June 11, 2010

A Song For You



"I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I've loved you for my life, yes, you're a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin' my song for you, yes
We were alone and I was singin' this song for you, baby
We were alone and I was singin' my song,
Singin' my song, singin' my song, singin' my song
Singin' my song"
A Song For You- Ray Charles

The end of the work week was almost at hand. Wouldn't be long before Johnny heard the proverbial bell in his head signaling the beginning of another weekend. Another weekend in which he would live his life alone and apart from his heart.

It had been more than a little while since he and June had spoken. More than a little while since they had shared a moment in time. More than a little while since they had been able to sit back and enjoy each other without regard or concern for the hurdles that life had placed in front of them.

Johnny sighed deeply and pictured his girl in his mind, wondered if she was cooking dinner and what she was making. A broad smile crossed his face. He couldn't help it, just thinking about June made him smile. It wasn't like there were moments when he wasn't frustrated by the distance or sad because he couldn't get to her. Sometimes he felt those things. There were hard moments in which life felt like he was living out a scene from Les Miserables.

And still I dream he'd come to me
That we would live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed "
I Dreamed A Dream

It is not easy to be apart from the person you feel completes you. Not easy to be separated from someone who understands you and gives you unconditional love, even when they don't want to. But life isn't fair and love isn't rational.

Johnny sighed again and pictured June walking, saw an image of grace and dark soulful eyes and he smiled again. The harder moments seemed to be less frequent than they had been. The dark places less forbidding than before. It wasn't because he missed her any less or no longer loved her either. It was more of an adjustment that he had made because it was what had to happen.

He couldn't live like that. Couldn't spend so much time worrying about what might be or what might not happen. So he didn't. He figured out how to see it differently, figured out how view it from a different angle. It was just one giant adventure that he and June were on.

A time during which they would have to be separated so that they could take care of the things that were preventing them from moving ahead. It made him giggle a little bit. June liked to say that she didn't believe in fate or destiny. Math and science were realities that she could follow. They had rules that made sense. If he tried to convince her differently she would roll her eyes.

But Johnny knew better. He understood that she wanted to be his queen and that she secretly hoped that fate would work in their favor and destiny would be served. It was part of why they worked so well together. They had personalities that complemented each other.

And so he smiled again because he knew that they had a special connection. As a writer he had become relatively adept at writing stories that everyone could relate to, but he always included messages to June. Messages that she would find because in their secret world of words she always knew what was for her and what was not.

If nothing else it helped to make for an interesting life. Just one more reminder that you never knew what could happen.

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