Where Are You From?

(Originally posted here)

Last week I was approached by a guy at the gym and got involved in the following discussion:

Dude: Where are you from?
Me: What?

Dude:Where are you from?
Me: Encino.

Dude: No, are you from here?
Me: No, I am not from Reseda.

Dude: No, I mean before that.
Me: Before Reseda?

Dude: No, I mean where are you from?
Me: Are you in a gang? Should I be ducking and covering now?

Dude: Nah, I mean where do you come from?
Me: Today I came from the car. Before that I came from the office. Before the office I came from home. Before that home I came from the city, but before that I came from the Valley and before that I came from the city. But before that I like you came from monkeys but we shouldn't discuss evolution because your president believes in intelligent design.

Dude: (Shaking his head) No, I mean what country do you come from?
Me: What does it matter?

Dude: What?
Me: Why do you care?

Dude: Because.
Me: I always find that to be so profound.

Dude: What?
Me: No, because.

Dude: Because what.
Me: Because, because, because, because, of all the wonderful things he does.

Dude: (Gives me a funny look, must not have seen the Wizard of Oz) What country?
Me: What country? We are in the U.S.

Dude: No, what country are you from?
Me: What country am I from?

Dude: (Face scrunched up in frustration) Why don't you just tell me?
Me: What do you want me to tell you? A story, a joke, a song?

Dude: I want to know what country you originally came from.
Me: The U.S.

Dude: No way, I don't believe it.
Me: Why? You are the one with the funny accent.

Dude: You think that I have an accent?
Me: I know that you have one.

Dude: How did you get rid of yours?
Me: I never had one.

Dude: You are one of them Jewralies.
Me: What is that?

Dude: You are a Jewish Israeli, a Jewralie
Me: I am Jewish, but not Israeli.

Dude: You are.
Me: I am what.

Dude: You are one of them.
Me: Nope, just your average American.

Dude: Are you kidding me?
Me: No.

Dude: I don't believe you.
Me: Ok, you are right. I am actually Jamaican.

Dude: Really? I knew that I recognized your accent.
Me: Yep, you got me. I don't like telling people because they always ask me for tourist advice.

Dude: I bet that they do. Well, I have got to run now, love your accent.
Me: Ya, sure mon.


Deadman said...

Jesus, what a fucking retard.


Jack Steiner said...


They do exist.

Rafi G. said...

is this conversation true? that is hilarious

Brooke said...

Oh, boy.

If only we could've seen that corn-fused look on his face!

marallyn ben moshe said...

i love it...jewralies...yahooooo

Paula said...

I hate all that BS about nationality and the stupid family tree things the kids have to make in school. What's the diff? We're all AMERICANS!

Elie said...

Boy, you seem to attract the loonies, don't you? It least it's an opportunity for you to have some fun!

Elie said...

I hate all that BS about nationality and the stupid family tree things the kids have to make in school. What's the diff? We're all AMERICANS!

I'll disagree with this. I think we should each be proud of our unique cultural heritage, and be glad to share it with others, and learn about theirs. Tolerance is not about all being the same, it's about accepting others differences and not acting as if those differences make any group inferior to another. We don't have to lose our uniqueness to be Americans - quite the contrary.

AS said...

There is no way someone would stick around long enough and answer and ask all those questions...you made this up huh?

Jack Steiner said...


People are nuts.


You just never know what some people will do.


It is a peculiar term.


We are all Americans and there are some things that we all celebrate and share together, but it doesn't mean that we can't celebrate other parts of who we are. The trick is in how to do it.


I am a loony magnet.


I just related a five minute conversation. It is not particularly long.

Val said...

Oh my GOD... i LOVED this! You are hysterical! I know it's proabably dangerous to encourage you, but holy crap - - excellent!

Jack Steiner said...

Hi Val,

Glad that you enjoyed it.

How Long

 How Long will I be forced to wait...