Technically I am a day early, but I didn't feel like waiting.
When I first began blogging it was as a lark. I wasn't remotely serious about it. For that matter I am somewhat embarrassed at how awkward the early beginning was and how foolish I sound, at least much of it sounds ridiculous to myself.
But as I look back I can see that the elements of this blog were beginning to be formed in those early moments. There were stories about politics and comments about odds and ends that caught my eye. The inane and the not so inane were all covered.
It too some time to start to get my stride and to find a rhythm. I think that first post that really showed me what I could do with blogging was called Life is Challenging. It was the first moment that I really remembering opening up and sharing large chunks of myself. It was the first time on the blog that I felt vulnerable. It was exciting. It was frightening and it was energizing.
Now I began to see opportunity that hadn't existed before. Now I began to see that I could use this medium to learn more about who I am and what I am about.
You know, it is kind of funny sitting here at the keyboard trying to decide what to write. It is not all that often that I am stumped. I usually find it relatively easy to bang out the posts, but right now I am not all that sure what I want to say.
In part it is because I am taking periodic breaks to check the archives to see if there are any noteworthy posts to include or comment on. What I keep finding are posts that look inferior and are somwhat embarrassing. That is not designed or supposed to be a plea for validation.
I am still clear on why I blog. I do it first for myself, second for my kids, grandkids and third for whomever else cares to read me. But that doesn't negate the eye rolling or blushing caused by some of the crap I flung out of the monkey cage.
There are some other challenges with going backwards. Many of the stories that I linked to are no longer live. In theory they may be archived, but who knows and who has time to search for them. The end result is that many of the posts end up taking up space or lack the context and relevancy that the link would have provided. It is a bit of a dilemma.
So here I am, staring at the keyboard, stilll trying to figure out what it is I want to say. I think that in part it is because this feels like a moment that requires more serious comment and insight. It feels like I should offer more about what makes me blog and why, but at the moment the words seem to be choked up inside me.
I'll take a moment to stall and share some of my favorite posts with you. On the right side of the page are several drop down menus containing lists of posts that I find meaningful for many reasons. Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorites among those.
- The whole darn Shola Rhodes series. That was good fun.
- Sounds of My Youth
- The Many Layers of Hell
- The tears that do not fall
- Death- My Son Asked Me Not to Die
- Yom Kippur Thoughts and Musings
- The Story of Two Souls
- On the outside looking in
- What Do You Call Your Blog?
- A Little Digestive Distress- Chicken Vindaloo
I reckon that is a pretty solid number. The question is how does the quality rank compared to the quantity and the answer is that I just don't know.
It is probably getting to be time to try and wrap this puppy up. I am not sure if it did what I wanted it to. Maybe that is because I didn't have a well defined goal or maybe it is because I spent several hours in a hospital room with my father.
Funny how some things don't change. When I first began blogging he was deathly ill and they weren't sure if he was going to make it. With much gratitude I am pleased to say that he did and that this slumber party at the doc's office appears to be minor, but I can't help but worry a little.
Back to the blog and on to the future. Where do I want this thing to go and what do I hope it becomes. That is a good question. I'd like to see this continue to serve as a place in which I can continue to grow and learn more about life and myself.
I'd like to see it continue to serve as a medium to make new friends and learn more about the world around me.
And I certainly wouldn't complain if this turned into one of the most respected blogs on the net, but if it doesn't I won't be disappointed, ok, maybe a little.
In all sincerity, I appreciate your taking time to show up here and read the junk that I push out. You really have been a part of something special and I am grateful for the opportunity.
Thanks again for hanging out a bit. Just remember, I am the Bishop of Bullfrog and you are not.
If you don't recognize that reference go read the Shola series.
Lailah tov from Los Angeles.