It is Better Than Toilet Paper

On the right I present to you the fabulous NEOREST Integrated Toilet.
"Operated by wireless remote, NEOREST seat's multi-Task functions provide gentle front-and back-aerated warm water spray, which can be regulated for preferred water pressure and temperature. Other features include oscillating spray massage, heated seat, automatic catalytic air deodorizer, and warm air dryer -- all of which are governed by its “Fuzzy Logic” energy-saving mode. Upon installation, NEOREST records usage frequency, then re-educates itself weekly."

I already hear the oohs and ahs. Some of you are thinking about this wonder of modern science and asking for more information. Imagine, a toilet that operates by remote control. But wait, there is more! This toilet is constructed so that with the push of a button a stream of water will shoot out and clean your derriere. It is better than toilet paper!

The top row offers five buttons. Reading from right to left you have the dryer, front cleaning, rear cleaning, power rear cleaning for those larger episodes and the stop button.

In addition there are buttons that adjust the rinse cycle and osscilation and pulsation. Forgive me for being crude, but this makes me wonder if they haven't created the first toilet that is designed to create the perfect orgasm and or clean the stain out of your darks.

Just think, you get all this and more for the less than US$5,000.00 net. That is one hell of a deal.

And you thought that Treppenwitz was the only blog in which you could get a review of the finer products in waste management.

Pshaw to that. If you are looking for bathroom tales we have plenty of those.

Excuse me, There is Toilet Paper Stuck To Your Tuchus

The Talking Penis- A New Bathroom Adventure

Jack's Experience In the Ladies Room

The GermoPhobe

Bathroom Etiquette

On the other hand I have to remember that it is never smart to piss off the gun slinging chef, even if he is a Red Sox fan. The last thing I want to do is be fed to a krokodil. Ok, I am off in search of the next pot(ty) of blogging gold.


The Misanthrope said...

I think that toilet would be a little slice of heaven on earth. The Sunday Morning Show on CBS highlighted this little miracle bowl.

This has real benefits for the elderly. Remember Morrie from Tuesdays with, well, in the Ted Koppel segment on him, which inspired the book, he had the ass-wipe test. If he couldn't, than he wanted his life over. Of course, he changed his mind and eventually enjoyed the wiping from someone else. Not me. I see this toilet as the fountain of youth, as long as I don't burden anyone, I'll stick around.

Jack Steiner said...


From that perspective it does take on a whole new light, doesn't it.

JJ said...

Jack, I count on you for all the latest in toilet technology! I also found your post on the urinal for little boys fascinating!

You know, in Israel (and Europe) it's very common for people to have a little sprayer on a hose next to the toilet so they can, uh, freshen up. But this toilet goes way beyond that! This is a dream toilet, really :-)

... Is the Window to Our Soul said...

Hell, I can't even program my vcr or thermostat!

Can you imagine you little ones trying to figure that system out?

Jack Steiner said...


You get service with a smile, just like the Cheshire cat.


My son has actually used that toilet. He loved pressing the buttons. It was an experience.

Sheyna said...

Oh my.

This could take potty training a 3-year-old to a whole new level!

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