The Humpty Dance

It is a thousand years ago- we're juniors in college and feel like princes of the universe. We are all 21 now and no longer have to rely upon smart networking or the other tricks of the trade we used to rely upon to get into the bars. Not that any of it mattered, we were living the fraternity life so the social life was ridiculously busy.

I am a Zebe and we are ridiculously proud of our claim that we party harder than any other house and still maintain the highest GPA on campus. Technically it is a C+ but when you consider that we were a 100 man plus house it is not bad.

Saturday nights are filled with ridiculous amounts of craziness. Somewhere around 6 or show I hop into my Camaro and head out to pick up a couple of the fellas. We're going to grab dinner and drinks and then head to the house for the party. Tonight we have a local reggae band playing and that girl from my poli-sci class is supposed to be there.

We hit Chilis or some other restaurant like it and grab some chow. The conversation is typical for a group of college guys- girls, sports and more girls. My little brother is riding with us tonight. He is all of 19 and we're giving him grief for being the baby. He is good natured and laughs off the comments about pacifiers and diapers.

Time passes and we are at the house. I am working the bar, passing out drinks and just talking to whomever ambles over. Not so long before this a night like this would have been hard. The girl I thought I loved had dumped me and I would have been moping a bit. But not tonight, having too much fun and like I said that girl that wears the shorts and sundresses is coming tonight. All I can see is long dark hair, a nice tan and a smile that lights up a room.

The band is great and the music is infectious. Really it is hard not to sway or dance. All around me people are bobbing their heads back and forth to the beat. I am still working the bar. I like it there for a host of reasons. It is the kitchen of this particular house, the place where everyone eventually congregates. Hanging out at the bar is the best way to meet the girls. You don't need to come up with any clever lines, just a simple "what can I get you" is enough to begin the conversation.

Just down the way I can see my little brother dancing with a couple of girls who are older than he is. Later I'll tease him about his babysitters. He'll tell me that I am just jealous and I'll respond with something about how they weren't really dancing with him. He'll insist I am wrong and I'll remind him that women travel in packs and that it is not unusual for them to dance together without the need for male companionship.

Time passes and the girl that I want to show has yet to make an appearance. I am still having a great time, but I realize that I had been really looking forward to seeing her. I shrug my shoulders and get lost in the music again. They finish their set and begin to pack up- she still hasn't shown up.

I don't have her telephone number and even if I did it wouldn't matter much. It is a different time and no one has a cell phone. A few people I know have car phones and a ton have pagers. I have neither- can't afford the car phone and hate the idea of someone beeping me.

Must be about midnight give or take twenty minutes and I have already figured that she is not going to show up. I am wrong. She comes strolling in accompanied by two friends. From my vantage point at the bar I can see her walk through the party. She hasn't noticed me so I take advantage of the moment and stare at her. She looks fantastic. The three of them head spot the bar and head over to get a drink. She smiles when she sees me and I smile back. I can already smell her perfume. I don't know the name but think of it as essence of let me smell bury my nose in your neck- it smells great.

I slip out from behind the bar and we make talk for a few about this and that. In a moment she'll take my hand and drag me to the dance floor. I try to relax. I am good at talking but dancing is not my thing. Slow dancing is easy and I can do that without concern for tripping over my feet, but this won't be slow.

The good news is that the dance floor is packed so all you can really do is try to move in time with the music. It is like a handicap in golf- I feel like I have been saved. We hit the floor and The Humpty Dance comes on.


We're dancing and having a good time. I am thinking that this is promising and that maybe good things are going to come from this. A few more songs come on and we keep moving. Out of the corner of my eye I notice one of her friends kissing one of the guys, but the third is no where to be seen.

In a few minutes she'll come over and interrupt us. Apparently she is not having a good time and wants to leave. She is the designated driver for the night so my friend tells me that she has to leave.  I want to offer to take her home but I have had a few drinks and won't be ready to drive for a bit. Besides I don't want her to take it the wrong way.

She hugs me goodbye and leaves. It is right around Spring Break so I won't see her in class for a while, but when I do I find out that the party was good for her too. Apparently when she first got to the party she spent a while speaking with one of my fraternity brothers. As she was leaving they bumped into each other again and he got her telephone number.

During Spring Break they went out on a few dates and decided that they had real chemistry. I don't know any of this when I see her in class and only learn about it a little later. But it provides a quick explanation for why she was acting a little bit weird that day.

Eventually they'll get married and I'll attend the wedding. I'll be tempted to tease them about a finder's fee but will be happy that I didn't say anything because three years later they'll get divorced.