(The Frisky) -- There's a new book out called "Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream -- And How They Are Paying For It," by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake.
Forget for a moment that they annoyingly refer to grown women as "girls" in their title and check out their thesis: because, for a variety of reasons, men earn more money than women, it's a wise move to marry someone who can provide for you and your family.
I find it funny that someone who thinks that it is annoying to call grown women girls can turn around and say that she wants to marry for money.
A bad match is a bad match regardless of finances. It might sound like it is easier to marry someone who has money, but if you don't click the cash won't matter, unless you really are shallow.
I haven't read the book, so I have no idea if it is filled with sexist swill or not. But just reading Newsweek's article about the book, it sounds like pretty sensible advice to me.
Before you get upset, I will acknowledge a bunch of things that I know to be true: yes, women earn less than men for a lot of sexist reasons and that discrimination must stop. Yes, mothers get "mommy-tracked" and their careers are stalled. And of course there are all kinds of misfires to the "marry rich" idea, such as the rich guy who is an a-hole. But that doesn't change the fact that marrying a man with money can be a better idea than marrying someone who is broke.
Take me, for instance. I'm afraid I'm going to get tarred and feathered as a "bad feminist" for admitting this, but yeah, I do want to marry someone who can financially support both me and our kids.I get the feeling that you don't know what side you want to take here.
I'm not ashamed to "marry for money," if that's what would you can even call it, because I don't fundamentally believe it is the "man's role" to provide for women.So does that mean that you intend to earn enough to support the family. Would you support a husband who wanted to stay home and raise the kids.
My actual motivations, as I see them, are pure enough. I know of great guys out there -- journalists, teachers, non-profit dudes -- who will probably make great dads. But I personally wouldn't pair up with them because, realistically, our two salaries together just wouldn't be enough to cut it for what I want out of life. But, but, but, "Bank accounts shouldn't matter at all!" And while I agree with that in theory, sorry, a man who can provide for me and our children is just much more attractive to me.Why not just have the intellectual honesty to do away with the fake apology. You have expensive taste and you don't want to have to give it up.
Bank accounts -- and debts -- do matter. And acknowledging that doesn't make me a gold digger akin to Anna Nicole Smith -- it makes me smart.Nah it just proves that you are young and inexperienced. There is so much more to a relationship than a bank account.
Right now, I rent an apartment in New York City (not cheap) and pay all my own bills myself. But I'm living at the edge of my own means as it is. I don't make a lot of money as a journalist, I owe lots of money to student loans and unless my future husband or I had a great job prospect someplace else, I don't want to live outside New York City, or very far from NYC, because that's where the media capital of the world is right now.It seems a bit hypocritical this position of yours. You can barely survive on your own. You hope to maintain residence in one of the most expensive cities in the US while simultaneously maintaining lifestyle that you can't currently afford on your own. You're fooling yourself.
Maybe this isn't "feminist," but logically, I need to marry a guy who makes more money than I do -- preferably a lot more money than I do -- for us to be able to afford what I want and I hope he will want, too. An apartment big enough for kids, prenatal care, doctors appointments, birthday presents, vacations, summer camp, college, their own car, all that stuff.You don't have a clue how much all that costs and how quickly a decent salary will disappear. But if you have any sense you'll adjust your expectations like most mature adults.
I know parents can raise children well on much less. But personally, that's not the lifestyle I grew up with. I want to be able to give my children everything I had -- maybe a little less, maybe a little more -- because I think my parents did a great job.Stop apologizing. Own this or give it up. You grew up with money and can't imagine what life would be like without it. Well, the beauty of life is that it has a way of providing its own education.
We all had hopes and dreams that we had to adjust to the reality of the day. So many things can happen that are beyond your control. One catastrophic accident can send your world spinning.
But let's ignore that and get back to the real point here. The worst advice anyone can give another is to marry for money. Money doesn't buy happiness or love and without those two items marriage is a waste of time.