October 06, 2010

A Short Tempered Father

It won't be long before my children can recite the lines in the clips below with their eyes closed. In part it is because they are part of practical skills tool kit. That is a goofy term I use for finding ways to roll with the punches and deal with the changes, transitions and challenges that life presents us with.

Ya see, right now I am in the midst of a battle that is just a small part of a war. There are things that are going on behind the scenes that are making my life a bit more difficult than necessary. And what makes it most challenging is that a substantial part of the war is out of my hands. It is frustrating because although I am not responsible for those things I am still accountable. The people, places and things that are involved won't allow me to just walk away and to an extent that is ok.

I don't not do things because they are challenging or just too damn hard. Yet I am also an advocate of not banging your head against the wall unnecessarily. Even if your head is as hard as mine you will find that the wall wins. So I do what I can to let some of it go and just wash over me. I seek ways to stay centered and maintain my peace of mind even when I wish to give some people a piece of my mind. There is a long list of them, those who deserve to hear from me.

A laundry list lamenting the lame might be cathartic, but only momentarily. I am not interested in bandages that cover up the problems. I am not interested in short term, feel good moments. Not now, not at this juncture. No, I am fighting for a future that offers sunnier skies, brighter days and better opportunities. The good news is that I can see it happening. Some of the plans that I have been working on are showing signs of success. Tenacity and a willing to wade through the muck will be the reason why they come about sooner than later.

But in interim it requires tolerating some things that should be intolerable and accepting others that should be unacceptable. It means working longer hours and my children having to deal with a short tempered father. I have apologized more than once to them about being short. I sometimes worry that they don't understand why I am like this, but it seems that they have a better grasp on the situation than I sometimes realize.

It makes me happy to see them take on the world. It makes me proud to be their father to watch them in action. At times they humble me with little acts of kindness towards others and each other. I remind them often that I love them and that nothing will change that. I don't worry much about them not knowing that or not understanding all that happens. These guys are tough and they lean on each other. That makes me smile.

So how can I be anything less. I do what I do because that is what has to be done and because of the future. I just sometimes need to remember not to forget today while I worry about tomorrow.

Posted via email from thejackb's posterous

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