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I Hate Shopping During This Time of Year

If you ask the Shmata Queen she'll confirm that it is never a good idea to take me to a mall during the so called holiday season. The gaudy decorations, stupid holiday music and the maddening behavior of the crowds make me want to pluck out my eyeballs with a rusty fork.

Thanks to the magic of online shopping I have managed to dramatically reduce the amount of time that I have to spend in these overcrowded cattle cars. Each year I say a sheheckeyanu for Jeff Bezos and company. In plain English that means that I give the dude a chunk of my hard earned cash and a hearty thank you.

But sometimes you get stuck and you are forced to go to the dreaded mall. Today is one of those days. I wonder if someone didn't go and replace my brain with a soft melon. What the hell am I thinking. I'll tell you what I am thinking.

I am thinking that if I get some Chanukah gifts today I can send them back courtesy of my sisters and company. I am thinking that they can pack them up and hold onto them until the holiday starts. I am thinking that instead of scrambling at the last minute I can be ahead of the game.

Still, I am a like a little kid that doesn't want to go to school. I dread the idea of going. Just thinking about it makes me want to bang my head against the wall. You'll have to excuse me. I am going to go sedate myself with a big latte and then hit the mall hard and fast.

More on this later.

Comments

Michael said…
The gaudy decorations, stupid holiday music and the maddening behavior of the crowds make me want to pluck out my eyeballs with a rusty fork.

Reason number 897 to move to Israel...

Seriously, good luck to you. Try not to go postal.
Jack Steiner said…
Try not to go postal.

No worries. I'll be good. ;)