There are moments when I visualize myself standing in the middle of a crowded plaza or railway station. I stand there looking up and around, not really sure of what I am doing or where I am going. I am surrounded by people who are walking with a sense of purpose towards their very real and fulfilling lives while I stand there lost among the rest.
Sometimes the sky is a piercing shade of blue and sometimes it is black and filled with ominous looking thunderclouds. I stand there lost among the rest and wonder if I shouldn't be Mickey Mouse in Fantasia conducting some sort of wacky and crazed opera.
I stand there lost among the rest and ask questions but I get no answers. The questions are always the same. It is a search for purpose and for meaning. Questions that I never used to ask because the answers were obvious, but not anymore.
A quest, a search for the things that are missing is what I am on, but I stand lost among the rest. Watching and waiting for that moment. That one moment in which I'll find the thing that gives me peace. Because I know that peace is out there. I know that if I hold fast I'll find that thing again, that thing I had as a child.
That trust in the world and in those around me that it works. Right now that trust has been broken, shattered and all that I had believed is in flux. The choices that I have made and the decisions that I am going to make all hinge upon a few things.
Still I stand there, lost among the rest. The world is spinning faster and faster and I can do no more than silently scream and wonder how much longer I can take the strikes upon my back. Soon I must break or turn my face to the sky and roar in frustration.
Intellectually I know that this is nothing more than a moment. This is the stuff upon which character is built. That is not hyperbole or cliche but fact. So I stand with my jaw and fists clenched and remind myself that the voices whispering in my head do not have to be heeded.
One day this time will be nothing more than a story that I tell, but I hope that it happens sooner rather than later.
June's Music List
Vincent (Starry Starry Night) Don McLean
American Pie- Don McLean
Ten Years Kashmir II (Orchestra - Choir - Film Perc Mix)
Latika's Theme- Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack
Main Title from the Last of the Mohicans- Soundtrack
You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)- Josh Groban
What's Going On -Marvin Gaye
Star Spangled Banner- Marvin Gaye
On The Dark Side - Eddie And The Cruisers
It is an incomplete list that I'll add to later.
American Pie- Don McLean
Ten Years Kashmir II (Orchestra - Choir - Film Perc Mix)
Latika's Theme- Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack
Main Title from the Last of the Mohicans- Soundtrack
You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)- Josh Groban
What's Going On -Marvin Gaye
Star Spangled Banner- Marvin Gaye
On The Dark Side - Eddie And The Cruisers
It is an incomplete list that I'll add to later.
You Don't Really Know Me
You don't really know me. You come here to my corner shop in cyberspace and eavesdrop on my thoughts and my life. You read the words and think that you know what I am doing with my life.
You read the words and think that you have special insight into what drives me. You read the words and think that you understand my hopes and fears.
But you only see what I choose to show you. You only read the tales I tell and even then you have to remember that not all that glitters is gold. I write what I write and let you decide if it is right.
The words flow from my fingers onto the keyboard and then are cut and pasted with reckless abandon. They wander from left to right and right to left, up or down. It doesn't really matter because sometimes I just let them go.
Sometimes I empty out the closet and let the air fill the space that the junk occupied. Oftentimes it is meaningless drivel but still you wonder if there is a secret message. In response I suggest that you close your eyes and listen to the silence.
What do you hear and what do you see. I can show you. I can tell you, but I can't bring you inside because the door is closed and the keeper is on vacation and hasn't any idea when he will return.
And in the end what does it matter and what does it mean. These are just words on a page composed by an ordinary man living an ordinary life.
You read the words and think that you have special insight into what drives me. You read the words and think that you understand my hopes and fears.
But you only see what I choose to show you. You only read the tales I tell and even then you have to remember that not all that glitters is gold. I write what I write and let you decide if it is right.
The words flow from my fingers onto the keyboard and then are cut and pasted with reckless abandon. They wander from left to right and right to left, up or down. It doesn't really matter because sometimes I just let them go.
