April 07, 2010

We Aren't Chickens! A Child Questions Reproduction

I am in love with a girl who has dark hair and dark eyes that you can get lost in. Most of the time she doesn't take advantage of this, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I know she tries to manipulate me. I can't say that she has never succeeded, but I hold the line most of the time.

Yep, I am talking about the dark haired beauty again. The female in my life that holds my heart captive in a different way than all others. I probably show off more for her than anyone else, just can't help it, her laughter is contagious.

She has a little purse filled with two old cellphones and make up. I asked her why she needs two phones and she told me that one is for texting and the other is for talking. The dear girl is 5.5 going on 30.

Anyhoo, last night she came up with a line that made me laugh hysterically. She and her brother were engaged in a heated discussion about babies. I can't tell you how or why it started because I didn't hear the beginning. What I can say is that I stopped to listen and heard her shout:

"We aren't chickens! We weren't hatched! Mommy didn't sit on us. We were in her tummy!"

When I heard that I damn near fell on the floor. From the tone of her voice I could tell that she was furious with him. For a moment I contemplated letting it continue but figured that things wouldn't get better on their own.

So I walked into the room and asked her if she had any questions for me. As I prepared to answer the question of human reproduction she threw me for a loop and told me that whales don't have babies. They just live in the ocean.

I could have answered her immediately and told her that whales are mammals. I could have given her plenty of details, discussed gestation periods, mother's milk etc. But I didn't. Didn't because I wondered where she was going with this, wanted to know if it was a real comment/question or if it was leading somewhere else.

My kids know about sex in a general sense. My son and I have had the conversation. He knows what goes where and that grown up men can use their pals to do more than urinate.  I didn't give him much more in the way of detail than that and it was fine. It worked for him. He was seven when we had that talk.

The dark haired beauty is different and not just because she is younger. I understand how boys think. I follow the logic and the process, very simple. I follow the female brain but not with the same clarity. The question to me was whether she really needed to know more details and how much to give her.

I am not afraid to have the talk with her, although I rather expected it would come from her mother. While I contemplated how I wanted to respond her older brother decided that now would be a good time to make clucking noises. As a big brother I applauded his efforts, well played my boy I would have done that too.

But as a father I was most unappreciative of his attempt to rile her up. She was calm and very close to falling asleep and he wrecked that. As she responded to his clucking I gritted my teeth and wondered if I didn't hear my father laughing. He wasn't here, but I could have sworn that he said "payback is sweet."

I have to make a mental note to check on that.The next time I am at their house I'll remind my mother about something dad did. Hah, laugh at me will he. Anyhoo, I digress.

Being a resourceful father I took advantage of my son's clucking to change the topic. I know, it sounds like I punted and I suppose that I did. But I decided that I preferred to save the conversation for daylight hours. Besides it gave me some time to formulate a more coherent response. More on that at a later date.

In the interim here is partial list of posts that relate conversations with my kids. There is some good stuff in that list, take a moment to sift through and you'll find some real nuggets.


Too Much Information- The Girl in the Men's Room 
I am In Love.
Not Quite a Recap- Let's Talk about Body Parts
She Broke My Penis
Daddy You Died
Dear Tooth Fairy
Dear Tooth Fairy Part II
Dancing With My Daughter
For A Good Time Call...
A Big Girl Bed
Blessing My Children
Father’s Love Their Daddies Too
A Sentimental Old Fool
She Broke My Penis
Dad, I Need A Phone
The World's Strongest Penis
Penis Talk Revisited 
My Penis Died
More Questions about Body Parts
Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow
The Princess Speaks
Daddy You Died
My Daughter's Favorite Book
A Big Girl Bed
Death Comes For Us All- When Do you Start Saying Goodbye
She Needs To Know About Boys
His Penis Is In The Wrong Place
Dancing With My Daughter
Are You Smarter Than A Rabbi? Part I
Are You Smarter Than A Rabbi? Part II
My Daughter

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