Sleep Escapes Me

I have a busy day ahead of me and it is getting late. I had promised to go to bed earlier, but like so many promises this one is being twisted, adjusted, manipulated and distorted to better suit my needs. It is a promise to myself so if I choose to do any of the aforementioned things it is only me that is involved, but a promise is a promise so I have to be aware of that.

I don't make promises easily because I do not like being held to anything. I much prefer to float around and do my thing on my schedule, whatever that means. I know what it used to mean and what I want it to mean, but I am not sure that I really know what it means any more.

This is not supposed to be cryptic, rhythmic or any sort of "ic."

My mind is very active and it is moving along now. Today was one of those days that I was glad to see end. Very frustrating and very trying on both a business and personal level.

From a business perspective I had two deals collapse. As a salesperson it is always frustrating to see that happen because it has a financial impact. One of them was quite large and would have been a tremendous help.

The other was not that large, but it was big enough to help with the bills. It is never fun to watch your work go unrewarded, but it is a part of the job and something that you have to deal with. Sometimes it is harder than I would like to let things go.

In this case both deals were with existing customers who expressed to me that they are very happy with how things have been and are not unhappy with us. They just decided to reallocate dollars and expect to return to us in a month or two.

That is almost more frustrating to me than being told that we just aren't making the grade. It is like having someone break up with you by saying "it is not you, it is me."

Ok, good to know that I am even more powerless to change things here than I had thought.

But in the end life is still about how you act or react. In the case of the collapsed deals I took an attitude that was a cross between indifference and mild annoyance, with a small dash of youthful exuberance.

It is a trick that has worked in the past, but I am not sure that this time it is going to fly. Nonetheless you have to play the cards you are dealt and I always play out the hand.

I found out today that my grandfather broke his pelvis in a fall at Costco. He is 90.5 and more than irritated with his new condition. He is a feisty guy who has lived a very colorful life and I expect that he is too stubborn to let this slow him down much.

Tomorrow I'll visit him during my lunch hour and see how he is doing. Last week he told me that he would fight any man alive, provided that they were 95 or older. When I see him I'll remind him of his promise and we'll work on getting him back into fighting shape.

I feel very lucky to have three grandparents because so many of my friends do not. At this point in the game I try to spend a lot of time with each of them because I know that the day is approaching when I won't be able to speak to them in the same manner.

Even though they all have various health issues mentally they are all relatively sharp, that is they are really together with some age appropriate memory loss.

Now there is a term I hear thrown around a lot, "age appropriate." It sounds like a lot of bullshit to me, just one of those terms that was created to justify a higher hourly rate, but maybe that is just me.

So I wonder what is "age appropriate" for me. What do I get to do that will be referred to as "age appropriate?" I hope that it is fun, because I love fun things. I spend too many hours being the brooding, serious type. Too much intensity spoils the soup.

Ok, I vented a little and think that I can muster the energy to sleep. See you in the AM.

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