Sometimes I empty out the closet and let the air fill the space that the junk occupied. Oftentimes it is meaningless drivel but still you wonder if there is a secret message. In response I suggest that you close your eyes and listen to the silence.
What do you hear and what do you see. I can show you. I can tell you, but I can't bring you inside because the door is closed and the keeper is on vacation and hasn't any idea when he will return.
And in the end what does it matter and what does it mean. These are just words on a page composed by an ordinary man living an ordinary life.
Haveil Havalim #221
The Ima has put together an outstanding edition of Haveil Havalim, the best of the Jewish/Israeli blogosphere. Go check it out.
Iraq & Afghanistan
Been thinking about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Two wars that have been waged my daughter's entire life and most of my son's. Two wars that they know little to nothing about, but that is OK.
Part of the joy of being a child is based upon innocence. Part of the joy is not being aware of how many bad things exist and how life doesn't always have happy endings. It is a key component of their being able to sleep so peacefully. Children don't worry about being employed, feeding a family, paying a mortgage or how to pay for car repairs.
And the truth is that so many of us here in the states don't spend much time thinking about the wars, or if we do it is more theoretical in nature. We're not happy about death and destruction, but because it is so far away we worry about the financial impact.
It is understandable, unless you are in a place where you are exposed to our service people it is easy to forget about the human element. I try not to. I try to remind myself that there are people out there who are being maimed physically and psychologically.
I try to remind myself that someone's mother/father/sister/brother/son is not going to come home or if they do come home they are damaged in ways that I can't imagine.
It doesn't matter what your politics are, they are out there working for and fighting on our behalf and I am grateful for that.
In my little world I know a bunch of soldiers and have heard all kinds of stories. But lately when I think about Iraq and Afghanistan I think of a friend who is a medic. He has already completed two tours in Iraq and is waiting to be shipped out to Afghanistan.
Sometimes he'll talk about some of what has happened and I sit and listen. Stories about how he was injured and what happened. Tales that aren't told in a way that you would classify as bragging.
I am not always sure that he is talking to me, because sometimes he get's this far away look in his eyes and I wonder what it is that he sees. He wants to go back because he doesn't know what to do with himself here. I ask him what he is going to do when it ends because at some point we will leave both countries or he'll be discharged.
He tells me that if he doesn't come home as a KIA he'll go back to being a software engineer, maybe. I tell him that he can't think about dying, he just has to believe that he is going to live. He nods and smiles. I get the feeling that he is politely blowing me off and maybe he is.
What do I know about combat. I battle for rebounds. Been in more than one or two fist fights in my life, but not in a war. Can't say that I really understand, but I can't ignore the comments about not coming back either, now can I.
Alone in the dark I stare at the sleeping child and listen to the soft snore. I bend over and kiss a forehead and hope that somehow they never lose the ability to sleep like this. I used to be able to do that. I wonder if I can learn how to do it again.
Part of the joy of being a child is based upon innocence. Part of the joy is not being aware of how many bad things exist and how life doesn't always have happy endings. It is a key component of their being able to sleep so peacefully. Children don't worry about being employed, feeding a family, paying a mortgage or how to pay for car repairs.
And the truth is that so many of us here in the states don't spend much time thinking about the wars, or if we do it is more theoretical in nature. We're not happy about death and destruction, but because it is so far away we worry about the financial impact.
It is understandable, unless you are in a place where you are exposed to our service people it is easy to forget about the human element. I try not to. I try to remind myself that there are people out there who are being maimed physically and psychologically.
I try to remind myself that someone's mother/father/sister/brother/son is not going to come home or if they do come home they are damaged in ways that I can't imagine.
It doesn't matter what your politics are, they are out there working for and fighting on our behalf and I am grateful for that.
In my little world I know a bunch of soldiers and have heard all kinds of stories. But lately when I think about Iraq and Afghanistan I think of a friend who is a medic. He has already completed two tours in Iraq and is waiting to be shipped out to Afghanistan.
Sometimes he'll talk about some of what has happened and I sit and listen. Stories about how he was injured and what happened. Tales that aren't told in a way that you would classify as bragging.
