Time is my enemy, or so I have declared it to be. Time conspires against me. It keeps ticking and tocking and moving and mocking me. The river keeps running and is never the same. The game is not endless and certainly not mindless although it feels that way.
I have plans, so many plans and the daily minutiae of life creates complex complications that work with time to steal it from me. It is among the most precious resources we have.
It is a funny thing, time that is. As a child it seems like there is an endless supply. I can remember my parents speaking to me about the first moon landing. (I saw it happen, but I don't remember it.) I wasn't more than seven or eight and I remember them speaking with me about the possibility of people one day living in space and that in the year 2000 there could be some incredible things.
And now it is 2006. It is around 30 years since that conversation. Just writing that makes me shudder. I shouldn't be able to say that anything happened 30 years ago. I should still be that 16 year-old kid in Jerusalem.
It was only yesterday that I was 19 and madly in love and all I could see was an endless summer.
Now the only moments in which time seems to be endless are when I am stuck doing something that I really dislike. Those are the times in which I feel like somone has stopped the clock and I am a prisoner with nothing but time.
I played two hours of pickup basketball today. It followed the two hours I played last night and it reminded me again about how time has kept moving. I remember the way I felt, moved and played as a 20 year-old. I tried so very hard to do the things that I used to do and I couldn't quite get there.
My legs felt wooden and my back ached. I am a couple of steps slower and since I broke my ankle I have fewer and fewer moments in which I can come close to touching the rim. My lungs burn and tomorrow there will be a rash of bruises across my arms, shoulders and chest that will stick around for a week.
I am not one of those people who cannot adapt. I have developed new tricks and added things to my game, but still my ego cries when the younger players burn me on a move that never would have worked a few years ago.
It is hard to accept that I cannot stay 20 forever, at least physically. Time is my enemy, but I am working on figuring out how to make it my friend.
13 comments:
great post Jack.
I was just thinking about some of the same themes just minutes ago. Pretty freaky.
J.
No question about it, it is hard getting older. But there are many things I am grateful for at 32 that I wouldn't have even considered at 20. I like my early thirties, but wouldn't mind if time would slow down a bit so I could savor it...
Ah, don't bother. It will only take time before nanotechnology makes you indestructible or before you can download your brain activity into a digital machine ;)
Hi JC,
Thanks.
MCA,
There are benefits to getting older.
Zeruel,
I like being contained in flesh.
If you figure out how to slow it down, let me know!
I remember whinig to my mother that I was bored. Oh, the good old days.
Jack: Excellent!
I play hockey almost every Motzei shabbat...we are SO sore afterwards. And after IDF training...every muscle groans, and it hurts for 3 days just walking up and down the steps.
I'm just thankful I can still do the things I can do.
In proper Hebrew, you don't say "Ain Li Zman", I have no time. Everyone has time. The correct thing to say is "Ain Li Pnai" -- I have no leisure time. We all have time, it just depends what we do with it, and do we make the most of what we have.
The Phantom Tollbooth is a great book about that - kids of all ages should read it.
"I like being contained in flesh."
Why? It's demanding, uncomfortable and vulnerable. Hurry op with those cybernetic body replacements ;)
I loved the Phantom Tollbooth! Great book.
Time can be my enemy as well, but the more I can remain in the present, the better emotionally I can handle it.
As to the body, well that's another story. As I age I find that less consumption of food actually makes me feel and look younger. The lighter frame is easier on the joints and heart....
But other than that, it is what it is...
I agree. I remember being a kid and I couldn't WAIT to be an adult. It seemed like it took forever to get to those teenage years and yet longer again to hit 21. But then after 21, the years have snowballed. WTF?
Now I wish time would slow down a little. There's so much I want to do, but there's not enough time.
I worked in one pretty dead-end job for an entire decade before I finally quit, went to university and then lived overseas for a few years. I often wish I could just slice that useless decade out of my life and be 10 years younger. I can never quite believe I let so much time pass before having the courage to change my life.
Stacey,
Sorry old lady, can't help you. ;)
Jameel,
The Phantom Tollbooth is excellent. I loved it. You are right about making time, but it ain't easy.
Zeruel,
Flesh is real and I like the real thing.
RGMB,
Being present is critical for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, or so I believe.
Chickadee,
Me too.
Chosha,
The good news is that you did make the move. That says something.
ah, the passage of time... more than 10 years gone since your post, but oh, how you speak my soul. I am bewildered, befuddled and more often than not, defeated by time. I was 8 & remember watching the moon landing on TV. Even then time made me anxious. Every Christmas night I cried because the day was over. I never wanted the sun to set on those long-shadowed afternoons, but it always did.
Makes me crazy (er)
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