A Tale of Two Widowers

This is the sort of post that I struggle to write. I struggle because I have a story to tell and I want to convey the message in a particular way but I am not quite sure how to do it. It is a story of life and death, of the power and pain of love.

It is moments like this where I wish that I could write music because such a tale deserves an appropriate soundtrack. A full orchestra that could impart the highs and lows of this story because I am not quite sure that I can do it justice. Since that is just not possible I am going to do my best to fumble my way through this. All I can do try my best to catch the Silver man, so here we go.

Just a few short hours ago I was at a holiday dinner with my family. The table was covered in with a beautiful linen table cloth and adorned with china and silver. Several assortments of flowers were spread out throughout the table. And of course there were lots of guests surrounding the table.

Now I could tell you about the peals of laughter emanating from children like silver bells or I could share the sounds of my grandparents and relatives discussing the election and the rabbi's sermon. It wouldn't be hard because those are probably things that you can relate to.

But then I might miss out on sharing a tale of two widowers. Two men who lost their wives roughly a year ago. Two men who sat at the table and enjoyed the meal, but whose eyes and words revealed the depth of the pain of loss.

It seems unfair that I can't tell you their individual stories because it is. It is unfair because they lost the light in their candle long before they ever expected to see them go dark. It is unfair because it is unfair. Sometimes evil people live much longer lives than good people. It is unfair because life is unfair.

And it bothers me that I have to teach my children that no matter what we do life will never be fair. It bothers me that I have to teach my children about death and that no matter what they or anyone else does, they will experience death. One day the people they love the most will be gone and all they will have left will be memories.

But I'll do my best to teach my children to seek the positive side of all this. If the loss doesn't hurt than there is a problem. I have often thought that to a certain extent you can expect the loss to be as painful as the love was joyful.

I spoke with both of these men at different times this evening and I spoke with both of these men during shiva calls. And part of what struck me is how deeply they loved their wives and how their losses wounded them.

At separate moments they both made a point of telling me to make sure that I truly live my life because the person I love most could unexpectedly be taken from me. It is a theft like no other. I can't say that I truly understand what they are going through, but I can say that I am convinced that the hardest pain to deal with is mental pain.

You can always find a way to get around the physical pain, but mental pain is a harder nut to crack. How do you turn off your memory. How do you forget and would you really want to.

So I find myself lost in thought about the words that they shared with me and how to apply them to my life. I don't want to wake up and say that I failed to live my dreams because I failed to try. It is one thing to have tried and failed and another to have never done so.

I can find a way to live with the failure of having tried and been unsuccessful, but I don't think that I can live with never having tried. Someday is a great way to put off the future, but someday doesn't always come.

And so I find myself pondering the new year with similar thoughts and questions to those I had last year. If I have any sort of resolution it is to make a greater effort to live my dreams and to do the things that I need to do to have a happier and more meaningful life because you really don't know when it might all come crashing down upon you.

Crossposted here.

Bailout Fails- Partisan Politics While Rome is Burning

I think that my head is about to explode. A few minutes of reading about how bad the economy is and how both parties are blaming each other and my head will look it was hit with an axe.

It is absolutely mind boggling to read anything other than we are all working together to fix the economy and to restore confidence. I don't want to hear another ^&Y%&$^&UY$ word from any of the jackasses in office that doesn't address how everyone is working together. Forgive me for being crude, you all need to shut the fuck up and work.

This is not the time to point fingers and engage in the blame game. I don't care who drove the car into the wall or sailed into the iceberg. That moment has come and gone and now we are stuck dealing with the aftermath.

I never considered myself to be a wealthy man, but I always figured that if I could hang on and keep adding a little bit to my portfolio eventually I'd be able to retire. Fortunately I am not interested in trying to do so anytime soon because at the moment my investments are not even worth mentioning.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Stocks skidded Monday afternoon, with the Dow's
nearly 778-point drop being the worst single-day point loss ever, after the House rejected the government's $700 billion bank bailout plan.

Stocks tumbled ahead of the vote and the selling accelerated on fears that Congress would not be able come up with a fix for nearly frozen credit markets. The frozen markets mean banks are hoarding cash, making it difficult for businesses and individuals to get much-needed loans.

According to preliminary tallies, the Dow Jones industrial average (INDU)
lost 777.68, surpassing the 684.81 loss on Sept. 17, 2001 - the first trading day after the September 11 attacks. However the 7% decline does not rank among the top 10 percentage declines.

The Standard & Poor's 500 (SPX) index was down 8.7% and the Nasdaq composite (COMP) 9.1%.

"The stock market was definitely taken by surprise," said Drew Kanaly, chairman and CEO of Kanaly Trust Company, referring to the House vote. "If you watched the news stream over the weekend, it seemed like it was a done deal. But the money is being held hostage to the political process."

Crossposted here.

Monday's Music

Here is the afternoon selection of songs that I have been listening to.

Baby Now That I Have Found You-Alison Krauss and Union Station
Goodbye To Romance- Ozzy Osbourne
Young Americans-David Bowie
Let's Dance-David Bowie
Do You wanna Hold Me? -Bow Wow Wow
All I Ask Of You - Phantom of The Opera
Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
By The Way - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Side note, my friends would come rescue me too and vice versa.)
If I Can Dream -Elvis Presley
In The Ghetto -Elvis Presley
Hey Hey What Can I Do - Led Zeppelin
Going To California - Led Zeppelin
Cry- Faith Hill
Love, Reign O'er Me - The Who
Shir Ahava Pashut - Aya Korem
Hazy Shade of winter- Simon and Garfunkel
Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega

Crossposted here.

Shana Tova

I'd like to wish you all a Shana Tova. May this be the year that we all wish and desire for.

Crossposted here.

A New Fear of Heights

I am beginning to wonder what the hell happened to the Jack I used to know and love. In the good old days that guy was relatively fearless. I won't be a total revisionist and say that there weren't things that frightened me because there were.

But overall there weren't too many things that I wouldn't do because I was afraid to do them. I spent a lot of time climbing trees, buildings and all sorts of different kinds of objects. Had no problem going up a ladder. Ladders were simple, as long as I felt like they were secure I hadn't any issue making like a monkey.

Within the last ten years or so I noticed that something has changed. Certain things give me a bad case of the heeby-jeebies and I find myself thinking foolish thoughts like, "damn, if I fall from here I might die."

Although to be clear I am more afraid of paralysis than death. The thought of being confined to a wheelchair or bed forever makes my heart race far more than the thought of death. And it is not because I have this rock solid belief in an afterlife. I do believe that there is something more and that upon my death I will discover that, but I am in no rush to find out if I am correct.

There are still far too many things to do, too many worlds that need to be conquered. I want to live for a thousand years so that I can do those things. I don't fear dying for anything other than I am just not ready to consider giving up what I have here.

And I suppose that it is part of what makes me nervous about heights now. While I still consider myself to be mostly invulnerable I have seen far too many die a young death to think that it is impossible for me to be one of them.

Although I will say that whenever death comes from me I am going to surprise him. I'll take that S.O.B. and kick him the balls, pull his halo, tie his wings together, steal his scythe or whatever the case may be. Death may get me, but not without my pulling a trick or two first.

I have to say that it is not easy admitting that heights have begun to make me nervous. Matter of fact I am not real keen on admitting that I have any sort of fear. It is far more fun to pretend to be one of the lost boys.

Aging, it is just not what it is cracked up to be.

Crossposted here.

Private School Woes

It is a hair shy of 90 degrees outside, unless you are working inside your garage as I am. In that case you can add another 12 degrees or so. In any case I have chosen to take a short break from decluttering so that I can come and share a thought or two.

Not unlike so many others my children are enrolled in private school. Each year I look at my bank accounts and I wonder how long I can keep this up for. Each year I say that I am going to spend more time exploring options for a less expensive option and each year I somehow manage to keep them in the school.

If it sounds like a bundle of contradictory gobbledy-gook that is because it is. If you ask me to create a list of what I consider to be the most important elements of raising my children it is going to be simple and look something like this:

1) Health
2) Education
3) Love
4) Character

It should be noted that this is intentionally a simple list that could easily be expanded and elaborated upon. But for the purpose of this post it will suffice as currently constructed.

I am a product of public schools. I believe that a public school education is important and that when done right is exceptionally valuable. But the obvious problem for me is that my local public school isn't up to snuff. It just isn't good enough.

And there really aren't a lot of good alternatives. It is not real easy to get your child into anything other than their home school, and even if you can the process is a pain. The private schools require a non-refundable deposit to secure a space. That deposit is required months in advance of when you find out if your child will be admitted to a public school that is not their local school.

In case it is not obvious the reason I titled this private school woes is purely financial in nature. The tuition is a big nut to crack. It is painful and requires making numerous concessions. The fact that education is so important makes it less painful, but it still doesn't serve as a cure all.

Remove that tuition and we have money for many other things that are also important. Remove that tuition and I can probably retire between five and ten years earlier than the current projection of 186 years of age.

So when I listen to our candidates talk about their plans for the future I listen carefully. Not only am I gravely concerned about the economy, healthcare and foreign policy, but I wonder where education fits into the mix. Because I don't hear enough about it.

I don't hear the politicians screaming that our public schools do not have enough resources or do not use their resources well enough to make sure that our kids are the best educated in the world.

I stopped believing that race was a real factor in holding people back a solid 20 years ago. But socioeconomic status, that I believe is a problem. If you are poor you are screwed out of many things. If you are poor you have a harder time getting a good education.

And that education is the tool that you will use to elevate yourself and climb out of the muck.

Better public schools serve the greater good. A better educated populace is good for everyone. Not to mention that if parents like myself weren't forced to spend a significant amount of money on education we could spread some of that dough into other places, helping the economy in the process.

Don't get me wrong, I love the school my children attend. They are receiving an excellent education and I am thrilled. But every now and then I like to dream that there is a chance that I am going to be able to retire when I am still of sound mind and body.

Crossposted here.

Haveil Havalim #184 A Barbarian Roars Again

It is now live. You can check it out here.

Same Blog- New Blogging Platform

It is almost 10:30 Saturday night and I am back at the keyboard sharing thoughts and ideas with all who venture down this dusty side street.

I am perpetually in motion, or should I say that my mind is constantly whirring along. Stick a stethoscope on the side of my melon and you'll hear all sorts of clicks and whistles. It is not because of TMJ or any other sort of physical disorder, it is just how I operate. A million thoughts are always being processed.

On this particular night I am busy exploring/considering moving this blog to a new platform. Since I am not a big fan of change I have decided to set up a blog over there that I will use along with this one. I figured that it would be useful to try things out to see what I think before making the big move. A test drive, if you will.

For now I am going to try and use both platforms to get a sense of whether I like Wordpress more than blogger. I am going to try and do my best to drop new posts into both places, a little redundancy never hurts.

You are all welcome to follow along and provide your own feedback. You can find the new blog over here.

A couple of general housekeeping notes about the new blog.

1) Comments from old posts do not seem to have been imported.
2) Some pictures and videos did not survive the trip either.

At this time I have no plans to try and pick through the blog to fix these sorts of issues. If I stumble onto posts that I think merit that sort of attention I will certainly try to address any sort of problems.

In the meantime I am going to try and enjoy the ride. This should be my biggest problem, if only.

To clarify: I haven't made the decision to abandon this blog. I may continue to use blogger. Stay tuned and I keep you posted.

Goodbye Paul Newman

It seems that Paul Newman has died. He made a number of movies that I enjoyed, but like so many others I liked Cool Hand Luke the best. I have been trying to find some of my favorite clips to share with you.

Thus far I haven't found exactly what I am looking for, but we'll use what we have.

Cool Hand Luke Clip

Here are clips from The Hustler- unfortunately the sound quality is a little rough.

Finally, here is what CNN said:

(CNN) -- Paul Newman, the legendary actor whose steely blue eyes, good-humored charm and advocacy of worthy causes made him one of the most renowned figures in American arts, has died of cancer at his home in Westport, Connecticut. He was 83.

He died Friday, according to spokeswoman Marni Tomljanovic.

Newman attained stardom in the 1950s and never lost the movie-star aura, appearing in such classic films as "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "Exodus," "The Hustler," "Cool Hand Luke," "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," "The Sting" and "The Verdict."

He finally won an Oscar in 1986 -- on his eighth try -- for "The Color of Money," a sequel to "The Hustler." He later received two more Oscar nominations. Among his other awards was the Motion Picture Academy's Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

Medical Malpractice, The Economy and More

Just a few comments about the economy, news and problems with doctors.

