Scenes From a Car

I am a person who loves to watch people. Yep, that is me, a peoplewatcher. I just find it interesting to sit back and watch what people do. In restaurants I find it especially interesting to watch couples who are clearly on a date and see what happens.

Sometimes it can be a lot of fun to create dialogue for them, to offer a running commentary. OTOH, sometimes my creative juices are nonexistent and I can't think of anything funny to say.

Another aspect of peoplewatching is the fun that you can have while driving. If you spend enough time on the road you see so many different things. Here is an incomplete list of things that I have seen at one time or another:

  • Woman applying makeup- Always makes me feel good to know that if they rear-end me they will end up with the mascara brush in the eye or pushed so far up their left nostril it is likely to become a permanent fixture.
  • Men Shaving- Actually I once saw a guy using a blade and no shaving cream. Ouch! What are you thinking.
  • The ubiquitous nosepicker- Both men and women. You may be alone in your car but you are most definitely not alone on the road.
  • The ubiquitous cellphone talker- They are everywhere and there is not enough to be said about them that hasn't already been said.
  • Oral Sex- Yep, I have seen more than one man with a large smile on his face and one hand on the wheel. Again this is one of those situations where I smile when I think about what will happen if the jerkoff (wrong word to use) smacks into my car.
  • Fast Food Fanatic- I don't know if fanatic is the right word, but I like the alliteration. This is the guy or girl who cannot stop stuffing that leaky taco or drippy burger into their mouth.
  • The Entertainer- Thus named for those people who sing and dance to the radio. It can be especially fun to watch them bebop around blissfully unaware that someone is filming them so that they can be uploaded onto the net.
Ok, this list could be more interesting and there are most definitely some screwy things that I haven't listed but this is primetime and there are children reading this blog.


PsychoToddler said...

Put me down as the entertainer.

Also as the woman applying makeup

Stacey said...

PsychoT: I was sure you'd be the nosepicker. ;)

torontopearl said...

I am definitely a people watcher, always have been.

I also like to be a "double people watcher," ie. I like to watch people as they watch other people -- you often see an emotional spectrum cross their face. Both these people, and the ones that they are watching, are unaware of being watched. (try it in shul, especially watch women as they watch women -- you can read a lot into those glances!)

Anonymous said...

I agree that watching people watch people is really interesting and I also agree that women watching women is fraught with political and socio-psychological warfare. Bars are rife with it!

Chaim said...

My brother is the bat carrying jew. Yes, he's a few chicken nuggets short of a happy meal. If someone cuts him off, or he needs to cut someone off he picks up his bat (this is not a joke, I'm dead serious) and waves it out his window.

He's got some anger issues I think.

Anyway, one time I was visiting him and while we were driving he saw this guy that was stopped at the red light in the lane next to him picking his nose, he honks his horn and holds the bat slightly out the window, and scream, need a hand? Try this bat? You could get more done!

Ahh my brother, G-d bless his soul (no ... he's alive, he just could use all the blessings he can get, has some screws loose :-) )

Jack Steiner said...

Women can be so vicious towards each other.

Anonymous said...

re: the oral sex thingee. It's got a name (referring to your remark about what would happen if they rear-ended you) and that is "doing a Michael Milton". For the 411, read "The World According to Garp." Classic.

Scarlet Hip said...

I hate all drivers. They all get in my way. Doesn't matter what they are doing, they are doing it wrong. I should probably be medicated when I drive.

Z - oy! That's about all I remember from that book!

Jack Steiner said...


I never read the book but I did hear about that scene.


Sounds like you should be hanging out with Chaim's brother. ;)

Frank said...

Take a look at

Now that's what can happen when you get a blowjob while driving!

Edgy Mama said...

Z, I totally thought of that scene as well. Great post, Jack. I'm one of those people throwing food over my shoulder to the kids, who turn into screeching, ravenous little birds the second we get in the car.

kristine said...

i too am guilty of the dancing and singing. once i was stuck in traffic on my way to Boston and i kept putting Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness" on repeat just so i could build up to that utltimate car-dance thing i had going.

i think the truckers were radioing to each other because i them all looking. i mean, it was traffic. i was doing them a favor!

but it's i promise i won't hit you, Jack.

Jack Steiner said...

Lord Valek-


Edgy Mama,

I know that screechy ravenous bird thing. In my case he is 40 pounds of terror. ;)


If you have to pick a song by Otis that is not a bad one. Personally I like Hard to Handle.

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