November 30, 2006

I Hate The Holiday Season

Yes that is right. I hate the holiday season.

  • I hate being told to be of good cheer.
  • I hate reading about the fake war on Xmas.
  • I hate being assaulted by all of the crass commercialism.
  • I hate being told that we should be nicer now than during the rest of the year.
  • I hate emails that are blindly sent out without regard for whether the message is of interest to all of the recipients.
  • I hate all of the stupid decorations. Gaudy is not cool and I don't care if they are Jewish or Xtian. I dislike them all.
  • I hate fighting crowds at the mall.
  • I hate reading about knuckleheads shooting each other over a video game system.
  • I hate the stupid elves that try and get my children to take a picture on Santa's lap. Don't they know that I wished Death upon Santa.
  • I hate knowing that my cousin the Grinch rolled over and gave in.
  • I hate most Elmo toys. That little red fiend's voice grates on my nerves.
  • I hate all of these stupid battery operated toys that beep, squawk and whistle. The next person who gives my kids one of those toys is going to wake up to the sound of a marching band outside their home.
  • I hate the stupid holiday music. If I could I'd kick that little drummer boy right in the ass. And that kid who made that dreidel out of clay can bite me too. What the hell is up with a clay dreidel, the best are made out of wood.
  • I hate fake snow. I don't like the real stuff, but the fake crap is even worse. I live in California for a reason. If you need snow to feel like you are a part of the season get the hell out of here. There is too much traffic anyway.
  • I hate, I hate, I hate.
Phew. I feel better now.

Is This The End of The Wiggles

"SYDNEY, Australia - The lead singer of the hugely popular children’s group The Wiggles announced Thursday he will stop performing after being diagnosed with a chronic condition that causes dizziness, fatigue and nausea.

In a video-recorded statement, Greg Page said a little-understood disorder called orthostatic intolerance had left him debilitated.

“It’s not a life-threatening condition by any means, but it is one that’s going to be with me for the rest of my life,” said Page, 34, who is known for his bright yellow T-shirt. “It means that I’ll no longer be able to sing and dance as I want to, and as a result I’ve decided to stop performing with The Wiggles.”

Page, who helped found The Wiggles in 1991, handed his yellow T-shirt over to his understudy, Sam Moran, who has been performing with the group for more than a decade as a backup singer and dancer.

“I’ll miss being a part of The Wiggles very much, but this is the right decision because it will allow me to focus on managing my health,” Page said."

Call me a curmudgeon, but The Wiggles just won't be the same without Greg. Can you imagine the Rolling Stones being fronted by someone other than Mick.

Help a Brother Out- A Request For All Who Read This

I stumbled onto a video at Shoshana's blog that gave me an idea. If you watch the video you'll see that it is a commercial for an insurance company, but I like the overall message and it gives me an idea.

Here is my request for everyone who reads this post.

I'd like to ask that we all take a moment to help someone out. It doesn't have to be someone you know, nor does it have to be a stranger. All I ask is that we each take an opportunity to do something nice for someone else.

A few examples/ideas from the video and my own thoughts:

  1. Hold the elevator door open.
  2. At Starbucks pay for a cup of coffee for the person behind you.
  3. Let that guy on the freeway on-ramp get ahead of you.
This is all kind of spur of the moment impulse, but just for the heck of it, let's try it. Let's see if we can't make a few people smile and help to improve the world around us.

If you feel like it you can blog about this or leave a comment about what you did. Let me know what you think.

A Few Random Thoughts about Life and Blogging

My grandfather ZL" used to say that you cannot screw an old head on young shoulders. He was so right. I miss him still and always will, but at the same time I always feel his presence.

He also used to tell me that life is not a sprint, but a marathon. He was so right, but it is still so hard for me to be truly patient.

I should be more patient with my posts. Some of them should and could be so much better. All I need to is spend more time rewriting them, but I just don't want to. I don't really know why, but I really find it hard to force myself to spend time polishing them.

Been at the beach a half dozen times recently. I parked my car and sat on the sand and listened to the sound of the sea. Had a strong urge to go sailing, I still have such wanderlust.

My daughter gives the best hugs. She just throws that little body into it. I love her so much. I love how she puts her head on my shoulder and goes to sleep. So much trust and so much faith in me. It is an awesome responsibility.

My son does it too. It is hard to believe that these little guys look at me as having all of the answers. They are growing so quickly.

If one more person tells me that I need to give to charity XYZ because of the season I may have to punch them in the nose. Screw the bleeping season, give because it feels right. Besides where are these people the rest of the year.

I wonder how the survivors of the tsunami are doing. Hundreds of thousands of people died. Amazing to think about how one moment they were here and in the next they were gone. Mother Nature reminds us all the time about how small we are.

Feels like more than a couple of bloggers are hanging up their hats, or at least giving it all a rest. And I am still here. I don't say that to gloat, not in the slightest. I say it because I have had this feeling for years now that I would be one of those people who would watch all of their friends die.

Maybe it is because of the longevity in my family. Maybe it is because both of my grandfathers discussed how hard it was to see so many friends and family pass on. And maybe it is because I have already lost several friends, but I just see it happening to me too.

G-d willing I'll live a thousand years in good health and so will the people I care about.

Taped Brokeback Mountain this evening. If I get a few moments I'll try watching it later this week.

I was glad to hear that the trainer was ok. What a scary experience. Think about how big a whale is. It is one of those situations in which you realize that you don't always have as much control as you might like to think you do.

But at least he didn't smoke crack and get attacked by an alligator.

There is more to say, but it is far too late to keep writing.

November 29, 2006

More Powerful than a Great White Shark

It was big. It was mean. And it could bite a shark in two.

Scientists say Dunkleosteus terrelli might have been "the first king of the beasts." The prehistoric fish was 33 feet long and weighed up to four tons. It had bladed jaws, a flesh-tearing feature that the sharks it preyed upon had not yet developed.

Now scientists have learned Dunkleosteus had the most powerful jaws of any fish ever, its bite rivaling that of T. rex and modern alligators.

The creature lived 400 million years ago.

"Dunkleosteus was able to devour anything in its environment," said study leader Philip Anderson, at the Department of Geophysical Sciences at the University of Chicago.

Fast and powerful

Scientists already knew Dunkleosteus was the dominant predator of its time.

But Anderson and Mark Westneat, Curator of Fishes at the Field Museum in Chicago, used a fossil of the creature [image] to make a computer model of its muscles and its bite. They conclude that could chomp with 1,100 pounds of force, which translates to 8,000 pounds per square inch at the tip of a fang.

And it was quick, opening its jaws in just one fiftieth of a second. That action would have created suction to draw prey into its mouth.

Whoa.

Hummer Loses To School Bus

Maybe we need to ship a few of the big yellow beasts overseas.

Source

Abba Museum- The Shack Creates a Movement

On the heels of this post (Did You Listen to Abba?) comes news that the city of Stockholm is going to create an Abba museum.

"A museum dedicated to Abba is set to open in Stockholm in 2008.

The museum will feature outfits and instruments used by the band, along with handwritten lyrics.

In a statement, the band said: "It is nice someone feels compelled to take on our musical history."
Can you hear the drums Fernando. A simple 20% of the gross sales for the first five years will be considered adequate compensation.

Movies Use The Same Scream Sound Effect

I thought that this was interesting. My thanks to Panopticist for this.

"In 1951, a sound designer on a Gary Cooper western called Distant Drums needed to overdub a scream onto a scene in which a man is killed by an alligator. He brought a contract actor into his studio and rolled tape as the man did six brief, anguished screams in one take. These screams were then added to the Warner Brothers sound library, and over the next couple of decades they found their way into dozens of Warner Brothers films.

In the mid-'70s, a young sound designer named Ben Burtt gave these sounds a name: "the Wilhelm scream," after a character in one of the earliest films that utilized the sounds. A couple of years later, Burtt was hired to work on a film called Star Wars. As an homage, he overdubbed the scream onto a scene in that film. Then he overdubbed it onto a scene in The Empire Strikes Back. And Return of the Jedi. A fellow Lucasfilm sound designer began using the Wilhelm too, in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, among other movies. And thus a film-geek in-joke was born. In the last 30 years the Wilhelm has been used winkingly in dozens of movies and TV shows, from Reservoir Dogs and The X-Files to Aladdin and Return of the King. More details are at Hollywood Lost and Found.

The video below is a compilation of dozens of Wilhelms from the last half-century."



November 28, 2006

A Mosaic of My Black Eye

Make your own.

The 100 top TV catchphrases? D'oh!

TV Land has compiled a list of the 100 greatest catchphrases in TV. Here is part of the list:

- "Aaay" (Fonzie, "Happy Days")

- "And that's the way it is" (Walter Cronkite, "CBS Evening News")

- "Baby, you're the greatest" (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners")

- "Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")

- "Book 'em, Danno" (Steve McGarrett, "Hawaii Five-O")

- "Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, "The Price is Right")

- "Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, "Lost in Space")

- "De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, "Fantasy Island")

- "Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)

- "D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")

- "Don't make me angry ..." (David Banner, "The Incredible Hulk")

- "Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")

- "Elizabeth, I'm coming!" (Fred Sanford, "Sanford and Son")

- "Gee, Mrs. Cleaver ..." (Eddie Haskell, "Leave it to Beaver")

- "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports")

- "The tribe has spoken" (Jeff Probst, "Survivor")

- "Would you believe?" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")

A Tax Shelter

BOZEMAN - Call it recreational robbery: An out-of-state resident sets up a dummy company in Montana, buys a motor home under that company name and escapes tens of thousands of dollars in sales taxes.