He Should Have Used a Mohel

Talk about a routine circumcision gone bad. This story makes me cross my legs. But I have to ask why the man was put under for the procedure.

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man's penis without his consent, and have filed a lawsuit.

According to the lawsuit, Philip Seaton, 61, went to have a circumcision last October as part of treatment for a medical condition. Seaton said when he woke up from the procedure, he realized his penis had been amputated.

If you read the full story you'll see that the doctors say that they cound cancer and made an emergency decision to remove his penis. The next line in the article just kills me: "

"The lawsuit states that Patterson received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton did not consent to his penis being removed." (emphasis mine)

You think. Talk about waking up to a nightmare. I am not saying that to be cute or clever. I have read stories before about medical mishaps and why sometimes the pre-surgery routine includes labeling which body part to remove. But you'd think that in this case they wouln't need to use a Sharpie to let the doc know what to cut and what to save.

Related Story: Man Goes to Court After Butt Stapled Shut

Proof That We Don't Control The Media

My pals at Toner Mishap tipped me off to this tale of the Dreamworks assistant who has never met Rosh Hashanah. If you want you can head over to Defamer and read more there.

Something tells me that Melissa is going to take a little flak for this one.

Goodbye Washington Mutual

My grandparents told me many stories about what their lives were like during The Depression and how lucky my siblings and I were not to have to worry about living through such a time. I always enjoyed listening to their stories about their childhood and can remember being really impressed at how they overcame hardship.

Sometimes I wondered what it was like to live like that. It piqued my curiosity, but it would be an exaggeration to say that I really wanted to find out. It is like so many other questions people ask themselves, "what would I do if I witnessed a bank robbery. Would I try and be the hero or would I freeze?"

Most of the time the honest answer is that you do not want to know. On the anniversary of 9-11 a friend looked at me and said that he was confident that we would have fought the hijackers. I think that I would have. If my family was threatened I haven't any doubt that I would hesitate to maim, disable and or kill the person(s) who were doing it. But I never want to find out. I am ok not knowing the answer.

So it was with much anger that I read about Washington Mutual.

"NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- JPMorgan Chase acquired the banking assets of Washington Mutual late Thursday after the troubled thrift was seized by federal regulators, marking the biggest bank failure in the nation's history and the latest stunning twist in the ongoing credit crisis.

Under the deal, JPMorgan Chase will acquire all the banking operations of WaMu, including $307 billion in assets and $188 billion in deposits.

In exchange, JPMorgan Chase (JPM, Fortune 500) will pay approximately $1.9 billion to the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation. Separately, JPMorgan announced plans to raise $8 billion in additional capital through the sale of stock as part of the deal."

Until this afternoon Wamu was my bank, not to mention that I had their stock in my retirement savings. It wasn't a huge investment, but that is not the point. Part of the reason that I held their shares was that because I believed that it was a safe investment that would help me maintain a diversified portfolio.

Look, I am 39 years-old and have young children, I am not planning on retiring anytime soon. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel like some really stupid people robbed me of my hard earned cash.

As I watch these institutions crumble around me, as I listen to commentators discuss how the government is going to bail us all out, and try to save the country from economic ruin I just shake my head.

I understand risk. By nature I am a gambler. I have always been willing to take risks on various enterprises. Sometimes I roll snake eyes and have to make do, but other times I win. Still, I don't gamble on everything. There are somethings that I am very conservative about. There are areas in which I don't screw around. That is why I didn't pull all my eggs in one basket.

But what ticks me off more than anything else about all of this is knowing how there are executives who failed miserably but are receiving incredibly large sums of money for their failure. There are compensation packages that pay far too much to people who screwed others.

Life isn't fair and it never will be. But that doesn't make it any less bitter to lose the money. It doesn't ease the sting of knowing how all of my hard work was for nothing.

I am bitter and angry. I'll recover. I'll find a way to get back on my feet. I always do. I'll find a way to make it all work because I do. But I won't forget this.

Like I said, I have been curious what life was like during The Depression, but I never wanted to know. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be living on the street. I am not concerned about being able to feed my children, but it is going to be rough around the Shack for a while.

It is one thing to accept that because I did something. It is one thing to accept because of the choices I made, it is quite another to be forced to because some jackasses couldn't pull their heads out of their collective asses long enough to see that they were driving the bus off the cliff.

Why A Schedule is Important

Not unlike many people I am in search of that fabled state of balance. You know the one that I am talking about, that place where I feel fulfilled in all areas of my life. There have been moments in life in which I feel like I have had it, but they seem to be few and far between.

I have these memories of the lazy days of summer in which my responsibilities included going to the beach, chasing girls and just hanging out with the boys. I was poor, but relatively happy, most of the time. Every now and then I'd find myself wishing that I was out school and making money.

Oh, did I mention that in this fantasy it never occurred to me that I'd spend all day at the office and then come home and tear my hair out trying to figure out how to take care of household chores and errands. At least I don't really remember thinking about it, maybe I did.

What I do know is that when I entered the workforce I began to have fantasies about being independently wealthy so that I could do whatever I wanted. I craved having entire days to myself to do nothing. And that leads to my comment about why a schedule is important.

In the decades since I left school I have upon occasion found myself out of work for periods of time. Initially I was always excited to have the time to myself that I had been thinking. But I quickly learned that having nothing to do everyday was a terrible way to spend time. Boredom and I don't mix well, it is a recipe for trouble.

During my school days you could always find someone to hang out with. We weren't in class all day long and even if we were, it was easy to play hooky. Not true in the working world. You only received so much sick/vacation time so you were careful about how to use it. So in those in between jobs moments I found out that most of the time I was on my own for the day.

It is not a bad thing, but like I said it can get old relatively quickly.

More to the point I found that if I didn't adhere to some sort of schedule I didn't get much done. I couldn't stay up all night and sleep in all day. If I took too long to shower and eat breakfast I'd find that half the day had escaped.

So in the end I learned that for me a schedule is very important. If I don't block off time for specific goals I just don't get them done as quickly as I'd like.

Of course I am not as anal about it as The Shmata Queen. I don't use a planner to map out every minute of the day nor do I take copious amounts of time to develop a list of groceries. My lord, you have never someone take so much pleasure in crossing off items as they are completed.

Hee hee. Excuse me, I need to go and duck and cover before I get smacked in the head.

Search Terms That Led You Here

Every now and then I like to put together a post that shows the keywords that led you here. This time around I am going to include the keywords and what post they led to.

Now that I see some of these old posts I find myself cringing, oy.

Taking stock of life-Taking Stock of Life- A General Accounting
Meaning bras-Bras That Do Tricks
Upset shoppers "happy holidays"-Happy Holidays is An Appropriate Greeting
what does it feel like to die-What Does It Feel Like To Die
men's emotions-Men, Our Emotions and Dating
significance of crotch-"Crotch Durability Problems"
fortune smiles upon me-Fortune Smiles Upon me- Someone Else Wants to Make Me Rich
how to bless telemarketer-More Fun with Telemarketers
things to do in an elevator- Things to Do In An Elevator
if you could read my mind lyrics meaning-A Story Using Song Lyrics Revisited Continued
meaning of penis-She Broke My Penis

Using The Blog to Make Money

My Right Word deserves credit for tipping me off to this report about blogging which says that there are more than a million blog posts a day. Here in the U.S. more than 77 million people a day visit blogs.

"Blogging has certainly “arrived”, said Technorati’s chief executive Richard Jalichandra, via VentureBeat. “Blogs are media. That is the difference now. They are as relevant as the
New York Times or the Wall Street Journal. The blogger with 5,000 readers may be just as credible a source of information for those 5,000 people as anyone else.”

And how many unique readers does it take to make serious money out of a blog? According to Technorati’s report, a blogger can earn around $75,000 a year with a unique audience of 100,000. The mean annual revenue from blogging, however, is somewhat more sobering at just $6,000
which isn’t too bad when annual investment in a blog costs, on average, $1,800."

Obviously most bloggers are not making anywhere close to $75K a year, but the point is that you can and that is part of what interests me. For those of you who are rolling your eyes in disbelief let's talk about advertising for a moment and how you can obtain some of those ad dollars.

Advertisers are interested in eyeballs. They want to find the most cost effective manner to distribute their message. Blogs can be an excellent venue for doing this. Here is a rough draft of how to do it:

1) Pick a topic and start populating your blog with content related to said topic.
2) Build up a readership. Comments can be used as an effective tool to demonstrate audience interest and awareness.
3) Use tools to develop an audience profile that you can present to prospective advertisers.
4) Sell ads, make money, retire. Don't forget to send old Jack a couple of bucks as a
thank you.

Clearly that is a very rough outline and you can safely assume that it will require hard work to make your blog into a real money maker. But the real point is that it is possible. Not possible in the sense of "it is possible that one day I might take a rocket ship into outer space."

No this is possible in the sense of "if I save money I can take a vacation." Simply put, it can be done. So what are you waiting for.

Man Goes to Court After Butt Stapled Shut

This story is too bizarre to pass up.

"BALTIMORE - A West Virginia man is suing a Frederick County, Md., doctor for allegedly stapling his rectum shut during an operation, preventing the patient from defecating for 17 days,"

For more on the story please click here.

On a side note I cannot help but wonder how long the man waited before going to see his doctor about this. Something about this story stinks. My apologies for providing this sort of crap for you to read.

Why Me? Rosh Hashanah Thoughts

Why Me? Why Me. Why me!

Language is ever so interesting to me. Words can do so much to communicate thoughts and feelings. All it takes is a bit of effort to craft a sentence that let's the reader know what is on your mind. When you phrase it like that it sounds ever so easy.

All...It...Takes...Is...A...Little...Effort.

As if the failure to properly express yourself can be attributed to your not trying hard enough. I try. I try really hard. I won't lie and say that I do every time because I don't. I am lucky in that I can usually get by with less. But that can be attributed to years of practice and some sort of natural ability.

Don't get me wrong, there are many others out there who are much finer writers than myself. I know and accept that. The trick is trying to outwork the others. The rub is knowing that with a little hard work I can improve. The question is merely whether I am willing to put in the extra effort.

All of this is a long winded preface to some thoughts about the coming new year. Before I jump into it I am going to link to some prior posts on or related to the topic. It is a silly trick I use to give myself a moment to consider what I am about to write.

The Impact of My Actions
Unetanah tokef
Yom Kippur- Besheret- Judgment & More
Another Day, Another Funeral- It is Elul
The New Year
Rosh Hashanah Thoughts

Free association posts are among my favorites. Hint for those who do not follow, I am still considering what I want to say. So I'll do what I do best and just dive into this.

This time of year always leaves me unsettled. Life feels like a contradiction. I feel comfortable with myself and completely at a loss. I look in the mirror and ask if I am the person I should be. If I say no I tell myself I am being too hard and if I say yes I ask why I must live in denial.

There is no right answer, I cannot win because I am my own biggest critic. As a compromise I remind myself that I am imperfect and that my father is right, all you can do is your best. Well, I am doing my best, but in some areas it hasn't been good enough.

Some people tell me not to worry, that I am part of a bigger plan, but I have problems with ambiguous remarks like that. They make you feel good because you can sigh and just live because G-d will take care of you. The problem is that I see too many things that make no sense.

Blog friends who have lost children, family friends who have died far too young and my own share of friends who have been taken well before their time.

Don't tell me that G-d has a plan. I can't go to a bereaved parent and tell them that it is going to be ok. When we buried 'D' I shook with anger. In between the time he died and the birth of my children I struggled to accept that there was any sort of higher power.

'D' was amazing. He was someone who lived life with a purpose. He was a scientist who had incredible ideas about how we could change things and improve life for everyone. He was going to make a difference in the world. He would have changed things and now he is dead, ten years in the ground.

What sort of plan takes him away and lets the BTK maniac run around. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I can accept free will. I can accept a world in which we are granted the opportunity to be good, or evil or anywhere in between.

But a plan, nah, that I cannot do.

I can look in the mirror and yell about all the things that are unfair in life. I can cry because it seems that everyone else seems to get that brass ring. They get to lead the life that I want. I can look at them and say that it is clear that they are so much happier than I am. I can point and say that once again I am stuck on the outside looking in.

Except that when I talk to friends who are leading these amazing lives most tell me that they are not so amazing. There is always something that is serving as the fly in their ointment. So maybe I can be content in knowing that we all have our struggles, or maybe not.

