January 10, 2010

Time To Catch My Breath

Sometimes I wish that I could be given a few moments to just catch my breath.

Two weeks of poor sleeping and bad dreams are a recipe for a very cranky and short tempered Jack.  It feels a bit like I am living out the Charge of the Light Brigade, or at least pieces of it.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
3.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
It is a bit frustrating to say the least, this feeling of being besieged on all fronts. Every where I turn I see some sort of challenge. The view is obscured by smoke and haze and I am too tired to discern whether I see the White Rider coming or to gauge how long before the dawn comes. (Yes, I am geeking it up.)

Three people keep showing up in my dreams, two are dead and one is very much alive. I don't need to sit with Freud or Jung to understand why they are there or what they represent. I know. If life would have worked out a bit differently there would have been times where all three of them would have been together. There would have been more than one occasion for us to gather and it would have made me very happy.

That is not how it went and I am not crying over it. I may be a dreamer and someone who believes that dreams can become reality, but I am also practical. I live in my current reality and I understand exactly what is happening.

I am not going to be given time to catch my breath. Life isn't going to stop. It doesn't matter how loudly I yell or how hard I try to force it to be otherwise, I can't make that happen. All I can do is try to make smart decisions and that my friends is the topic of my next post.

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