And there is nothing illegal about it.

In California, where a majority of RV buyers are escaping a sales tax as high as 8.75 percent, depending on where the buyer lives, law enforcement officials and lawmakers are crying foul at this loophole.

Some Montana officials, however, don't see it as a crime; they see dollar signs. Private business wins by gaining out-of-state business. The state wins by getting more registration fees.The perceived problem has gotten so much attention in California that that state has created a law-enforcement program specifically to deal with it.

The California Highway Patrol has a program called Californians Help Eliminate All The Evasive Registration Scofflaws, or CHEATERS, which asks people to report California residents suspected of having a vehicle registered in another state.

California Highway Patrol Officer David Constantini runs the program created in 2004 to combat California's diminished sales tax revenue.

"We're missing out on a good $10 million a year, and that's being very conservative," Constantini said. "It's very frustrating."

Fees, taxes less than 1% of California's

A $350,000 motor home bought in California would include more than $30,000 in registration fees and taxes. The same motor home bought in Montana would cost less than $300 a year to register, according to the Montana Department of Motor Vehicles. And there would be no sales tax."
Click here to read the whole story.

November 27, 2006

Love Without End, Amen

"I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye.
Fightin' was against the rules and it didn't matter why.
When dad got home I told that story just like I'd rehearsed.
And then stood there on those tremblin' knees and waited for the worst.

And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."

When I became a father in the spring of '81
There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my father's son.
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end,
I took my daddy's secret and I passed it on to him.

And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."

Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.

And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."

George Strait

The vanishing holiday bonus

"We're seeing the holiday bonuses disappear," says Brian Drum, president of Drum Associates in New York. "Thirty-five years ago, when I first dealt with a lot of companies that used to pay the so-called Christmas bonus, it was a gift. Today, as companies are becoming larger and consolidated, they are giving because it's performance-related." Tying rewards to the performance of the company serves to motivate workers, employment specialists say.

Nowhere is that more evident than on Wall Street. Bonuses are reaching the stratosphere, rising an estimated 10 to 15 percent this year over 2005. Those rewards can average $1.7 million for managing directors of Wall Street banks. For top-tier bankers, they can swell to $20 million or more.

"The financial-services industry has the notoriety of paying the highest bonuses," Mr. Drum says. "They can be multiples of a person's salary. In the more industrial companies ... probably not a lot of bonuses are given out."

Many companies have also changed their fiscal year so it no longer coincides with the calendar year and the holiday season. Some end their year on Nov. 30. for others, it's March 31. "It kind of takes you away from paying a bonus," Drum says.

In a 2005 survey by Hewitt Associates, 59 percent of companies said they would not award holiday bonuses. But more than three-quarters of firms offer performance-based bonuses that must be reearned each year.

Among 1,500 small businesses, 39 percent plan to give employees holiday bonuses this year, according to Constant Contact, an e-mail marketing service for small businesses. That is up 2 percent from last year.

"For small businesses, cash flow and cash management are more difficult issues," says Gail Goodman, CEO of Constant Contact. "It is harder to see out to the future and understand where cash will be next quarter and next year. It takes more confidence for a small business to pay a bonus."

Whatever a company's size, employees are frustrated by a "lack of clarity about how one qualifies for that bonus," says Bill Kuntz, vice president of Princeton One, an outplacement firm. "They want to be treated fairly and have clear expectations."

Many companies do a poor job of communicating with their employees about the direction and goals of the company and that can harm productivity and morale. Especially if you are employed by a company in which it appears that the rewards of the hard work of the company are not shared by all.

Still, Bob Kustka, president of CHR Partners, a human resources consulting firm in Norwell, Mass., expects changes: "Bonuses are going to come back into vogue in the next few years as the war for talent heats up," he says. "The new workers entering the workforce, the millennials, will be harder to keep. They don't have the same level of loyalty [that] previous generations had. Therefore organizations will be looking for innovative ways to keep those workers." Already he sees gaps in accounting, engineering, and nursing.

Mr. Kustka notes another factor that could strengthen bonuses: the need to redistribute profits. "A lot of people are critical that CEO pay has risen between 300 percent and 400 percent. How do you justify that, when the average worker over the past 20 years has seen a decline in earning power and CEOs have seen immense growth in their earning power?"

Evolution of Dance



This was worth watching again.

Tiger Versus Crocodile

November 26, 2006

Michelangelo Meets McDonalds


Source

Soccer Fans Are Problematic & The French are Worse

I have written about the dull game here, here and here. Now we can add this to the list:

PARIS, Nov 24, 2006 (AFP) - A French police officer — a black man in plain clothes — shot dead a Paris-Saint Germain football fan after being turned on by a mob during racist violence that followed the team's defeat by Israeli side Hapoel Tel-Aviv.

Antoine Granomort, who was in custody Friday morning, fired his handgun into a threatening crowd near the Parc des Princes stadium late Thursday after seeking to defend a French fan of the Israeli club from attack, police and witnesses said.

A 24-year-old man was killed and a 26-year-old who was wounded is in serious condition in hospital, police said.

Five fans were in police custody Friday morning and face possible charges for "racist and anti-Semitic insults", police said.

"Four young people presumably from the Jewish community were rounded on by a group of supporters of PSG. They decided to separate, and one of them Yanniv Hazout was chased by attackers ... The mob grew to some 100 people," said state prosecutor Jean-Claude Marin.

"A plain clothes officer from the transport police, Antoine Granomort, told Monsieur Hazout to stand behind him and then tried to keep the crowd away using his tear-gas canister.

"The crowd hurled insults — dirty Jew, dirty nigger — and monkey cries and raised Nazi salutes. Some shouted 'Le Pen for president'," he said.

According to Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy: "One of the attackers hit him on the head and another kicked him in the groin, and he fell to the ground. He got out his gun after stating he was a policeman — though in what exact circumstances I do not know."

"(The officer) fired in legitimate self-defense in order to protect his physical person. He had come to the aid of a man in accordance with our rules of engagement, and he had no choice but to shoot," said Patrice Ribeiro of the Synergie police union.

"I am sorry that there is a dead PSG fan but one has to say that these people are racists who attacked a police officer because he was a man of colour," said Joaquin Masanet of the UNSA-police union."

France has some very serious problems. It is a society that is on the verge of a major upheaval.

Haveil Havalim- Thanksgiving Edition

Haveil Havalim #95 - Thanksgiving Edition- It is live at Smooth Stone.

November 24, 2006

Random Thoughts About Blogging

Blogging is something that anyone can do, but very few do it well. Mind you when I say very few it is a number that is relative to the total number of blogs. How many blogs are there now?

Technorati says that they are currently tracking 60 million blogs and that more than 175,000 new blogs are created each day.

Think about that. That is an incredible number. It is huge, just immense. It leads to many questions.

How many of those blogs are good. How many will last more than a few months, let alone a couple of years. How many of the good ones will be able to maintain a high level of quality.

Life is different in cyberspace. Some might say that bloggers age in dog/blog years. With a little less than three years of blogging experience I am already an old timer, a real alter cocker.

When I look at the corner that some of us call the Jblogosphere I am still amazed by how many newcomers there are each day. New blogs and new aggregators show up like clockwork. If you are one of those people who enjoy finding new blogs there is no shortage.

Instead your enemy is time. It is an impossible task to keep up with all of these blogs. There simply are too many to follow, especially if you get hooked on a few.

Have you ever noticed how some of the really big blogs can get away with publishing garbage. Once you hit a certain size it becomes fairly easy to find shortcuts because you know that unless you consistently tank you will always have an audience.

Here are the shack the posts that receive the most comments are those that are about blogging. When I ask people to comment on their blogging habits/practices I always get a much larger response. Should I assume that this is because people like talking about themselves.

Blogging is addictive. Some people just cannot get enough of it. And some people get too much. For a while it is one of their favorite things to do and then one day they just get sick of it and then they give up.

I don't know about you, but I am quite curious to see what happens to blogging over the next five years.

The Moon Is Following Us

One of the quirks that we Angelenos share is that we tend to refer to our freeways in a slightly different manner than large numbers of the population outside of here.

Examples:

"I was stuck on the 405 for hours" or "Traffic on the 10 westbound is not all that bad."

In my experience other parts of the country generally eliminate using "the" in front of the highway/freeway number. Not that it matters, but this always sounds strange to me.

The setting for this particular post is the 405. In particular the southbound ride from the Valley into the Westside. That is where I was when from the back of the van my son announced "the moon is following us."

It made me smile. The moon holds a special place in my heart because I know that those I love the most share that same moon with me. Even when we are far apart I know that the distance is bridged by that shiny object in the sky.

I tried hard to explain this to my son, but I am not completely sure if my explanation made sense to him. I hope that it did. I love to answer his question about life and the world around him. I love feeding the fire inside him. I love to see that inquisitive look on his face, especially when I see the excitement he holds. It just makes me smile.

And so does the moon. I didn't bullshit him or make up a ridiculous story. I am completely serious about the moon. No matter what country I am in I know that the people I hold in my heart share that moon with me.

I have spent many hours sitting quietly in moonlit fields. It is one of my great pleasures in life to find a place where the city lights do not interfere with the moon. I love lying on my back and looking at a starry sky. I have been fortunate enough to have spent time in places where you are amazed by how many millions of stars you can see.