I suppose that part of what I find so unsettling about this time of year is that I can give a long list of people who have died. It is probably no different from any other time of year, but still it affects me.

"On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed,

And on Yom Kippur it is sealed.

How many shall pass away and how many shall be born,

Who shall live and who shall die,

Who shall reach the end of his days and who shall not,

Who shall perish by water and who by fire,

Who by sword and who by wild beast,

Who by famine and who by thirst,

Who by earthquake and who by plague,

Who by strangulation and who by stoning,

Who shall have rest and who shall wander,

Who shall be at peace and who shall be pursued,

Who shall be at rest and who shall be tormented,

Who shall be exalted and who shall be brought low,

Who shall become rich and who shall be impoverished.

But repentance, prayer and righteousness avert the severe decree."

In the end I come back to the same place year after year. It doesn't serve any purpose to argue about whether we should be good because G-d tells us too. I still believe that you do not have to have religion to be a moral and ethical person.

I try to live that way because it is the right thing to do, not because I may be rewarded. I try to live that way because life is better when we are nice to each other. It is simplistic and a bit self righteous, but it works for me.

And in the end we all have to figure out how to live in a manner that works for us as individuals and collectively.

A Round Up of Recent Posts

It has been a while since I provided a roundup of recent posts so I have decided to rectify that with this short synopsis. If you haven't been around in a while here is what you have missed.

There is Water in My Ear
Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks
How Many Somedays Do We Get
HH 183- Lost But Found Again
His Ass Burst Right Into Flames
When I Grow Up
Advertising on The Blog
I Talk In My Sleep

And now for your blast from the past:

Suha Arafat Wants To Share Her Wealth With Me
Charlie's Angels- Child of the '70s
On the Outside Looking In

There is Water in My Ear

There is water in my left ear, courtesy of my shower. If you ever wondered if I had anything between my ears this water is proof that I do. It won't come out. I hear it swirling around back and forth.

It is making me crazy, this water in my ear. I tried to expel it by leaning to the left. After five minutes I began to worry that the cramp in my neck would never go away. David Blaine gets paid for performance art, like hanging upside down.

I don't, I just get irritated. Tried shaking my head, but aside from making rattling noises not much happened.

Pinched my nostrils shut and blew. Cleared out the right ear, but the left is still clogged with this infernal liquid. It makes me want to say Y$&***U#$*$%&*$#$. Oops, I just said #^&#&Y#^. Damn, did it again.

Reminds me of Macbeth, "Out damned spot."

Tried jumping up and down, but no luck. Heading out to take care of some business. With any luck this crap will be over soon. Ugh.

Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks

If you will, picture me muttering "Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks" to myself. I am sitting in front of a grand piano with a pad of a paper that is adorned with what looks like song lyrics. I can't help it, "Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks" sounds like it should be part of some cheesy song lyric about childhood.

Or if you want to run with an entirely different image you can visualize me in a basement standing in front of four other men. We all have long hair and are wearing t-shirts with the name of heavy-metal bands upon them. Yes, I am trying to convince the lads that "Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks" is the name of our band, the one that is going to make us famous millionaires.

Truth is that when I came up with the title for this post I hadn't had any intention of taking it in either one of those directions. Nope, the real impetus comes from the trip I just made to the grocery store and a basic observation about society.

You don't have to try real hard to find stories about the disintegration of the moral fabric of society. All around us the talking heads are issuing proclamations about bad things are today and how good they used to be.

Well, I am not going to get into a discussion of whether morality is failing, but I will say that courtesy is crumbling and "Shopping Carts and Fire Trucks" are a perfect example of that. Take a walk with me and I'll try to provide you with a clear explanation of what I am talking about.

When I think about my childhood I cannot help but remember how bored I used to get when I was forced to accompany my parents on the weekly errands. There were trips to Sears, Builder's Emporium and the good old grocery store. Since I have always loved food I usually preferred the grocery store to the others. It was the one place that I was always certain of finding something that I wanted my parents to buy.

Each week my siblings and I would wander the aisles and try to pack the cart full of stuff we wanted. In a different post I may have to share a few tales about this with you, but for now let's focus upon what would happen when we checked out of the store.

Mom and dad would pay for our groceries and we'd all fall into line and head back to the old station wagon. My dad and I would load the groceries and then we'd return the cart to the front of the store or at least place it inside one of the shoppping cart stables that are equipped throughout the parking lot.

That wasn't unusual. Almost everyone did it.

But around 20 years or so ago I noticed that began to change. People stopped returning the carts and just left them stranded throughout the parking lot. If you were lucky they tried to keep them from infringing upon the parking spaces, but there wasn't any guarantee of that. And after a while some people just gave up and left the cart wherever they were.

Now it seems unusual to see people return their carts. It is a pet peeve of mine so I try to be certain that I do it every time, but I am ashamed to say that I know that upon occasion I have slacked off.

This is just a complete lack of regard for others. I don't know how else to phrase it. But if that is not enough let's talk about fire trucks.

When we learned how to drive we were all instructed in how to respond to emergency vehicles. When you saw a fire truck/ambulance you pulled over to the side of the road and let them pass. It didn't matter what direction they were heading in, you just pulled over and waited for them to pass.

It is another courtesy that I see people ignoring. I can't count the number of times where I have watched as other drivers just continue driving. Now granted some of them are unaware of the emergency vehicles and they just keep going. If I only saw the occasional vehicle doing this I wouldn't think anything of it, but that is not what I see.

Far too often I see people just continue driving and I can't help but wonder if they haven't any regard for others. Presumably those trucks are racing to help people out who could very well be in a life or death situation. Presumably it could be a situation in which an additional minute could be catastrophic.

If for no other reason I get out of the way of those trucks because I like to think that others would do the same for me. I may not always be the most courteous man or be as good as I should be, but the effort is made.

But society is changing and this is not positive. We spend more time living in our electronic bubbles expecting instant gratification. Want to see more examples of the disintegration of courtesy just watch what happens in places where there are lines, such as the bank.

Far too many people think that they are more important than others...

Ok, enough of this. Mondays are hard enough without bitching all the time. I think that I liked this post better when I was fantasing about writing music or forming a rock band.

How Many Somedays Do We Get

(Playing in the background Moodswings- Chryssie Hynde)

Quite a bit of my childhood was filled with being told by my parents that I would be able to do that someday. I don't have to close my eyes to hear it, all I have to do is think about it.

"Dad, when I am going to be able to drive?"
"Mom, when can I make my own bedtime?"
"Mom, when will I be old enough to eat ice cream for dinner?"

"Someday." Someday was always part of the answer. Sometimes someday was accompanied by more specific directions such as being told that I'd be able to drive at 16. That was followed up by "and someday you'll have your own car."

Nice parenting trick that I use on my own children. Couch specifics alongside a nonspecific answer.

But this post is about more than my childhood. In fact it really is more about the current moment in time and the issues that I am dealing with now. Most are no different than millions of other people. Most of them are nothing more than the normal challenges we all go through with the sole difference being that they are mine.

(Playing in the background Just Another Day- Oingo Boingo)

They are mine. They are mine and that makes all the difference. I can be sympathetic to the problems of others. I can always say that someone's life is harder than mine, but that only works so well. I am not living their life, I am living mine.

And because I am living mine I have to look at what I am doing and figure out if I am pleased with where I am going. I don't come up with posts like Do You Live Your Dreams? for the purpose of generating comments. Sure, I want them, but this is still a blog in which I try to figure out what it all means.

When I was twenty it was easy to look into the future and see a million somedays coming down the pike. Now it is a bit harder. Now I stand this much closer to turning 40 and I find myself struggling with it. Intellectually I see it as just another birthday. The mental image I carry around of myself is that 20 year-old kid. The guy who wore a flat top and had six pack abs.

(Playing in the background Just The Two of Us - Bill Withers)

The truth is that I am probably happier than that guy was, but then again I know so much more now. Now I have seen more than one friend die and watched as a number of my parent's friends have also succumbed to early deaths. Happy talk, I know. But the guy who lives in the Shack has a dark side that hangs out with the happy-go-lucky dude. And somewhere the two turn into what I like to think is a realist with a strong touch of dreamer.

That brings it all back to the initial question of how many somedays do we get and what do we do to maximize those somedays. Not to mention is what do we owe our families in respect to our own happiness.

(Playing in the background Summerwind- Frank Sinatra)

Sinatra is appropriate for this moment, if for no other reason than it makes me feel like there all sorts of possibilities. Maybe that is just because that is what summer is to me, a season of potential. But I digress.

I have been focusing on my dreams because I feel time slipping away. Even though I truly believe that I'll live for another 90 years I still think to myself, what if. What if I don't. What happens if I die tomorrow. What happens if I get hit by a bus, develop a terminal disease or are marooned on a desert island. (Guess who is not going on a three hour cruise.)

And so I find myself wrestling with a number of issues. Here I sit staring at the monitor wondering what to type, how honest to be. In spite of what some people think. I really don't live in denial. I have a very clear idea of who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. But even knowing these things it can be hard to read them. Even knowing them, it is not easy to see the shortcomings listed in print.

Who wants to read all that crap about themselves anyway.

Which brings me to the place where I get lost in thought about all this nonsense. Here is what I know and what I am willing to share with you. I have a lot of things to be thankful. My life is pretty damn good, but it is not what I want it to be. There are a few key areas that I need to focus upon, a few key areas that require my personal attention.

I have written in the past about the things that I fear and I have decided that I have a few things to add. For now I'll keep the specifics to myself, but Bobbo, I will say this much. I have a serious fear of finding myself looking back on my life with regrets. Not ordinary regret, but that caused by being stationary.

When the time comes I want to say that I did my best to make the most out of my somedays. I want to say that I may not have always succeeded, but I tried. Damn it, if I can't say that I tried well then I really did fail.

So until I am granted the ability to know how many somedays we get I suppose I'll have to keep trying to make the most out of each one.

HH 183- Lost But Found Again

Welcome to Haveil Havalim #183, the best of the Jewish/Israeli Blogosphere. This is a weekly blog carnival in which we cover a variety of topics including but not limited to Personal, Political (Domestic and World), Judaism and much more.

This edition is called Lost But Found Again because of technical difficulties that occurred during production. I won't bore you with details, other than to say that music helped relax me so that I could reconstruct my work.

For those who are interested here is a short snapshot of what I listened to:

Mansions of The Lord
Crying- Roy Orbison
I Drove All Night- Roy Orbison
The Thrill is Gone- B.B. King
While My Guitar Gently Weeps- The Beatles
5th Symphony-Shostakovich
Adagio for Strings, op.11- Samuel Barber (This is the 9-11 tribute, very powerful.)
Ten Years Kashmir II-Corner Stone Cues
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring Soundtrack Part 8- Howard Shore

And now on to the carnival. If you have any questions please feel free to place them in the comments of email talk-to-jacknow-at-sbcglobal-dot-net.

Politics

Seraphic Secret covered The Hacking of Sarah Palin. Israpundit says Mess with Sarah at your peril.

From Daled Amos: Sarah Palin Disinvited From Rally--And The Games Politicians Play.

Jill at Writes Like She Talks blogged RJC’s “message test” on Jews heavily debated by Dems, GOP.

The Hashmonean shared Poll This: Obama behind negative Jewish polling?

Dry Bones offered Conventional Thinking. Meryl says that Democrats threaten to kneecap Jewish nonprofits.

There is plenty more on the Dems. WestBankMama thinks that More “Recovering Democrats” Surface and Bookworm is among those Questioning whether Hillary will be the October surprise.

Lenny Ben David shared Things you never knew about LBJ.

Bernie covered Mayors in Underwear and Muslim Culture.

Joshuapundit is ready to say Bye Bye,Britain. Tel Chai Nation told us that UK's youngest terrorist to date jailed.

Michael Totten covered Al Qaeda's Defeat in Iraq. Daniel Pipes discussed whether a Counterinsurgency war can be won.

Over at LGF you can read Iraqis Want to Prosecute Politician Who Went to Israel.

The Elder can tell you why Disney might feel a bit nervous, Saudi cleric: Mickey Mouse must die!

Mere Rhetoric says US Public Diplomacy - Winning Arab Hearts And Minds By Promising To Sell Out Israel

The Blog just might be full of crap, but it is worth reading Without a prayer.

The Fiery Spirited Zionist blogged about Yale Radicals and Elisson issued his own command, TAKE YOUR MEDICINE.

