The almost seven year-old boy and I have an ongoing ritual of talking about life and the things that happen. Many of the best conversations come just before his bedtime. In part that is because he is trying to stall and in part because he is already lying quietly in bed and in a thoughtful mood.
Here is a transcript from a recent conversation.
Son: I heard something at school.
Dad: What did you hear?
Son: Justin said that some parts of our bodies never stop growing.
Dad: What did Justin say?
Son: He said that our hair, our nails and our skin never stop growing.
Son: Is that true?
Dad: You and I should spend a little time researching this. Do you know what that means?
Son: Yes. We'll go to the 'puter and look at the encyclopedia.
Dad: We don't have to use the computer. We can always go to the library and use the research books to find this information. (Have to make sure that he knows how to do things the old fashioned way.)
Son: Dad. Why don't our hands grow forever?
Dad: Good question. It might be hard to find a new baseball glove if they grew forever. Let's look that up.
Son: Ok. What about our feet? Why don't they grow forever?
Dad: I bet that it is tied into the same reason our hands don't. Let's take a look tomorrow.
Son: I am confused about something.
Son: Justin told me that his brother said your penis can grow forever.
Dad: (Inside my head I hear Robbie The Robot saying "Danger Will Robinson) I don't think that it works like that.
Son: But dad, sometimes my penis grows and sometimes it does not.
Dad: I know. We talked about this and why it happens. Do you remember?
Son: I do. But what would happen if your penis never stopped growing?
Dad: Do you mean what would happen if you never lost your erection?
Son: Yes and what would happen if it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
Dad: Your erection doesn't last forever. Remember I told you about how it helps make babies.
Son: Yes, but what if it did. What if it kept growing for the rest of your life. What would you do?
Dad: ( I wanted to say join the circus or start a harem, but I just couldn't do it.) I am not sure. what do you think would happen?
Son: I think that it might be hard to find pants to wear. But it could be really good.
Dad: Oh. What would be really good?
Son: If you had to pee really badly you wouldn't have to get so close to the toilet. You could stand really far away and just aim.
Dad: That might be nice.
Son: Tomorrow I am going to tell everyone that you and I want our penises to grow really, really big.
Dad: I don't think that this is the kind of thing we should share. Remember there are private parts of our body that we don't share.
Son: Oh yea. I'll just tell mom. She'll make sure that you drink a lot of milk so that your penis will keep growing.
Dad: Uh, ok. I think that it is time for bed. Get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning.
Son: Ok. I love you dad.
Dad: I love you too.
And now you see why sometimes these conversations can be a little tricky.
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'." — Groucho Marx
Great Moments In Parenting- Parts of our Body That Grow
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That was so hilarious and endearing at the same time.
Kids are sharp. You seem like a good dad and I really love that you want to bring him to the library! Woo hoo on you.
By the way, how old is your son?
Loved it! Too funny that kid!
That's funny. Kids can put you in strange situations and you must be careful what you say. They can also change the subject to fast you can't keep up.
Saw that coming....
I got to have the conversation with the 3.5 DS about what ima has that abba doesn't... nipples were apparently regarded as a problematic body part... not sure why.
7 year olds are great to talk with.
My son is just short of seven.
Thanks. He keeps me on my toes.
That is so very true. You never know what they are going to come up with.
3.5 is about when these conversations really began to get interesting.
I think he's doing it on purpose.
ROFL! I can SO see that happening with my almost-7-year-old!
That was hysterical! I'll have to file some of your answers away for future reference with my own little males.
Or I could just send them right over to Abba. Yeah, that sounds better.
It wouldn't surprise me.
Welcome back stranger. Kids are a never ending adventure.
Abba would be thrilled to handle these questions.
Did he ever mention it to Mom? I wonder how you explained that to her.
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