October 03, 2010

I'm Still Not Chris Brogan

I'm still not Chris Brogan and I am ok with that and not because he said not to be him. In fact a month ago I said that I Am Not Chris Brogan. While some things have changed there haven't been any meetings with witch doctors, warlocks, wizards, witches or aliens that could have turned me into Chris and I am cool with that.

I like being me and not just because I don't know how to be anyone else. It doesn't mean that I don't wish that I could play ball like Michael Jordan or hit a baseball like Hank Aaron. Look at my shelves and might want to know if I would like to be Bruce Springsteen or Ray Charles. Or maybe I wish that I could write like Hemingway, Donaldson or Tolkien.

It is not hard to find lots of examples of people that intrigue and or attract me. I could add a bunch of scientists, mathematicians, doctors and teachers to the list. It is not hard because I am very aware of what it is that I want and what I want to accomplish.

Ask my children and they will tell you that their father talks about making a difference in the world because I believe that it is important to do so. Ask them and they will tell you that I talk about swimming against the stream not because it is popular to be part of the counter culture or because I think it is cool. But because I believe that part of becoming the best person you can be is by being who you are.

And the older I get the more apparent it becomes to me that who I was is not who I am now or who I am going to be. It fascinates me, this exercise in introspection because the future I see ahead of me isn't one that I ever anticipated being a part of. It is a bit frightening and yet very exciting.

Sometimes the boys and I sit down and laugh at the absurdity of our lives. The conversations, challenges and questions aren't any different than those of our fathers and grandfathers. We talk about our purpose and desire. We ask where the time has gone and wonder if we are the parents that we are supposed to be. We demand more of ourselves and of our lives.

In the silence of the night as I prepare to close my eyes I sometimes try to turn off my mind and just...be. It is a challenge that I don't always overcome. Sometimes there is too much to think about and so I just go with it. But the one thing that I know for certain is that the advice that was given to me ten thousand years ago is still sound.

Do your best and try your hardest. And when the lights go out you'll be able to drift off with the comfort of knowing that you gave your best effort because it is all that you can do. It sounds like a cliche and there have been moments where I have hated thinking, hearing and or reading it. Moments where I looked out my window and wondered how it was that life fell short. Minutes where I felt like a fraud and a failure and asked if I would always feel like I was on the outside looking in.

But the joy and beauty of life experience is that if you let yourself be open to the lessons you learn you realize that you have always gotten through the dark moments. It is not always easy to see or to accept- but it works for me and that is what is important.

Find what works for you and do that, be that, live that. I often talk about being authentic. The authenticity that I search for is simple. I just want to be the most authentic me that I can. It is what and who I know best.

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