EOW discussed This Islamic obsession with goodwill to all mankind

Anecdotes: Just what are they teaching at The War College.

Balabusta in Blue Jeans has words for Dennis Prager in The Doctrine According to Bush.

Israel

The Blogosphere had plenty to say about Lauren Booth's visit to Gaza. Check out the following:

Aussie Dave thinks that Lauren Booth has been well fed. Pajamas Media presents Tony Blair’s Sister-in-Law’s Gaza Media Circus.

MyRightWord has some advice for Lauren Booth about using cell phones and is upset at blog censorship at the Jerusalem Post.

Judeopundit shared IRNA today: "Zionists are infidel" and more!

Rafi knows that it is all a matter of perspective. Joe Settler says it was A Healthy Reaction, but he is not talking about Jameel's waffles.

Mom in Israel wrote about her daughter's High School In Israel.

Smooth Stone shared The Myth of al-Aqsa: The Holiness of Jerusalem to Islam Has Always Been Politically Motivated.

Yoni The Blogger says that we should Be Afraid.

According to Soccer Dad Jealous arabs make the best peace partners. Speaking of peace Seraphic Secret shared Peace Now Activist No Longer.

Shira is Of two minds on the two-state solution. R.R. is looking for A new era?

It would be a bit hokey to link to All You Need is Love before these next few posts. Instead I'll give you Band on The Run as the lead in to the Rabbi Yonah's Will McCartney risk his life to play in Tel Aviv?

SuperRaizy was prepared with Don't Threaten My Beatle!

Chayyei Sarah wants you to Meet Liz.

Our next blogger shares a name with my favorite beagle, Snoopy shared Israel: too many prophets and no king and Caroline, Tzipi, Bibi, frustration...

Esser Agaroth blogged Jerusalem Demonstration In Support Of Ami Meshulam and his family.

Over at Jerusalemite you can enjoy a conversation with Laizy Shapira, Srugim director. Dan at Tzipiyah is watching Srugim and says No is also an answer.

Toby found a sign.

I know more than one person who thinks that you have to be crazy to live in Israel. I don't know if I agree with that, but to be a fan of some teams requires an affinity for pain. There is a reason why the Cubbies are the way they are. But what do I know.

Go read life in israel ... as a cubs fan.

Benji is always in search of some excitement. Go read What Hurricane Zone???: When Boarding the House Goes Awry and I'm Alive...and Maybe I'm Becoming Israeli.

LOZ has the story of the 19th Child Born to Tzefat Mother. Bar Kochba presents Addicted to Victimhood.

This video has generated more than a little bit of controversy.

Rahel shared a tale about citizen activism and the Raggedys say that they run into Israelis all over the world.

Judaism

In New York there is a thing going on with the Hotties and Hasids. At Emes Ve-Emunah there is a question Should Orthodoxy Promote Social Justice?

Jewish Atheist discussed The Necessity of Sheltering Orthodox Children.

The Rebbetzin's Husband has thoughts about The Agunah Crisis and “End of Life” issues and Rabbinic Insecurity.

MyRightWord manages to see the Jewish element in a visit Madonna made to a Church in Rome and Esser Agaroth shared Islam is Not Immune.

At Beyond BT they are Taking the Next Step in Teshuva while Orthonomics shared Love, Marriage, and Money.

From a Simple Jew Question & Answer With Moshe David Tokayer - Sfas Emes & Rebbe Nachman.

At the Augean Stables we learn that the Parisian Police Say that Attacks Are Not Antisemitic and Daled Amos wonders Why Are There Muslim Calls to Kill Jews on the USC Server.

Esser Agaroth presents The "Rebbe."

Cosmic X has Elul Thoughts #7: The Secret of Happiness and Elul Thoughts #4.

They have a response to Questions About Aviner.

I always enjoy learning things at Balashon. Today you can read about dod. Arejewtino conducted a social experiment.

You might want to check out The Jewish Internet Defense Force: Problematic YouTube Channels and Videos.

Schvach asks, Do You Really Think So? LOZ shared Throwing $ at the Shidduch "Crisis": An Explanation.

Live Immune presents Kabbalistic Speech & New Year and Avi blogged about How To Work On Your Character Traits.

A Hasid and a Heretic shared Im nin'alu -. Shira has words For those who think female leaders are immodest.

Rickismom presents The Torn/Missing “Dots” Communication Sheet. SuperRaizy wrote In Response.

Mottel presents A Walk in Old Montreal and Go Back to the Garden you were Picked From.
Gil typically doesn't send readers over to H.H, but maybe that is why he has his own roundup of reading.

Miscellaneous

The beauty of Haveil Havalim lies in the wealth of information and posts that are offered. On my own blog I shared When I Grow Up and I Talk In My Sleep.

The Ima shares Why Spin Instructors are Like Rabbis and LOZ shared A Perfect Husband/Father and Dealing With Sexual Predators.

Here in HP offers some helpful instruction with Images Inside Links.

Who knew that Jacob is really a dog.

Mochassid has the right idea about Quiet Time. Ask Shifra has had quiet time too, but for another reason.

Frume Sarah is playing The Game of Life. Ricki's Mom discussed The Reading Machine.

Gail is a proud mother. In the Pink offered Dear Lord.

Shira said the Bloggers' picnic turned into YCT mini-convention. Cosmic X is going Yellow.

Batya went to another blogging conference. She also shared how you can never plan for some things.

Ahuvah went to Tachlis2.0 as well.

New York's Funniest Rabbi presents I Miss Quigley while QuietusLeo presents "Lasts".

It is worth seeing Ilana Davita to take a look at Favorite Posts - Part I. Don't forget to talk to Batya about the next edition of J-Pix.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Haveil Havalim using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Technorati tags: haveil havalim, blog carnival.

Blogger Issues

There is nothing that makes me happier than watching all of my hard work disappear because Blogger is having issues. Every now and then I wonder if there isn't some sort of Blogger Gremlin whose sole pupose is to wreak havoc.

Methinks it is time to go make him walk the plank.

Talk Like a Pirate Day

I be lazy this year. This be a retread. Arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahoy there matey! It is Talk Like a Pirate Day ARGHHHHHHHH! I dost have a pirate name. Call me Captain Jack- One-eared Dog the Damned. Grab some grog and check out the many posts about pirates that have graced the Shack.

Haveil Havalim- The Once & Future Edition- Contains a Pirate Post.
Do You Have An Accent
Pirate Attacks Down Sharply
Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day
The Jewish Pirates of The Caribbean

P.S. If you dost be a slacker you can use the English-to-Pirate translator or face the pointy end of my cutlass.

Vote Here

It is time for Some Campaigning.

His Ass Burst Right Into Flames

My buddy Attila is responsible for this post as he found the story of the incinerating toilet. Now before we get too far up the creak without our paddle let me say that the title of the post is intentionally inflammatory.

But I just can't help myself. In fact if I didn't engage in the occasional attempt at scatalogical humor I'd have to raise a bit of a stink. Anyhoo, let's take a closer look.

"ECOJOHN™ Sr is a waterless self-contained toilet that incinerates the waste into a sterile ash that needs to be emptied only a few times per year. Installing the Sr is also very easy. Simply connect the chimney system (than comes with the purchase), hook up the Propane and power connection, and the toilet is ready to use."

I am still laughing. It reminds me of a small variation on the old exploding cigar trick.I'll let you use your imagination as to what that picture might look like. ;)

Sorry, I am sure that the product works exceptionally well, but I am a bit paranoid about a toilet that uses propane. The term flagrante delicto comes to mind, although it is probably not exactly the one I am looking for.

There is just something about getting caught with my pants down around my ankles while astride a potty that might pop. Talk about a need for no smoking in the bathroom. Oy!

When I Grow Up

(Playing in the background Child of The Moon- The Rolling Stones)

My son once asked me how long it took me to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up. I smiled and told him that I'd give him an answer once I grew up. The expression on his face made it clear that I had provided him with the wrong answer.

That little guy hitched up his pants and wagged a finger in my face. "Dad, I am serious." I smiled and told him that I was serious too. In some ways I feel very much like a big kid, except that I can't quite squeeze into Toughskins anymore.

Do they still make Toughskins. Does anyone else remember them. They were jeans that we'd buy at Sears. They were tough, but not quite durable enough to prevent me from tearing holes in the knees. Eventually mom would have to sew a patch or two on them. I never cared all that much. As long as I could run and play I was happy.

(Playing in the background Molossus- Batman Begins)

Some of my friends were lucky enough to grow up and know exactly what they wanted to be. Their dream was to be a surgeon, an astronaut, a reporter etc. So from the time we were little they worked hard to develop a plan that would enable them to do whatever it is they wanted to be.

As for me, well I have a lot of dreams. There are a lot of things that I'd like to do. Some of them are moving from the realm of possibility into impossibility.

(Playing in the background How Bad Do You Want It- Tim McGraw)

I was a decent baseball player. Good fielder. Had a strong arm, back in the day I threw out a couple of guys at the plate...all the way from left field. And I could hit. Lord, I could whack that ball. But things happened and I ended up not playing high school ball. Instead of roaming the outfield I found myself spending my days in the water.

You wouldn't call me Michael Phelps, but that is only because my name is Jack. ;)

But seriously, the thing is that for years I could take solace in knowing that I was still young enough to play ball. Maybe I wasn't good enough, or maybe I was. In some respects it didn't matter because I was still young enough to get out there and play pro ball.

(Playing in the background Sloop John B- The Beach Boys)

Now I find that fiction to be a bit harder to maintain. I am getting to be a bit long in the tooth to be a pro athlete. So maybe I'll have to accept that this is one of those dreams that may not materialize into reality.

That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is not something that I am going to celebrate either. I suppose that it brings about a question of what other dreams I had and whether I have tried to follow them.

(Playing in the background Nobody's Fault But Mine- Led Zeppelin)

It is fair to say that I have had many dreams and that I have followed some of them to their logical conclusion and others, well I haven't managed to make them happen. There are a number of reasons why but I am not going to spend time discussing those here.  Not to mention that it is still clearly possible to fulfill some of them.

BTW, the background music reflects what has been playing on the good old iTunes shuffle. It should also explain why some of these songs may seem out of place. 

(Playing in the background What is Love- Haddaway)

I wouldn't call this song a favorite, but I like it because it reminds me of some good times from college. It is one of those goofy club type tunes that we'd play at parties at the fraternity house.  Those parties were a hell of a lot of fun. At best I am a fair dancer. Slow dancing, two stepping, these are things that I am quite capable of.

But once the "dance" music hits I'd rather be standing on the side. I always feel self conscious and like I am a bit off the beat. The nice thing about the fraternity was that the dance floor was always packed so tightly that you couldn't really do much more than sort of sway back and forth. It was perfect camoflauge for a guy like me. 

I am tempted to share more. I have this great story about this special woman I met. Black hair, dark eyes and a body that...Well, if I am ever going to convince Gil that he needs to particpate in Haveil Havalim I'll have to change my tack.

Back to the part of living my dreams, or should I say trying to live my dreams.

(Playing in the background I am, I Said- Neil Diamond)

There was a long time where I thought that I'd find my future life living in Israel. Sometimes I wake up and wonder how I am still living here in L.A. Don't get me wrong, I love L.A. It will always be home, but there is a part of me that wonders. There is a piece of me that never left Jerusalem.

I sometimes suspect that the emptiness I sometimes feel is tied directly into a couple of areas, one of which is the love I feel for the land and the unresolved feelings. I may still move there one day, but I won't have the life that I thought I might.

And there is nothing to say that it is not ok. I might come up with another compromise. I might own a home there and here. I might continue to straddle both places, who knows.

(Playing in the background Chariots of Fire- Vangelis)

This is getting rather long so I suppose that I should begin to wrap it up. As I spoke to my son about what I wanted to be when I grow up I tried to make it clear that some dreams are dreams, but some can be reality.

Call it what you want, but I like to think that I am on the verge of hitting my stride. I like to think that I am just now reaching a point where I can really attain those things. I have some very real dreams.  If I close my eyes I can see them in all their glorious detail. I see the potential. I see the risk and I see the reward.

For now I'll keep these dreams for myself to enjoy and to worry about. For now, me and old Bobbo will be the keeper of the secret. But one day in the not so distant future...

Signs That Your Relationship is Doomed

One of my great pleasures in life is providing people with tips and useful information that they can use to improve their lives. Our current topic is how to recognize signs that your relationship with your significant other is doomed.

