April 11, 2012

Those Old Familiar Places

Dear Junebug,

Well I keep running into you in places familiar and those less so. When I look for the quiet places where I can just be I discover new connections between us and wonder if that damn universe is messing with me again.

You see, I keep telling you that I am not buying what you are selling because I am not. But I am also swamped right now- got a boatload of crap flinging monkeys attacking me so I can't do anything but focus on them.

It is frustrating because I miss my girl and I miss the woman who used to support me. It is not the first time that I have said this to you but I notice your absence and I fight my battles alone.

Since there is no reason to expect that to change any time soon I have been working hard to put myself in the best possible position to fight. I look for high ground and try to find some shelter that I can use to cover my back side.

That is the sensible thing to do, the reasonable thing to do. It is what I focus on and then these fercockteh connections come up and it is like someone is honking a horn while holding your picture. It is like you are standing outside my door screaming, "look at me!"

Maybe that is just memory because there was a time when you did that. There was a time when you couldn't stand not to have more contact. Maybe I am just hearing the echoes of the past. Maybe the chaos of the present is what has me looking every which way and it is causing this commotion.

Because every time I start to emphasize ignoring it that noise gets louder and more reminders get thrown in my direction.

So I said screw it. I won't spend effort trying to drown out that noise. I'll let it ride. I'll let it be and we'll see what happens, where it goes and what becomes of it.

Maybe nothing, maybe something. Someone told me that when the universe talks it is never direct, always sideways. So this is me telling the universe that if it can't talk straight it can't expect me to respond. But just in case it changes its mind I am here to listen.

And the same goes for you. If you ever get your head out of your ass I am here to listen to you too. Double standard, illogical, irrational and short you.

Crazy, hysterical and confused you.

If that doesn't irk you just a little bit I'll have to admit that I have lost my touch. Speaking of touch it wouldn't take more than a moment to make it all come back to you, now would it. ;)

It is not ego when it is true, now is it. ;)

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