Does it make me sound more worldly or wise to say that I am entering into my sixth decade. I'll have to make a note to ask that crazy woman, the one with the math fetish what she thinks. Assuming I choose to speak with you, 'cuz you irked me. If you are wondering who that refers to, then it is probably not you.
I am fired up. It is day five of the year of Jack and I am impatient. I am not making progress as quickly as I would like. I have a mental list of things that I want to change or accomplish this year. Some of that is going to set the table for future accomplishments.
The day after NYE I mentioned to some friends that I want to compete in the Ironman when I am 50. It was met with some raised eyebrows and dare I say a look of incredulity. That was disappointing. You managed to confirm that I look like a fat bastard now. That is ok, I have seen my reflection and I agree with it.
But my friends you have forgotten how poorly I deal with being told that I can't do something. Most of the time when I set my mind to doing something it happens. I have failed upon occasion, but I'd rather fail in the pursuit of the goal than fail to pursue it.
So their looks were a good kick in the ass and I have taken action. For future reference, I took action because I am unhappy not because people said anything. I settled in certain areas. Settled and accepted situations that I shouldn't have.
But the beauty of life is that if you live in the moment and maintain awareness you can make changes. I can't fix everything that I want to. I can't turn the clock back. Sometimes that makes me angry because there are things that I would do differently.
Wouldn't we all. I haven't got time to live with regret. It sucks the life out of me and I won't accept that. Then again the beauty of life experience is that there are things that I have learned about myself that I couldn't possibly have known at 25.
I am keenly aware of what I want. I know what makes me happy and fulfilled. And I haven't any problem saying that I am working on obtaining every single thing. That doesn't mean that I won't need to compromise on some of those or make changes. That isn't a bad thing. The trick is understanding what you cannot compromise about.
I am a restless spirit who at times has felt like a tortured soul. But overall those have been rare moments that didn't last.
The dark haired beauty is having nightmares. She can't tell me exactly what they are about. They don't happen every night, so I chalk it up to childhood. But sometimes I wake up because I feel a small body climb into my arms and I know that if I bend my head I'll have a mouthful of hair. That girl has got a ton of it. Beautiful, dark curls.
She has learned how to torment her brother. I shouldn't write it like that because she has no bigger hero than him. I take second place in her eyes and I am ok with that. If life goes as it should they'll be here long after I am gone. So though they have a love/hate relationship now I am confident that it will materialize into a friendship.
Her brother hasn't figured out yet that girls use little tricks to overcome the size/strength difference. Occasionally she'll try to wrestle with him, but she can't win. So she has other ways of poking him. I have been working with him, teaching him to ignore that.
Got in trouble for telling him that ignoring girls/women is one of the most powerful tools men have. Hee hee, it still makes me laugh. But he knows that he must keep his hands off of her. The hard part is that when she is upset she will continue to ride him until she gets a reaction.
So the big guy sometimes comes to me, exasperated and desperate for fatherly advice on how to deal with it. The answer is to use his words first, then parents. I have told her many times that if she pushes him too far she won't like what happens. But, she is like me and will ride that razors edge until there is nothing left to ride.
Sigh, they could pick better traits to emulate. Oh well.
He got Stratego and Legos for his birthday. We have spent a lot of time playing with them. We build and we play games. He hasn't beaten me yet and is a bit miffed by it. I told him that at 9 he is too old for me to just let him win. I think that he is smarter than I and expect that it won't be long before he does beat me. I don't go all out, but I don't just roll over.
The big guy weighs about 70 pounds now. We wrestle, especially before bed time. It is a time honored tradition. He is big enough now that I can envision a time where I won't be so dominant. It is a long way down the road, but the time is coming. Maybe that is part of why I want to do the Ironman.
My family has been blessed with good genes. One of my favorite cousins passed away this morning, she was 89. My grandparents are on their way to 96. I figure that middle age doesn't hit until I am at least half their age. They'll celebrate their birthdays in March and April. I'll be 41 in May. By my way of reckoning I can't be middle aged until I am least 48, so it really does make sense to do the Ironman at 50.
I am dying for a cup of coffee, jonesing for it in a bad way. Kind of hungry too, if you excuse me I am off to do some push ups. It is part of the new routine.
It is 2010- The Year of Jack.
P.S. The theme to Last of The Mohicans just came on. Every time I hear it, I think of this:
Hawkeye: No, you submit, do you hear? You be strong, you survive... You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.