Where Babies Come From

One of the joys of being a parent is fielding the many different questions that our children throw at us. It is probably fair to say that there are a few standards such as what happens when you die and where do babies come from.

Until recently the big kid and I hadn't spent any time discussing babies other than the moments when he told me that he no longer liked certain shows/toys because they are for babies. That changed this weekend as he decided that he really wanted to know. To quote him, "tell me the real story."

I paused for a moment and considered the best way to explain it. I wasn't embarrassed or afraid of the discussion, but to be honest hadn't really thought about how to answer it. So here is approximately what I said.

"To make a baby you need a man and a woman. Men make something called sperm. Women have eggs. When you combine the sperm and the egg a baby is made."

Of course he asked how do you combine the two.

"A man sticks his penis inside a woman's vagina and shoots the sperm inside her."

There was a momentary look of horror on his face.

"Dad, that is disgusting!"

"You might feel differently about that one day. In fact you might even want to do it," I replied.

Now here is a crucial piece of information that you need to appreciate the story. I told my son about sperm and where it goes while standing alongside him at a urinal. Little did I know that this activity was going to influence his opinion about the whole topic.

As we washed our hands he started to laugh and told me that he had changed his mind. He wanted to have sex. I looked at him and asked him why he had suddenly changed his mind. He laughed and said that he wanted to pee on girl's crotches.

I tried to explain that they were two different activities, but he was laughing too hard. Later on I got to witness his telling his grandfather that "dad peed on mom's crotch." I have to admit that for a moment I was tempted not to explain to my father how his grandson had come up with this idea as the look my father's face was priceless.

Later this evening he and I are going to revisit the topic so that I can clear up any misconceptions. I think that I'd like to try and stave off the possibility that he'll run around school/public telling people that his dad pees on mom. It might have a detrimental affect upon his ability to get a play date.


Kol Ra'ash Gadol said...

No offense, friend, but perhaps you might consider also using a book with pictures....

Jack Steiner said...

No offense, friend, but perhaps you might consider also using a book with pictures....

Isn't that what the Internet is for. ;) No offense taken whatsoever. I knew that sooner or later the conversation would come up. I'll find some appropriate literature.

FlutePrayer said...

My mom handed my sister and me a clinical book and left the room. It explained the mechanics of it all, but left out the part about committed love and mutual pleasure. It was years before I learned (from a classmate) that people actually did this for fun. Please do your son a big favor and clue him in to that part of the equation. He'll thank you for it later!

Anonymous said...

Heh. Good job, Dad! ;-)

fashionista cat in a zero gravity shoe-store said...

At least he doesn't think the stork peed on his mother's crotch ;)

orieyenta said...

Geez...has your kid been talking to Little Orieyenta?

After that whole "time of the month" talk with her, I am ceratin that this conversation is not far behind.

Guilty Secret said...

Well, it's a good start. You just need to get the details cleared up before he starts weeing on his female classmates.

Miss Worldwide said...


cruisin-mom said...

Jack...that is hysterical, best story I've heard yet. Kids are way too literal aren't they?

Deadman said...

All I can say is, urine big trouble, Jack...

Michael said...

How old is your son?

My wife is pregnant, and my 4 yr old daughter is occassionally interested in "the baby in Ema's tummy."

The other day, she asked, "If the baby is inside Ema's tummy, how does it get out?"

I told her, "By the same route it got in," and my wife had a fit....

Jack Steiner said...


Eventually I'll let him know.


Thanks. I try.




Good luck.


I am working on it.




They are.


Oy vey.


He is almost 7. Wish I could have seen the look on your wife's face. Sounds classic.

Anonymous said...

I've got an artsy tattoo on my ankle from back when I was "young" (okay, back when I was in my early 30's...), thereby ensuring that my kids will never want one. It follows that by telling my kids the truth about human propagation, they will remain virgins well into their 50's.

Jack Steiner said...


They might surprise you and then what will you do.

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