explained how stories are a part of who I am and what I aspire to become.

Sometimes I think about how it would be nice to have real time with a girl who might appreciate such things and go over it.

Reminds me of Let's Make a Deal and getting the opportunity to pick what lies behind door number one or to take the money instead. 

You never do know what you are really going to get until you get it now do you.

Born To Run Keeps Playing

Some of you will call me crazy, pushy or something else and some of you will nod your head because you get it.

I keep hearing Born To Run, don't have time to do this properly so I am going to drop this in, might do something more later.

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
And strap your hands 'cross my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
H-Oh, Will you walk with me out on the wire
'Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta know how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
Babe I want to know if love is real
Oh, can you show me
Beyond the Palace hemi-powered drones scream down the boulevard
Girls comb their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys try to look so hard
The amusement park rises bold and stark
Kids are huddled on the beach in a mist
I wanna die with you Wendy on the street tonight
In an everlasting kiss
One, two, three, four
The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive
Everybody's out on the run tonight
But there's no place left to hide
Together Wendy we can live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
H-Oh, Someday girl I don't know when
We're gonna get to that place
Where we really wanna go
And we'll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us

More Posts

Been posting here and elsewhere a little more frequently for a whole host of reasons.

Might be because things feel more challenging than expected and that is wearing me out a little bit.

Been tempted to ask for help from a person or two but am not good at asking, especially when I am not sure what the reaction will be.

Feels silly and juvenile to say that, but so it goes.

A Queen And Her Mama

The other day I noticed the Shmata Queen and her mom were both reading my stuff at the same time and I had three thoughts:

1) Should I refer to her mom as the Empress and is that technically correct?
2) Would calling her the Empress or "your majesty" make it more palatable to say I once bent your daughter over the couch because she asked me to.
3) Do I follow up on number two by saying I refuse to do it again or would never stop?

There are other questions like would the Shmata Queen want to enjoy a tasty delight or should I start by saying the damn woman needs a hug and so do I.

Am I the only idiot hearing the damn bells and am I crazy?

Well the answer to the last part is yes, I am crazy but am I that kind of crazy?

Maybe, don't care.

And that is all I have to say about this for the moment. Probably will say much more elsewhere but the real Jack patriots know that.

Where It Started

I could write a post talking about how it would be nice to go back to where it started when a girl loved a boy and a boy loved a girl without question.

Some might argue it was no less complicated than it is now and that said complications were similar and different.

People in the know might say that things change and suggest love is still there but not comment whether in-love is gone or dormant.

It is a fair comment and question. Hell, the immediate answer could be it is plain old love and not 'in-love' because it is the safe and smart answer.

One might even believe it to be true because they intentionally haven't dug deeper. Sometimes you don't realize how you really feel/believe until you are asked to share it and even then, if you aren't honest with yourself...

Old Neville might complain about the lack of substance in such mumblings here and demand more, but maybe this is all he would get and maybe not.

Updates

I heard the Shmata Queen ask how often I am or am not updating the blogs and the answer is...it depends.

Sometimes I update with reckless abandon because I have much to say and sometimes not so much,

I shouldn't admit this, but sometimes I update certain blogs more frequently cuz I know she is reading. Damn bottle of Scotch, got me being too honest.

Anyhoo, if nothing else I know she appreciates my writing so I don't mind keeping some fans happy. :)

She Asked Me To Kiss Her

That wacky broad the Shmata Queen asked me to kiss her many years ago and then followed up by saying I have permission to kiss her whenever I want to.

Later on she said she revoked that permission and then followed up on it by saying she had given it to me again.

I asked if that meant it is irrevocable and she said yes, so the bottom line is I can kiss her any time I want.

Kind of crazy but kind of cool too huh.

Shmata Queen Blogiversary Time...Maybe

Long ago when I first launched this around 1002 the Shmata queen launched her blog too.

Though my girl doesn't write there any more there are some more recent posts that she took down that could be published again if she wanted to update it.

Wonder if she will.

Ok, I don't wonder because she prefers to let me do the writing, but stranger things have happened so who knows.

Been A Few Years

Been a few years, but sometimes a person figures that some things never change.

It is like riding a bike.

What Words Can Do?

Hey Shmata Queen,

There is a guy out here typing away upon a keyboard wondering what words can do. Will he find out if there is power to fan the flames of a fire that keeps burning?

Tales Of Fishing--

Hey Shmata Queen,

Should I share tales of fishing with you or simply let you guess what it is I am thinking or going to do.

Should I go for broke and say what the fuck or of handle things in a different way.

Guess we'll find out what I choose to do, won't we.

Kicking The Tires

Yeah, I am here, kicking the tires and checking to see if everything works.

Got the engine to turn over and now we have to see if the damn thing runs as well as it once did.

Words On A Page

 Added a few words on a page, some well written, some less so but all with purpose in mind. Can't win the Pulitzer every time, for certa...