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Jewish "intactivists" in U.S. stop circumcising

I think that some of these people have some serious issues. I have never once felt cheated, upset or irritated at all about my own bris. I couldn't have been prouder than at my son's brit milah.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - In most respects, Michelle Chernikoff Anderson is a rabbi's dream congregant. She sings in the choir and takes classes at her synagogue.

But, like an increasing number of Jews in the United States, she has decided not to circumcise her son, rejecting the traditional notion that it is a Biblically prescribed sign of the Jewish relationship with God.

"I see circumcision as a blood ritual that I can let go of," said Anderson, who lives in Southern California.

That is relatively meaningless lead and comment. It doesn't give any sort of real detail or reason why she doesn't want to do it.

Reiss, who calls himself an "intactivist," maintains a roster of 50 officiants who conduct nonsurgical alternatives to the bris, traditionally performed on the eighth day after a boy's birth. He says he fields as many as five queries weekly from conflicted parents.

Wow, five whole queries. Percentage wise that has got to be quite small. Certainly I understand that people are going to pick and choose the mitzvot that they follow, but there are some that you just do not ignore.

Judaism is divided on the matter of converts. Reform Judaism does not require it, Orthodox and Conservative movements do.

Circumcision's detractors also claim the procedure reduces sexual sensation and endurance.

"I haven't attempted foreskin restoration surgery, but I've thought about it," said Matthew Taylor, an active Bay Area Jew who resents his own circumcision and who preaches on the evils of the practice to Jewish friends .

But author Julius Lester, who became a Reform convert to Judaism in 1982 and underwent circumcision to feel Jewish, said the procedure also boosted his sex life.

"Circumcised there are far more subtle sensations, and staying power is much, much longer," he said. "From a sexual point of view, I wish I'd gotten circumcised many years earlier."

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I Need A Better Platform

According to my friend Robert my political platform is unlikely to encourage women to vote for me. I say differently. It may take a little doing, but once I free women from the bondage of trying to emulate Imelda Marcos they'll thank me.

And if not I can always go into hiding on some remote tropical paradise. Actually that sounds like much more fun to me. Even better, I can set up my own banana republic. With any luck I'll stumble onto the largest oil reserve ever discovered.

I'll flood the market with cheap crude and we'll be able to say goodbye to many of the existing thugs as their cash flow will dry up and go away.

Selling Services To Telemarketer

Hi kids,

As many of you know I sometimes play with telemarketers. I can't say that there is any rhyme or reason to it. It sort of depends on my mood and the approach of the telemarketer. There are some really good people out there who are just doing their job and then there are those who have all of the capabilities of an aussie bagel. No matter how hard they try they just aren't capable of getting it done.

But like I said, sometimes you find a gem and you end up with great blog fodder such as:

Sorry The Owner Is In Lebanon

More Fun with Telemarketers

Recently I decided to try a new tack with the telemarketers. I try to sell them life insurance, or some other service. Thus far it has been kind of fun. You should hear the surprise in their voice when I answer their sales pitch with one of my own.

And every now and then you find someone who has a little spunk of their own.

Telemarketer: Can I speak with Mr. Shack please?
Jack: I am not sure if he is available. Is he expecting your call?

Telemarketer: I have some very important news to give him.
Jack: That doesn't tell me anything. Do you know Mr. Shack?

Telemarketer: It is very important that I speak with him now.
Jack: It is very important that you tell me who you are.

Telemarketer: Sir, Mr. Shack is going to be quite cross if you don't connect us.
Jack: Actually he is more of a Magen David.

Telemarketer: Would you please find him for me?
Jack: He is not lost.

Telemarketer: Son. Your father is going to be quite angry if you play games with me.
Jack: What kind of games do you like to play?

Telemarketer: Please put your father on.
Jack: Hang on. Let me see if he has finished slaughtering my pet cow. Money has been awfully tight around here. We're going to miss old Bessie.

Telemarketer: Do you live on a farm?
Jack: Yes. It is a fun farm.

Telemarketer: Do you know that funny farm is a nickname for a hospital.
Jack: You'd have to be crazy to say something silly like that. Hang on, I hear my father coming in now.

I put the phone down and yell "Dad!" Then after a brief pause I pick it up and say hello.

Telemarketer: Mr. Shack I have very good news for you.
Jack: Are you with the lottery?

Telemarketer: No I am not with the lottery.
Jack: How about that Ed Mcmahon guy, you know Publisher's Clearinghouse.

Telemarketer: No. I am not with them either.
Jack: Do you carry life insurance?

Telemarketer: I do, but that is not the purpose of my call.
Jack: Hang on a second, no one wants to believe that they are going to die, but believe you me. One day you're going to be just another ground monkey. What is your family going to do then. How are they going to eat.

Telemarketer: I appreciate that but...
Jack: Appreciate isn't going to pay the bills. Tell me about yourself. How old are you? Are you married, do you have children, do you rent or own?

Telemarketer: Sir, if I can take a moment of your time...
Jack: Just relax. Everyone gets nervous. Answer the questions slowly. Perhaps it might help if you write them down. I can hold on while you get a pen and paper.

Telemarketer: I have a pen, paper and a computer.
Jack: You don't need all three. Just use whatever is easiest.

Telemarketer: I think that I am going to have to say goodbye.
Jack: You just said the magic words: "Good Buy." That is all I offer, "good buys." Why don't we discuss a plan that will provide enough cash to cover your mortgage and a couple of bucks for the wife and kids to live on.

Telemarketer: I think that you misunderstood me. I have a service that you might be interested in.
Jack: A service? You mean like customer service?

Telemarketer: Excellent customer service is something that I strive to provide.
Jack: Hey fella, if you are applying for a job I am going to need for you to send over a resume first.

Telemarketer: I already have a job.
Jack: But do you have a career. Why settle for a job when you can have more,.

Telemarketer: I am sorry. I am really going to have to hang up.
Jack: Just give me five more minutes and I am sure I can explain to you why our policies are superior to the other guys.

Click.

I Am Not Retiring- The Blog is Still Open

Apparently I did a piss poor job of expressing myself in my post from the other day as quite a few people have written/called to check on me.

So allow me to say thank you for your concern. I didn't mean for it to sound as if the Shack is shutting down. There is no doubt that life has had some challenging moments for me and that this has impeded my time for blogging, but I am not quitting.

I may be a little slow to respond to comments, or I may take the easy way out and write a post about it, but I do promise to respond. Thank you for your concern. I am touched and appreciative of your kindness.

I am always surprised that people enjoy this corner of cyberspace.

Where To Look For Me

I'll be hanging out over here.