If you have a disagreement about dirty dishes and engage in any of the following activities you might consider looking for a new place to live.

1. Biting
2. Smashing picture frames across your partner's face.
3. Attack them with a sword.

Any one of these actions is probably a good indication that things are not good, but if you hit the magic trifecta of all three you can pretty much kiss him/her goodbye.

Inspiration for this post comes from the good people at MSNBC.

Advertising on The Blog

A couple quick thoughts about advertising and my blog. I intend to follow up on this with a more detailed post.

I Talk In My Sleep

A bit after midnight I heard noises coming from my son's room and wandered over to check things out. The door was closed, but I could hear him speaking. For a moment I stood still and listened.

Two thoughts were going through my mind:

1) What the hell is he doing up. He'll never be able to wake up for school.
2) If I find a stranger in there I am going to gouge his eyes and dislocate both of his shoulders.

And now a comment about comments that I will probably receive about this. Yes, I know that the gun is the great equalizer, but I also know that shooting someone is not going to be as satisfying as inflicting debilitating pain upon them with my hands. And believe me, if someone breaks into my home I am going to send them out of here in a wheelbarrow.

Raise your hand if you think that I am overprotective. Ok, put your hands down, you look really silly holding your hand up in the air. Besides I can't see you.

All I can tell you is that watching or reading the news late at night is not conducive to dreaming about pink bunnies and rainbows.

As I stood outside the big boy's door I broke into a huge smile. He was calling out for his friends and laughing. He talks in his sleep. That is ok, I do it too. If you ask my parents they'll tell you that I have for as long as they can remember.

To the best of my knowledge it is not something that happens every night. Some nights I entertain everyone with my impression of a chain saw. Most of the time I am told that I speak in fragments that do not necessarily make sense.

I have a very graphic imagination. Usually when I remember a dream the fragment that sticks with me is quite vivid. Sometimes I'll have the occasional nightmare and scream or yell in my sleep.

I understand that last night I punched the pillow and spent a solid two minutes swearing. I can't say that I remember exactly what it was about, but I suspect that I was trapped in cleveland.

My paternal grandfather had his own sleep peculiarities, but the one that sticks out is that sometimes he would fall asleep with his eyes open. As a child it used to crack me up. For a long time I used to wonder if he was trying to play a trick upon me. I used to wave my hands at him or grab various objects and swing them in his direction.

If he didn't respond I knew that he was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, especially if he was snoring. That was a really big clue.

But as he got older I have to admit that it began to make me worry a bit that he had died and wasn't really asleep. So I'd creep up to his chair and listen to his breathing and watch his chest rise.

I remember one time he called out to me and asked me to step in front of him so he could see me. As I stepped in front of the chair he gave me a quick wack in the side with his cane and said "I am not dead, stop bothering me."

And then with a soft giggle he went to sleep.

Tuesday Afternoon Tunes

CANTO DELLA TERRA - Andrea Bocelli Duet with Sarah Brightman
Join Together- The Who
The End- The Doors
Here comes the sun-The Beatles
Cry Little Sister (Theme From The Lost Boys) - Gerard McMann
Extreme Ways- Moby
Fire on Babylon- Sinead O'Connor
Mustang Sally -Wilson Pickett
Hold On, I'm Coming- Sam and Dave
History Repeating-Propellerheads
Feel Like Makin Love- Bad Company

The Right Stuff- Astronaut's Challenge

How much would it take to convince you to spend three months lying in bed. Three months in which the overwhelming majority of your day would be spent lying down. Eating, drinking, sleeping etc.

CNN has the story about one man who did so in the name of science.

"We know that bone loss in space is an extremely significant problem. Astronauts lose about 10 times more bone every month than a postmenopausal woman on Earth loses," says Dr. Peter Cavanagh, former director of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Space Medicine. Bone loss occurs presumably because astronauts don't get enough load-bearing exercise in zero gravity. Cavanagh says that their findings may later contribute to new treatments for the millions of Americans
who suffer from osteoporosis.

Roderick Jones is doing his part to help further the field of skeletal health by staying in bed -- for 84 days straight.

The 40-year-old chemist was in between jobs when he saw a curious ad on the Internet. He recalls reading, "Do you have projects you'd like to complete. Would you like a small vacation while you're actually helping the NASA space program?" Rod had always been a science fiction fanatic. A chemist by trade, he was in between jobs and trying to save for a family move from Ohio to Georgia. After several interviews, physiological and psychological tests, it was determined that Rod had the right stuff.

For three months straight, Rod lay not only in a horizontal position, but with his body tilted 6 degrees towards his head. Most of his days were filled with watching television, surfing the Web and writing in a log he called the, "Bedpan Chronicles" named for what he deemed to be one of the toughest parts of the assignment. He ate, slept, read, typed, talked on the phone, and drank -- all
while lying down.His compensation for being bed bound for 12 weeks? $12,000 for the entire
project. Rod is the twelfth study subject, and NASA is halfway through the project. Cavanagh points out how difficult enrollment has been, "So far, for every 300 applicants, only one person has the right stuff."

Researchers claim that lying at a 6-degree angle is the best way to simulate zero gravity, here, on Earth. This simulation doesn't come cheap. NASA estimates that placing one subject in bed for a period of three months or so costs about a quarter of a million dollars."

Indoor Rock Climbing- Or Yikes, The Ground is Awfully Far Away

This afternoon Little Jack and I headed out to do a little indoor rock climbing. If you are not familiar with it you can click here and enjoy a virtual tour of the joint.

I climbed the wall in the canyon area and learned that I am not 20 years-old anymore. Before you start guffawing about how this must mean I am out of shape let me clarify that I clambered up the wall like a monkey. Moving up that wall wasn't hard, what was hard was looking down.

In my youth I spent all sorts of time climbing up trees, buildings, mountains and all sorts of odds and ends. I was fearless about it. If I decided to go up, well that was what I did. I went up and down and never stopped to consider the consequences of my actions.

Apparently in my old age the fear gene has begun to function. I haven't any problem saying that when I made the mistake of looking down I suddenly began to wonder what it would feel like to fall from that height. Now mind you I was in a harness and was belayed.

However, I didn't totally trust the rope to hold my weight. Intellectually I knew that it would be fine. There wasn't any reason to be concerned that it was going to break. But thirty feet up I wondered if it really would, or what would happen if the guy down below somehow lost his grip.

Suffice it to say that it did a good job of scaring me. However, it didn't scare me enough. I want to do this again. I want to do it a bunch of times so that I gain complete confidence in the equipment. Once I have that I am going to want to scramble up the walls again and again.

Side note. Little Jack watches me put on the harness and then starts to giggle. I ask him what is so funny and he points at my crotch. I look down and he is snickering about how it must be squeezing my nuts. I smile and tell him that it must be great to be almost eight.

He looks at me and asks me why my voice sounds normal. I ask him why he asks and he tells me that everyone knows that if your nuts are squeezed your voice changes. I explain that this is not really true. He seems disappointed.

I remind him that some of this conversation is better left for us to discuss in a private setting. He tells the woman standing next to us that she needs to move because his father needs to talk about how the harness is squeezing his nuts.

Is it any wonder that I am losing my hair.

Later on he and I are driving home and he decides to ask me to explain exactly what they do, the nuts that is. He can't say it enough. He and his friends are at that age where body parts and bodily functions are the height of hysteria.

I mull over an appropriate response to his question and am about to answer when he hits me with a new question. When you are making a baby, do your nuts go in as well. Great Googly Moogly, that is a loaded question.

Now, the big guy and I have discussed this on a couple of occasions so I had kind of expected that for the time being this sort of thing was handled. But the question was there so I opted for the standard, "what do you think" reply. Which was far better than making a crack about tying stick to your, well if you know the rest of the joke you can just keep it to yourself.

Anyhoo, there was a long pause and I steeled myself for some sort of off the wall comment. As the silence grew longer I looked into the rear view mirror and noticed that he had fallen asleep. Ah, the pleasures of the mighty 101 freeway and it is gentle caress.

Saved by the snore, so to speak. Although if he stays true to form I'll get a chance to answer the question a bit later this week. In the meantime I am going to wrap this tale up so that I can get a bit of shut eye.

See you in the A.M.

A Tale of 3 Browsers

Old Jack is relatively computer savvy. That is a semi-folksy way of saying that I know my way around PCs, Macs, toasters, microwaves, new cars, digital watches and all sorts of other modern technological crap.

In simple terms, I know enough to be dangerous. I can make most of these things do what I want them to do, even if it means forcing the circle into the square hole. It is not elegant, but it is functional. And function is what brings us to our tale of three browsers.

A short while back the lords of the computer declared that it was time to bring my HP home to meet its maker and I was forced to migrate from Windows XP to Windows Vista. XP worked just fine, but Vista has some idiosyncrasies, or at least that is what it seems like to me.

Firefox has been my web browser of choice for a number of years now. On the whole I have been pleased with it. A short time before the old computer went to visit the great computer in the sky I downloaded Firefox 3. On XP it worked just fine, but on the new unit it has had a consistent glitch.

For some reason it has a habit of dying on me. I'll try to load a page and it will just hang, the page never does load. Eventually you get the ever so pleasant message of "Firefox is already running, but not responding. To open a new window you must first close Firefox or restart your system."

That just irritates me. Why, oh why does this happen. More importantly why can't I control-alt-delete and use task manager to close it. Why do I need to restart the whole thing. In the days of dial-up I didn't care if it took 15 minutes for the page to load, I was so damn happy to have the nifty net. But not now, instant is the word.

And so I switch to IE 7. On the whole I don't really any major complaints with IE 7, other than I am a creature of habit so I prefer Firefox.

That is two browsers, time to bring in number three. A couple of weeks ago I downloaded Chrome, Google's wacky offering. I can't say that I am particularly impressed. It is not bad, but it is not outstanding.

Not to mention that I have been partially influenced by a few things that I have read that have bad mouthed Chrome and the data that Google is pulling from it. Truth is that between IE and Firefox I haven't really had much need for Chrome, so I can't say that I have spent a ton of time using it. Who knows, maybe one day I will change my mind.

Just to be thorough let me add that I think that Safari is terrible. Whenever I am forced to use a Mac I make a point of downloading Firefox as it seems that Safari just gets lost in the jungle that we call the web.

Caught My Eye: Best Restroom in America & Others

We have covered this sort of news before.

The 2008 contest attracted nominations from a wide cross-section of businesses, including restaurants, hotels and casinos. Five finalists were selected based on exceptional hygiene, style and open access to the public.Ten of thousands of votes were cast at the program’s web site, which produced the following results:

1. The Hermitage Hotel, Nashville, TN (Click Here)
2. 21C Museum, Louisville, KY (Click Here)
3. Brio, Rockford, IL (Click Here)
4. The Signature Room at the 95th, Chicago IL (Click Here)
5. Smith College Museum of Art, Northampton, MA (Click Here)

On the weirder side are people trapped in balloons. All I have to say is "It was The MOOPS!

Flying the friendly skies is getting to be more interesting by the day. Apparently
some people are utilizing the down time to enjoy adult entertainment. I don't have a problem with porn provided that the actors/actresses are consenting adults and no one is being hurt. (We're going to keep it simple and not get into the complexities of whether porn hurts people or not.)

But I can't help but wonder about people who think that it is ok to watch skin flix in the midst of 350 strangers. Something about that seems awfully strange to me. I wonder where this discussion will lead; as I am sure that there are plenty of action/horror/thriller/comedies or what we call films in general that blur the lines of what is appropriate for display in public.

Or should we say that given the cramped quarters of airline seats it is questionable as to whether anyone really has privacy on a plane.

I drove one of these cars a while back, it was a lot of fun.

And in the category of overpriced and probably unnecessary is the Table Top Photo Studio. As described:

Ideal for photographing items such as jewelry and collectibles for online auctions or insurance records, or for providing the proper environment for enhancing the hobby of photography, this is the complete tabletop photo studio for use with your own camera that includes two backdrops, a compact light box with an integrated diffuser screen, and two high output lights with adjustable, retractable legs. It comes with two background color choices to provide suitable contrast for both light and dark objects, and the light diffuser balances light while softening distracting shadows for crisp, clear photo lighting.
The backdrop folds flat for storage, and the set includes a handle and a built-in
carrying case for convenient portability.

Sorry, but a hundred bucks for this is ridiculous. There are a million ways that you can do the same thing with things that you already own.

