Dear Soccer Hating American

I received the following email:
Dear football hating american. The only reason that you hate the beautiful game is because your bloated and overindulged country is pathetically bad at it. True football is beauty and art that is beloved by the world. Unlike that silly game you play called football. watch and learn well and maybe one day your country will learn how to be a part of nations.
Hmm... I am tempted to post your email address so that you can be overrun by the hordes of the shack. My minions shall feast upon your mortal soul and you shall know no rest.

Ok, that was a little dramatic but so was your note. You'll notice that I only posted a fragment of it which works because you write in fragments. I don't know if English is your second language but I hope that it is because your writing is like soccer, atrocious to watch.

I have watched the cup and laughed at the antics and bad acting of the so called players. I laugh at the flops and falls as they beg the officials to penalize the other side.

I am playing around with creating the World Cup of Paint Watching. I figure that we can play that alongside the cup because few people will know the difference.

The best part of a soccer game is watching the fans riot and burn down the stadium every time the other side loses a game. In fact I think that I am going to launch a new business in which I insure the stadiums for ridiculously high premiums.

It'll be a gold mine.


Unknown said...


Anyone with a brain recognizes the incredible brains required to design even the most basic football play. (Real football, not that EuroCrap.)

Anonymous said...

Ahhh come on ... I like painted lady fans. That's hot!

Chaim said...

You know what, they're right. I give up, Soccer is a BEAUTIFUL game.

BarnGoddess_01 said...

I am a die hard NFL fan! I am also a die hard fan of my 12 yo's football team, we take it seriously 'round here. We Americans play TRUE footbal, not that funky sissy stuff. Post the email addy.......nah, on second thought why spread the hate.

Jack Steiner said...


Quite true. There is a real art to it.


A few are, but I don't know about al of them. :)


What a lovely photo.


Oklahoma takes football seriously. Get out. ;)

Unknown said...

I think one either likes soccer or they don't. Kind of like rugby and curling...both of which I like to watch (and play.)

have popcorn will lurk said...

Chaim - better than end than the other!

have popcorn will lurk said...

than = that

Jack Steiner said...

Curling? So in other words you enjoy sweeping and general housekeeping. ;)

StepIma said...

Clearly you must bend to his superior mind.

Or just send his email address on to Shola Rhodes, who will better appreciate his writings (and probably shares his love for the sport)

Unknown said...

Only on ice :)

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