December 01, 2010

Jack Versus Life

I know sadness. I know what it means to have loved and lost. I know happiness. I know what it means to have loved someone fiercely with a passion that is indescribable and to have been loved like that in return. I know what it means to lose that and to fall from the heights into a black pit that swallows light and hope. I know all these things and many more because I have lived my life.

There have been moments of incredible turmoil and pain. I have undergone considerable pain and suffering for some people and some things. I have danced in that proverbial fire because that is who I am. I am a firewalker, a dreamer and a visionary. I am a man, father, husband, friend, brother and son. Don't try to guess what order I place those in.

And don't be fooled by the tone or title of this post. This blog from start to finish has always been a place to air out my thoughts and to explore ideas and feelings. When I look back at the start and see posts like Some things stick with you, What is happiness worth to you? ,Thanksgiving by myself and What made you who you are?
I smile.

I smile because it reminds me that I have always asked hard questions. I smile because it reminds me of how much has happened and how I have come. The boy I once was grew into a person that has grown and changed. I recognize all of the pieces and I see the influence of time and experience. There is a look in my eyes that didn't always exist. There are lines in my forehead that bear witness to the march of time.

In a few hours we'll light our menorah and celebrate the first night of Chanukah. I'll watch my children very closely and take more than a little joy from the light in their eyes. My daughter has two loose teeth and desperately hopes that they will come out tonight. She told me that she thinks it will make the holiday even more special to receive a visit from the Tooth Daddy and Tooth Fairy.

A Decade of Dad has taught and is continuing to teach me about life. This last decade has molded and shaped me in many ways. It has set me on a path whose ending I cannot see. I have goals and dreams that I didn't have when I started. There is a new plan and much hope that the work I put in now leads to the promised land.

This blog still serves as a cyber sandbox. It still works its magic. If you know me in ways that no others do it  serves as a reminder of things that were and things that still may come. I like being a dreamer and I like being a story teller. This place helps serve that purpose.

But I also like to get things done. I don't make many lists and I don't speak of many of my personal goals. But don't misunderstand the silence for a lack of them or laziness. I always am working on doing things that lead me closer to the places I want to go. I have two feet in the present and an eye to the future. And I know from experience and from "just because" that I am going to get there.

So stick around and watch because there are going to be some interesting developments and new stories to tell.

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