November 03, 2009

Failure

I am glad that I can't see my reflection in the computer monitor. I am not up for seeing dark circles beneath my eyes and the new lines in my forehead. I am not interested in reality intruding upon my vision of myself, not at this moment.

Right now I am listening to the soundtrack to The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. It is a fine soundtrack and a favorite selection. Sometimes I put it on and pretend that I am the lonely gun slinger. I ride alone and apart, occasionally wandering into various towns for whatever purpose I find there.

The Ecstasy of the Gold is playing now. Later on I'll try to come back to this and provide a link to it. It is fabulous music. Every time I hear it I picture myself on horseback. We are riding at a steady canter towards something that I can't quite see because the sun is in my eyes.

People often mistake that squint for a steely glare. It comes across as menacing to some and sexy to others. What no one realizes is that here in the Old West I don't have sunglasses and if I did, I wouldn't be squinting.

I like hiding out here. It is one of the places where I take refuge when things get tough. Sometimes I take myself back to Jerusalem. Sometimes I roam through the Old City. Sometimes I go through Jaffa Gate and wander through the Shuk.

Eyes closed I focus on the sights, sounds and smells. In some ways it is not so different from L.A. Wander certain streets here and you here a mix of languages just as you do there. Wander certain streets and you can feel like you have stepped into another world.

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The boys and I have been discussing failure. It has come up a few times and not just in the academic sense. We talk about jobs and relationships that didn't work out. We talk about teaching our children how to deal with failure, whether it is even a topic that should be broached.

I always say that it is ok. My position is simple, it is something that they need to learn about. I don't want to destroy their self esteem or wreck fragile egos. But I don't want emotional cripples who are unable to cope when life beats them down.

Because the day will come when it will. The day will come when they fail at something and I want them to be capable of handling it.

Some parents always rescue their kids.I disagree with doing this across the board. It is is just asking for trouble.

One day I'll talk to my children about my failures. I have a few to share. They vary in size and scope, but they exist. Some of them are painful. Some of them are embarrassing. I don't know that I'll share them all, but some.

I think that I have said enough for now. Time to return to that Nanowrimo, 50,000 words to write during November challenge thing.