Valentine's Day Should Be Banned

Gentlemen of the world, lend me your ears. I come to you as the man who would help spare you pain. I bring you tidings of a movement to end your bondage and to help you rise up as free men. You need not participate in the foolish pipedreams and fantasy that the slavers have placed upon you.

You need not worry about flowers, cards and candy. There is no reason for you to concern yourself with the trivial and the meaningless. There is no reason for others to dictate when you will be romantic.

If we act as one, if we work together as a single unit we can destroy the oppressive entities that have heaped this silly fiction upon us and once again know true freedom.

And for those of you who were bored with that silly nonsense I present the following.

"Lots of people hate Valentine's Day. Many are single. But even people in committed relationships can have a rotten time.

For some, it's because their partner, out of carelessness, forgetfulness or something worse, doesn't come through with that romantic gift or thoughtfully planned date. Others might be going through a difficult moment in their relationship. Valentine's Day is like a huge magnifying glass hovering over all those warts and pimples.

"Basically, no matter who you are, Valentine's Day will give you something to be stressed about," says 25-year-old receptionist Bennett Madison. It's kind of like the stress at Christmas, he explains, but worse: "It's got that added layer of romance. Just one more thing to make you feel inadequate."

Madison has spent a lot of time thinking about this. In fact, he's written a book, too. It's called "I Hate Valentine's Day."

Madison says he wrote the book because "all my friends were complaining about Valentine's Day. Even people who were really self-confident. It seemed like everyone was setting themselves up for something impossible. It's like they were seeing that one day as a referendum on their whole romantic life."


Pragmatician said...

Can I join, it's such a commercials venture, I wouldn't join in buy my wife not talking to me for a weeks sounds worse than trampling on my principles.

AbbaGav said...

You might get some support from sources you didn't expect:

Islamic group opposed to Valentine's Day.

Jack Steiner said...


Feel Free.


Strange bedfellows indeed.

Elie said...

I hate Valentines Day but not for any of the reasons you listed. I consider it a Christian holiday. I will plan to write more about this on my own blog tomorrow.

stc said...

Valentine's Day is like a huge magnifying glass hovering over all those warts and pimples.


• Elie:
Please! Just because it has "St." in front of it, doesn't make it a Christian holiday. It's a Hallmark Cards holiday, that and nothing more.

Stacey said...

I am Jewish. And I am a romantic. And I LOVE Valentine's Day.

Irina Tsukerman said...

Oh, please. Why make such a big deal about it. The more anti-Valentiners write about it, the more attention it gets! ; )

Baconeater said...

Valentines Day is only really good for guys when animal magnetism is still being experienced by both partners.

We are not evolved to enjoy monogamy. Our ancestors hung around in caves for 2 or 3 years tops. 1 day of courting, followed by less than a year of pregnancy. Then it was followed by hunting for the new family until the baby could stand, and then finally, buh bye.

Elie said...

I will leave my more detailed thoughts for my blog, but I definitely don't consider StVD in the same "pareve" category as other "hallmark" holidays like Mother's Day.

Anonymous said...

Don't bother me with Valentine's Day- I'm still reeling from Tu B'Shvat.

Attila said...

Do you say tachanun on Valentine's Day?

MC Aryeh said...

If you believe in free love, it is always free, and not just on Valentine's Day...

Jack Steiner said...


I'll be interested to see that.


Join the million man march on Hallmark, we need some Canadians to mellow out the wild Americans.


You just think that you do.


Because I can.


Good points.


We planted a tree in Israel in your honor. Your turn to water is on Thursday.


Absolutely. :)


Very true.

Bill said...

Sorry Jack : I love valentines day.

Elie, Q's right just because a Christian Saint is associated with it doesn't make it Christian.

Is Martin Luther King Jr day a religious holiday?

If I wasn't against dumping history because it offends the present, I could support changing the name to couples day or something, just to remove the religious inference.

Jack Steiner said...


Clearly the Frozen White North has garbled your brain. That is ok, I can help you and Q.

Together we can stop Hallmark and return this foolish day to the pits of hell from which it escaped.

Stacey said...

Aww Bill, so good to see a that dudes love Valentine's Day, too!

Anonymous said...

One of the reasons I am so happy that I recently broke up with my girl is because now I don't have to pander to some stupid pagan holiday that is sponsored my Wal Mart and whomever else is wondering what happened to sales after the holiday season died down.

Bastards I tell ya.

Almost 20 years

Next week marks the 20th anniversary of the launch of this spot. Hard to believe, not many have kept going since then. I have barely kept up...