February 07, 2006

^@^@$$^^* Voicemail- Another Rant

$@$@^$^@^^#$# is cartoon for I Hate the fucking voicemail system that my bank, my mortgage, my credit card and 1,275,987 institutions I have to speak with use.

I hate having to enter my mothers maiden name, my son's birthday, my social security number, the last 5 digits of the VIN on my car and Humphrey Bogart's birthday so that I am granted the privilege of speaking with a stupid computer.

I despise having to enter that information another 12 times just to find out that if I am really interested in speaking with a real person I'll have to wait for another 23 minutes because of an unexpected high call volume. Every fucking time I call there is an unexpected high call volume.

What the fuck is wrong with you jerkoffs. You outsourced your entire call center to some place in Pakistan where you are paying less than seven rupees a day to some poor jerk who is unfairly forced to suffer my wrath and indignation at having waited 13 hours to speak with a real person. Not only that but you force the poor guy to read a script in which he pretends to be some American named John.

It might work if I didn't hear a bunch of mullahs in the background screaming Death to America or some alternative chant about how they are going to wreak havoc on the Danish for those cartoons.

I don't care what his name is or where he lives as long as he can help me. You outsourced to save money. Why not take part of that savings and kill the $%^W$^@$ voicejail system instead of stuffing your pockets with your ill-gotten gains.

So take those grubby little hands out of your pocket and get on the stupid fucking computer and draft a short little email that tells the people who count that the current system is not working, that it is killing customer retention and that your goal in 2006 is to restore real customer service with a personal touch that will allow people to feel as if you actually care about your customers.

This ends this part of the rant, but if I get stuck in voicejail again there might be a sequel to this.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

woooohoooo! cheering you on! go David- go get that damned Goliath !

http://metahara.livejournal.com/

Ger Tzadik said...

Right there with you. I work in customer service, and I go out of my way to make the people I talk to feel like they can talk to me any time they need to. It can cause me pain at times, but there you go.

At the other end, I make sure to treat the people I speak to with respect when I am on the other end. So many customer service agents hear the rantings of the clinicly pissed off that they're numb to them. Kind words? THAT gets your attention.

Gotta get past that automated system first though!

ifyouwillit said...

Think of all the olim employed by IDT - if it wasn't for call centres, where would they be now!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

It maybe a good idea to burn down a calling center or two, for starters, I mean.

But, on account of the geography you have already mentioned, it may be a bit of a problem.

We may do it differently. Just spread a rumor that these calling centers in Pakistan are in reality just a cover for Zionist aggression and are spreading impotence, bird flu, democracy and anti-Muslim sentiments in general.

Than relax in your favorite armchhair with a beer and just watch the telly...

StepIma said...

I totally agree -

and I REALLY hate the new automated voice messaging women you have to talk to instead of pushing buttons - I swear, if I ever meet the chick from UPS, or especially "Julie" from Amtrak, I am going to lunge across the room and kill them. With my bare hands.

And I sometimes work with voiceover actors in my job, so there is a remote possibility it might happen someday.

Oh yesssss...

Jack's Shack said...

Thomai,

All we can do is try.

GT,

I haven't been a call center employee, but I have a lot of experience with customer service. You are correct, try and scold me and I tune you out immediately.

IYW,

Good question.

Snoopy,

I won't say anything if you don't.

ST,

Julie from Amtrak is actually a guy named Bill. He lives in Piscataway and drives a beat up Honda. Don't tell him I told you about it.