Yet Another Get Rich Quick Scheme

Shola is going to be so disappointed to learn that so many people want to make me rich. I received the following letter.
Dear Friend

I want you to patiently read this offer that will surely benefit both of us.
My name is Dr. Yoni Phil . I am a native of South Africa. I got a good
piece of information about you during my search for a trust-worthy and
honest person who can handle this confidential business with me.


I was able to make $15,000.000.00 USD cash. The money is currently deposited
with a Security Company in England, as I cannot go to the Company because it
was deposited with a name of a foriegner for security reasons. Now I want to
move the money out of England for proper investment like real eastate,
tourism industry etc I do not want to invest in England due to all their
strict/irrelevant laws and investigation, low profit and high tax on foriegn
investment.

This is why I decided to contact you. I want the money to be moved out of
England for proper investment to any country where you will receive it and
keep it until I come over to meet with you. All plans and arrangements have
been on how to move the cash from England to any other country.

For assisting and also helping me in investing the money in a business that
will bring quick and good profits, you will benefit a reasonable part of the
total money. I also have plans to giving some part of the money to the
Tsunami victims and other Charitable Organizations.

Please reply this message as soon as you read it to let me know your mind on
this proposition. Send me your private phone, fax and mobile phone numbers
as you reply this message. Once I am convinced that you are totally willing
to cooperate with me on this assignment, I will let you know how to go about
this. Note that this proposal is a top secret and should be kept
confidential at all time. While I hope to hear from you.

Please reply to me at

Best regards,
Dr. Yoni Phil
To which I sent the following reply

Dear Dr. Phil,

I appreciate your taking the time to contact me and am excited about the prospect of helping you.

As you said England is not the place to invest because all of those strict and irrelevant laws are cumbersome, unwieldy and just get in the way of making honest money.

My favorite uncle J. Edgar Hoover has a business that I think we can use to assist us in moving these funds to a place from which we can all benefit. I need to excretely look into the possibility of using these services and thereby obtain the results from which we are looking for.

I am working on this now as we speak. Thank you for contacting me. I am humbly yours.


The best,

Jack Indabox
And then received this note
Dera Mr. Jack Indabox,
Thank you for your kind reply. I believe I did not choose you by error.
I want you to help me invest this my God given fortune when I come over to your country. I hope my God and my destiny will not fool me.

First I would like to let you know that I have served humanity for a long time in a country that is abundantly blessed with such scarce natural resources like Diamond. In fact, I see it as my share of the global cake, please do not blame me. Honestly, I acquired this fund not really illegal because there is a mutual understanding between me and my co-workers and more over it is for me and for the future of my Child.

I deposited this fund in a Finance and security company in UK with the name of a foreign partner which was a code I used for security reason only. Now that I want to use this fund for a proper investment, I would like to present you as the beneficiary to this deposit so that I will apply for the release and delivery of this fund to you in your country so we can start any profitable business.
To start with, kindly provide me with the following information;
(1) your name as it appears in your international passport with date of birth.
(2) your receiving address.
(3) your active telephone and fax numbers and your occupation.
If I am convinced with your information, I will let you know and I
will proceed with the application for the release of this fund without
delay. If you will accept having 20% of the whole money at the end of this project, then we are making a progress.

It is important to let you know that this deal will be carried out
under a proper and legitimate arrangement that will prevent us from any
bridge of laws both national and international laws. Thank you for your
co operations and have a great day.

Best Regards
Dr. Philemon Yoni.
The last paragraph made me choke. He wants to be sure that we follow the law. Of course in his initial note he said "Through the smuggling and selling of diamonds from South Africa to England," which I suppose means that he thinks smuggling is legal. Here is my response to him.
It is well and good to hear from you. I agree that the dear lord is smiling down upon us and in the name of all that is good and holy wishes to bless us.

You should know that I am a member of the illustrious and illustrated Church of the Bullfrog. As a life long member of the church I am privileged to hold the title of Bishop of Bullfrog.

This endows me with many privileges and powers that perform perfectly, perpetually and perceptively to provide perfect performance. As a Bishop I need to be quite careful in who I allow to use my name and countenance.

As you may know there are many who would use the word to engage in deceit and deception. As I am a true believer of the church I do not believe that you are such, but need to ask you for a sign of your truth, honesty and integrity.

What can you provide me with to prove that you are who you are and not who you are not.

While I await your reply I have contacted my fellow bishops Mr. Popeye and Mr. Bluto. They are financial experts and will help to identify the best investments for us.

Thank you most kindly,

Jack Indabox

8 comments:

Sarah Likes Green said...

good responses!

Jerusalemcop said...

looking forward to seeing how this one plays out.

J.

kimananda said...

I am so honored to finally find out about the real you, Bishop. Please keep us posted on what happens next.

Jack Steiner said...

Hi Sarah,

Thank you.

J-Cop,

I am always amazed that these guys take me seriously.

Kimananda,

I will.

Anonymous said...

You might want to check out the church of the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster. It really (sort of) exists. You could be a bishop in that too perhaps. Do let us know if they keep going.

jac said...

I have a Nigerian Nationality. With out knowing that, I too recieved one like that from them. You know what I replied ?

I just replied that my second name is Atto, and it stopped.
Kaput, with out a trace.

Jack Steiner said...

Hi Amishav,

I have had a lot of fun with these guys. You can see examples here and here
As for evolution, I know what you are talking about.

Jac,

Somehow I am not surprised.

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Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.
Founder, National Association for the Advancement of Wealthy People

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