I'd write more, but before I get to bed I need to go outside and just stare at the sky.

November 23, 2006

The most influential figures in American history.

From the Atlantic I present:

The most influential figures in American history

1 Abraham Lincoln
He saved the Union, freed the slaves, and presided over America’s second founding.

2 George Washington
He made the United States possible—not only by defeating a king, but by declining to become one himself.

3 Thomas Jefferson
The author of the five most important words in American history: “All men are created equal.”

4 Franklin Delano Roosevelt
He said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” and then he proved it.

5 Alexander Hamilton
Soldier, banker, and political scientist, he set in motion an agrarian nation’s transformation into an industrial power.

This list also includes Babe Ruth, Herman Melville and Elvis.

Happy Thanksgiving

November 22, 2006

He Was Beat Up By a Cheerleader


Someone is going to have some 'splaining to do about this one.


Here is a link to the Youtube footage.

November 21, 2006

Most Widely Read Posts Of the Past 30 Days

I was curious to see if there were any serious changes between the last time I did this and now. Here is a short sample:

My Brother- A Lesson in Simple Physics

A Kissing Test

Your Favorite Posts- Greatest Hits of the Blogosphere

Why The Baal Teshuva World Irritates Me

From Indiana Jones Personal Papers

How Long Will You Keep On Blogging?

And what do we learn from this? I'll save answering that for a different day.

November 20, 2006

My Brother- A Lesson in Simple Physics

Many years ago in a galaxy far far away called high school there were numerous groups of people. In everyday parlance we refer to them as cliques. If memory serves in The Outsiders they were referred to as the greasers and socs (pronounced soshes).

At our school there were several different groups but we didn't use any of the aforementioned names. In fact the names that we used don't really matter.What does matter is that there were people there who thought that bullying was an appropriate behavior. It is a sad reality of not just school, but life. Bullying is something that some people just don't grow out of.

Anyhoo.......

My brother and I were pretty lucky as we didn't have too many issues with other kids. That doesn't mean that people didn't try and pick on us. They did, but it usually didn't work out well for them. As my grandmother used to say we come from a long line of stubborn that you really don't want to be on the wrong side of.

Still, things happened. It wasn't like we walked around with signs broadcasting our nature.

During my brother's junior year of high school he began dating a girl who was new to the school. We good naturedly referred to her as the "Yeshiva Refugee." Up until that year she had attended some all girls religious school but for some reason she had left it and enrolled in our school.

I certainly was surprised by this as were our parents. It wasn't something that any of us were upset about, but since she came from a more religious home it surprised us. Apparently it surprised some of the boys from the old neighborhood too.

During an after school visit with my brother they made it clear that they didn't approve of it. They told him to end it and made all sorts of threats. It is more than 20 years since this took place and I still don't know exactly what happened. What I know is that there were a few of them and just my brother but I can offer some educated guesses as to what happened next.

My brother would have told them in very colorful terms to try and engage in some anatomically impossible activity and then he would have tried to help them engage in some unusual chiropractic efforts. He probably gave as good as he got, but he was just one person and they were many.

As the big brother I admit to still being a little upset about this. My job has always been to help to protect all of my younger siblings. If I had been there I might have been able to have helped him out. I have always felt badly about this.

In any case, this was the first of a number of nasty incidents that progressively got meaner. But it also led to my teaching my brother a simple lesson in physics.

It goes a little bit like this. Anytime you apply pressure you must always remember that eventually it must find a release. And you must also remember that even though you think that you have control of where the energy will be expended it could easily be sent a different direction.

It took a moment for my brother to understand where I was going with this. Our nature is simple. If you attack us you can expect that we will come after you with both barrels blazing. In those days that usually meant that we would make like Bruce Lee and send out Fists of Fury.

However in these circumstances that really wasn't working the way that we wanted it to so we opted for the next option.

We found out where the boys went to school and we contacted the headmaster and the rav (rabbi) at their parent's shul. In the frum world it is amazing just how fast pressure can be applied.

Simple physics allowed us to redirect the pressure. Just when they thought that they had my brother by the short hairs we showed them otherwise.

Some people think that intimidation is an effective tool for generating change. The question is do they really have as much leverage as they think that they do. It can be a very painful experience to find out otherwise.

I have to run now. I need to call the man and see what he remembers about all this.

A New Fragment

Fragments of Fiction is a story that I have been working on, more off recently.

There was a time when I used to love seeing a movie with a happy ending. There was something very satisfying about watching the hero/heroine miraculously overcome some incredible challenge and ride off into the sunset.

It was very "Norman Rockwellish." It just fit the image of how I thought life should be. Life was always going to throw out a few hurdles to get beyond, but why shouldn't I be able to glide over them and land ever so softly on the far side.

But time has a way of teaching you that you aren't Baryshnikov. You can't pretend to be Michael Jordan and soar over the problems of the world below. Sometimes you slipped and instead of soaring you flew face first into the hurdle. It is a good reality check, having the breath knocked out of you.

You can call me a pessimist, but what I really learned was that most of the time things didn't work out for the hero. He got there too late to save the girl. In spite of his best efforts to hold on she slipped out of his grasp and went tumbling into the abyss below. It was reality and so was the knowledge that the last thing he heard from her lips was a scream of terror. The last look in her eyes was the shock she felt that he just hadn't come through.

The hero had failed.

I know. I have a dark side that comes out. I wasn't always this way. I said it before. I liked happy endings. I really did. But the naivete was beaten out of me and now I know better.

I have walked in a world of darkness for more years than I care to remember. Some days are better than others. Sometimes when I feel the sun beat down upon my back I forget about the past and for a moment I feel hope.

I hate it. I hate feeling like I have a chance to get back what I lost because it forces me to relive losing it all. It feels like a dagger has been shoved into my back and I can't quite reach it. It burns. It burns. It burns.

Sometimes the only way that I can make the burning go away is to pound on my heavy bag. Pop, pop, pop, pop...I try to stay focused and try to find a rhythm but more often than not I just start hammering the bag. With every swing I try to pound it into sand.

It helps... a little.

Somewhere there is a person inside me who is screaming in anger and frustration, or maybe that roaring noise I hear is not in mind. Maybe it really is me.

A Kissing Test

November 19, 2006

Your Favorite Posts- Greatest Hits of the Blogosphere

*A quick administrative comment. Some people are still submitting their entries so it is likely that this will be updated at least a couple of times. There are a couple of formatting issues that are wreaking some havoc, please bear with me.

Also, please note that this was not limited to any particular topic.

Hello and welcome to the Your Favorite Posts- The Greatest Hits Of The Blogosphere. Before we begin here a couple of comments to share with you. Most bloggers appreciate the interaction between themselves and their readers.

With the exception of The Shmata Queen every blogger that I have ever spoken with has told me that they really appreciate receiving comments on their posts, especially those posts that they feel very good about. Yet, the funny thing about blogging is that sometimes our best work is overlooked.

And that is where this comes in. It is a chance for our greatest hits to see a little sunshine again. Or if you want to go with a different analogy, it is similar to a reunion tour put on by an aging rock band. It is just one more chance to repackage the old stuff and try to sell a few more albums.

Anyway, without further ado I am happy to present Your Favorite Posts- The Greatest Hits of The Blogosphere.

Outside the Box
: Summer jobs

Since I’ve bought my camera, I’ve been approaching total strangers and asking permission to photograph them. I’ve even had some “business” cards printed with the URL of my blog. When I ask permission to take a photo, I give the person a card.

To read it all click here.

Sarah's View: Behind The Smile

My blog is a creative outlet so along with the mostly positive and happy things there is the odd melancholy post.
While I do prefer expressing things through images, photographs & designs sometimes only the words can truly express a feeling. Usually these attempts get written down, forgotten or thrown out. Not this time!

To read it all click here.
Here is something many bloggers aspire to do.

Yaldah Publishing: The Birth of a Book Part 1

"It all started on Thursday, July 28, 2005.

I received an e-mail with the subject “submission/query.” It wasn’t the first query I’d received, but it was the first one that caught my attention. Why?"

To read it all click here.
Am Echad? עם אחד?: The Miracle of Israel

"In the seven weeks of being an Israeli citizen, I can firmly say that I have discovered the miracle of Israel. The miracle of Israel is -- drum roll please -- that anything gets done and that this country keeps running. Is it because of the security situation that I say this?

To read it all click here.
Knockin' On The Golden Door: Pay Now, Die Later

"I was reminded this morning of something that really pissed me off on my last flight.

It used to be that you could request a bulkhead seat for extra legroom, and all you had to do was be willing and able to assist others in the event of an emergency.

I have no problem with that. In fact, I..."

To read it all click here.
Judeopundit: Some thoughts on Anti-Zionism and Anti-Semitism

"I think it makes sense to separate the word "Anti-Zionism" from the word "Anti-Semitism." The latter term refers to hostility or prejudice directed at the Jewish people. We tend often to identify "Anti-Zionism" with "Anti-Semitism" because..."

To read it all click here.
The Hall of the Goblin King: An Old-New-Age Judaism

"R' Micha Berger has a very interesting post over on his Aspaqlaria blog, about differences between the Semitic (=Jewish, Eastern) and Yefetic (=Greek, Western) perspectives on the world."

To read it all click here.
Bagel Blogger: Bodgey Bagels Caption Contest Number 4

Click here to see the entrants.