The Phantom Tollbooth- Memories of My Youth

Eddie Munster unmasked.


Part two is here.

Haveil Havalim #182

Batya has done an outstanding job. You can follow the carnival here or here.

Johnny's Frustration Continued

This post is a continuation of this one.

Johnny looked up from his computer screen and stared vacantly at the ceiling. For a brief moment he was lost in pleasant thoughts about something, but he wasn't quite able to say what that something was. For weeks he had been subsisting on far too little sleep and a diet that would make a nutritionist scream in fear and anger.

He was at the office...again. Just one more drone working to make the company money so that the shareholders would be happy and so that Jimmy Consumer could wipe his ass with softer toilet paper. Look around John and what do you see, just a sea of cubicles that just happened to be stationed inside a room with white walls. Would it kill them to come up with some color. Did the office have to be so sterile, so utterly uninspiring.

For a moment he considered climbing on top of his desk and screaming. For a moment he pictured himself standing there, shouting "I am as mad as hell and I am not going to take it any more." It wasn't an original line, but he liked the sentiment. "Hell, I can't climb up empty handed, now can I," he thought.

A quick survey of the area solved his problem. Across the room there was a black halogen lamp. It was just begging to be used as a lance or sword. Now, we are getting somewhere. As we considered his options Mark Rudolph Kelling sauntered into view. As the big dork ambled around Johnny thought about testing out the halogen lamp soon to be lance on Kelling's enormous head.

It wasn't nice, but he never could figure out how such a big head could be supported by such a small neck. One swift blow and that sucker would snap right off and roll on down the hall. Johnny stifled a snort at the thought. There had been any number of occasions where he wanted to smack him. That big mouth had no filter on it. He just said whatever came to mind. Johnny couldn't count the number of times Mark's mouth had gotten them into trouble.

Truth was that Johnny wouldn't hit him for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that he didn't respect him. Mark deserved to be slapped, not hit. Johnny smiled inwardly at the thought. Growing up that would have been among the ultimate insults. If you got into a fight with another boy and were slapped you knew that his opinion of you ranked just above child molesters.

But those days were long gone and wouldn't ever be seen again except in the memories of the men who had lived them.

How long had it been since June and he had stopped speaking. He couldn't quite remember. It was a while, probably not as long as he thought, but certainly long enough to notice. It was more than an unpleasant experience. He hated it. The woman was his best friend and now his best friend was gone.

This was the reason why the guys used to tell each other never to let a woman get that deep beneath your skin. The boys would always be there. The guys wouldn't get upset at all of that female nonsense. They wouldn't come up with such stupid, cockamamie reasons for needing time apart.

On the other hand there were some experiences that you just wouldn't share with them, not to mention that it was a hell of a lot more fun to do them with a girl.

That brought up another thought. June was always particular about being described as a woman, but she sure loved it when Johnny called her "his girl." Didn't exactly make sense to him, but if it made her happy he didn't care.

What he did care about was her claim that sometimes love isn't enough. That is the kind of thing that people say when one party has some sort of serious issue. They weren't junkies, no one was using, drinking or doing anything of the sort.

They didn't get tired of spending time together, never complained about running out of things to say. In fact one of the things that they agreed was nice was that they could spend time together without having to speak. They didn't have uncomfortable silences, other than the current one in which they weren't speaking.

Johnny wondered how much longer he needed to continue to maintain radio silence. "Radio silence." He liked thinking about it that way, it made it sound like a secret mission, made it easier to get through the day.

He had intentionally pushed for it. June couldn't seem to make up her mind, so he had decided to help force the issue. Let her see what life was like without him. Let her wonder if he had someone new. Let her feel the pain of his absence.

The real question was, did she. Did she miss him. Did she notice that he was gone. Maybe she didn't. The truth was that pretty soon he'd find out. He didn't like doing things like this, but sometimes someone had to take control. Better to learn early on if he needed to try and fix a broken heart.

Still, he just couldn't imagine it. He just couldn't wrap his brain around it. Maybe he was mentally ill, but he truly couldn't imagine that they could live their lives without each other. Love is the engine that drives the relationship. It is the fuel for the motor and if you let it work, it will give you what you need to get to that destination.

Johnny snorted again, time to stop writing stupid greeting cards and get back to business. There was work to do.

But It is Legal

I really had intended not to mention Sarah Palin again. I really didn't plan on it, but after a recent discussion I feel compelled to comment again about her use of the per diem. The background for this is covered below:

This comes from the Washington Post:

ANCHORAGE, Sept. 8 -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights spent in her own home during her first 19 months in office, charging a "per diem" allowance intended to cover meals and incidental expenses while traveling on state business.

...She wrote some form of "Lodging -- own residence" or "Lodging -- Wasilla residence" more than 30 times at the same time she took a per diem, according to the reports. In two dozen undated amendments to the reports, the governor deleted the reference to staying in her home but still charged the per diem. "

Many people have said that this is a non-issue because she is legally entitled to take the per diem allowance. And then they have followed up by saying that she is better than her predecessor.

This line of thought just makes me shake my head. It is flawed logic. Two quick comments.

There are things in life that are legal, but not considered to be particularly moral or ethical. She has been positioned as a reformer and a crusader against pork barrel politics. If that is who she is supposed to be, I would expect that she wouldn't claim the per diem allowance for those nights in which she stayed at home.

And I can't help but wonder if she didn't think about that too. The WaPo article makes it clear that she had reports amended so that it didn't reflect her staying at home. Why would she do this.

In regard to her being better than her predecessor, well that doesn't impress me. Compare two murderers, one is responsible for five deaths and the other for ten. Would you turn around and say that the person who murdered five is better than the other.

It just doesn't make sense.

Chumus, Chummus, Humus, Hummus

Some words lend themselves to being spelled easily and others are not so easy. Did I mention that the sole purpose of this post is to see if we can knock Benji's post down lower in the Google search results.

That's the problem with being competitive, sometimes you get caught up in the narishkeit and get involved all sort of silliness. For example if you type driving an ice cream truck into Google you'll find that our buddy Jameel comes up as the second entry. The first is the aptly named How to Drive an Ice Cream Truck, which is exactly as it sounds, directions on how to drive an ice cream truck.

Now for those who are curious I spent a few minutes reviewing these directions and found them to be lacking. Even worse, they certainly didn't mirror the behavior of the drivers of my youth. Those guys were cranky old men who used to wait for us to get close to the truck, only to gun the engine. And since we were young, stupid and in the midst of an ice cream frenzy we'd chase them for miles.

We always caught up to them, eventually, and then through the huffing and puffing make our wishes known to them.

As long as we are discussing search terms, type in gun slinging chef and see whose blog leads the pack.

Speaking of search terms let's give you a look at posts from The Shack that came up as a result of search terms:

Does Size Matter?
Where Are You From?
Five Years Ago
Random WebSites You Might Enjoy
The Many Layers of Hell
The Hokey Pokey Versus The Bunny Hop

Who Wants a Squirrel Melt

Somewhere Rocky is begging Bullwinkle to help hide him.

Eicha- One Last 9/11 Post

Rabbi Irwin Kula has taken some of the final recordings of 9-11 victims and set them to Eicha trope. I was surprised by how hard it was to listen.

Good News Hydrox Lovers

Time for some lighter news.

In response to requests from devotees, Kellogg Company is bringing back a limited edition of its Hydrox cookie, for the sweet's 100th anniversary. The cookie is passionately believed by some fans to be far superior to Oreos. While the new edition is not exactly health food, it is trans-fat-free (as are Oreos, since 2006); Hydrox have never contained lard and have always been kosher-dairy certified.

Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)

Felt like adding one more.

Sifting Through My Archives

I am a blogger and not unlike many bloggers I check my stats. I check my stats because I am curious to see how many people show up here. I find it interesting that so many people find the content here to be worth checking up on.

I find it interesting to see what sorts of keyword searches lead people here. And I find it interesting to see where people are coming from. It is cool to see that blogging lets you interact with the world in a way that you could never otherwise do.

Every so often I notice that people spend quite a bit of time poring over the archives. That always makes me wonder what it is they are doing. What is so interesting. What is it that they are looking for.

So dear reader, if this describes you I'd be interested in learning more about what you are after. Because for the last week there are at least three different people who have spent hours reviewing the material here. Give me a holler and let me know more, and maybe I can help you find it.

September 11- The Memories Continue

As a child I remember hearing my parents and their friends talk about how the impact that President Kennedy's assasination had upon them. They talked about how they remembered where they were and what they were doing when it happened.

The child I used to be had trouble understanding that, although the events of my own life taught me otherwise. I can tell you where I was when I learned that President Reagan had been shot. I can tell you what I was doing when we lost the Challenger and Columbia and I can tell you what I was doing on 9/11.

I spent some time trying to decide if I wanted to write a new post for 9/11. I mulled over whether I would just show the firemen raising the flag or post the video of the attack on the towers.

Tomorrow the family will do what we always do. Mom and dad go off to work and the kids will go off to school, it will be business as usual.

In other homes around the country children will mourn the loss of their father/mother/brother/sister/husband/wives. They'll be faced with the hard reality that time never stops. Tragedy may strike, but the world continues. It is a hard and bitter lesson.

Tomorrow I'll coach soccer practice and thank god that the boys and I live in a country where we can do this. I'll listen extra carefully to their conversation to see if any of them discuss the day, and then figure out if we need to talk about it at all.

Regardless of what happens I'll spend time thinking about the day and I'll probably take a moment to watch the video. The horror of that day never goes away. I have seen the towers collapse more times than I can count, but it always bothers me. And the day that it doesn't will be the day I wonder about myself.

I'll probably spend a few minutes in silent prayer hoping that the country comes together and that whomever is elected president exceeds all expectations. The best thing that we can do to honor the memories of those we lost is work to improve things here. We won't forget them.

For those who are curious here are some related posts.

As The Bodies Fell- He Played
We Remember
Football Saves Lives
911- Five Years Later An Angry Rant
September 11 Musings

Smooth Stone has a fine memorial post to Welles Remy Crowther, a victim of the terrorists. It should be noted that Smooth's post was part of the Project 2,996 blog.

Sabra Price Is RIght

I had forgotten about this.

Moderating Comments

If you are among the daily visitors you may have noticed that during the past few months I have turned on the comment moderation feature several times. The reason has been because the good old Shack is taking a shellacking from spammers who choose to pollute the blog with all sorts of commercial notices.

I have a fairly liberal commenting policy in which I let a lot go. Unlike some other bloggers I don't always nuke comments that oppose my point-of-view. In a number of cases I have retained comments that were patently offensive.

The reason is simple, one of the reasons that I blog is for the dialogue. I like the interaction. I like to have my views challenged. I don't like being wrong and I don't like looking like a fool, but sometimes that is the price for pay for engaging others.

Anyway, during the past few months there have been a number of times in which people have placed comments that are nothing more than an ad for a business. I appreciate their belief that my blog serves as a good platform for promoting these companies, but I don't appreciate being used.

Or should I say that I don't appreciate being used for advertising for commercial services unless I am paid for it or have decided that I want to promote a product/service.

So, if you post these blatant ads without consulting me first there is a good chance that I am going to remove them. I'd rather not implement the comment moderation again, but if that is what it takes so be it.

Some Old Posts

Thought I'd give some of the old stuff another shake:

Death Comes For Us All- When Do you Start Saying Goodbye
Middle Age Depression- I Am Not Satisified
If Life Ended Today What Would You Regret
Streets of Philadelphia
The Cost: A Portion Of Your Lifespan
The Worst Album Covers- Ethel Merman Disco Mix
My Call To The Suicide Hotline

When Bloggers Lunch- A Child Asks about Adult Friends

In the early days of my blogging career I fiercely guarded my anonymity. Blogging was nothing more than a therapeutic outlet and I had no interest in compromising my ability to write whatever I wanted without regard for being questioned and quizzed about it.

I can't remember when, but at some point in time I eased up on wearing the mask and slowly began to develop friendships with a few bloggers. It wasn't an easy decision to make. You know, once people find out that you have revealed your identity to some and not to others hard feelings can arise.

While I have never spent a lot of time worrying about whether people like me or not, I have tried not to be a jerk just for the sake of being a jerk.

I suppose that you could say that the genesis of this post comes from two places. Today I had a very pleasant lunch with a friend. And that lunch was one of the topics of conversation between my son and I today.

School started last week. The night before he headed off to second grade I reminded him that not only was he going to learn amazing things he had the opportunity to make some amazing friends. It is a conversation that he and I have had virtually every year since he started school.

