November 11, 2009
A Love Song That Needs To Be Written
Sometimes I sit here and stare at your picture. I look into your eyes and I tell you the things that I won't share with another. I pour out my heart and wait for the response that never comes. I write stupid poems and love notes that I never send.
Alone in the dark I caress your face and remember. I fell into that proverbial fire, or maybe it is more honest to say that I jumped in.
I saw you standing there and couldn't stand to be so far away.
Now you are gone and I ache. I ache and I burn. That fire eats away at me. Time passes and the hole in my heart remains.
I remember the promises we made to each other.I remember the good times and the bad. But mostly I remember the good.
Sometimes in the dead of night I walk outside and stare at the moon. I wander alone and wonder if you can feel my silent call.
Moments in time. That is what we had, moments in time. But when we had them time stood still. Moments that changed everything so that we can no longer remember the lives we had before.
Now there is silence. The lack of your presence is jarring. Every day I look for you but you are not there. I listen and hear nothing but the hum of life going on without you.
And maybe this is the way that things will be. One day I'll be someone's grandpa and they'll ask me to tell them a story that no one knows. And maybe I'll tell them about how I found and lost the song of my heart. They'll hear about loss and destruction and learn about redemption too.
Or maybe my heart will prove to be prescient. Maybe the hope and the certainty will prove correct. And maybe you'll be the grandma to my grandpa. Maybe we'll make those grandkids squirm because we still kiss and hold hands in front of them like silly teenagers.
I know what I want. I know what I think. I know what I know and I know many things that I am not saying. Some you'll just have to hear for yourself.
Just remember that when you think of me I am thinking about you. One day I'll turn this into that love song I promised to write, but not yet. For now that is going to have to wait until another day.