The Grouchy Old Bear couldn't come out of hibernation long enough to pick one post so he sent over a bunch of links and this comment.

"Sorry, can i have one for every 500 posts? 2500 posts gives me 7 favorites."

and my response

Ok, I have more than 4,000 posts, this should help. ;)

From DovBear:
Why the J-Blogosphere Matters
This is not a complaint about my wife
THE BTL AND THE JEWISH COLLEGE AVOIDER
GREAT MOMENTS IN TORAH COMMENTARY
In Praise of Men
On Baseball in General, and Pesach in Particular
12 Tribes, 70 Faces, Pluralism in Judaism
NY's Funniest Rabbi offers a three parter:

My Name Is Natah, My Name Is Natah 2 and My Name Is Natah - Last Installment.
pearlies of wisdom: Bloggers... A Class of Their Own

"Class, I'm TorontoPearl, and today I will be your substitute teacher."

Boos and hisses, grumbles and mumbles can be heard.

"Where's the regular teacher? Why is she missing? Did she give you a hint as to what she's up to?"

To read it all click here.
westbankblog: On Holocaust Remembrance Day, M16's, and a New Respect for Veterans

"Four years ago, during the intermediate days of Passover, a terrorist broke into the Gavish home in Elon Moreh and killed four members of the family. After analyzing the details of the incident, the army came to the conclusion..."

To read it all click here.

Thar be Harry Potter news below. Arrr!
Soccer Dad: I asked her for some happy news and The way back machine and the israeli palestinian conflict
Elie's Expositions: Of Wallets and Wonders

"It already feels like Pesach has been over for months. It's hard to believe that just two weeks ago, we were still just conducting the second seder - or starting chol hamoed for those in Israel. But if you would, allow me to turn time back just a bit and relate a incident that happened to me on"

To read it all click here.
Daled Amos: Driving to Cincy With Disney

"This past Motzei Shabbos, we loading up the van and off we went to Cincinnati to visit family. We generally average about 12 hours drive time, so this time around we borrowed a portable DVD player from a friend to keep our 6 year old daughter "occupied". We brought along a selection of good wholesome DVD's for her to watch--mostly..."

To read it all click here.
I haven't inserted too many comments in here, but this next one is begging for it. The mystery blogger asks Am I flipping Out? With a blog name like PsychoToddler what do you think. ;)

Why don't you decide. Read The Year In Review and let him know what you think.

In less than three years of blogging I have more than 4,000 posts. It is fair to say that I am prolific. A while back I stumbled onto a blogger who seems intent on surpassing that. I have to give him credit because the quality of his posts is quite good. Check out the situation.
Israel Matzav: A history lesson, Studies in despair and

YNet tries to figure out why Yigal Amir stays in the public light.

"This ignores reality, and is not going to change anyone's mind. If I believed that Yigal Amir murdered Yitzchak Rabin, I would be all in favor of locking him up for life, and I believe that 99.9% of the country (or more) would agree with that. The problem is that I am far from convinced that Amir had a fair trial or that he committed the murder.

For those of you who are close-minded, stop reading now and leave - you won't listen anyway."

To read it all click here.
The Muqata: IDF purchases mezuzot with American military aid money.

"Thankfully, the IDF is now making a sound military investment and is installing mezuzot in the Ministry of Defense. And since the money is coming from..."

To read it all click here.
Shiloh Musings: Deals Will Be Deals

"Avigdor Lieberman of Yisrael Beteinu is denying that he made a deal with the Likud Party."

To read it all click here.
Last April there was a discussion here at the Shack that touched upon Jewish superheroes. I am not the only fan of comic books.
Seraphic Secret: Superman & Me

"As a kid growing up in Brooklyn, one of life's greatest pleasures was saving up my allowance and buying what I wanted with it--and there was only one thing I ever wanted--"

To read it all click here.
SimplyJews: A new solution to excessive femininity

"Oops, this was a mistake. The Elders are not of the studying type, being as they are more of an outdoorsy, pro-active field operatives' style. That is, unless it is about..."

To read it all click here.
The Ignoble Experiment: I am Alive

"Rachel

My Dead

“Only the dead don’t die”

Only they are left me,..."

To read it all click here.

Walking on Fire: Achdut

immutable
cast through a river of fire
eternally reverberating impressions orienting
into time
something essential, something true
blended together as one
igniting with life
a metamorphosis divine
some celestial darkness into endless light

Achdut on my website with music and dancing hebrew letters made of empty spaces.

To read it all click here.
Jewish Atheist: Memories of an Orthodox High School Romance

When I first saw her, I already had a girlfriend. She was so different -- small and tan, her slightly Asiatic features making her exotic among the other..."

To read it all click here. Or perhaps you might enjoy:

How I Left Orthodoxy

The names may be similar but they both have their own styles. The thing is that this next blogger is kind of shy and a little hesitant to share his thoughts. ;)
THE ATHEIST JEW: MOONBAT/TERRORIST SUPPORTER DICTIONARY: ISRAELI CONFLICT EDITION

And THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PALESTINIAN LAND
Sweet Rose: Lines and Ladders

"There is a person in my life right now, that every time I talk to him, he gives me something to think about. Sometimes it is about something I have read, sometimes it is about human nature, sometimes life in general, sometimes it is about my own life. The last category are the ones that keep me up at night."

To read it all click here. Or perhaps you'd like to read about an adventure.

"2) People from Cleveland rock. (That's for Ezzie, and Jack.)"

I don't know about that...Click here to read the story.
Raggedy Mom: On Children

As the year progresses with Ann in preschool, it is bittersweet to see her make friends, become attached to her morahs (teachers) and generally be . .

Click here to read the story.
A Mother in Israel: Yawn

"As in so many parenting articles, the author of this one presents a false dichotomy. Either you admit that you..."

Click here to read the story.

And for those of you who live life on the fringe of society here are a couple more.

ON THE FRINGE—AL TZITZIT:

“Would you take your only son . . .?” Or perhaps you might be interested in a series on raising a child with disabilities. Take a look at:

Park your ego at the door: Links to my series “On raising a child with disabilities”
Everyone needs a good adventure.

A bit of Light:Our Adventure

"We tried to get off, but the flight attendant wouldn't let us. It was too late. We were stuck and going to...."

Click here to read the story.
Editor's Note: I mulled over whether I should include any of my own posts here. The hardest part is trying to decide which posts to highlight. On the right side of the page I have set up a few drop down menus that list some of my personal favorites. Feel free to peruse that, there is some good stuff in there. It is a mix of serious and the not so serious.
And there you have it, the first and possibly only edition of this particular roundup. There are some excellent posts here. If you liked this and want to see it continue let me know.

Send Me Your Best Post- Greatest Hits of The Blogosphere

I want to do something new. I am interested in compiling a new roundup of the Greatest Posts of the Blogosphere. There are some other bloggers who have similar operations going on, but let's face it, in a world of 1 billion blogs there is room for a couple of these.

Here is the idea. Send an email to Talk to jack now at sbc global dot net with your favorite post and I'll do the rest.

November 17, 2006

Three Almost Random Thoughts

Millions of people are outraged by OJ's latest move. Millions of people say that they are going to refuse to buy the book and will refuse to watch the special. Millions of people will reluctantly watch the special. It is like a train wreck or car accident. You don't really want to stop, but you do anyway.

One of the reasons that people love James Bond is because he is human. No special powers, just training and some cool gadgets. Oh, did I mention the cool car and the beautiful women. It is easy to pretend that you are him.

Chuck Norris is one bad dude.

November 16, 2006

The Dilemma- Do You Tell

My children and I have an ongoing discussion about being a tattle-tale. They are good kids and for the most part they play nicely together. However like all children they have their moments when they just lose it and begin to fight.

Their mother and I try to let them work it out. We don't insert ourselves unless it is clear that they cannot resolve the issue.

Of course like most children they often engage in their own preemptive strike. Here are a couple of their favorites.

"Dad! Esther hit me!"

"Daddy, Jon took my toy!"

In case you are wondering, what I hear sounds more like the adults in the Peanuts shows. "Wah wah wah wah."

This has led to the grand conversation of trying to teach them not to be tattle-tales. It is not such a simple thing, because at the same time I am working hard to help them understand when it is not ok to keep secrets.

That leads me to my next hypothetical issue. If you know that there was an immoral, unethical, loser scum bag low-life hanging out with you in the blogosphere what would you do.

Would you point them out. Would you try and place a scarlet letter upon them. Or would you just ignore them.

What if they exhibited the same sense of denial and self-awareness as OJ. What if they paraded around pretending to be something that they are not.

Should you award them with the reward that they so truly deserve. Should you sail on over on a cyberspace boat and smack them. Or would that be too juvenile.

I wonder.

