September 12, 2010

It Is Meant To Be

It is almost midnight and I am alone in the car. Been a lot going on and I am feeling far too restless to sleep. The gym is closed, there aren't any late night basketball games to play and I don't feel like writing. So I decide to get some air and take a ride...destination unknown.

The car is a refuge from the chaos and craziness of daily life. It is a place that I can use as a private oasis, a traveling cocoon. I sit down, plug the BlackBerry into the charger, put on my seat belt and pull out of my driveway.

There is relatively little traffic- it is a pleasant surprise. For the moment the radio is off and I am enjoying the quiet. Alone with my thoughts I can't help but think about how I'd describe the moment. There are stories to be told and screenplays to be written. Not for fame or for fortune but for me. They are items on a checklist of things to be done, goals to be accomplished.

Time passes and I find myself wondering about destiny. It is an ongoing question in my head. Something that I have been thinking about for at least 30 years, maybe more. Can't help but wonder if things really do happen for a reason or if life is nothing more than a series of random events with occasional moments of coincidence thrown in.

The latter is generally where I choose to fall. It doesn't really make sense to me to say that everything we do is predestined or that some supernatural being is playing puppet master in any sort of capacity. Don't tell me that there is a plan that I just can't understand because I don't buy it. Without a doubt I am a believer in making my own luck. If you don't look out for yourself than who is going to.

But there have been moments where I can't help but wonder. Things have happened to make me question it all. Moments where I wonder if someone is trying to tell me something. Signs if you will seem to have jumped out at me. Some people I know refer to this as the universe tapping you on the shoulder.

I like that idea. I like the thought of the universe giving me a little tap to remind me that I should turn left instead of right or go up instead of down. But then again some of these signs are easily explained as being something other than they are. Random acts of coincidence that are easily explained as having no significance.

The car is good for this sort of thought. Uninterrupted by peals of laughter or shrieks of anger from children I am able to chew on these things at my pace. Though it is late I decide to head down to the beach. The thought of being serenaded by the surf is compelling. The roar of the waves is something that has restorative powers and though I may not reach a conclusion the thought is attractive to me.

A short time later I am staring out at the Pacific ocean dreaming of sailing around the world. For a while I'll sit there and smile. The surf is as calming as I have always found it to be. I am not convinced that the universe is sending me signs, but maybe I am wrong. Wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last.

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