August 13, 2010

June In August

"My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
As fast as I can

Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you'
Ain't No Mountain High Enough- Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

"There is something that I cant quite explain
I'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away

and if I said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away

well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're ok when I'm not around
asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do I try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile"
Calling You- Blue October

Dear June,

It is August now, the middle to be precise and I can feel the summer slipping away from us. Us of course being all who reside in the Western Hemisphere. Been a bit of a roller coaster for us for a while now or maybe that is just my perception. Not that long ago it would have been inconceivable that so much time would pass without hearing your voice or more importantly seeing you.

I never could have imagined that things would work out as they have. There have been some hard moments, dark and lonely times where I walked around in darkness. And there have been some incredible moments, times in which so much joy filled my heart I thought that it would burst open.

The time away and apart from you has helped to clarify things for me. It has helped to illuminate the dark corners of my being and reminded me about how you filled them effortlessly. Lots of introspection has made it clear to me that I was foolish in dragging my feet and that I am a better man with you by my side. You'll forgive me for the weepy, campy comments- but you are my air. You inspire me in so many ways and make me remember that I am alive.

Do you have any sense of the fire that burns inside and how you were the torch that set it aflame. Do you realize that I have never stopped loving you, even when the ache of your absence made me want to scream. You have the key to my heart and I only wish that you could use it to truly step into my head and see what you look like in my eyes.

Because if you could and if you did you would see an incredible woman whose inner beauty astounds me. A woman whose intelligence and interest in the world around her stimulate my mind. And of course I could write poetry about your body and how sexy you are. But that is not for anyone else to know or read so I'll refrain from that for the time being.

I figured all of these things out a long time ago, maybe not as quickly as you would have liked, but I got there. But I suppose that the problem is that once I got there you weren't there anymore. That train had left the station or in this case maybe it is more accurate to say that the plane had left the gate. I'd blame my tardiness on the TSA but you might not believe that any more than the old 'dog ate my homework' line.

What is done is done and I can't fix that but there are some things that I can do. I can tell you that I have spent the majority of our time apart working on things, planting seeds for the future. There are so many stories to tell you and so much good news to share. In spite of the challenges and the frustration I have made so much progress in so many areas.

You should know that I didn't do those things for you or for us, I did them for me. I did it that way because it was the smartest and best use of my time. I did it that way because even though you might love someone so much that it hurts, you still need to maintain your sense of self. I did it that way because I still had to protect myself and work on my future.

Because if we don't find our way back to each other I still have a million years of life left. I did it that way because if do find our way back it will benefit us. I did it that way because like Sinatra says, it is "My Way."

And in the interim I needed to let you know these things, needed to put them out there and let you know where my head is at. The future is bright baby. I see daylight and I feel sunshine on my back. And dammit, I swear that I can feel you thinking about me and wondering.

So if you want to know more, if you want to really learn what is happening you'll have to take advantage of Ma Bell. Pull out that old rotary phone and let your fingers do the walking. In the interim I have to go as I have a meeting with destiny and I am not willing to be late for that one.

All it took was one kiss and nothing was ever the same.

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