Gifts For The Children of The Obscenely Rich

For the entire list click here


Junior Off Roader Gasoline-Powered Vehicle for Two
$32,350
Get an early start on teaching your kid how to drive a car with this gas-guzzling two-seater. Children can even tune into the radio with a fully functional removable tape deck, with speakers on both sides. The car shifts into three different modes and has adjustable leather seats.
Tires: 20 x 8.00 - 8
Fuel: Unleaded gasoline
Weight: 300/20 kg
Recommended for 7-year-olds to 12-year-olds
mobileation.stores.yahoo.net

Lego Life-Sized Batman
$27,000
This Caped Crusader can guard your child from all that lurks in the night. A statue stands 6'6" tall and is made of Lego bricks, with a yellow utility belt and heavy cape fabric. It comes in three parts to assemble.
Product dimensions: 24" L x 24" W x 78" H
Recommended for 6-year-olds and older
www.faoschwarz.com
Tumble Outpost
$97,510
This giant playset includes a lookout tower with double rock-climbing walls, a fire pole and a small play area below. Kids can go on a great adventure over a swinging bridge and either go to the upper-level clubhouse or end up in the jailhouse below. Other play features include a rope-net ladder, an earthquake landing platform and a turbo-tube slide.
Product dimensions: 35.5' L x 28' W x 15' H
www.netkidswear.com

November 15, 2006

Your Favorite Post Update

Here is some clarification regarding this post.

The idea is for you (the reader) to send me your best/favorite post from YOUR blog. This roundup is designed to serve as a way to showcase your work.

The topic can be about anything. It is your choice, your decision. All you have to do is send me an email with a link/URL to your post.

If you so choose you are also welcome to promote this on your blog. As a matter of fact, if you do a good job you might even win a free waffle courtesy of Jameel. ;)

And don't worry, there will be no more comments about the gun slingin chef. ;)

As was once said "Friends, Bloggers and Countrymen lend me your Posts!"

November 14, 2006

His First Time With A Woman

I miss so very many things about my grandfather. I miss watching the fights with him. I miss the stories that he told about the Jewish fighters. I miss his jokes and I miss the quiet moments in which we said nothing but enjoyed each others company.

I miss the trips to the steam room to schvitz and I miss going to the movies with him. I miss talking to him about my job and my life.

I miss the card games and the stories about the great battle of Victorville. I miss the tales of his time in the carnival and the adventures he had in New Orleans.

I miss the stories about how Kowalski showed up at my grandparent's door demanding to take my grandfather on in another round of pool and all the yarns about life in Chicago in the '20s.

I miss the stories about his friend Blinkie and so many others including his first time with a woman.

Grandpa was one hell of a storyteller. I only wish that I had half his ability.

A Star Trek Nerd Moment

Raise your hand if you cried when Scotty played Amazing Grace on the bagpipes at Spock's funeral.

My Top Posts for This Month

We are not quite half way through the month, but no matter. It is time for the top posts of November. Based upon the magic of stat counters these are the posts that have received the most attention from you, the readers.

How Long Will You Keep On Blogging?

Israel & The Next War

Why The Baal Teshuva World Irritates Me

Math Proves Women Are Trouble

Happy Holidays is An Appropriate Greeting

Who Remembers Free To Be You And Me

My New Haircut

November 13, 2006

A Few Simple Things That Make Me Happy

  1. The smell of my daughter's hair.
  2. A hug from my children.
  3. The smile my son gives me when I get home from work.
  4. A good bowl of soup.
  5. Warm sun on my back.
  6. The sound of the waves breaking on the shore.
  7. The smell of fresh baked cookies.
  8. Hiking my favorite trails.
  9. A nice bottle of scotch, good friends and good music.
  10. Watching my kids play.
  11. Lying on the grass and staring up at the sky.
  12. Skipping rocks on a lake.
  13. Horseback riding- haven't done it in a while, but I like it.
  14. Wrestling with my parent's dog.
  15. Listening to my grandparent's stories.

How To Save 'Lost.'

This guy thinks that he has the answer.

"Now let’s imagine an alternate reality in which, say, Lost was designed to run for only two seasons. Rather than........"
What do you think?

Why The Baal Teshuva World Irritates Me

I am not FFB, but I have a number of friends who are. I am not BT and not real likely to go that route. I have watched many friends go down that path and haven't had the most pleasant reaction to what I have seen.

The internal struggle that many of them has gone through has created so many tumultuous situations. Time after time I have witnessed terrible fighting with their relatives and the complete severance of decade long friendships.

I understand and appreciate that they have found a spiritual calling. I can respect that. I don't have any problem with people choosing to find the derech. But I cannot condone the bridge burning that many of their supporters encourage them to do.

When the only way that you can find security in your new place is to rid yourself of all of your old world ties there is a problem. It comes off as being cultlike and I think that it is sad.

Not all of my friends growth resembled Sherman's march through Atlanta. Some of them found a path that allowed them to do what they had to do without badmouthing their friends and relatives. Some of them were secure enough to accept that not everyone was going to be like them.

And some understood that you attract more flies with honey. They recognized that patronizing comments were unwarranted and that building bridges made more sense.

I suppose that part of what bothers me about this stems from their refusal to accept that there are those of us who have chosen to maintain our level of observance. Just as they feel like they have come to a place of spiritual growth so have we.

I recall one friend who grew up in a completely secular home trying to teach me how I could be more observant and become a better Jew. The former three day a year Jew thinking that 18 months of learning meant that he knew more than 25 years of practicing Judaism.

Why? Because the people he was surrounded by taught him that any Judaism that was different from their own wasn't real. Quite shameful and quite sad. A real chillul Hashem.

I don't want to belabor the point. I don't have a problem with BTs in general and applaud their decision. All I expect is that they open their eyes and look around. In spite of what some say, it is a big world and there is no one singular path to Hashem.

Just as they say they'll daven for me, I daven for them.

November 12, 2006

Israel & The Next War

I don't claim to be the smartest pundit or pseudo-pundit around. I don't need to own the title of strategist, envoy, ambassador or hayseed to be able to comment on this.

All I need are my own two eyes and ears and the tiny lick of common sense that was granted to me.

Another war is coming. Israel will take up arms again and be forced to fight.

I am not the only one saying it. There are plenty of others who get paid to think and write about these things. I am just a ordinary Joe sitting here at the keyboard ruminating about the crap that happens around me.

This last go around wasn't enough. Three soldiers are still missing and the other side is still crowing about its victory.

Unlike some others I don't buy their rhetoric. I don't accept their claims. They have to say these things. They have to continue to push their PR. And you know what, it works. People buy into this crap.

Here is the thing. War is hell. War is brutal. War is the nastiest thing that you can think of and it should be. War is not fought from the air. The air force is just a tiny part of this.

When you go to war the real fighting is done by the troops on the ground. Sometimes it is hand-to-hand and sometimes it is with guns at close enough range that you can see the effect of bullets and bombs upon flesh.

Hamas, Hezbollah, Syria and Iran. They are pushing and baiting. They are prodding and poking and trying to establish the terms of warfare and the results prior to the end.

Some people will read this post and call me a warmonger, a chickenhawk and any number of nasty names. Go ahead.

I don't like this. The people in danger are not just nameless, faceless souls. Many of them are family and friends. Some are former neighbors.

The last war wasn't brutal enough. The death cult did not feel the real consequences of their actions. But I saw the grief of those left behind, on both sides. I saw the pain and recognized that some families have forever been torn apart.

I have to pick a side. It is pretty obvious who I root for.

I don't like it. I wish that it were otherwise, but I just don't see how we are going avoid the coming storm.

So when the next war comes I hope that it is fought differently. Take off the gloves and unleash hell. Spend time letting the civilians know well in advance that it is time to get out. Give them plenty of time to leave because the day will come when anyone and anything left in the battlefield is classified as us or them.

The punishment must be swift and severe. The consequences should be seen as being so dire that the participants fear to even think about trying again.

Just writing this makes me feel sick inside, like there is something rotten and fetid. Dead flesh. G-d help us all. Because if he doesn't then the future I see truly is filled with sulfur and ash.

May this post come to be the cries of imagination and nothing else.

If Hobbits Could Rap........

This is the first music video by the Lords of the Rhymes. The Lords are two hobbits who rap about Middle-earth and ring lore. The video contains a variety of costumes and references to the Red Book of Westmarch. Warning: The video also contains explicit language and very, very hot elf girls!! (as well as Leonard Nimoy)

Ok, that is the Youtube crap. As for my comments, it was a little off color, but it made me smile. Not incredible, but kind of fun.




November 11, 2006

The 911 Report- The Comic Book Version

As a kid I enjoyed reading comic books. As a child trapped in a man's body I readily admit that I still enjoy reading them. I am not anywhere close to a hard core collector, can't remember when I last purchased one.

Anyhoo, I just learned that the 911 Report has been made into a comic book. I am not real sure about how I feel about this. I suspect that upon reflection I am going to come to the conclusion that I am not a supporter of this effort. It feels watered down and lacking the appropriate solemnity that is required.

You can find more samples here. What do you think?

Borat- Some Humor is Too Sophisticated

I haven't seen Borat yet but I intend to. I have seen the character on the Da Ali G. show so I am familiar with him and of course I have already seen various clips online. In addition I have read many reviews of the movie.

In fact I was a bit surprised by how favorable the reviews were. I had suspected that the critics were going to savage the movie.

Many of them use terms that suggest that this is very sophisticated social satire and some have lauded the brilliance of the film.

Call me a spoilsport, but I worry that the very people whose prejudice and bigotry is being lampooned will not understand the joke and instead may appreciate hearing the validation of their bigoted views.

Just my two cents.

November 09, 2006

Math Proves Women Are Trouble

Happy Holidays is An Appropriate Greeting

(This is a repeat from last year)

The other day someone wished me a Merry Xmas and I responded with Happy Holidays. He went off on a two minute tirade about how my comment was indicative of the problems with the US.