Anyhoo, today he asked me about my lunch with my friend. The questions were pretty basic. What did we eat? Did we play any games? How do we know each other?

It made for an interesting discussion. Since the lad is a hair shy of eight I didn't spend any time trying to explain why it is harder outside of school to make friends. Don't get me wrong, it is not impossible, but when you are married there is only so much time. And that time gets chewed up into smaller and smaller pieces, especially once the kids arrive.

That reminds me, I have been meaning to write a post about the friends that we make because of our children. When the kids get involved in school and extracurricular activities you invariably begin to meet other parents, especially when your children become friends with other kids.

The hard part is that sometimes the parents of these children make it really difficult for you to want to help your children foster these new friendships. That is one of those things that I never thought about pre-children. It just never occurred to me that I would think that Little Sammy's father was an ignorant fool or a pompous ass.

Sammy could be the greatest kid in the world but if it meant hanging out with Wolfie I was going to have to call in reinforcements. Or if nothing else pour the guy a stiff drink and hope that he passed out.

Ok, somewhere along the way this post drifted off target so I think that I'll just wrap it up here. When bloggers lunch, better be careful what you say and what you eat because it just might end up serving as blog fodder.

Apples & Honey

Want to learn more about the tradition? Click here.

A Question of Values

Updated: The great reformer, hah!

This comes from the Washington Post:

ANCHORAGE, Sept. 8 -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights spent in her own home during her first 19 months in office, charging a "per diem" allowance intended to cover meals and incidental expenses while traveling on state
business.

...She wrote some form of "Lodging -- own residence" or "Lodging -- Wasilla residence" more than 30 times at the same time she took a per diem, according to the reports. In two dozen undated amendments to the reports, the governor deleted the reference to staying in her home but still charged the per diem. "

I hadn't intended to write another word about Sarah Palin. I really had said about as much as I wanted to, but circumstances sometimes dictate that we change our paths.

The impetus for this post really comes from the reception I have received from other bloggers and other assorted people who have rolled their eyes or been dismissive about my concerns about Palin. I think that many of you have intentionally blinded yourself or are walking in double standard land.

Ultimately I don't care if you agree with me. I know what I see and it is ugly. I see a candidate for V.P. who is inexperienced in key areas and has demonstrated values that I find to be highly questionable.

CNN has an article about Palin's church that continues to feed my negative opinion of her. I criticized Obama for his relationship with Reverend Wright. It would be wrong and inconsistent not to call Palin onto the carpet as well.

Palin now attends the Wasilla Bible Church. She was there on August 17, just days before entering the national spotlight. David Brickner, the founder of Jews for Jesus, was a speaker. He told congregants that terrorist attacks on Israel were God's "judgment" of Jews who haven't embraced Christianity. Brickner said, "Judgment is very real and we see it played out on the pages of the newspapers and on the television. When a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people. Judgment -- you can't miss it."

The McCain campaign says his comments do not reflect her religious views. Palin's spokeswoman says she is pro-Israel.

Pastor Ed Kalnin, the senior pastor of Palin's former Pentecostal church, has also come under fire for his comments. In 2004, he told church members if they voted for John Kerry for president, they wouldn't get into heaven. He told them, "I question your salvation."

Assembly of God issued a statement online in response which said Kalnin was "joking" when he suggested "Kerry supporters would go to hell," and statement went on to say, "We do acknowledge in hindsight that it was careless, and we do apologize for that. This statement is not written as a defense, but as a clarification."

Where are the cries of outrage about this. Where is the call for condemnation. If you thought that Wright's statements are outrageous you should be irritated, upset and angry. And what have we heard from Palin about this? Not a whole lot, mostly just the chirping of the crickets.

Let's circle back for a moment and recap a few things. She hasn't any experience with foreign policy nor economic. She has limited experience as governor running a state whose total population is smaller than many cities in the U.S.

It is acknowledged by her team that she explored the possibility of banning books. It doesn't matter if it was one or 1000. This is America. Book banning is something that fascists do.

There is a history of her purging those who oppose her politically from their positions. Some of you may try to claim that this is just sour grapes or something that happens all the time. I don't believe it to be sour grapes and I am not someone who supports cleaning house just because someone holds a different opinion.

Something stinks here and I think that it is her values. There is something lacking. And if you forgive me for projecting, there is something about her that smacks of the mean girl. I suppose that if I couldn't criticize her bonafides, if I couldn't drive a bus through the hole in her experience I might feel differently.

But that is not the case. I don't sense principles that I support. And I don't like the willful ignorance and shunting of reality that many of her supporters are engaging in.

All told I it is a question of values and I don't think that she and I share them.

The Soccer Coach

Alongside the return of school is the return of the soccer season and the resumption of my position as a coach. Yes, I am a soccer coach who is responsible for helping to teach, mold and shape young men.

Each week we gather for a short practice in which we discuss the proper way to play soccer. First we laugh at all of the crazy foreigners who have a fit of apoplexy at any comment that does not praise soccer. During the laughter we imitate and mock their funny antics and accents.

Once this is completed we spend several moments practicing how to be a soccer hooligan. This includes teaching the lads how to pound a beer, set fire to automobiles, loot, pillage and run wild.

Eventually we tire of this and spend the next few moments discussing why the NFL is a superior sport and the reasons why it is called Football. Not to mention the time spent educating the kids about how to hold a proper tailgate party.

Ok, so maybe we don't do any of the above. Maybe, just maybe we spend time talking about the value of playing as a team and learning how many can be stronger than one. Maybe just maybe they get to listen to me speak about the main reason we play, to have fun.

They are only eight years-old.

Later on in the week we'll play a real game and see if anyone remembers what they learned in practice. With any luck they'll stay involved in the game and have a good time. They might even have fun.

Of course I'll have an encounter or two with a parent who thinks that they know how to do it better. I'll tell them to "put up or shut up," there is always space for them to coach next season. At least one time during the season the discussion will move from civility into promises of physical contact.

Those discussions are always great. I really enjoy telling a father that he should ask his son to come watch me kick his sorry butt up and down the field. They may even learn how to tear a man's arm off at the shoulder and the proper technique for using the severed arm as a club.

But then again we just might avoid this discussion. It is always possible that the parents listened to my instructions that at eight-years-old all I am interested in is that the kids have fun. They'll learn how to play and they'll get an education about teamwork, but this is not the place in which they'll earn a scholarship. No scouts are watching. The MLS isn't going to come calling.

If all goes well the team will win more games than it loses, the kids will learn a thing or two and make a new friend. We shall see what happens.

For now we'll watch and if anyone asks, you can call me coach.

Clip Me Doc

CNN is running an article about how many younger guys are undergoing vasectomies. As it happens many of the boys have recently done this or are considering having it done. But not me, this old boy is not going to let anyone come anywhere close to that area with a knife.

When I die (at 265 years old) I'll still have the ability to send out the swimmers. Call me superstitious, but once you do that you are just never the same guy.

Anyway, the article doesn't focus on men who don't want to have more children but on men who don't want any. I don't see huge advantages in it. You still have the concerns about STDs to address and it is hard to say that what you want at 25 will remain the same as you age.

"According to the National Institutes of Health, by 2006 one in six U.S. men over age 35 has had a vasectomy, with about half a million getting snipped each year. And while men in their late 30s or 40s are often the ones who opt for the surgery, Dr. Dale McClure, director of Male Infertility at Virginia Mason Medical Center in Seattle, says he sees "a fair number of people under 35" who have undergone the procedure.

"I'm actually seeing more people than I have in the past that are younger that had a vasectomy at age 21 or 22," says McClure.

That doesn't mean doctors are doling out vasectomies like condoms at a free health linic."I jokingly tell patients it's like buying a gun in Chicago," says Dr. Lawrence Ross, professor of urology at the University of Illinois at Chicago. "You can go look at the gun but you can't buy it right away."

That's because, Ross says, "there's no 100 percent guarantee in any case that we can reverse it." Within 10 years of having a vasectomy, there's a 90 to 95 percent success rate for reversal surgery. Beyond that, the success rate drops to 75 to 80 percent.

Given those stats, it's best to consider a vasectomy "a permanent form of sterilization," Ross says. "I will always tell young men that in my 38 years of practice, I've seen many men change their minds."

Second -- and third -- thoughts

McClure says he spends most of his time "putting vasectomies back together," performing more than 2,000 reversals since 1975.

"Over the last several years, it appears that more males under the age of 25 who've never had children and who had a vasectomy are coming in [for a reversal] because they've found a new partner and they want to have children," says McClure."

Sunday Night Slamfest

Been a while since I just let the mouse and keyboard meander so let's see what we come up with. In the background Mott The Hoople is singing All The Young Dudes. I have always liked this song. I think that it was one of the first videos that I saw on MTV.

I feel like I have been through the wringer the last couple of weeks. In some ways it feels like I walked through a tunnel and came out into a world that I didn't recognize, but that is all too familiar.

Met a guy yesterday who has never seen Blazing Saddles. It is hard to believe that the guy has never seen Blazing Saddles. I suppose that it is clear that I kind of enjoy Blazing Saddles. So we spent a few moments reviewing movies. He has seen the Princess Bride, The Blues Brothers and Caddyshack. Reminds me that Tiger Woods showed that he has a decent sense of humor or maybe just likes a good payday.

My daughter asks me to play this video every day. And I do. It is a hell of a lot of fun to dance with her and I even sing along. She thinks that it is really funny that they sing "I want candy." Speaking of her I found out that she learned bits and pieces of Lou Reed's Walk on the Wild Side. Fortunately I confirmed that she doesn't know all of the lyrics. The kid is real good at singing Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.....

Her brother and his friends are in love with superheros and all things associated with it. Ben 10 is real big in this house. Lately he wants to know who I can beat up and how much I can lift. Fortunately the Numa Numa guy still distracts him. Ok, I still kind of like it too. It is hard not dance a little in the chair, but only if the room is empty.

I am reminded me of my maternal grandfather who would sing and dance to Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen, (the clip is from Swing Kids and has nothing to do with my grandfather, just like the movie).

Of course I have to mention my other grandfather who would sing Molly Malone. I can't hear it without smiling. I can still hear him say "I don't sing well, but I sing loud." He was a topic of conversation recently.

My oldest nephew spent some time going through some old pictures at my parent's house. There is a spot on a wall on which two pictures are hung. The first is a picture of my great-grandfather, grandfather, father and me at about two. Right next to it is the modern version with my grandfather, father, myself and my son, also around two years-old.

As I write this post iTunes has been running in the background, the songs a reminder that I wish that I could play an instrument. I don't just mean play, I mean PLAY. I'd want to be a master. Here is a snapshot of what I have been listening to:

Devil in Blue Dress- Mitch Ryder
Cherry Cherry- Neil Diamond
Closer To The Heart- Rush
Tom Sawyer-Rush
Hold On Loosely- .38 Special
Brothers In Arms- Dire Straits
Sir Duke- Stevie Wonder

Saw an article on CNN about a burglar who smacked a guy with a sausage. Can't tell you why but that cracks me up.

Flipping back to the big kid, we have an ongoing discussion about the Wii. His friends have one and he is desperate to get one. I have been dragging my feet, not the least of which is because I don't have the spare cash for it. I need to make a note not to let him read about my interest in Guitar Hero.

Ok, it is a bit after midnight so I should wrap this up. See you all in the A.M.

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This Makes Me Laugh

Not hysterical, but I enjoy it.

A Palin in My A**

When I think of this blog I invariably get an image of a trip that has taken me around the world and back again. We have trudged through snow, sailed over the oceans and hiked through mountain and desert terrain. The Dead were right, "What a Long Strange Trip It Has Been."

Through the course of the journey I have shared my thoughts on many topics and have done so without regard for whether it was the popular view. Sometimes I have opened my mouth and confirmed for someone my ignorance/brilliance, but that has never been a factor in determining what to write about.

I have a Palin in my ass. I know that is a bit disrespectful, but I like the way it sounds and as I am feeling grumpy, I don't care. The woman and her Kool-Aid drinkers are wearing on me the same way that the Obama crowd has. I am not going to rehash everything from the first post, if you want to know more read here. But I'll share a few more thoughts about what I find distasteful.

There is a list of books that supposedly Palin tried to ban. I haven't found proof that she went after the long list, but I have found a few places that suggest that she did try to ban some. To me that is a shameful thing, evidence of a very small mind. I have a huge issue with that.

