February 22, 2009

The Butt Doctor

The big guy I call "Little Jack" continues to serve as a primary source of blog fodder. At eight he is finally beginning to notice that some of his friends live in bigger houses or have more toys than he does.

Earlier today he asked me if I knew that some of the other fathers are doctors. I told him that I was and asked why he wanted to know. He told me that one of his friends said that it was better to be a doctor because they got more gold.

I laughed and told him that if he wanted to find gold all he needed to do was take a trip to Ireland to talk to a few leprechauns. He recognized the wink in my eye and told me that he was serious. I told him that I was serious and explained made a point to make sure that he understood what leprechauns were.

Then I took a moment to talk to him about what doctors do. We spent a few moments discussing it and I explained that were specialties. So he asked me to name a few of them. I told him about cardiologists, pulmonologists and surgeons.

Since he is eight he went straight for his favorite topic, anatomy and asked me if there were butt and penis doctors. I looked him straight in the eye and said that there were. He paused and then told me that he was glad that I wasn't a butt doctor.

I told him that I agreed with him. With a serious look on his face he explained that he thought that it would literally stink and wanted to know if the butt doctors wore nose plugs.

A few minutes later he looked at me and half muttered, half whispered something about a girl's doctor. I told him he should speak up and ask me his question. So he said that he wanted to know if girls had special doctors for their private parts. I told him that they did.

He looked at me and asked if they had to be other girls. I told him that they didn't and he kind of screwed up his face and asked me what boy would want to stare at naked girls all day. I said Ron Jeremy and then explained that one day he might volunteer for the job.

Hang on, hang on. Before you get huffy, I didn't say anything of the sort. I didn't mention Ron Jeremy. And again I restrained myself from making a crack about spelunking, I rather enjoy that word. It and defenestrate just make me smile. Don't know why, but I like them.

For those who are curious I made a point to use the proper titles for the various doctors, but something tells me that his description, the "Butt Doctor" hasn't made its last visit to the house.

4 comments:

Miriam L said...

Jack - I will never forgive you. I googled "Ron Jeremy." I thought maybe he was a nice Jewish doctor. Did I really need to know?

At least I had "SafeSearch" on.

Jack said...

Oops.

Brian said...

Hi Jack,

I read your blog daily and have only ever left one comment before so no doubt you wont remember me.

Thought I'd add, my father is a "butt doctor" (lol), he has worked in an Endoscopy Unit of a Hospital for about 14years now.

Although he complains about his job occasionally (who doesn't!), the thing he likes the most...is when someone strange comes into him with a weird object stuck in their derriere. I think the strangest thing I've heard about was them finding a dead hamster stuck in a homosexual mans anus from a sex act gone "too far", shall we say.

Take care,

Bri

Jack said...

Hi Brian,

That is quite a story. Yuck.