I am going to Hell or so you claim

Yes, another day in which someone who knows more than I do has told me that I am going to hell. It just warms my heart. I love people who think that they have a direct line to G-d. It is just so much fun to play with these folks.

See, I am utterly confident in my own faith. I am a very happy Jewish man. So while I appreciate the concern you folks have for my soul, I am just not interested in changing sides. It has about as much interest for me as being beheaded.

As many have noticed I like to "play." If you get my "attention" I'll enjoy myself , but I don't know if you will. I can say anything at anytime and do it with a straight face, at least for a little while.

Today's victims knocked on the door and asked if I knew about my savior. I asked them what bank they were from. They were a little befuddled and didn't really answer the question choosing to mention my savior is theirs too.

I asked them how long they had been with Washington Mutual and if they had a good CD. The younger one told me that I was confused and they weren't talking about saving. So I asked him if we weren't speaking about saving why he would talk about a savior. Because afterall I wouldn't mention pitching unless we were discussing baseball.

Sure enough the other guy started to try and take control of the conversation, but I wasn't going to allow that to happen. Come to my house and try this kind of stuff and you get a lesson in lunacy.

In case you are wondering, I offered them a chance to leave if they were busy, but they said that they were not. See, they stayed and I got to pretend to be Groucho.

I won't bore you with all of the other sordid details, but suffice it to say that I had them sputtering and foaming at the mouth. But they had lots of opportunities to avoid this situation.

It was kind of fun, but I still wonder how they could be so presumptuous as to think that they know more about G-d than anyone else. And for what it is worth, I feel this way about Jews who claim to have the inside track.

I don't care what you do as long as you don't force it upon others. If you really believe in something, that is great. If you want others to join or share in this, take out an ad, but don't push your garbage in someone else's face and expect everyone to think that it smells sweet to everyone.


Anonymous said...

I still remember the first time I was stopped on the street with the question, "Did you hear the good news?"

And in complete innocence I said, "What good news?"

David Boxenhorn

Esther Kustanowitz said...

Mmm. Playing with the proselytizers...mucking about with the missionaries...is there any game more delightful?

BTW, my good news? I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Anonymous said...

It's much more satisfying when the missionaries approach you here... mostly because it is illegal! On two occasions I have been approached on the streets of Jerusalem by people trying subtly to 'give me the good news'. Once was by a couple of clean cut Mormons, and the other was by a trio of Baptists. On both occasions, I allowed them to engage me in monologue (I just nodded throughout the shpiel) until a could signal to a passing policeman to take the criminals in hand. I am fairly sure that they were deported and marked 'persona non-grata' in the Immigration computers, since that is the standard punishment here.

I am happy to be living in a country where the government recognizes this sort of behavior as a crime, and not just a 'freedom of speech' issue.

David (www.treppenwitz.com)

Just Me said...

My father always used to tie them in knots - Jehovah's Witnesses who called at our door - by quoting the Bible, with chapter and verse back at them. They always gave up and left.

Anonymous said...

That would certainly require a lot of patience.


Rev. Kimberly Rich said...

I am all for the lunacy approach. I did infact write a paper on just that in college. I got an A and from what understand the prof put it to good use in his personal life. lol.

Love and Light

Stacey said...

I love Plan B above.

You could always move to TX where we don't just have JW's, we also have the Mormons. Grrrrr.

Jack Steiner said...

It sounds like we should have a little party and invite these poor unsuspecting souls to join. It would be so much fun to watch them squirm about.

From a different standpoint I have to admit that there are Judaic standards that this behavior would "disagree" with, but since I have my own "personal" relationship I could ask for special dispensation for this one purpose.

Jack Steiner said...


I wasn't aware of the legality issues, but I am not surprised. I like your solution. I am American born and raised, but I look Israeli.

On every trip to Israel I am approached by Americans who ask me in a mix of English and Hebrew for directions to wherever. Most of the time they really are interested in directions. But a couple of times it was proselytizing.

Had I known that I could have asked the local gendarmes for assistance I would have told a couple of them to find the local mishtarah and explain their needs.


I thought both of your options were pretty good, I might have to borrow them sometime.

Frumdad said...

I was once witness to a J4J asking one of my teachers, "I understand you think you've got the Truth, but won't you at least listen to me. Just think, what if you're wrong? What if the Truth is that Jesus really is the messiah? What if you're wrong?"

My teacher thought for a moment and then responded glibly, "Well, then I'll go to Hell with the Chofetz Chaim."

Jack Steiner said...

The Chofetz Chaim. I like that. If you consider all the dignitaries we would be with. The Besht, Rashi, Rambam and so many others.

It would be a great place for some learning. :)

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