To June, From Johnny

Dear June,

Someone asked me if my favorite 70s girl would prefer to have her bell rung or dance by herself to I will Survive.

I said that I know she'd rather have her bell rung and was promptly asked what that meant. Well, you know me and how much I value giving someone a straight answer. I don't wear a sweater because you are cold or walk in the sun when I can't see it shining.

Been strolling through the grapevines and down Coventry. Made it over to Tommy's for a bite to eat but skipped out on Bialy's. Too many carbs and too many years on this body. Yes, it is sad but true- I have made some changes based upon age.

I hate to admit that but a man has to do what he has to do and I did.

That wasn't the first time nor will it be the last. It is funny how life can throw you the kind of curveball you couldn't have ever imagined seeing. I used to be able to hit any pitch that came my way. Low and away, high and tight, inside or outside- didn't matter.

If you put it anywhere close to me I could get a piece of my bat on it. And then I hit a period of time where I couldn't come close to touching anything. I struck out every which way. Didn't matter what I did- it was like I was cursed.

Made me angry. I was frustrated.

For a while I couldn't figure out what to do. Wandered over to the Burning River and offered to sacrifice something, someone, anything and the universe told me to relax.

I said, "Hey universe- don't tell me to relax. Just give me a hand out of this freaking ditch I fell into." The universe laughed at me and I told it to shut its piehole or risk my wrath.

Needless to say, the universe laughed and then I sneezed. Not sure if there is any relationship between the two but I know you like details.

Fact is I know more about you than you want to admit or accept. Not because I have hired private detectives to follow you around and give me a complete dossier on you. That would be creepy and unnecessary.

Nope, I know these things for the same reasons you know them about me. Just because. In fact if you were sitting on my lap I bet you could solve Fermat's Theorem. But knowing you it probably wouldn't happen because you'd try to get a rise out of me and I'd fight it off just because I can.

June, you're singing that song again. You may not realize it, but I hear it. And I suspect that I am singing it too. Might be fun to do a bit of harmonizing, a duet if you will.

Think about it. No need for us to do any consulting with Clark. Don't have to check in with Spaner either.

Sweetcheeks lives!