She has a pregnant teenage daughter and a baby with special needs. Now is not the time to leave them. It is not a matter of financial need. In this situation I have no problem saying she should put her family first. Call me sexist, I don't care. Go get me a beer, iron my shirt and make my dinner.

The woman has no substantive economic or foreign policy experience. That is an issue. We are at war in two different countries and have major economic issues. My retirement dollars are getting their butts kicked. I am going to be 40. I don't have 40 years to wait for them to recover. Sorry, selfish me wants to retire before I become an invalid.

And listening to the crowing of her supporters is just irritating. She is not the first or second coming. I am not lighting a cigarette. I didn't accept it with Obama and I don't here.

It is bad enough to have had to listen to the shrieks and finger pointing of both sides the last eight years, but this is too much. I have had enough!

All I want is to feel good about a candidate and their running mate. I know the feeling because I have had it in the past, but not this time and not the last time around. Excuse me, I think that my skull just exploded, I need some ice.

Haveil Havalim #181

It is live. Come check out Haveil Havalim #181. For a list of past editions please use the following link.

McCain Palin/Obama Biden

Updated: The following are excerpts from Time:

Palin has no national experience and less than two years experience as governor, but she is unabashed about that. "That's a healthy thing," she told TIME. "That means my perspective is fresher."

She supports the teaching of creationism in public schools, alongside evolution.

Earlier this month, a legislative panel launched a $100,000 investigation to determine whether Palin abused her influence by attempting to get her former
brother-in-law fired as a state trooper. The panel is currently questioning whether Palin dismissed the state's safety commissioner, Walt Monegan, because he refused to fire her ex-brother-in-law, Mike Wooten, whose marriage to Palin's sister ended in a bitter divorce — and custody battle — in 2005. Palin has denied the charges, and says she did not coordinate the reported dozens of telephone calls placed by her husband and administration to Wooten's bosses.

I am not going to spend a lot of time writing about politics, at least not today. I am just not in the mood for it. Besides if I sail down that particular waterway I'd like to really get into it and I am not up for it. So now that I have prefaced this post with that I'd like to throw out a few things.

This is the second presidential election in which I am disappointed. I don't find any of the candidates to be inspiring. There are things that I like about them and there are things that I do not. I am not usually a middle of the road kind of guy. Most of the time I can tell you where I stand, but this one is more challenging for me.

Obama- Don't feel comfortable with him. There is not enough substance for me to feel good about. Fine speaker, but what are his plans and how does he intend to execute them. I really am concerned about him and Foreign Policy.

Biden helps, but not enough for me to ignore the other issues.

McCain- I like old Johnny Mac. There are a lot of things about him that I appreciate, but the fact is that he is 72. His age and his health are of concern to me. He is pandering to the far right more than I like. I suspect that he is doing it out of necessity and that it will not last, but I don't know.

I am not enamored with Palin. Her experience is not as vast as some suggest. She was mayor of a town of 7,000 and governor of a state with a tiny population. She has some accomplishments, probably more than Obama. But it is not enough for me to jump up and down about.

It may not be fair, but I wonder about a mother who is willing to sacrifice her family in this manner. It is one thing when finances dictate parents working long hours, but this is not the case. She has a number of young children and a teenage daughter who need her help. I am not judging her daughter, but the girl is pregnant and 17. If ever a girl needed her mother now is the time.

How is she going to have time for her and the baby. I don't like it.

I don't see Palin as being an expert on foreign policy. What does she know. What has she done. And I don't like religion being injected so deep into the election and I see that happening. I can't criticize Obama's relationship with the wacky pastor and not question Palin's.

All told, I am underwhelmed here.

Two links about Sarah Palin.

Ben Stein
Anne Kilkenny

A Blogging Milestone- Six Thousand Posts

A short while ago I penned the 6,000th post to grace this blog. Six thousand posts about anything and everything you can think of. When I clean out the closet I call my mind this is where the dust settles.

At one time or another my friends have heard me say that in the early '90s my brain was replaced with a melon, and a soft one at that. This is the place where I prove/disprove the truth of that statement.

The Shack reflects some of the growth and changes in my life. It is a chronicle of things that happened in my world and around it. It offers a view as to some of my beliefs about the world. It is a glimpse of some of the things that interest me. A place I can visit and smile as I read about things that my children did.

Not unlike my life it is chock full of nuts. Some of the posts here are things that I am proud of and some of them make me cringe with embarrassment.

I learned a long time ago that I can't predict how long I am going to keep blogging for. A while back I decided that I'd like to hit ten thousand posts. It was an abritrary decision. I like the number, sounds impressive, at least to me it does.

It took 4.5 years to hit six thousand posts. I can't predict how long it will take to hit ten thousand, if I really will decide to hang up my keyboard or keep going.

All I can tell you is that as long as I continue to enjoy blogging and feel that I get something positive out of it I will keep doing it.

So to all of you who help haunt this joint, Thank you! I appreciate your reading this. And in spite of the Shmata Queen's protestation, I would keep it up without you But it wouldn't be the same.

So thank you again for your time. Just remember,I am Jack, you're not. Be thankful for that.

My first post about Six Thousand posts

This is a copy of the post I started to write. I didn't like it. Instead of sending it to the circular file I am sharing it here.

The hard part about reaching a milestone like this is trying to decide if I after all this time I have anything worth sharing. In theory you'd think that after 6,000 posts I would have some incredible stories to share, some sort of distilled wisdom that I could offer. Or at least that is what my ego would like.

It would be nice to stand here in front of you and be able to give back as much as I have received from blogging. But at the moment I seem to be fresh out of stories, or at least stories that I think will meet the challenge I have established.

So since I seem to be somewhat tongue tied I am going back to the well and see if I can't keep throwing some heat over the plate. And if I can't bring it, well maybe I can fool the batter into swinging at some bad pitches.

This past weekend I sat down and spoke with my father about life in a way that we haven't done all that many times. It was a conversation between father and son, but in some ways it was like speaking to a dear friend.

I suppose that it is not all that surprising. It has taken a while for me to catch up in some areas, life experience that is. I am not a newlywed or a new father anymore. Sure there are many people who have been doing it far longer than I have, but I earned my stripes a while back.

So it was nice to see dad relax and share a few tales with me about his experiences that I never had heard before. It was one of those moments where it was clear that he views me as an adult. Don't misunderstand, I don't feel like he has treated me like a child for years. But there has always been that line, that place we didn't tread.

It never bothered me not to go there, probably because I didn't spend any time
thinking about it. But it was really cool to wander over to that side of the
yard and see what sort of trees he had in the yard.

Six thousand posts. Whoa. What the hell have I written about. What have I done with my time. What have I accomplished and what does it all mean.

I'll answer the questions by posing a different question. What is the definition of a good deal?

Answer: A good deal is the one that you feel good about. It is that simple.

The blogging has received its share of criticism. People have told me more than once that they don't understand it or see any benefit from it. People have told me that they think that I must spend far too much time at the computer.

Let them say what they will. I feel good about it. Blogging has given me an outlet to express myself that I have come to love. It has helped me get through some very tough times in my life.

Blogging has helped me to chronicle some very special memories of my children's lives. I have written snapshots that I never would have had.

The Return Of School

If you are not a parent than you don't understand how the resumption of school can impact your own life. You don't have to worry about school clothes, picture day, homework, science fairs, classroom size, extra-curricular events, PTA and a thousand other things fall down upon your head.

Don't get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of education. Every day I tell my children that there are few things in life that are as important as learning. It is a mantra that they will never forget.

But if I didn't tell you that I sometimes hate all that goes with it I would be lying. As much as I enjoy working with the kids and watching them learn, I also enjoy not having to worry about all of this crap.

I have three meetings this week that are all school related. Evenings are going to be packed full of nonsense. I am going to hear the same rules, same suggestions and same shpiel again. But I cannot skip it. I can't miss out because there are too many other things tied into them.

Can you say politics. I knew that you could.

To quote Dr. King, "I have a dream that one day no meeting will start late and that all of the information will be pertinent. I have a dream that the people running the meeting will not allow others to sidetrack us and that they will supply us with real coffee.

I have a dream....

What can I say, it is just a dream, for now. What I do know is that one of these days I'll try to put myself in a position of power just so that I can gain some more control over how some of these things go. I already volunteer, so I might as well jump in feet first.

Let the people start complaining that I can't run a meeting instead of me complaining that they can't. Except the thing is, I can run a meeting. I do it all the time.

That is all for now.

Chrome- Google's New Browser

Unless you have been living in the land of the burning river or trapped beneath a heavy object you should be aware that Google has developed a web browser called Chrome. You can find reviews of it here and here.

Earlier today I downloaded a copy to play with. I'll let you know what I think, just give me a few days to get a sense of things.

Useful Information

As a point of reference some of my favorite posts are listed under the Useful Information label.

The Disappearing Accent

A while back I was listening to the Shmata Queen's strong southern accent and noticed that every time she began to sing it would disappear. Now mind you every time she started to sing I wanted to disappear, but I digress. Good thing that I have fast feet and fast hands or I might be severely bruised.

Anyhoo, it remind me of something that I noticed as a kid, the disappearing accent. More specifically I remember being at a house at which The Mike Douglas show was on. In between Soupy Sales comments Mike had some guy on. I can't remember who, but I remember he sang a song and then followed it up by engaging in a conversation with Mike.

Nothing all that unusual about that other than I noticed that he had a British accent that was there when he spoke but disappeared when he would sing. I found the whole thing fascinating. I remember being very interested in listening to various artists speak and sing. I just couldn't figure out how they sounded normal while singing but not while speaking.

Come to think of it, I don't think that I have ever learned why this happens, just that it does. I shall have to add that to my list of things to learn.

And for those who are interested here are some posts that just might be related, or not.

Where Are You From?
Do You Have An Accent?
How Do I Respond to This?
Women and the Look of Death
The Phone Sex Surprise

Goodbye Jerry Reed

I enjoyed his singing and of course I loved Smokey and the Bandit.

NASHVILLE, Tennessee (AP) -- Jerry Reed, a singer who appeared in the "Smokey and the Bandit" movies, has died of complications from emphysema at age 71, his longtime booking agent said Tuesday.

Dear Tooth Fairy Part II

Part one can be found here.

So I have confirmed that the boy is serious about having a sitdown with the fairy. A short time ago I found that he had set up an elaborate trap that he planned to use to capture the fairy. I wish that I could show you a picture, but it wouldn't make sense to you.

In fact the only reason it made sense to me was that one time when I was playing with him he built the trap with me to capture the "monster." So having seen the trap before I knew exactly what i was and why it was there.

It made me smile. The kid has the same one track mind that I do. Once he decides to do something you need to get with the program or get out of the way. Anyway, the trap got me thinking about what the fairy looks like.

You can blame this upon Disney, but I always imagined the fairy as having the ability to fly. Assuming that my image of the fake fairy is accurate the trap won't work. It is located on the floor so the fairy will just fly over it.

But, I can't say that my son's idea of the fairy matches my own. So I need to confer with the lad and ask. The whole thing makes me chuckle. I am trying to help improve his trap to catch the fake fairy. But then again maybe he figures that this trap will prove that it is one or both of his parents.

After all, if you can't fly you'll probably get tripped up in the trap and voila, the fairy is caught. Something tells me that he has watched Scooby Doo one time too many.

Dear Tooth Fairy

Late last night the big guy lost another tooth, giving him a grin that makes him look a bit like Leon Spinks. So he followed the proper procedure for disposing of said teeth. He went to the kitchen and placed the tooth in a plastic bag and then placed it beneath his pillow.

Shortly thereafter the "tooth fairy" took the tooth and replaced it with a little cash.

In the morning he woke up and was pleased to discover that his personal fortune had grown. And then for reasons only understood by little boys he decided that he wants all of his teeth back. I asked him why and didn't really get a response.

"Dad, we need to send a letter to the tooth fairy asking for my teeth back," he said. A moment later he told me that he wasn't entirely sure that the tooth fairy was real. "I think that it might be you or mom, but since I haven't seen you do it I am not sure.

He then explained that he intends to skip school so that he can sleep all day. The goal is to be able to stay up all night so that he might confront the tooth fairy and force him/her to return his teeth.

I told him that school was far more important than finding the fairy, but he insisted otherwise. I suppose that we are going to find out whether this is really about the fairy and his "missing" teeth or just a ploy to avoid starting school again.

Time will tell.