October 10, 2011

Heart and Head


"All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You...all I want is...
You...all I want is...
You...all I want is...
You..."
All I Want Is You- U2

Ten thousand years a boy asked a girl if she would take his hand and let him love her. Ten thousand years ago he kissed her once and wondered how he had ever said I love you to any one else.

He wondered because he had never felt so much love for anyone else. Not for his first love or any other. This was a feeling like no other he had experienced. That scared the boy more than he could articulate, describe or understand.

The girl in the story had no such troubles. She knew what she felt and knew what she wanted. She didn't need to process or sort through her feelings. Sometimes it frustrated her to see the boy she said was the love of her life be so close and yet so far away.

But she knew that sometimes boys needed more time than girls and she was willing to wait. It was just a matter of time before he realized that no one else could take care of him the way that she could.

That didn't mean that he didn't make her crazy because he did. He was a master at annoying her and he knew it. Normally that would have been the kiss of death for him except she couldn't stay angry at him. It was uncanny how easily he charmed her.

He knew how to press all of her buttons and he knew how to make her feel simply....wonderful. It was infuriating not to be able to stay angry with him.\

But how can you stay angry with someone who knows how to open your heart with a word and whose presence soothes your soul. You cannot and you don't.

At least that is what you think and what you feel- but sometimes things happen.

"If I could
Baby I'd give you my world
Open up
Everything's waiting for you

You can go your own way
Go your own way
You can call it
Another lonely day
You can go your own way
go your own way"

Go Your Own Way- Fleetwood Mac

They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty but whether that is true or not remains in the eyes of the beholder. Really it all comes back to perspective and the man who had been the boy readily admitted that he didn't have as much of that as he wished.

The girl and the boy who had loved each other with passion and promises never to let go had moved on and let go of that which had kept them together. The faith they held in each other had been tested and they had failed the test.

When push came to pull and pull came to shove they had fallen. Fingers that had been intertwined and hands that had been held were no more.

Time passed and the man wondered and wandered where it was he would bereft of the rock that had kept him centered. Slowly he crafted a witches brew of sadness, frustration and anger not recognizing that every drink was a poison that hurt his spirit and harmed his soul.

She was gone and though he had chased after her she had refused to listen. His heart told him that she wasn't really gone and that her silence was her defense. It argued against letting go and told him to give it time.

But his head called his heart a fool and named him weak and worthless. It deemed him a dupe, a chump and a silly knave who needed to get his priorities straight.

Time passed and the war between heart and head continued. Heart swore that some nights under cover of darkness she would come looking for him. It said that if he closed his eyes and held still he would see her come looking for him.

Head laughed at this but heart cursed and swore again that it was true. "She loves us still. Remember she told us that she would never be the first to say I love you. This is the same. She is waiting for us to contact her."

Head laughed again and told heart that he was a bigger fool than he thought.

Later on in the quiet of the evening as the lights went out and the world went dark heart and head heard soft singing. As they drifted off to sleep head conceded that maybe there was something more to what heart said, but when daylight came head pretended that he had never admitted that perhaps heart was right.

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