I was feeling feisty so I asked him if he approved of gay marriage. He said no to which I responded that I was glad to hear that because I was interested in sleeping with his daughter. He fumed and sputtered and made the mistake of continuing the conversation with me and because sometimes I enjoy engaging in juvenile and pedantic behavior I obliged him.

He told me that he was sure I was a liberal and a card carrying member of the ACLU. I told him that I was liberal in my use of ketchup and other condiments and asked him if he wanted to give me the secret ACLU handshake. I also told him that on the weekends my ACLU buddies and I liked to go the local hunting lodge and tear it up with the locals. This threw him for a loop but I wasn't surprised because he was a simple man with simple thoughts that he had never explored.

He told me that he thought that it was a shame that I had killed our lord and I asked him if he really believed that. He said that with my words I was killing him again and again. So I asked him if he believed in the resurrection to which he said yes.

My next point kind of threw him because I asked him a simple question. I said you think that I killed G-d but how can you kill G-d and if I was capable of killing G-d did he think that it was smart to argue with me because if I had that kind of power I might choose to turn him into a newt or force him to live in detroit or cleveland.

At some point a woman joined our conversation and started shouting at me about something. As I am an old hand at pressing buttons I looked at her and asked her snootily if Kate Spade knew that she was carrying a poor knock-off and wondered if her shower curtain had somehow been turned into a dress.

And then she told me that I wasn't acting very Xtian and I laughed and said that I never did. Little did I know that this would make her so upset that she offered to get on her knees and pray for me. I told her that getting on her knees in the parking lot might get us both arrested and that my wife would be quite upset with me if I let her, but thank you anyway.

In the meantime the man that had started all of this nonsense started yelling something about going on a mission to give every house a nativity scene. I told him that if he could fix the potholes and offer a chicken in every pot that I would vote for him.

And with that I said that I had to leave and so I wished him a Happy Kwanzaa and resumed my shopping.

Conservative Nonsense and Political Blather

The election has come and gone. The people voiced their outrage and irritation with the establishment (read republicans) and now we wait to see what happens when the dust settles.

Throughout the blogosphere there are cries of frustration, cries of anger and cries of joy. But what gets my goat are the bloggers who produce these self-righteous posts of "I am going to spend the next two years chronicling the missteps and mistakes of the democrats" or "it will be fun to watch the democrats screw up. We'll be back in a term or two."

And of course there are the liberal blogs tooting their horns with "now we are going to fix all of the mistakes the republicans made."

I dislike those as much as the former. Right now it feels to me like two teams of monkeys have been fighting over who gets to control the banana tree. Two groups have spent years engaged in finger pointing and what have we gotten out of it.

I am just sick of it. You all need an extra large dose of STFU. Stop talking and show me how you are going to make things better. Show me a plan, a coherent platform that illustrates how we can improve all of our lives.

This is not a country that is built upon one group. It is a potpourri of people and ideas. Let's see if we can actually execute some of these plans. Let's see if we can make it better.

I can only speak for myself, but until I see change I really don't want to hear a word from anyone.

The sky is not falling. The country is not broken. We are not on the verge of civil war and we certainly are not going to be overrun by the hordes of Osama. We live in a country in which our impoverished are for the most part not as poor as some of those who live in the third world.

But we can and need to do better. I just hope that we are going to get to work on improving life for all of us.

Jack's Rule of Refrigeration

If it is not located on the edge of the shelf then it doesn't exist and must be purchased.

-Jack's rule of refrigeration.

For the back story see this post at Seraphic Secret.

The Gay Parade In Jerusalem

And now I add my voice to the chorus of those who have already spoken about this. I very much appreciated what Jameel had to say on the matter.

I suspect that when push comes to shove he and I will have our differences, but as the Gemara says much can be worked out over a waffle breakfast.

This is another situation in which the opposition has done a better job of publicizing an event than the organizers ever could have done.

My own position on same sex marriage has been illustrated here, here and here. In short I haven't any problem with it that I don't have with heterosexual marriage.

That is not to say that I agree with everyone who is going to be marching at the parade either, but I support their right to do so.

November 08, 2006

It is Raining Dentures

If You Can't Pass The Test: RIOT

This never would have happened in Mayberry.

"Hundreds of people applying to join the police have gone on the rampage in the northern Indian city of Ghaziabad.

Riots began because many felt a written test was too difficult, officials say.

The mob of would-be officers rampaged along a stretch of the main road to Delhi, attacking people and property. Almost 30 people were arrested.

Passengers were forced from their vehicles and reports say several women were molested. It took police an hour to bring the riots under control.

Women assaulted

About 20,000 hopefuls had turned up on Sunday evening to take the written test assessing their suitability to be constables in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh police.

The state's home secretary, RM Srivastava, told the BBC that the candidates were upset because they found the question paper too difficult.

As they left the police headquarters in Ghaziabad, several hundred angry applicants began stopping cars and buses on the highway, breaking windows and demanding lifts.

The mob then ran out of control along a 5km (three-mile) section of the main highway to Delhi, smashing fences, looting food from kiosks and beating up shopkeepers.

Security forces baton-charged the rioters to restore order."

The Election is Over- Can We Move on Now

I don't know about you but I am happy that the election is over. It wasn't a pleasant experience. The time leading up to the big day was filled with innuendo and nasty remarks.

As a child you are often told "not to stoop to their level" but many of the candidates seem to have forgotten or misunderstood that message. Not only did I find it distasteful but to a certain extent a little disheartening.

I like to fool myself into believing that our elected representatives are in office because they are altruists who are truly interested in the public good. That naive little boy inside me is just convinced that they will act to improve the life and general welfare of the populace.

And then there is cynic who says WTF is wrong with you. Elected officials are people and that means that a certain percent of them will give into the dark side. They'll spend most of their time trying to obtain more power or cement what little they have. They'll work on securing their kingdom and during a few off moments do something that helps someone other than themselves.

Ah, politics........

Let us hope that this is the start of a new day and that people will work together to try and fix the pieces that are broken and improve all of our lives. Let's hope that the bickering, finger pointing and blame game ends.

And if we can't get all of that, well perhaps we can enjoy a short honeymoon in which we all pretend that we like each other and that things will get better because we are going to make them better.

Israel Food Festival- Jack's Gourmet Tour

So my big plan to engage in the great Israeli Food Festival of November is falling through. Did you see what my pal Jameel said here. I was so looking forward to brunch at the Muqata.

It was a bit of an impromptu plan. I kind of figured that I could check out the famed mangling at Casa De Treppenwitz. Check out the last picture on this page and tell me that it doesn't smell great.

I did plan on giving old AbbaGav a head's up. After all he needs some time to prepare his cheesecake.

Later on I figured that I'd grab some coffee with David. I haven't given him a hard time about the wimps that play Australian football lately.

But as they say, people plan and G-d laughs. My grand plan was foiled and now I'll have to hang out here in the USA. That is not such a bad option, I know someone else who prepares some pretty tasty menus.

And besides if that falls through DovBear owes me a good meal for helping with that favor a few years back.

My Great Post

I had an idea for a spectacular post. Unfortunately I seem to have forgotten it. I'll let you know if I suddenly remember it.

Faith Hill- Are You A Poor Sport.

November 07, 2006

Web Rage

I meant to share this a long time ago.

Paul Gibbons, 47, tracked down John Jones using details obtained online after the pair exchanged insults in an internet chatroom, a court heard.

He travelled 70 miles to Mr Jones' home in Clacton, Essex, and beat him up with a pickaxe handle in December 2005.

Gibbons, of Southwark, south London, admitted unlawful wounding and will be sentenced on 7 November.
Anonymity has its advantages.

Culture Club on Boy George: He's 'gone too far'

I saw this headline and almost choked on my cereal. Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but are these guys for real.

Culture Club on Boy George: He's 'gone too far'

Open Mike- Leave A Comment

Hi Folks, it is open mike day here at the Shack. What is on your mind? Leave a Comment and Share it with us here.

November 06, 2006

The Flashback Post

Just a list of posts that you might want to read for the first time, or again. Or maybe not.

My Current Playlist

Jackson
Johnny Cash/June Carter Cash
Somebody Told Me
The Killers
Crawling
Linkin Park
Thunderstruck
AC/DC
Jam On It
Newcleus
Six Months in a Leaky Boat
The Wiggles
Cry
Faith Hill
Tomorrow People
Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers
Weekend in New England
Barry Manilow
Who's Behind the Door?
Zebra
The Stroke
Billy Squier
Heart Full Of Soul
The Yardbirds
Hey Jude
Wilson Pickett
Its Raining Men
The Weather Girls
Whenever God Shines His Light
Van Morrison
Love Walks In
Van Halen
New York
U2
Steppin' Out With My Baby
Tony Bennett
When the Heartache Is Over
Tina Turner
Libiamo Ne' Lieti Calici (Brindisi)
The Three Tenors
My Girl
The Temptations

Butterfingers Make Me Sick

In the aftermath of Halloween I have to share this with you. Butterfingers make me sick. It stems from an incident that took place 13 years ago.

I was at my younger sister's college graduation. It was hot, close to 100 in the shade and there wasn't much in the way of food around. For some reason we had a bag full of Butterfingers. I don't remember why, but I do remember that as the candy and I melted in the sun it was a tasty treat.

Besides, most of these graduations are just boring. All too often you end up listening to some dull speech that would be better suited as a cure for insomnia.

So there I sat in the midst of the proud friends and families of the graduates, wolfing down Butterfingers. Oh, did I mention that the university sold some sickeningly sweet lemonade that I used to wash this down.

