Random Thoughts- Do They Have Meaning?

Realized the other day that I can say guess I am the boss and act on it or just be silent because she and I both know I am the boss in certain areas. It works for us and she appreciates knowing I am going to wrap my hands in her hair and kiss her hard on the mouth. It is not a question of if, but when because some things aren't stopped, they are just placed on hold and I am tired of the elevator music. ;)

Told the Shmata Queen that we're getting naked again a long while back and then repeated it a few times cuz I like sound of it. Said "hey Queen, I'd like to feed you again among other things." She didn't say yes and she didn't say no which some interpret as a definitive no and some as a maybe. If they asked me what I really think I'd say you have to measure actions and talk about the complete lack of physical affection she has displayed towards me in public. It could be that she doesn't want anyone to think anything, but that anyone could be me too. She might not want me to think anything is possible. Except I don't believe that, not really. Because every time I figured all was done and nothing could ever be something happened. So I figure I can't predict what will or want happen with complete accuracy, but if you said I'd see her on her back looking up at me or that both of my hands would be wrapped in her hair I'd nod my h

My 3rd favorite broad The Shmata Queen got to see me at a special event on a recent Sunday evening. In the days in which she loved hearing me call her my girl she would have run up and hugged me, but these days she can't decide if she should or shouldn't. Or maybe she knows, who am I to try and figure out women because we know they are nuts...right. :) Maybe she bent over in front of me intentionally or maybe it didn't occur to her that I was standing there. Hell, maybe it was none of those, I don't care, I enjoyed the view. Gave me a few ideas too that we may discuss at length or ignore. I always miss having her close, but sometimes I miss her being close more than others. Maybe she feels the same or maybe she doesn't. Who is to say. Life can be so simple and so complicated all at the same time huh.

A guy I know told me about how he told someone no one hugs him anymore. He was reluctant to admit it and then he got a little aggressive/defensive afterward, but I understood that because he showed his vulnerable side. It is hard to let that part out because you fear it can be used against you. So I smiled and said I understood, because I do. I have moved to new cities and lived far from home and been through it. Have eaten all of my meals alone, spent hours by myself. You have to work on building new community and even if you are good about it there may be a time when you have no one but yourself. Doesn't mean it will be that way forever, but it can feel that way. Don't know if that is better or worse than living with people who make you feel alone.

There was a time not so long ago when that Shmata Queen told me she really liked kissing and being kissed by me. A time where she said all sorts of things and though it is always true that some things change, some things don't. Which is to say I don't think she ever stopped like kissing or being kissed by me. It was only circumstances that impacted it or so I believe. As to whether any of that is meaningful, significant or useful wiser men than I can argue. I am not that smart or that clever. But I am that stubborn, tenacious and determined. I call bullshit on lots of things. Been right and been wrong which is exactly why this feels applicable. So about that kiss, well the damn woman would be lucky to have her lips on mine one more time and maybe I would be lucky too. Or maybe I would just say no. :)

Told that SQ that a kiss in the name of science is important because you have to know if the electricity lasts forever and a lifetime or just a short while and fizzes out. Said I would gladly feed her and mentioned such feeding has only been done a handful of times during 20 some years--there is an ache. Such thing happened quite often 25 years before, but in the 25 years it has faded into almost nothing and one would change it if one could. So many thoughts. So many questions. So many ideas.