Dear Laker Management,
It has become apparent that the Lakers are in dire need of the services of an almost 38 year-old Jewish guy who can't jump any more, doesn't shoot all that well and isn't particularly fast. The last time I wrote you was in the early '90s.
Back in those days I still didn't shoot all that well but I could still jump. Every now and then I managed to get a hand on the rim. Not only that but I had fast hands and good foot speed. A speedy point guard might have taken me off of the dribble but I always had a way to recover.
But that was then. Now I fill out my uniform in a slightly different way. If you photograph me from the chest up you won't notice that much of a difference.
Let me cut to the chase. The current team is lacking in many areas. I know that many of the players are banged up. I can see that they aren't quite 100 percent, but that doesn't excuse the lack of fire.
I can bring all that and more. I am a hustle player. I can provide that energy, that missing spark. For a paltry $500,000 I'll come off of the bench and give you everything I have got. I'll leave it all on the floor. I can still set a pick that will make your teeth rattle, I can box out and I can rebound.
I can't promise that signing me will bring a championship, but I can guarantee that no one will ever accuse my team of mailing it in.
Think about it. It is more than a great PR move. At $500,000 my services are a steal. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Regards,
Jack B.
7 comments:
If the Lakers don't take you up on it, have you considered the Seattle Sonics? In my humble opinion, they too are in dire need of your services....
See, the Cavs don't need your services. :)
Ellie,
Seattle has bad coffee and too much rain.
Ezzie,
Not yet they don't, but they will.
My dear Jack, you're not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? ;-)
Can't argue with you about the rain though...
My dear Jack, you're not dissing our boy Howard Schultz are you? ;-)
Yes I am. Coffee Bean is much better.
Now that I would like to see. Maybe they can at least use you in an exhibition match, in Europe or someplace.
Stephen,
It is not all that exciting. I have no misconceptions about my ability.
Any success I have is because I outwork those who are more talented.
But it would be cool to say that I played in the NBA, however brief it might be.
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