December 28, 2010

Frustrated

Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I'll Ever Do Again)- Kris Kristofferson

Back in the days when I was but a wee lad in school I was known for being among the first to finish my exams. It wasn't something that I tried to do nor is it a skill that I have tried to pass along to my children. There are lots of reasons why this is so, but most stem from  just trying to help them avoid making mistakes. All the old saws, "measure twice, cut once" or "haste makes waste" come to mind. But there is a reason why we still hear about them.

And the reason is that they make sense. So you would think that by now I would have taken them to heart and made them a part of me. But I haven't because they don't suit me. I want them to. Really, I'd like them to be more substantive in my life but that is not how I roll. While I can say that I have made my share of mistakes I can also say that I was a good student. I didn't have to try very hard to get good grades. Most things have come relatively easily to me.

That is not to say that I have never had to work because I certainly have. I have put hours into many of the things that I am good at. My skill and expertise isn't derived solely from natural ability. Sometimes I forget this. Sometimes I become impatient and the new blog is a perfect example of this. I want it to be done. I want to be an expert who can make it sing, but I am not. I may one day be, but I am not him yet.

So I try to take a deep breath and remember that in time I will get to where I am going. The blog will become what I want it to be. These things will happen because I will work hard, learn what I can and push to make the changes I want. I know these things will happen because I look back upon my life and see the evidence of prior successes in similar endeavors.

Still, I can't help but wish that I could move time at my pace.

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