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From The Great State of Ohio- No Fornicating with Furniture

And people ask why I make fun of cleveland. A couple of questions for you. If you noticed your neighbor was fornicating with the furniture would you:

A) Watch and keep an eye out to see if it happened again.
B) Film the incident and burn it onto a DVD.
C) Have the balls to submit the footage to the police.

What about choosing all three. Now I don't know about you, but if I was the tipster I might be a little nervous about my neighbor. You don't know what he might do in a fit of rage. Imagine your poor rocking chair. Consider the feelings of your own wicker furniture. Think about the impact this might have on your ottoman.
"BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond."


The Misanthrope said…
For the kind of dough he spent on fines he could have dated Spitzer's call girl.
Anonymous said…
The sad part is that he named his picnic table "Lucy" and was planning to take her to Vegas. He was heard saying, "She really understands my needs."

Jack Steiner said…

That is true and kind of funny.


He should know that there are plenty of flat, sturdy women out there.