Ok, I could continue the build up and background to this but why. Let me cut to the chase.

I didn't get sick until the next day, as did my father and two of my sisters. It was a bad case of something that requires a description that includes explosive.

Without getting any more graphic allow me to say that I thought that Butterfingers were ok on the way down, but a repeat performance soured me on them. To this day I just can't eat them. The thought still makes me say bleah.

It is a Useful Talent

I have been working hard on perfecting this. It is a great way of getting attention or alternatively expressing your displeasure with someone.

Trash or Treasure


Located on eBay. Personally I wouldn't purchase this thing, unless I was building a carousel or something along those lines.

Sorry, I have more than enough junk in my garage. I just don't need any more.

November 05, 2006

The Sunday Night Round Up

Here at the Shack things move quickly. If you blink you might miss a post or two so here is a short round up of recent posts:

Who Remembers Free To Be You And Me

Again I'll refer to the Wikipedia entry and a few excerpts. Oy, I feel old.

Free to Be… You and Me is a record album and illustrated songbook for children, first released in November 1972, and later in 1974 as a television special, featuring songs and stories from celebrities (credited as "Marlo Thomas and Friends"). Using poetry, songs, and sketches, the basic concept was to salute values such as individuality, tolerance, and happiness with one's identity; a major thematic message is that you, whether a boy or a girl, can achieve anything you want. The album has become a cult classic amongst many children raised in the 1970s.

The original idea to create the album came from Thomas; she wanted to teach her then-young niece Dionne about life. A well-received sequel, Free to Be . . . A Family, was produced in 1987.

The album has been published by Arista Records since 1983 (it was first published by Bell Records), and is still in print today.

Track listing

This Song Makes Me Want To Dance

Sing, Sing, Sing

I am sure that you recognize it. It is a standard that is played at thousands of parties. Play this and I can guarantee that you will find a ton of people on the dance floor, many of them completely oblivious to their lack of rhythm.

Unfortunately I am not one of them. Ok, let me clarify. I am well aware of my lack of rhythm. I wish that it were otherwise. Truly I wish that it were. I wouldn't mind being one of those guys who could just sashay out there and tear up the floor.

I don't spend too much time out on the dance floor because normally I feel out of place. I know how the limbs should move. I know what I want to look like but the execution of these moves just doesn't work the way I want it to.

When I was younger it bothered me enough that I didn't go out without a couple of drinks in my system. The beauty of age is that I just don't care anymore. If I feel like dancing then I dance. Now I just get irritated, but that is the joy of being a curmudgeon.

FWIW, I do just fine in the slow dancing department, not to mention that I can do a decent two-step. All things being equal, you won't find me on Dancing with The Stars any time soon, but that is ok.

BTW, here is a little blurb from Wikipedia that you might find to be interesting.

"Sing, Sing, Sing" is a 1936 song written by Louis Prima that has become one of the definitive songs of the big band and Swing Era. Although written by Prima, it is often most associated with Benny Goodman. The song has since been covered by numerous artists.

On July 6, 1937 "Sing, Sing, Sing" was recorded in Hollywood with Benny Goodman on clarinet; Harry James, Ziggy Elman, and Chris Griffin on trumpet; Red Ballard and Murray McEachern on trombone; Hymie Schertzer and George Koenig on alto saxophone; Art Rollini and Vido Musso on tenor saxophone; Jess Stacy on piano; Allan Reuss on guitar; Harry Goodman on bass; and Gene Krupa on drums. The song was arranged by Jimmy Mundy. Unlike most big band arrangements of that era, which were limited in length to about 3 minutes so that they could be recorded on one side of a standard 10-inch 78-rpm record, the Goodman band's version of "Sing, Sing, Sing" was a extended work. The 1937 recording lasted 8 min 43 sec, and took up both sides of a 12-inch 78. Mundy's arrangement incorporated "Christopher Columbus", a piece written by Chu Berry for the Fletcher Henderson band, as well as Prima's work.

Benny Goodman is quoted as saying, "'Sing, Sing, Sing' (which we started doing back at the Palomar on our second trip there in 1936) was a big thing, and no one-nighter was complete without it...." Many swing afficionadoes consider the definitive performance of "Sing, Sing, Sing" to be from Goodman's famous 1938 Carnegie Hall jazz concert, in a performance that was very different from both the previous year's commercial release and from subsequent performances with the Goodman band. The personnel of the Goodman band for the Carnegie Hall concert was the same as for the 1937 recording session, except that Vernon Brown had replaced Murray McEachern on trombone, and Babe Russin had replaced Vido Musso on tenor sax."


My Favorite Song From Fiddler on The Roof

Sabbath Prayer Lyrics

[MOTHERS AND FATHERS]
May the Lord protect and defend you.
May He always shield you from shame.
May you come to be
In Israel a shining name.

May you be like Ruth and like Esther.
May you be deserving of praise.
Strengthen them, Oh Lord,
And keep them from the strangers' ways.

May God bless you and grant you long lives.
(May the Lord fulfill our Sabbath prayer for you.)
May God make you good mothers and wives.
(May He send you husbands who will care for you.)

May the Lord protect and defend you.
May the Lord preserve you from pain.
Favor them, Oh Lord, with happiness and peace.
Oh, hear our Sabbath prayer. Amen.

Why I Changed My Display Name

I recently changed my display name from Jack's Shack to just Jack. On a different post I was asked what prompted this change.

The history of Jack's Shack has a number of layers to it, each of them having to do with memories of special times and places. One of them was a bar that I used to frequent on and off. The Shack was a lot of fun and I carry it with me to this day.

However in the 2.5 years that I have been blogging I have learned that there is a less than savory definition tied into my former name. I feel kind of naive admitting this, but prior to blogging I was completely unfamiliar with it.

I am many things, but prude is not one of them. This blog travels in many directions some of them coarse and crude but that is not the focus of it.

Anyway, I changed it because I was irked by the association and images of the other name.

My Confession For This Morning

I like my son's toothpaste better than my own.

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

November 04, 2006

I Purchased a Treo

I picked up the Treo 700w. Thus far I am fairly happy with it. Just trying hard to get acquainted with all of the features.

There are one or two little details that are irritating me, but I am sure that it is only because I am learning how to use the phone.

Here is a partial list of what this bad boy is supposed to do.

Palm’s world-class ease of use, now on Windows Mobile.®
The Palm® Treo™ 700w smartphone delivers everything you need without compromise.

It combines a smarter phone with broadband-like speeds and
rich-media capabilities, all in one—bringing Palm’s world-class ease of use to the Windows Mobile® platform.

Connect with people in multiple ways—by voice, email, SMS, or MMS2.

Your contacts are always reachable, from any application.
Access email, the web, and corporate networks on one of the fastest networks available in the U.S.

Or relax and play your favorite music and videos right on your device.

With this easy-to-use productivity device in hand, you can can stay connected on your terms.

Quick Facts
 Compact, all-in-one smartphone
 Palm’s world-class usability
 Fast downloads on EvDO networks
 Microsoft® Windows Mobile® 5.0
 Wireless email and web2
 Integrated organizer functionality
 Supports Microsoft® Office Word, Excel, PowerPoint,
and Outlook Mobile applications
 128MB memory3
 1.3 megapixel digital camera
 Windows Media® Player Mobile for music and video
 Built-in Bluetooth® wireless technology
 Microsoft® ActiveSync® 4.1 software
 Voice Command for voice dialing

November 03, 2006

The Perfect Gift

According to Consumer Reports this is not it.

"Our survey has the lowdown on best gifts, hot shopping spots, and gift cards that don't give.

Believe it or not, there's a worse gift than a mashed-potato-scented candle. One unfortunate Consumer Reports survey respondent received such a present last holiday season. But consider this: Giving a gift card can be a bigger waste of money. That's one of the findings in our recent Holiday Shopping poll. The Consumer Reports National Research Center surveyed 1,000 adults about holiday shopping habits. Here are our major findings:

  • Unused gift cards are the new billion-dollar business. According to our survey, the second-most-popular gift for 2006, favored by 60 percent of shoppers, is gift cards. (Clothing came in first at 73 percent.) While gift cards seem like a fail-proof present, they may be as useful as an animatronic singing trophy fish. About 23.3 million Americans have unused gift cards from last year's holidays--that's at least $972 million in unredeemed cards. Indeed, 54 percent of respondents received gift cards for the 2005 holidays. Nearly a year later, 19 percent of the gift-card recipients have not used one or more of the cards received."
I am one of those people who has a card or two lying around. But, that is not because I am unhappy with these gifts. The reason is that I am being very particular about how I spend it. I am quite appreciative of this, but there is no reason just to spend the money to spend it.

I have my eye on a couple of things. Just biding my time and then I'll go ahead and snap it up.

November 02, 2006

My New Haircut

How Long Will You Keep On Blogging?

This is the question of the moment. How long do you expect to keep on blogging? Do you have any sense of how long you can keep on going?

Will you be one of those bloggers who comes on fast and furious and then suddenly disappears or will you be here for the long haul.

What do you think?

How To Deal With Anger

This post covers it nicely. Here is a short excerpt:

"The mishnah in Avot says there are four temperaments when it comes to anger. The implication is that no-one doesn't get angry. People pretend to be that way, but it is not so. Also, there is no-one who is angry constantly, although some people pretend to be that way too. You're either slow to anger and quick to calm down, or quick to anger and slow to calm down, or quick to anger and quick to calm down, or slow to anger and slow to calm down."

