I Talk In My Sleep

A bit after midnight I heard noises coming from my son's room and wandered over to check things out. The door was closed, but I could hear him speaking. For a moment I stood still and listened.

Two thoughts were going through my mind:

1) What the hell is he doing up. He'll never be able to wake up for school.
2) If I find a stranger in there I am going to gouge his eyes and dislocate both of his shoulders.

And now a comment about comments that I will probably receive about this. Yes, I know that the gun is the great equalizer, but I also know that shooting someone is not going to be as satisfying as inflicting debilitating pain upon them with my hands. And believe me, if someone breaks into my home I am going to send them out of here in a wheelbarrow.

Raise your hand if you think that I am overprotective. Ok, put your hands down, you look really silly holding your hand up in the air. Besides I can't see you.

All I can tell you is that watching or reading the news late at night is not conducive to dreaming about pink bunnies and rainbows.

As I stood outside the big boy's door I broke into a huge smile. He was calling out for his friends and laughing. He talks in his sleep. That is ok, I do it too. If you ask my parents they'll tell you that I have for as long as they can remember.

To the best of my knowledge it is not something that happens every night. Some nights I entertain everyone with my impression of a chain saw. Most of the time I am told that I speak in fragments that do not necessarily make sense.

I have a very graphic imagination. Usually when I remember a dream the fragment that sticks with me is quite vivid. Sometimes I'll have the occasional nightmare and scream or yell in my sleep.

I understand that last night I punched the pillow and spent a solid two minutes swearing. I can't say that I remember exactly what it was about, but I suspect that I was trapped in cleveland.

My paternal grandfather had his own sleep peculiarities, but the one that sticks out is that sometimes he would fall asleep with his eyes open. As a child it used to crack me up. For a long time I used to wonder if he was trying to play a trick upon me. I used to wave my hands at him or grab various objects and swing them in his direction.

If he didn't respond I knew that he was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, especially if he was snoring. That was a really big clue.

But as he got older I have to admit that it began to make me worry a bit that he had died and wasn't really asleep. So I'd creep up to his chair and listen to his breathing and watch his chest rise.

I remember one time he called out to me and asked me to step in front of him so he could see me. As I stepped in front of the chair he gave me a quick wack in the side with his cane and said "I am not dead, stop bothering me."

And then with a soft giggle he went to sleep.


Anonymous said...

My kids also talk in their sleep. I find it very cute, although most of the time I don't understand what they are saying.

The Babka Nosher said...

My mom used to sleep with her eyes open. Legend has it that the best conversations my dad ever had with her were when she was asleep and he didn't know it. Come to think of it, it was probably the only time he was able to get a word in...

Jack Steiner said...


It is kind of fun to listen and try to figure out what's going on.

Come to think of it, it was probably the only time he was able to get a word in.

It just so happens that I know someone who speaks so fast you're lucky to be able to say anything.

Anonymous said...

My dogs bark and wiggle their legs like they're running when they sleep. Have you ever done that? :)

Leah Goodman said...

Anon, my dog sometimes cries in his sleep too.

My husband mumbles incoherently, and I'm a super-light sleeper... it's loads of fun, when I get to full-alert status only to find out that what he said was bu-dus-tha-bug.

Anonymous said...

I came across this blog tonight after hearing my wife say something in her sleep that was legible. She said "The first day" I remember [pause] I remember."

Hmm...I wonder which first day it was! I'm sure she will not remember what the dream was when she wakes up, and will most likely deny having done it...

It was cute though! I wish I was able to jump into the dream and see what it was :)

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