Any time I see a post like this I can virtually guarantee that this person lives on a different planet than I do. Ok, that is not entirely fair. I don't mean for this to sound overly snarky, but this post makes me think of women I have known who have spent too much time over-analyzing what men say.
A thousand years ago when I was in the dating world I used to get irritated with this kind of male/female BS. I can remember a thousand conversations with various female friends who would call me in a breathless tizzy to ask me to interpret what the guy they were seeing meant.
"He said that he really liked me and that he had a nice time."
This was followed by a pause and then there would be 1 million details that she had observed about how he said it and what she thought that said about it. Sometimes I expect Leonard Nimoy to step out and begin the lead in for an episode of "In Search Of."
You know sometimes the reason that he squinted while he said that he loved you had nothing behind it other than the sun was shining in his eyes. Sometimes the reason he appeared to squirm when you asked for a committment was not because he didn't want it, but because that great Mexican dinner you just finished was causing a GI issue.
The list goes on and on. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes you can truly accept words at their face value.
11 comments:
She does have a point about when a guy does say she's too good for him. Mars, Venus, who knows?
Have you heard of Greg Behrendt's book: "He's just not that into you"?
Now that's the greatest concept ever. If he doesn't call you back...guess what?...he's just not that into you. The theory being that men will mostly act on what they feel. It's simple.
I don't think she is over analyzing anything. She is just trying to understand the person she is with. Women conduct conversations (whith each other)differently to how men do and therefore extra care is needed when the two sexes meet - at least until they get to know each other better and learn to communicate with each other.
I agree with the anonymous poster who said that women and men are just different. Women are hard wired for communication and relationship building. Men aren't. We notice all sorts of forms of communication, not just what is actually said. My grandma always says that there is only one type of mixed marriage, the male-female kind. I think there is a lot of truth to her witticism.
Hi Jack,
Thanks for the link and for throwing your opinion out into the blogsphere. Interestingly, I wasn't even thinking about gender when I wrote that post. I've found my advice in this instance crosses gender lines. Both sexes struggle with clear communication in my observation. It's not about analyzing to bits every single thing someone says or does, but rather about being open to what indeed they are saying and doing. I think we've all been in relationships where the other person was telling us something without being clear about it.
You are entitled to your take on it, of course, but I think my advice applies equally to men and women. I would also point out that it is precisely your opinion - that women overanalyze - that often keeps women from hearing and seeing exactly what is being communicated to them. They think, oh, I must be overreacting, when in fact their gut instinct is dead on.
Jack, you shoulda known when the lavender background came up, that you were on alien turf.
Women do the job of monitoring the health of relationships. We try to do it without bugging you guys too much. It's a necessary job, and someone has to do it...
Has your wife ever asked you how you are, and you say "OK", and she asks, "Do you mean OK OK or just OK?"
Hey... she knows something you don't. Maybe. In our indigo-lavender-pink world. Don't try to figure it out.
Whoops. It looks like you aint getting laid for a while.
Seawitch,
Could be.
CM,
It is simple. We say what we mean and mean what we say. I can't count the number of times I heard my female friends totally miss the boat with these kinds of conversations.
Anon,
What I am referring to are the conversations I heard in which the women related 17,000 little details about what happened.
He wore his, I wore that, we hugged, when we kissed I noticed that his eyes were open, what does that mean, blah, blah, blah.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to just spend time with your partner/pal/friend and let nature takes its course.
Fern,
See, I disagree. Men communicate our thoughts and feelings. We don't always need 30 minutes to explain the ins and outs and hows and whys.
Liz,
I can agree with the idea of being open. That is definitely part of the problem.Too many times people don't want to hear what is being said and that is where things go awry.
Miriam,
More on this later.
Women do the job of monitoring the health of relationships.
Hey Miriam,
I don't know that I agree with that. It is not a one sided deal.
Anonymous,
Why do I get the feeling that you are rather lonely.
Jack - You're right. And I'm fortunate enough to be married to a guy who is very aware and tuned into what's going on emotionally with himself and his family. But from what I've read about married, guys like him (and you, of course) are the exception. Most men do not pick up on the small fraying edges that reveal a relationship about to unravel. Women, however, generally do. It's one of those fabulously overstated sex-difference generalizations, but I think it has a grain of truth.
Jack - You're right.
I hear that so infrequently, I am think that I am going to just leave it at that. ;)
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