Some Links That Caught My Eye

Make your own Godless Money. Actually it sounds like a waste of time to me, but that is just me.

Don't Wear Sunglasses At the Airport
- This guy forgot a couple of fundamental rules. You don't waste time arguing with airport personnel, police or city home inspectors. Just shut up and let them do their job because 99.9% of the time you will lose and piss off all the people who are stuck in line behind you.

the truth about exactly why an elastic band recoils.- I like the twang.

Ancient Cataract Surgery- Ouch

Elephants are Self-Aware -They never forget.

November 01, 2006

The Blogger I Want To Be

The Blogger I Want To Be. I like the sound of that, kind of reminds me of the old standby essay that teachers made us write: What I did on my Summer Vacation.

I like it because I love summer. It is my favorite time of years. I love going to the beach and camping trips. I love leaving town and doing a little globe trotting. Summer reminds me of hot dogs and barbecues, summer loves (ok, all you Danny Zuko and Sandy wannabees you can stop humming 'Summer Nights.') and just endless possibilities.

Endless possibilities, that is what the beginning of every summer felt like to me. Who knew how many cool adventures lay ahead of me. I never did, but I always looked forward to them.

The Blogger I Want To Be knows how to tell a good yarn. He can take those endless Summer nights and compose a tale that is too compelling to skim. He can come up with tremendous insight into the human psyche and what our roles are in the world.

The Blogger I Want To Be can write about politics and history. He is erudite, refined and witty and he does it all without coming off as being stuffy. People seek him out because it feels good to be near and to share in his community. He is not arrogant nor pretentious although his detractors wish that he were.

The Blogger I Want To Be is not just a myth or even a mister. The Blogger I Want To Be is a goal that I set for myself. I don't know if I will ever be that guy. In part because I am very much human and subject to all of the failings and frailties of humanity.

But without The Blogger I Want To Be as a goal I am not sure if this blog would worth visiting. Goals are important. They help to keep us motivated so that we always try to do our best. Why work if you are going to give a subpar performance. If you are going to do it you might as well do it well.

I'd write more but I hear the roar of the ocean in the background and I desperately need to feel some sand between my toes. I think that I am going to go commune with the sea for a while. I'll catch up with you all later.

Template Template Template

It looks fine in Firefox and like hell in IE. Bleah.

"Holocaust" Cartoon Contest Winner Announced

TEHRAN (Reuters) - A Moroccan won first prize on Wednesday in Iran's
International Holocaust Cartoons Contest, which had sparked outrage
in Israel, the West and among Jewish groups.

Iran's best-selling newspaper, Hamshahri, launched a competition in February
to find the best cartoon about the Holocaust, in which 6 million Jews were
killed by the Nazis.


The contest was a retaliation for last year's publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad in Danish and other European newspapers that angered Muslims worldwide.

Convoluted thinking. A Danish newspaper runs a cartoon that Muslims find offensive. In response thousands take to the street and riot. And then for good measure the head of the Iranian gov't decides that there should be a contest to come up with a cartoon that would be offensive to Jews and Israel, and if he is lucky the west. He does this in spite of the fact that Jews/Israel were not a part of the Danish cartoon.

It is not just juvenile, it is calculated and well thought out.

Presenting a prize to a representative of Moroccan cartoonist Abdellah
Derkaoui, Culture and Islamic Guidance Minister Mohammad Hossein Saffar-Harandi praised Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who has described the Holocaust as a "myth."

"Our president was the brave and freedom-seeking person who started
this debate without being concerned about its consequences," Saffar-Harandi
said.


Ahmadinejad is doing several things. He is testing the water. He wants to see what kind of reaction his actions receive. He is trying to establish new facts that he can use to try to demonize and dehumanize Israel with.

Don't take this man for a complete fool and don't be fooled into thinking that he is full of bluster. He means what he says. He is very dangerous.

From Indiana Jones Personal Papers

January 22, 1939

Assistant Professor Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr.
Department of Anthropology
Chapman Hall 227B
Marshall College

Dr. Jones:

As chairman of the Committee on Promotion and Tenure, I regret to inform you that your recent application for tenure has been denied by a vote of 6 to 1. Following past policies and procedures, proceedings from the committee's deliberations that were pertinent to our decision have been summarized below according to the assessment criteria.

Demonstrates suitable experience and expertise in chosen field:

The committee concurred that Dr. Jones does seem to possess a nearly superhuman breadth of linguistic knowledge and an uncanny familiarity with the history and material culture of the occult. However, his understanding and practice of archaeology gave the committee the greatest cause for alarm. Criticisms of Dr. Jones ranged from "possessing a perceptible methodological deficiency" to "practicing archaeology with a complete lack of, disregard for, and colossal ignorance of current methodology, theory, and ethics" to "unabashed grave-robbing." Given such appraisals, perhaps it isn't surprising to learn that several Central and South American countries recently assembled to enact legislation aimed at permanently prohibiting his entry.

Moreover, no one on the committee can identify who or what instilled Dr. Jones with the belief that an archaeologist's tool kit should consist solely of a bullwhip and a revolver.

Nationally recognized for an effectual program of scholarship or research supported by publications of high quality:

Though Dr. Jones conducts "field research" far more often than anyone else in the department, he has consistently failed to report the results of his excavations, provide any credible evidence of attending the archaeological conferences he claims to attend, or produce a single published article in any peer-reviewed journal. Someone might tell Dr. Jones that in academia "publish or perish" is the rule. Shockingly, there is little evidence to date that Dr. Jones has successfully excavated even one object since he arrived at Marshall College.

Marcus Brody, curator of our natural-history museum, assured me this was not so and graciously pointed out several pieces in the collection that he claimed were procured through Dr. Jones's efforts, but, quite frankly, we have not one shred of documentation that can demonstrate the provenance or legal ownership of these objects.

Meets professional standards of conduct in research and professional activities of the discipline:

The committee was particularly generous (and vociferous) in offering their opinions regarding this criterion. Permit me to list just a few of the more troubling accounts I was privy to during the committee's meeting. Far more times than I would care to mention, the name "Indiana Jones" (the adopted title Dr. Jones insists on being called) has appeared in governmental reports linking him to the Nazi Party, black-market antiquities dealers, underground cults, human sacrifice, Indian child slave labor, and the Chinese mafia.

There are a plethora of international criminal charges against Dr. Jones, which include but are not limited to: bringing unregistered weapons into and out of the country; property damage; desecration of national and historical landmarks; impersonating officials; arson; grand theft (automobiles, motorcycles, aircraft, and watercraft in just a one week span last year); excavating without a permit; countless antiquities violations; public endangerment; voluntary and involuntary manslaughter; and, allegedly, murder.

Dr. Jones's interpersonal skills and relationships are no better.

By Dr. Jones's own admission, he has repeatedly employed an underage Asian boy as a driver and "personal assistant" during his Far East travels. I will refrain from making any insinuations as to the nature of this relationship, but my intuition insists that it is not a healthy one, nor one to be encouraged. Though the committee may have overstepped the boundaries of its evaluation, I find it pertinent to note that Dr. Jones has been romantically linked to countless women of questionable character, an attribute very unbecoming of a Marshall College professor.

One of these women was identified as a notorious nightclub singer whose heart he attempted to extract with his hands, and whom he then tried, and failed, to lower into a lake of magma. Another was a Nazi scholar he was seen courting just last year who, I'm told, plummeted into a fathomless abyss at Dr. Jones's hand. And, of course, no one can forget the slow decline and eventual death of Professor Abner Ravenwood after Dr. Jones's affair with Abner's underage daughter was made public, forcing her to emigrate to Nepal to escape the debacle.

Demonstrates successful record in undergraduate and graduate teaching:

In his nine years with the department, Dr. Jones has failed to complete even one uninterrupted semester of instruction. In fact, he hasn't been in attendance for more than four consecutive weeks since he was hired. Departmental records indicate Dr. Jones has taken more sabbaticals, sick time, personal days, conference allotments, and temporary leaves than all the other members of the department combined.

The lone student representative on the committee wished to convey that, besides being an exceptional instructor, a compassionate mentor, and an unparalleled gentleman, Dr. Jones was extraordinarily receptive to the female student body during and after the transition to a coeducational system at the college. However, his timeliness in grading and returning assignments was a concern.

Establishment of an appropriate record of departmental and campus service:

Dr. Jones's behavior on campus has led not only to disciplinary action but also to concerns as to the state of his mental health. In addition to multiple instances of public drunkenness, Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department. Perhaps most disturbing, however, are the statements that come directly from Dr. Jones's mouth. Several faculty members maintain that Dr. Jones informed them on multiple occasions of having discovered the Ark of the Covenant, magic diamond rocks, and the Holy Grail! When asked to provide evidence for such claims, he purportedly replied that he was "kind of immortal" and/or muttered derogatory statements about the "bureaucratic fools" running the U.S. government. Given his history with the Nazi Party, I fear where his loyalty lies.
- - - -
To summarize, the committee fails to recognize any indication that Dr. Jones is even remotely proficient when it comes to archaeological scholarship and practice. His aptitude as an instructor is questionable at best, his conduct while abroad is positively deplorable, and his behavior on campus is minimally better. Marshall College has a reputation to uphold. I need not say more.

My apologies,

Prof. G.L. Stevens
Chairman