I am not always sure that he is talking to me, because sometimes he get's this far away look in his eyes and I wonder what it is that he sees. He wants to go back because he doesn't know what to do with himself here. I ask him what he is going to do when it ends because at some point we will leave both countries or he'll be discharged.
He tells me that if he doesn't come home as a KIA he'll go back to being a software engineer, maybe. I tell him that he can't think about dying, he just has to believe that he is going to live. He nods and smiles. I get the feeling that he is politely blowing me off and maybe he is.
What do I know about combat. I battle for rebounds. Been in more than one or two fist fights in my life, but not in a war. Can't say that I really understand, but I can't ignore the comments about not coming back either, now can I.
*************************
Alone in the dark I stare at the sleeping child and listen to the soft snore. I bend over and kiss a forehead and hope that somehow they never lose the ability to sleep like this. I used to be able to do that. I wonder if I can learn how to do it again.
American al Qaeda Member
CNN reports that American Al Qaeda member has acknowledged that he has Jewish roots.
Not a whole to be said. His speech proves that being a moron is not limited to any one group, race, color or creed. A moron, is a moron, is a moron.
But don't let that fool you into not taking his threats seriously. This is war being waged in all arenas, be it through the media or on the ground.
There is nothing wrong with saying that some ideologies are morally superior and some are morally inferior. It is fine and good to say that we should respect other people's beliefs, but there are lines that can be crossed and he has done so.
Flying buildings into planes, blowing up embassies and all of the other fine work that they take credit for makes it clear that they are members of an ideology that is morally bankrupt.
I am saddened and disappointed by this. The U.S. like many other countries has made many mistakes, but it has also done a tremendous amount of good for the world. The reality is that few countries have ever offered so many such tremendous opportunities as the U.S. does. It is not cliche to say that it is a place where dreams can come true.
It is too bad that Gadahn has positioned himself as the tool of such people, but he will get what he deserves.
(CNN) -- In a new anti-Israel, anti-U.S. video, an American al Qaeda member makes reference to his Jewish ancestry for the first time in an official al Qaeda message.In the video, Adam Yahiye Gadahn, also known as Azzam the American, discusses his roots as he castigates U.S. policies and deplores Israel's offensive in Gaza that started in late December 2008 and continued into January.
"Let me here tell you something about myself and my biography, in which there is a benefit and a lesson," Gadahn says, as he elicits support from his fellow Muslims for "our weapons, funds and Jihad against the Jews and their allies everywhere."
"Your speaker has Jews in his ancestry, the last of whom was his grandfather," he says.
Growing up in rural California, Gadahn embraced Islam in the mid-1990s, moved to Pakistan and has appeared in al Qaeda videos before.
He was indicted in the United States in 2006 on charges of treason and material support to al Qaeda, according to the FBI. Gadahn is on the FBI's Most Wanted List, with a reward of up to $1 million leading to his capture. FBI records show Gadahn's date of birth as September 1, 1978.
The video -- in which Gadahn speaks Arabic, with English subtitles -- surfaced on Saturday.
This account is based on an English transcript provided by As-Sahab Media, the media production company used by al Qaeda.
Not a whole to be said. His speech proves that being a moron is not limited to any one group, race, color or creed. A moron, is a moron, is a moron.
But don't let that fool you into not taking his threats seriously. This is war being waged in all arenas, be it through the media or on the ground.
There is nothing wrong with saying that some ideologies are morally superior and some are morally inferior. It is fine and good to say that we should respect other people's beliefs, but there are lines that can be crossed and he has done so.
Flying buildings into planes, blowing up embassies and all of the other fine work that they take credit for makes it clear that they are members of an ideology that is morally bankrupt.
I am saddened and disappointed by this. The U.S. like many other countries has made many mistakes, but it has also done a tremendous amount of good for the world. The reality is that few countries have ever offered so many such tremendous opportunities as the U.S. does. It is not cliche to say that it is a place where dreams can come true.
It is too bad that Gadahn has positioned himself as the tool of such people, but he will get what he deserves.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)